Rough Around the Edges (33 page)

“Twenty-six.” He shifted in his seat, resting his cast on the tabletop.

“Oh? So you’re only a couple years older than Ally. I didn’t think you two were too far apart in age.”

“Not far apart at all.”

Maria kept the small talk going, and he went along with it. It was better than hearing the note of longing that entered her voice when she talked about her son. Surely she wouldn’t want Manny around at her own expense and Ally’s? The thought was unnerving.

It was a relief when the fajitas were done, both because his appetite had returned and because eating would be the perfect excuse not to make conversation.

Ally set the table, warmed a stack of tortillas in the microwave and pulled the cake from the oven when the timer went off. All the aromas of her cooking were enough to have him salivating despite the unsavory conversation that had occurred. The first bite of her homemade fajitas was warm, spicy heaven.

Although he’d felt guilty just sitting around while she’d made dinner for him, her cooking would sure as hell be easy to get used to. He enjoyed it, eating and saying little, other than to let Ally know how good the food was. Hopefully she and Maria didn’t mind the silence – they didn’t seem to.

When he ended dinner by devouring the last fajita, Ally put on a pot of coffee and busied herself at the counter with an electric mixer. The smell of peanut butter filled the kitchen as she prepared his favorite icing. Combined with the smell of coffee, it was enough to make him think that he could eat a little more despite the huge portions he’d just downed.

After smoothing the peanut butter icing over the cake, she asked him if he wanted a cup of coffee.

“Yeah, sure.”

She pulled three mugs from a cupboard and poured the fresh-brewed liquid into them. “You like yours black, right? Or…”

“Right.”

She handed him a cup before pulling out a carton of cream and setting it on the table.

“Hey mamá, do we have any candles? Like the kind for cakes?”

“In the cupboard next to the stove.”

Ally opened the cupboard and pulled out a package of candles and a lighter before he could say anything.

“You don’t have to put candles on the cake,” he protested as she approached the table again.

“C’mon, it’ll be fun.” She pulled a handful of the colorful spiral-patterned candles from the box and began inserting them into the thick top layer of icing. “Without candles, it’s just an ordinary cake. I don’t think I have twenty-six, but I’ll add a handful to make it an official birthday cake.”

She looked so happy, smiling as she arranged the candles in a patternless arrangement, that he didn’t say anything else about it. It took her a few tries to get the lighter going, but once she lit them, they burnt bright. “Blow them out before the wax starts to drip onto the icing. Unless you want us to sing happy birthday first?”

He leaned forward before she could burst into song. No one had sung happy birthday to him since he’d been a kid, and never seemed like a good time to resume the tradition. “That’s all right.” He blew out the candles in one breath.

“Happy birthday,” Ally said, her voice halfway between a whisper and laughter as she leaned in and wrapped her arms around his neck, breathing against his temple, his jaw. Her breath was as warm as the steam rising from his coffee cup, and in that moment, he was happy.

“Thanks.” She was so close that when he turned his head, his lips brushed her ear. He resisted the urge to trace the curve of it with the tip of his tongue, conscious that her mother was sitting across from them. Still, he savored the light contact for a few more seconds, reluctant to give up the moment. She smelled so good, felt so good – was so good. And right then, she was safe and she was his.

“Happy birthday,” Maria echoed.

Her sentiments sounded genuine, but her words still broke the spell Ally’s embrace had cast. Leaning back, Ally gave up the intimate pose and cut him a piece of cake instead.

The dessert was amazing. When he told her so, she actually blushed.

“I’m glad you like it.”

He did. It was rich, sweet against his tongue but not too sweet. He enjoyed it, but with each bite, his happiness faded a little.

No matter how he tried, he couldn’t stop thinking about Manny and what Maria had said. Maybe that was for the best – somebody needed to think about it, because it was a problem. A serious one. The perfect evening Ally had created for him in her home only made the notion of Manny being there seem more wrong. He was a threat, plain and simple. The thought made Ryan’s stomach feel hollow despite everything he’d eaten.

“Is something wrong?” Ally caught his eye and held his gaze from across the table.

“I was thinking about your brother.”

“Sorry about that. My mother can’t help worrying about him, even after all he’s done.”

He shook his head. “No, I understand that. I was thinking about how he’s started coming around here again. I’m afraid he’ll bring that sort of violence to your doorstep.”

A knowing look flashed in her eyes. “That’s why we didn’t want him to come around in the first place. His lifestyle… We know it can be dangerous.”

“But you agreed to be in his wedding.” When he’d heard that, the knowledge had been like a punch to the gut.

“I didn’t know what else to do. He just keeps showing up, you know?”

He leaned across the table, maintaining eye contact. “And you and your mother – you let him in. You agree to be a part of his life. And you endanger yourselves by accepting his presence in yours.” He sounded angrier than he’d meant to, but he couldn’t help it.

“You make it sound simpler than it really is. You don’t know what he’s like. If we didn’t let him in, he’d stand on our doorstep until we did. He wouldn’t just go away. When he wants something, he’s persistent.”

“So? Look, I know he’s put you both in a tough situation, but you can’t just let him endanger you. He showed up at your house this morning with wounds from a knife fight. What if the person who gave him those wounds follows him here next time?”

“His injuries might have been from something else. My mother is just guessing.”

He didn’t drop his gaze – he knew she was smarter than that. She didn’t just assume that the best possible scenario was actually the case. “Why are you defending him? Is this because of what we talked about – is it because you feel guilty over what he claims to have done for you? Because if it is—”

She jerked back, her eyes going wide before she narrowed them in his direction. “Stop it, Ryan. I don’t want to talk about that right now.  I just—”

“I’m just worried about you.”

 She leaned back further, like she was trying to put more distance between them.

He reached across the table with his good hand and took one of hers, clutching her fingers. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, but how could he get through the conversation without doing so? Manny was a touchy subject. Everything was a touchy subject.

“It’s nice that you care, but what do you want me to do about it? This is my family – this is my life.”

“Come stay at my place,” he said, squeezing her fingers and willing her to agree. The idea of having her safe and sound somewhere where he could protect her and Manny wouldn’t bother her was the only thing that eased his fear. “You’ll be safe there.”

Her eyes widened again, but she didn’t pull her hand out of his. “Stay with you?”

Chapter 19

He nodded. “For however long you need. Permanently, if you want to.”

“I can’t just up and leave my mother to deal with all this on her own.”

“I feel bad about your mother. But hell, Ally… I can’t just go home and leave you here knowing you might be hurt as a result of your brother’s decisions. How am I supposed to sleep at night?” He couldn’t offer much in the way of help to Maria, who seemed to want to see more of Manny. But he could keep Ally safe, if she’d just let him.

“Maybe now you know how I felt when you were participating in Cameron’s events. Every fight was a risk you couldn’t afford to take, but you did it anyway. And you expected me to watch from outside the cage and cheer you on.”

“That was different.”

“Yeah, it was different because your participation in those fights was strictly voluntary. I didn’t sign up for Manny to start coming around again. It just happened, and I’m doing my best to deal with it.”

“I couldn’t just not fight.” He’d needed it like he’d needed his next breath. She didn’t need Manny – she didn’t even want him around.

“Why not?”

“Because… Fighting is the only damn thing I’m still good at. And besides you, it’s the only thing I give a damn about anymore. Giving it up would be like lying down and waiting to die.”

He’d thought she’d understood that on some level. She was a fighter too, and fighting competitively wasn’t something that was done on a whim. The training, the pain, the risks – doing it right required total dedication. How could she be glad that had been taken away from him?

“Never mind that now. You can’t fight with a cast on your arm. The point is, I can’t just leave my mother to stay safe and sound with you, as appealing as that sounds. Sorry.”

“What about tonight? You could stay with me tonight, at least.” He was gripping her hand tightly – more tightly than he’d meant to – but he couldn’t seem to get his fingers to loosen.

“I have work tomorrow morning. And after seeing Manny hurt, I know my mother is upset. I should be with her tonight.”

Her rejection gave him the will to finally let go of her hand. He couldn’t argue with her anymore – not without blowing up and fucking everything up again. So he pushed back his chair instead, sitting up straight, ready to leave.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated. “I would if I could. I don’t take any pleasure in knowing that you’re worried.”

“Going down with the ship.”

“What?”

“That’s what you’re doing. Your family is a sinking ship, and you’re choosing to go down with it. You have a choice; you just won’t consider any other option.” Watching her cling to her loyalty to her family at the expense of her own safety was so fucking hard to watch.

So was the way she stared at him, looking hurt and angry at the same time. Still, he was angry too, and knowing she was in danger and wouldn’t let him protect her hurt like nothing else.

“You don’t understand,” she said. “My family isn’t like yours. Walking away isn’t an option.”

He actually felt a fat vein in the side of his neck throb. “I’m not asking you to walk away. I’m only asking you to stay the night at my place, where you’ll be safe.” One last try.

“I didn’t mean—” She turned, eyes going wide as the angry set of her mouth softened into a frown. “Mamá.”

Maria had appeared at the end of the hall and stood at the edge of the kitchen’s tiled floor. It was impossible to know how much she’d heard.

He pushed back his chair even further and rose. “I was just leaving. Thanks for having me, Mrs. Rivera. Dinner was great.”

Ally stood too, walking close by his side as he made his way toward the door. “How are you going to get home?”

“In my car.”

“But you can’t drive. Do you want me to—”

Her suggestion lent his anger a sharp edge. After all the bullshit she’d given him and the way she’d refused to let him shelter her from life-threatening danger, how could she actually imply that he needed her to drive him around for safety reasons? “I can drive. I don’t need you to chauffer me.”

She lowered her gaze to his cast. “With your arm—”

A cold blast of evening air rushed in when he pulled the front door open. He wore only a t-shirt, but the frigid blast was a welcome distraction. If only it could cool his anger as quickly as it cooled his skin. “Good night, Ally.”

“Ryan…”

He looked her in the eye and resisted the urge to beg her one last time to come with him. “Thanks for dinner. Goodnight.”