Ruby Shadows (62 page)

“
How
did you
know?” I demanded, glaring at him. “Why didn’t you at least
ask
me? I trusted you, Laish—I would have
listened. By the end of our time in Hell I would have done just
about anything you said.” I hated to admit that but it was the
truth.

“
You would have listened if you had felt the same way about me
that I feel about you,” he murmured. “But I knew you did
not.”

“
What? Because I didn’t feel ready to say ‘I love you’ yet?” I
asked. “I mean, that’s a lot to ask when we’d only been traveling
together a few days!”

He
shook his head. “It wasn’t your inability to speak the words that
made me certain you did not return my feelings,
mon ange.
It was the fact that the Mirror of the Eye
did not show you my image when you looked into it.”

“
But…but I…” I closed my eyes, remembering when he had asked
if I had seen him in the magic mirror which showed the person you
cared for or loved the most. He had made me look in it with him and
he had seen me. But though I had, in fact, seen him the second time
I looked, I had lied and said I didn’t.

Why did it do that?
Why did I lie?

I
knew the answer. It was because admitting the feelings that were
growing for him
inside made me feel vulnerable—exposed. Not to mention really
damn frightened.

“
What? What is it,
mon ange?”
Laish had obviously picked up on my distress though,
surprisingly, he hadn’t read my thoughts.

“
It…it
did
show me
your image,” I said in a low voice. “I just didn’t want to tell you
because it made me feel weak and scared. I…I didn’t know if
I
wanted
to have feelings for
you.”

“
But you did?” He laughed, a little sadly I thought. “Ah, if
only I had known. But it is too late—my betrayal is complete
now.”

I took a deep breath
and looked up at him.

“
What—you mean the way you took my virginity? Or the way you
formed a soul bond with me without telling me?”

Laish nodded
thoughtfully, clearly unsurprised.

“
I
knew you would find out eventually. Especially once you realized I
had stolen half of your soul.”

“
I
should have figured it out sooner,” I said evenly. “Considering
that instead of having only half my power I now have enough for a
whole coven of witches.”

“
Do you really?” He looked interested. “I thought as much when
I saw you use that word of power on Druaga. Most impressive, my
little witch.”

“
I
wasn’t trying to impress anyone—I was trying not to get raped,” I
said evenly, trying to suppress the sick feeling in my stomach the
memory brought up.

“
I
am sorry I didn’t come to your aid sooner,” he said seriously. “I
came as fast as I could—as fast as the Creator would
allow.”

“
What
?” I
frowned at him. “Do you mean you met God? Uh—the
Creator?”

He nodded. “Remember
when you said you thought I was dead and I told you that I was for
a time? Well, I was. I did not survive my fall into the Abyss.”

“
You didn’t? You
died?”
I
could scarcely believe it. “So then, what happened? How did you
come back?”

Laish sighed.
“It is a long story. Why don’t we sit and I will tell you. Here…”
He led me over to where a small blanket had been spread on the sand
which was rapidly cooling now that the sun was almost gone. In the
lengthening shadows, I saw his eyes were glowing deep red as he
looked at me.

We settled on the
blanket and I wiggled a little, trying to get the sand under me to
conform to a more comfortable shape. At last when I was ready, I
looked up at him again.

“
All right—tell me.”

“
When I was dragged down into the Abyss the Ancient Ones took
what they wanted of me.” He drew in a deep breath. “To put it
bluntly, they tore me limb from limb.”

“
Oh, Laish!” I felt tears rise in my eyes and tried to blink
them back. That was exactly the kind of thing I’d been afraid had
happened to him, back when I’d been sure he was dead. To hear that
he had actually suffered just as much as I’d been afraid he was
suffering made me feel awful. Especially since he had
bas
ically
sacrificed himself to keep those horrible, seeking tentacles from
grabbing me.

“
It’s all right,” he murmured, cupping my cheek and brushing
away a tear with his thumb. “Because thanks to your soul, I did not
immediately revert to the Lake of Fire. Instead, I was drawn up to
Heaven, to stand before the Judgment Throne. There I came
face-to-face with the Creator for the first time since my
fall.”

“
You did?” I stared at him. “And then what
happened?”

Laish shrugged. “He
asked me if I had finally found what I left Heaven to search for.
He asked if I had finally found love.”

“
And you told him…?”

Laish smiled
sadly. “I told him that I had, though I scarcely recognized it at
first. I had been lost for so many eons I had forgotten why I left
my post in Heaven in the first place.”

“
Eryn said it was because you wanted to be able to love the way
mortals were allowed to,” I said. “Is that right?

He frowned.
“Eryn, your pet moth?”

“
Who turned out to be an angel. You mean you didn’t know about
that?”

He shrugged. “I came
in at the last minute, as you recall—barely in the nick of time. My
negotiations with the Creator took some time.”

“
God
negotiated
with you?” I could hardly believe it.

“
Not really—the Almighty does not actually negotiate. But
he
did
give me a
choice.”

“
Which was?”

Laish looked down at
the sand covering our toes.

“
He told me I can return to Hell and live as I have been for so
long. If I do, I will retain my powers and status in the hierarchy
of the Infernal Realm as well as my ability to change forms. But I
will be only a demon with no soul and no hope of redemption.
Or…”

“
Or what?” I asked, unable to hide the curiosity and eagerness
in my voice.

“
Or I could retain my soul—the final shred that is left,
anyway, after using the
thrak
on both the Ancient Ones and Druaga—and give up most of my
powers to live a mortal life.”

“
A
mortal life? You mean, like a normal life span?” I asked. “Like
seventy or eighty years instead of seventy or eighty million? Or
billion—or whatever?”

He gave one of
his deep, soft laughs.

“
My life will be more like a thousand or so years, I believe. I
will need some time to make up for all the harm I did as a
demon.”

“
But still…even a thousand years is a drop in the bucket when
you consider how long you’d live as a demon,” I pointed
out.

He smiled
sadly. “My darling, if only you knew how the years can drag when
you have no one to live for—no one to share them with. And the
Creator has promised that after my life span is up, I can be judged
as a mortal and pass into Heaven as one as well.”

“
So you’re considering it?” I asked. “What about your
powers?”

He shrugged. “Gone.
Well, most of them anyway. I still retain some of my smaller
abilities.” With a wave of his hand he made two wine glasses half
filled with ruby red liquid appear and handed me one.

I took a sip.

“
What about your different forms? I know you gave up your
dragon form during the fight with the Skitterlings. But what about
your true form?”

He
spread his hands. “Gone.
This
is my true form now—as it will be permanently if I choose to
take the Creator’s offer.”

“
Really?” I stared at him. “And you’re okay with that? With
leaving Hell where you’re a Prince of Night and Shadows and have
legions of demons to command and coming to the Mortal Realm where
you’re just plain Laish with uh,
no
demons to command?”

“
I
didn’t leave Heaven in the first place because I wanted to rule and
command,” he said mildly. “That was Lucifer’s sin. I left with him
because I wanted our kind to be allowed to love and bond together
as the mortals do. I left seeking love…and then I found you,
Gwendolyn.”

I
looked away. “You only
think
you
love me. The Eternal Flame—remember?”

“
Is that what you think?” I could see him frowning from the
corner of my eye.

“
Well, that’s what Belial said,” I pointed out. “And you said
yourself you didn’t know why you loved me.”

“
It was because I had been without a soul for so long that I
forgot I
could
love,”
Laish said quietly. “At first I did not even recognize the feeling
inside that I had for you. I knew only that I wanted to protect
you, to be with you and care for you. I didn’t understand
why
until I stood before the throne of
the Creator and looked into his eyes.”

“
How did that help?” I asked.

“
Because God
is
love,”
Laish said earnestly. “Seeing him reminded me of the small part
within me that was still uncorrupted. The part that can love deeply
and unconditionally. The part that drew me to you in the first
place.”

“
But the Eternal Flame—”

“
The effects of the Eternal Flame only work on creatures that
have originated in Hell. I was once a creature of Heaven. And can
be again, if I agree to the Creator’s plan.”

“
What’s stopping you, then?” I said softly. I was almost
afraid to look at him as I asked, wondering what he might say
next.

Laish sighed.
“What stops me is the fact that I do not wish to stay in the Mortal
Realm by myself, without you. Yet I know you cannot love me back.
Not after the way I betrayed you—first in stealing half your soul
and then in forming a soul bond with you without asking your leave.
It is…unforgivable.”

“
It would have been nice if you’d asked,” I admitted. “I mean,
I didn’t even know such a thing was possible. But…I guess maybe you
would have told me if I hadn’t lied to you about seeing your face
in the Mirror of the Eye.”

Laish
made
our wine glasses disappear and took my hand in his. “I have tied
you to me in a very intimate way, Gwendolyn. And I did it without
so much as a ‘by-your-leave,’” he said, looking at me earnestly.
“Not only that, I did it using your
own
soul
which I
had stolen and attached to myself to do it. How can you possibly
forgive me for that?”

“
Like this,” I said and kissed him.

At
first Laish was frozen in place and I felt like I was kissing a
statue. Then he put his arms around me and kissed me back, making
me shiver with
desire. He ran his hands through my hair and pulled me close
until I could feel his big, hard body pressing against every inch
of mine. The kiss became hungry…breathless… But before it could go
too far, he pulled back and looked at me, holding my eyes with his
own.

“
Gwendolyn, are you certain? You can truly forgive what I did?
You feel for me as I feel for you?”

“
I
do,” I whispered. “I know Grams won’t like it but I can’t help it,
Laish. I
love
you. I
don’t think I realized it until after I thought you were gone. But
once I knew how I felt, I couldn’t change it.” I squeezed his hand
and my voice got tight and choked. “It was awful—seeing you slip
into the Abyss that way. All I could think about was how much I
missed you.” My eyes were stinging with tears but I tried to blink
them away.

“
I’m here now.” Laish tilted my chin up so he could press his
lips to my wet eyelids very gently, kissing the tears
away.

“
I
know.” I gave him a trembling smile. “So I guess we’ve got a second
chance. I don’t want to waste it.”

“
Mon ange…”
He
stroked my cheek and in the twilight dimness I saw his eyes burning
ruby red. “I love you, too,” he murmured. “So very much. And now
you have given me a reason to stay here—my choice is
made.”

“
Laish!” I looked at him uncertainly, feeling a little afraid.
Because the ruby red light burning in his eyes had suddenly been
extinguished. It was hard to tell in the deepening twilight but I
thought his eyes were normal now—just a beautiful but very human
deep blue. Much like the ocean that was rushing over the sand just
a few yards away from us.

“
What is it?” He looked at me, scanning my face. “What’s
wrong, Gwendolyn?”

“
Your eyes…” I cupped his strong jaw, looking at him
worriedly. “They’re not red anymore.”

He laughed. “Because
I have given up my demonic nature.”

“
What—
all
of it?” I
demanded.