Rough Play (11 page)

He shrugged, knowing this conversation had turned deep, but now that it was just falling out of his mouth and things started to make sense, he couldn’t stop. “I don’t know. Right now I can’t imagine myself with a kid. I’m happy for Grant, but last night while I was at home and falling asleep, all I could think about was ‘thank god that baby isn’t my responsibility’.”

“You shouldn’t have one if you don’t want one. Not fair to the kid.”

“I know.” God how did he know that. Mom married. Their ‘dad’ was ready for kids. Or just
a
kid. Not three at once. “And that’s what I’m getting at. It never occurred to me to not have kids. I figured one day I’ll grow up and babies would be in the future. With Flora, those babies and family thoughts aren’t there because she doesn’t want it.”

“Just be careful about getting involved with her until you do know.”

“Why?”

“What if you change your mind about wanting kids and she doesn’t? What happens then?”

Jacob sat back against his seat with silence wrapping around him. Good question. One he didn’t have an answer for. “I don’t know.”

But Jacob didn’t see that as an issue. Flora wasn’t going to change her mind about kids. He could tell in the way she talked and besides, he didn’t know what he wanted at all. From her, that was.

The more he thought about this no-kid-thing though, the more appealing the idea became.

Chapter Eleven

Flora rested a foot on the flatbed trailer tire and counted the amount of pipe strapped down. She’d picked it up late yesterday evening. Today it was time to unload and start running pipe to give the old Iverson Manor some much needed water.

She had been slightly behind schedule, but since Jacob had been gone for about a week retrieving his jackass of a younger brother, she’d had a little extra time on her hands. That was, when she wasn’t checking on Gretchen, who dove in a baking kick and then decided to completely remodel her house when Jackass Lane deserted her in the middle of the night.

While Flora missed the orgasms, she couldn’t help but notice how much time Jacob had been taking up in her life and that part gave her pause.

It was good. They were good when together, but he was also infringing on her space and time more than she’d realized. A lot more. The first day after he’d headed off to south Louisiana she had frustratingly thought of him often while consoling an abandoned best friend. Which really pissed her off.

There she was, missing Jacob while at the same time, staring into her red-eyed best friend. It should have been an eye-opening moment. A reminder not to put herself in a risky situation. Had that happened? Of course not, because what she was doing with Jacob was just temporary.

Temporary, with a lot in common. Temporary, with a lot of chatting.

Temporary, with a lot of temptation to chance more than she’d ever even desired.

It wasn’t that she’d sworn off and completely used and abused men right and left. They just seemed to fade apart after a few weeks and that was the end of it. There was no fading with Jacob. There was more burning. More wanting. More everything.

More than anything, that was completely terrifying. She turned and sat on the edge of the trailer. The coarse square tubing of the frame was rough against her thighs. Her kneepads pinched the back of her legs. This right here was the problem. She should be working. Was dressed, ready, had supplies for it. Instead of focusing on it, Jacob was on her mind.

For so long she’d been striving to gain independence. A life of her own, to do as she desired. No one to answer to. No one around to tell her what a fuck up she was or how she was doing it wrong. The only damn person in her life to judge her was…her. It had taken her years to reach that point and now what? Was she going to throw that all away for some guy?

How could she have both? How could she continue with Jacob and keep what she’d worked so damn hard for? Something had to give. Something had to be shared and she wasn’t ready to give up her time and space and freedom. She certainly wasn’t ready to give up Jacob either, strange as that feeling was. Other than her worries and thoughts, he was easy in her life. What they had together was simple. If she could get her head on straight, quit thinking about his smile and his laugh. The soft way his knuckles moved up and down her back when they fell into bed together.

Those memories and thoughts had never been an issue in the past.

So far Jacob had remained good and separate in their relationship. At least, that was the vibe she got from him. Her though? Different story. Five weeks of seeing him daily, he’d managed to ease himself into her life when he wasn’t even around.

Was miles away, as a matter of fact. And yet, here he was. As strong in her thoughts as if he was standing right next to her. She wasn’t sure what was worse. The goofy smile she could feel on her face when she thought of him, or the knowledge that she was thinking of him in ways that wasn’t at all like their temporary thing and couldn’t stop.

She slid off the side of the trailer and walked to the dusty glove compartment in her truck. The wallet was at the back, on top from where she’d tossed it last time. It was something she’d opened twice in the last couple months. Something she hadn’t opened for years before Jacob.

Instead of going for a peek at the money inside, she flipped through the photos. One of her with Santa. Another at her second birthday. A party she didn’t remember at all. She stroked her thumb across the gritty plastic holder. Across the image of the three of them all so happy. Dad who looked only slightly lit in the picture instead of drop dead drunk as she could only remember him. Her mother smiling. And she, leaning over her hot pink cake, puffed out pink cheeks, blowing out candles. It looked to be one of the best parts of her home life and she couldn’t remember it at all. Was this photo staged for friends? After the cake was eaten and the friends gone, did her mom return to being distant and her dad back to the worn spot on the couch?

Or had they really been that happy?

Flora didn’t know, would never know.

“You say I never work and I find you sitting around on your ass when no one is looking.”

She glanced up and found Jacob moving in and leaning on the cab of the truck. “You’re back!”

She was off that truck seat and had her arms around his neck, pulling him in close, breathing his familiar scent and feeling his warmth. Enjoying every moment of it like the fool she was. Still couldn’t stop.

“Maybe I should go away more often.”

Heat flooded her cheeks, and her grip around his neck loosened. My god, she’d just launched herself at him. Would pulling away make her look like a bigger idiot than planting a kiss on him? She didn’t know. Didn’t care. Because she wanted that kiss and leaned in and took it.

His arms wrapped across her lower back, just low enough that his fingers sat atop the curve of her ass.

“And I was worried you wouldn’t miss me.”

She caressed the back of his neck, along his short and prickly hairline. “I did have a pretty good thing going here without you around.”

“Liar.” His mouth sealed over hers and she couldn’t stop the grin because yeah, she had been lying. She had missed him. Sometimes frustratingly so. Other times, just missed him. Regardless of her weird issues going on, they did have something nice happening. So long as she didn’t address the thrill zipping along her spine just because he was home. Or address any of the other thrills and chills and moments spent daydreaming.

A series of loud whistles echoed out. She pulled back from the kiss to the commotion and found a rooftop full of construction workers clapping and whistling at them. She just shook her head.

Jacob pulled his hands off her, returning to leaning on the cab. “What are the odds I can pull you into one of the empty rooms right now?”

“Slim to none.” She slid back on the edge of the truck seat and winced at something hard under her rear. She shifted and pulled out the open wallet she’d abandoned in favor of kissing him. It was flipped open to the picture of her in her pigtails and Jacob’s gaze landed on it in a second.

He plucked the forgotten wallet out of her hands. “Kid pictures of you I’d guess by the shape of your eyes.”

Her fingers tightened, but she balled them to fists and pushed them in her lap. She knew Jacob well enough that if she snatched back, he’d have too many questions that she wouldn’t want to answer. Keep her mouth shut and maybe she could pass it off as any old regular wallet. “You nailed me.”

Knots in her stomach tightened as he grinned and stared at the birthday picture. “Cute pigtails.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat. “The ribbons really set them off.”

“Looks like two Christmas bows on either side of your head.”

She laughed and grabbed the wallet back, leaning over the photo and studying it. “Those are probably the finest set of bows to be found at the drug store.”

“I think they’re bigger than your head.” He squinted at the picture, but his smile wiped off anything serious he might have tried pulling as he glanced back to her, then back at the picture. “What happened to your hair? I like this electrocuted look.”

She was laughing again. The pit of her stomach relaxed and tension in her shoulders eased. Ridiculous to have even gotten worked up in the first place. This was Jacob. Yeah, he did tend to ask a lot of questions, but he was never judgmental, just teasing. “It was a perm. I was in style then.”

She tossed it in the glove box and shut it up inside.

“Uh-huh.” He gestured at the glove box. “That’s liable to get stolen in there like that.”

She glanced back at the cracked leather glove box. It would be a blessing in disguise. She couldn’t get up the nerve to throw it away so just hung on to it. She didn’t say that though, because of the Twenty Questions game he was so fond of playing. “I’ll lock the truck up before I go inside. When did y’all get in?”

He sighed with a glance to his watch. “About forty-five minutes ago. Long enough to grab a shower and come find you.”

“Oh.”
Oh, damn
. More fluttering feel-good things were happening in her belly. “What happened? I haven’t heard from Gretchen.”

Jacob grunted and paced a bit with his hands low on his hips. “Stupid. Got something on his mind, worked it up more than it should have been.”

“He probably had his reasons.”

His brow lifted as he stared at her. “Are you taking his side?”

“No. Just figure it had to be big for him to have left Gretchen.”

“Momma died from breasts cancer a few years back. Apparently Lane had known she was sick. We didn’t find out until a few months before she died when there was nothing doctors could do. We were upset momma had hidden it from us. Pretty verbal about, especially Grant.” He came back to the side of the truck and leaned on the cab, arms over his chest. “So all this time. All of Lane’s bitchiness was because he knew momma was sick and thought we’d be so pissed off at him for keeping it from us that we’d turn our backs on him”

She rubbed his shoulder. “Sorry you didn’t know.”

He glanced at her. “What pisses me off the most isn’t about Momma. Lane doesn’t trust us any more than that? Did he really think I would just kick him out of my life forever…over that? I will side with him and say it’s going to be hell to tell Grant whenever he does, but me and Trent? I don’t get it. I want to kick his ass just for thinking it.”

She leaned her head over, thinking of Tonya and how her once simple secret had snowballed on her like a freight train down a hill with no brakes. Or tracks to run on. “It probably felt bigger to him than it does to you.”

“Since you’re taking his side, I vote we find somewhere private so you can make it up to me. Show me how much you’ve missed me.”

She laughed, shaking her head then punching him in the bicep. “I’m not taking his side! Maybe a little devil’s advocate.”

“Let’s get out of here anyway.”

“I can’t run away with you right now. I have to work. Grant is expecting me to be done in a decent time.”

He wrapped his arms around her waist and brought her in close. “It happens that I’m good buddies with the owner and he won’t mind if I take you for a long lunch.”

“Lunch,” she swallowed, tempted by that offer but also afraid of it. It was just lunch, but she wasn’t coming to find out that when Jacob was involved, there was no simple ‘just’ about it. “If I wasn’t already suited up for work.”

“Nice knee pads by the way.”

“Do they turn you on like the belt?”

“I see some uses for them. Uses the manufacture probably didn’t have in mind, that’s for damn sure.”

She laughed and shoved at his chest, pushing out of his embrace. “Maybe later.”

“Only a maybe? I’ve been gone a week and the best I get is a maybe?” He stuck out his lower lip in an exaggerated pout. “It’s like you haven’t missed me at all.”

She shook her head. Oh, if only the opposite was true. She had missed him. “I’ll stop by your place after I get off work.”

“How about dinner?”

She paused. They usually didn’t eat together. Other than lunch. What difference was there in lunch and supper? “Sure. Just pick me up something. I’ll meet you at your house around five like usual.”