Romance for Cynics (11 page)

Like an A-grade ass, she’d fallen for her fake boyfriend.

Worse, it didn’t terrify her as it should.

Having him pick her up, look after her, bring her back to her place and draw a bath made her feel good. Maybe being dependent on someone wasn’t so scary if it was the right person.

‘I’m hoping the warmth and the glass of Shiraz you’ve consumed has lulled you enough that I can ask you something.’ He placed the bottle on the bathroom cabinet and folded his arms. ‘Have you dated much since your marriage?’

The question came from left field and Lucy would’ve usually told him to shove it or given a flippant answer. But caring about someone meant letting down her guard. And it had been a long time since she’d done that.

‘No. Dating hasn’t been high on my list of priorities since I divorced Adrian.’

He glowered as she said her ex’s name, as if he wanted to pummel the guy. She knew the feeling.

‘Why not? You’re young, you’re gorgeous, you must’ve had a stack of offers.’

She loved how free he was with compliments, even though he was slightly delusional if he thought she was gorgeous. ‘None of the offers interested me.’

‘And now?’

She had no idea what he was asking so she took a sip of wine, another, buying time to formulate an answer that wouldn’t get her into trouble.

He placed a hand on her shoulder. ‘It’s a simple enough question, Luce. Because I think we’ve moved past our original agreement and entered murky territory.’

She admired his honesty. But could he handle her bluntness?

‘You want me to spell it out? Fine.’ The bubbles shifted as she eased onto her side to face him. ‘You’re nothing like what I expected. I like you. But we’re from different worlds and I’m not sure I’m ready to take a chance on a guy like you.’

He frowned. ‘A guy like me?’

She dragged in a breath and blew it out. ‘You’re wealthy, successful and a permanent feature in Melbourne’s social scene.’

He opened his mouth to respond and she held up a water-pruned finger. ‘You’re also like my ex.’

He reacted as if she’d called his manhood into question, shooting to his feet to tower over her. ‘I’d never cheat on you.’

She hated doing this, but if she didn’t articulate her concerns now, there’d be no going forward for them. ‘Maybe not. But Adrian was smitten with me at the start too. He liked our differences. But apparently he got tired of them after a while and that’s why he started looking elsewhere. So pardon me for being a cynic.’

Cash stared at her as if she’d sprouted horns. ‘You’re kidding, right? You bought that douchebag’s excuses, blaming you?’ His fingers curled into fists. ‘I’m nothing like him and I would’ve hoped you’d have figured that out by now.’

She shrugged and held out her hands, palm up. ‘I’m just telling you how it is. So there can be no misinterpretations later.’

His hands relaxed as he shot her a dubious glance. ‘There’s going to be a later?’

‘If you’re lucky.’

She sank back into the bubbles and closed her eyes, needing to blot out the sight of a righteous, indignant Cash ready to slay dragons for her, before she blubbered.

Because that strange burning in her eyes definitely signalled the onset of tears and she didn’t want to cry in front of him. She’d answered enough questions for one day. No way did she want him asking more.

For if she did cry it wouldn’t be tears of sadness. For the first time in a long time Lucy was happy.

She had a guy sensitive enough to ask questions and to respect her answers. A guy willing to protect her. A guy who cared.

Lucy squeezed her eyes tight to prevent the slightest tear seepage. Until she heard a slight splash, the water lapped higher on her chest and a foot brushed her outer thigh.

Her eyes snapped open to see Cash settling into the bath, his arms draped on the side of the tub, his grin smug.

‘There isn’t room in here for two.’

He winked. ‘Exactly.’

Those aches and pains sustained from the skating fall? Faded into oblivion as Cash demonstrated exactly how a bathtub built for one could accommodate two.

ELEVEN

The next morning,
Cash postponed a seminar to go see the one person who could get him out of his funk.

His dad. They might not have got on so well as Cash was growing up, but they’d been all each other had for too long not to know each other inside out. If his old man couldn’t help with Cash’s problems, no one could.

‘What brings you by?’ Ronnie Burgess sat on his small balcony, sipping black tea, his daily ritual since he’d retired from his job at the local car parts factory a few years ago.

‘Do I need an excuse to visit my dad?’ Cash squeezed onto a too-small wrought-iron chair next to his dad and looked out over the backstreets of Collingwood.

They’d moved into this flat after Mum threw them out and, despite Cash offering to relocate his dad, buy him a house/apartment/whatever he wanted, Ronnie refused. Cash had no idea if it was stubborn pride preventing his dad from accepting his offer, or a determination to remind himself never to repeat the mistakes of the past, but Ronnie was firmly entrenched in this working-class suburb.

‘No excuse needed, you know that.’ Ronnie sipped at his tea and studied Cash. ‘But it looks like you’ve got something on your mind, son.’

‘Why do you say that?’

‘Because you look like you haven’t slept in a week.’

Wasn’t that the truth. Ever since Lucy had agreed to his crazy scheme, he’d been running on empty. Vacillating between throwing himself into work to forget about her and spending as much time with her as possible because he couldn’t forget her.

‘Got a lot on my mind,’ Cash said, pouring himself a cuppa. ‘Need a little down time.’

‘I never would have thought I’d be the one to say this, but you work too hard.’ Ronnie continued to study him with an intensity that made Cash uncomfortable. ‘Not such a bad thing though, considering the success you’ve made of yourself.’

‘Thanks.’ Cash stirred sugar into his tea, unsure how to broach a subject guaranteed to put his dad in a mood.

‘You should ease back a bit though. Take time to smell the gardenias...’ Ronnie trailed off, his expression stricken, before he shook his head. ‘Jeez, that was your mum’s favourite flower. The last time I said that was to her.’

‘You never mentioned her when I was growing up.’

Sorrow clouded Ronnie’s eyes. ‘What’s there to mention? She was the love of my life. Despite our differences I thought we could make things work. I was a fool.’

Not exactly the pep talk Cash needed to hear, but he was glad his dad was finally discussing his mum.

‘I saw her once.’ Cash added a splash of milk to his tea and stirred. ‘She got me into a theatre opening but disappeared before I could thank her.’

Ronnie sipped at his tea, his hand visibly shaking. ‘You’ve never felt the urge to contact her?’

‘Not really.’ At last, the opportunity to broach the subject he’d long wondered about. ‘Why’d she do it, Dad? Throw us out?’

And never contact her only child?

Because that was at the crux of many burning questions when it came to his mother. How the hell could she discard her child like yesterday’s garbage?

‘Honestly?’ Ronnie pinched the bridge of his nose, closed his eyes, before opening them slowly. ‘I don’t know. Your mother was like a butterfly, always flitting from thing to thing. I reckon I was one of those things she stuck to for longer than most for her, before she moved on again.’

Ronnie tapped his temple. ‘There were times I wondered if she had a problem up here. Undiagnosed.’ He sighed. ‘Her flightiness worsened after she had you...

‘She had a fear of settling in one spot for too long, which is why she never agreed to any of my marriage proposals.’ Ronnie topped up his cup from the chipped porcelain pot. ‘I was never under any illusions when it came to your mum. I was her walk on the wild side. She probably only shacked up with me to piss off her snooty parents. And when she tired of me, she moved on.’

Cash should’ve felt better he’d learned a little more about his mum’s rationale. Instead, he couldn’t fathom how such a heartless woman had stood still long enough to have a child.

‘It was never about you.’ For the first time in years, his dad touched him, laying a hand on his forearm for a second before removing it. ‘She just never had the capacity to love anything for longer than five minutes.’

A chill crept across the back of Cash’s neck as the implication sank in.

Was he the same as his mum?

He’d never grown attached to anyone, had never been in a committed relationship. Until now, he’d always used excuses like his business or not being hurt like his dad and ending up bitter and twisted for not willing to commit.

But what if it went deeper than that? What if his DNA programmed him to be as flaky as his mum?

‘Have you met someone?’ Ronnie eyeballed him from over the rim of his teacup. ‘Is that what has you in a state?’

Cash nodded. ‘She’s pretty incredible but I’m not really sure I want to get involved.’

‘More than you are already?’ Ronnie chuckled. ‘Son, let me give you a tip. When a man looks as blindsided as you do, it’s too late to contemplate getting
involved
.’

Ronnie made a chopping gesture at his neck. ‘You’re in it up to here already.’

Cash managed a wry grin. ‘For a confirmed bachelor, you’re pretty wise.’

His dad’s amusement faded, replaced by a sombreness that darkened his eyes. ‘Don’t make the same mistake I did, son. I let my bitterness taint everything, including my relationship with you. I let a bruised ego and wounded pride stop me from engaging with anyone, even my own son.’ He shook his head. ‘You deserve better than that and if you’ve met a special woman, take a chance on creating something good together.’

Was it as simple as that?

Take a chance on Lucy?

He didn’t want to create something good with her. He wanted to create something great.

‘Thanks, Dad.’ Cash slapped Ronnie on the back. ‘For an old codger you’re pretty damn wise.’

‘Pity it took me so many years to wise up.’ Ronnie raised his teacup in a cheers salute. ‘Good luck to you, son. If you’re smitten with a woman, you’re going to need it.’

Cash couldn’t agree more.

* * *

For the first time in years, Lucy took the day off.

Cash left at seven after serving her breakfast in bed and that was where she remained, rescheduling her day’s jobs via a few phone calls.

She burrowed down in the blankets and spent a leisurely hour watching a mindless soap opera before dragging her sore body into the shower.

Considering the fall she’d had, it could’ve been worse. But the bruises on her body weren’t what kept her home today.

She needed a mental health day.

Because her mental health wasn’t so crash hot at the moment.

Some time in the middle of the night, with Cash holding her gently in his arms, she accepted the truth.

She loved him.

A realisation that ensured insomnia for the rest of the night. Not such a bad thing at the time, as she watched him sleep, her infatuation fuelling her illicit vigil: the way his lashes cast shadows on his cheeks, the way his mouth relaxed into a semi-smile, the way his lips pursed as he puffed out tiny snores.

Yeah, she had it bad. And for the first time in for ever she didn’t care.

It was time to take a chance on love again. And she couldn’t have fallen for a better man.

Cradling her third coffee of the day, she eased into the wicker chair on her back veranda, content to do nothing but scan her pristine garden.

It had been the first thing she tackled when she moved in, transforming the nondescript patch of grass into a Japanese garden. She loved the tranquillity, had needed a haven at the time, and had spent many loving hours designing the placement of alternating squares of slate and white pebbles, the hip-height lantern, the bonsai.

She’d done a lot of thinking in this garden, had cried many tears and eventually let go of her resentment towards Adrian. She hadn’t forgotten or forgiven, but she’d made peace with herself: there was nothing she could’ve done in her marriage to change the outcome.

But she’d be lying to herself if she didn’t acknowledge the lasting legacy that her failed marriage had left: a bone-deep insecurity that, no matter what she did or how she looked, she’d never be good enough.

She’d cradled those insecurities close to her chest, had used them as a protective mechanism for as long as she could remember. So what was it about Cash that allayed her deep-set fears and made her want to take a chance on love again?

‘Thought I might find you here,’ Gram said, strolling around the corner, a tube of liniment in one hand, and a cake container in the other.

‘Hey, Gram,’ Lucy said, patting the love seat next to her. ‘What’s in the box?’

‘Your favourite peppermint choc cookies.’ Gram sat, pried open the container and offered it to her. ‘Looked like you’d need it.’

Confused, Lucy grabbed two cookies. ‘What do you mean?’

Gram handed over the liniment tube. ‘I saw your fall.’

‘How...Gram, you’re watching us on that stupid website?’

‘And casting my vote.’ Gram grinned and crammed a cookie into her mouth.

‘I’m sure there must be a rule about relatives voting.’

Gram dabbed at the corners of her mouth for residual crumbs. ‘Who cares? You’re winning by a landslide so removing my vote won’t make much difference.’

‘We’re winning?’ Oddly enough, Lucy hadn’t checked the website since they posted her disco pash with Cash. She’d been too busy falling for the guy to worry about little incidentals like people watching her fake relationship turn real.

Gram nodded. ‘Not surprising, considering the way you two steam up the screen.’

‘We don’t—’

‘You’re in love with him.’ Gram’s eyes misted over. ‘Not that I blame you. The way he took care of you after your fall? Carrying you in his arms? Whispering in your ear?’

Gram fanned her face. ‘There’s some serious romance going on between you two, my girl, and it’s about time.’

Was it that obvious? Did the whole of Melbourne know she was head over heels for Cash Burgess?

‘You deserve the best.’ Gram tapped her bottom lip, pondering. ‘I think this one’s a keeper.’

‘Like Pops?’

Some of the sparkle in Gram’s eyes faded. ‘I loved your grandfather dearly, but the way he deceived me?’ She shook her head. ‘We forgive the ones we love, sometimes to our detriment.’

Uh-oh, Lucy hadn’t meant to open an old wound, but the way Gram said it sounded as if she’d known about Pops’ addiction while he’d been alive...

‘Did you know about his gambling?’

It was a possibility Lucy had never considered and it shocked her, the fact Gram might’ve tolerated such selfish behaviour from Pops. Behaviour that ultimately put Gram at risk of losing everything.

Shame twisted Gram’s mouth. ‘I had my suspicions after your grandfather retired. The long absences. The defensiveness when I asked for change from the grocery shopping. The mood swings after he returned from a day with his mates at the races.’

Gram snorted. ‘At first I thought he might be having an affair so I asked him. He denied it.’

‘And you believed him.’

Gram nodded. ‘Our love was strong.’

Strong enough for Gram to defend him even now, after the heartache he’d put her through.

‘I admired you, you know, when you had the guts to leave that scumbag Adrian,’ Gram said, approval making her eyes gleam. ‘You had the guts to confront the problem head-on.’

Lucy only just caught Gram’s murmured, ‘I wish I had.’

‘We do what we have to do, and what feels right for us,’ Lucy said, dusting cookie crumbs off her fingers. ‘Your relationship with Pops was rock solid. I never had that with Adrian.’

Gram frowned. ‘What do you mean?’

‘It took me a long while to realise I was so smitten with Adrian at the start, and the lifestyle he provided, that I was living in a fantasy world.’ Lucy sighed, wishing she’d wised up before she’d married the jerk. ‘Our relationship was superficial. Adrian liked acquiring things and when he tired of playing with me, he played elsewhere.’

Gram patted her hand. ‘I hated him, you know. Too smarmy.’

‘So you said, but you should’ve rammed the message home.’

Gram shook her head. ‘You were gloriously happy and I didn’t want to ruin that for you.’

Lucy slipped an arm around Gram’s waist and hugged. ‘I guess we live and learn from our mistakes.’

Gram hugged her back. ‘Is that why you stopped wearing fancy clothes and make-up? Because you thought that frippery was part of your fantasy world with
him
?’

Gram made
him
sound like something nasty she’d stepped in.

Lucy nodded. ‘I guess I felt like I didn’t need to keep up appearances any more, because if that Lucy wasn’t good enough for Adrian, what was the point?’

‘Not good enough? Luce, you were
too
good for that cretin.’ Gram grabbed another cookie. ‘He’s nothing like your dashing young man now.’

No, Cash was nothing like Adrian, despite their similarities in the front they presented to the world: wealthy, polished, successful.

And she had every intention of telling him after the ball tomorrow night.

Their week would be up. But she didn’t want it to end.

‘I think I’m in love with him, Gram.’ Lucy pressed her hands to her cheeks, willing the heat to subside whenever she thought about Cash and how he made her feel. ‘How is that possible, in less than seven days?’

‘We don’t choose who we fall in love with.’ Gram winked. ‘I’m guessing his garden isn’t the only thing you’ll be working on.’

‘Gram!’ Lucy feigned shock, when in fact she was enjoying their chat. Enjoying being able to share her feelings with someone.

Because articulating her feelings for Cash made them seem more real and less fanciful. After protecting her heart for so many years, she’d fallen for a guy in less than a week. It should be unfathomable, and crazy. Instead, being with Cash felt right.

She couldn’t wait to see where they went from here.

‘So what are you wearing to the ball?’

Lucy stood and took Gram’s hand. ‘Bring those cookies inside and I’ll show you.’