Runaway Heart (A Game of Hearts #2) (22 page)

“We don’t let them leave thinking they’re on their own again. We’re a family here, my staff and I, and every soul that walks through that door is a new member. Including you,” she said, looking directly at me.

I stuck my hand to the air as ribbons of wind passed through my fingers. “If only you were closer. I wish my mother could come here, but even if I found a way, I know she wouldn’t leave my father.”

“Strength happens when ye least expect it. Don’t give up on her just yet,” Della said, standing as we spotted Ed heading our way. “Life gives us these chances. Makes us less of a victim and more of a voice. I try to instill that with those who come to me, or me to them. I think ye know that already though. You’re a survivor. A fighter. Ye don’t step down and cower. I see that in ye and, one day, ye’ll understand what that means. We could use someone like yourself around here. Someone who understands abuse. Someone who can teach the form of strength ye have.”

“I’m not strong,” I admitted, thinking about how I left my mother behind.

“I beg to differ,” Della said. “Ye’re the strongest broken soul I’ve seen come through here. And ye could help these women get back on their feet.”

I wasn’t sure why, but the offer made me feel warm inside. Made me wish even more that I didn’t have to leave.

The sound of footsteps announced Ed as he made his way to where we sat.

Della stood, a beaming smile on her face when Ed caught sight of us and waved.

“I’m not interrupting, am I?” he asked, hands tucked neatly in his pockets as he came to a stop beside Della.

“Not a bit. Hannah and I were just about to head back in,” she said, wrapping her arm around him, giving him a slight squeeze. “I’ve missed you, lad. You won’t stay away so long next time?”

Ed hugged her back, pecking a kiss to her hair. “I won’t. I promise.”

“Such a good lad. We missed your terrible jokes around the table last Christmas.” She dropped her arm from around him and patted his cheek.

He shook his head, smiling. “And who is it, ye suppose, I get that from?”

She laughed. Her eyes twinkled as she tugged his sleeve. “To be sure, lad. So are ye off then?”

“I am, sorry. It’s just that—”

Della waved his excuse away with a smile and gave him another hug as I stood. “I’m glad ye both came by. Be sure to get your jacket from the closet, else ye’ll freeze.”

“I’m so glad to have met ye, Hannah,” she said, stepping closer and clasping my hands in hers.

“Thank you for showing me your home, and for sharing your story with me,” I replied, feeling a moment of sadness to have to say goodbye to her as quickly as we’d said hello.

“Take care of this one.” A knowing look lit her face as she let my hands go.

I smiled at Ed. “I’ll try.”

“Are ye ready?” Ed asked as he slid his arm around my waist. “Charlie just rang. Said the girls are getting antsy waiting on us.”

“YE’RE AWFULLY QUIET,” I SAID, picking Hannah’s hand up and lacing my fingers with hers. There wasn’t a moment I wanted to spend separated from her touch.

She turned her face, looking up at me with a distant gaze. “Just thinking.”

Before I could ask her what she was thinking about, she closed her eyes and nestled her head into my shoulder. The taxi rolled down the road, bumping and swaying as she stayed quietly tucked to my side, leaving me more than curious as to what her and Aunt Della had talked about.

I’d hoped Aunt Della would see it in her. The look of a soul searching for answers. Reasons. I wouldn’t know unless Hannah opened up to me, because Aunt Della would never say. Even if I called and asked her.

That was the thing about Aunt Della—conversations were private. Trust was given, and not lightly, when she spoke to another. And I had a feeling whatever they talked about was what held court over Hannah’s mind as she held on to me, anchoring us both in a moment only she understood.

The cab slowed as it made its way down the narrow streets outside the pub I’d told Charlie we’d meet them at.

There were only a few more days we’d get to spend together. Only a few more chances I could show her what she meant to me. Time. I needed more time. A lifetime wouldn’t be enough to spend with Hannah.

Where had it all come from? Where had it started? At first glance? The way her eyes darted between Maggie and me when I’d arrived in Rum Cay? Or maybe the night she’d bowled me over in my hammock and we’d touched for the first time? I couldn’t pinpoint it.
Did I really want to?

It just was. She just was. We were meant for more. Not a chance meeting here and there where our touch sent each other into a frenzy. It was more than that. Deeper than that. My heart literally ached thinking about her boarding a plane without me.

“There’s Cherry,” Hannah said, sitting up and collecting herself.

I pushed all of it away. Needed to live in each and every moment with her and soak them up, saving them for when she wasn’t near.

“Hungry?” I asked, helping her from the cab.

“I could go for some fish and chips.” A half smile curled the corner of her lip as she allowed me to take her hand.

“Hannah, you missed the double-decker tour bus!” Charlotte said, linking her arm through Hannah’s. Severing our connection when she pulled her away. Her wild hand gestures and endless chatter blended together for me. But Hannah nodded, smiled, and answered, even when her eyes kept darting to mine.

“You left me to the mercy of three women in London,” Charlie said, coming to stand beside me.

“Looks like it turned out all right.” I gave him a smile I really had to reach for.

“I looked like Father Finnegan with a roving hoard of wayward souls. Do you know how many shops there are ‘round here? Twenty-six. Twenty-bloody-six, and we stopped in all of them. If you leave me tomorrow to deal with this lot, I’ll gut you in your sleep.” Charlie gave me a hardened stare that did little to rattle me.

I slapped him on the back. “Come on, mate. I’ll buy you a pint.”

He gave me a dirty look.

“Two?” I upped the offer.

“Make it three and I might think about forgiving you,” Charlie grumbled, pushing past me.

HANNAH’S FINAL DAY IN LONDON came along no matter how much I didn’t want it to. I sat on the end of the bed watching her pack with a sense of dread that sat in my stomach like a lead weight.

“You could stay…” I blurted without even thinking about saying it.

She halted in the middle of the room, clutching her makeup kit to her chest. Her eyes went wide as her mouth opened and closed a few times before pulling herself back together. “It’s not that simple, Ed.”

I came off the bed, detecting the slightest hint of wavering. “I want ye here with me. I know that’s really unfair to say to ye now, but I don’t know how else to say it. I just know I can’t watch ye walk away again and not try.”

The color in her cheeks deepened as she exhaled a shaky breath. “We’ve really done a number on each other by allowing this to happen.” She flung the statement across the room, almost like a scolding.

I moved to stand in front of her. “Was there any other way for us? I feel it… here,” I said, tapping my chest. “Can ye deny the same feeling?”

A mask of pain slid over her face as tears pooled in her eyes. When the first one fell, she dashed it away with fingers that shook. “You don’t understand, Ed. I can feel it… all of it. It’s eating me alive with what I’ve allowed myself to feel for you. Now… now I feel like… like I’ve messed up. Big time. I’ve been careless.”

“Hannah,” I said, cupping her face with my palm, “I know ye’re scared. I know this isn’t easy for ye. It’s unsettling. I get it. Please don’t push me away. I want ye. So much. I want your happiness and your mood swings, and, God, your way of making the room light up just because ye’re in it. Ye’re everything to me.”

Her hands covered her face as she let out a small noise with her chin to her chest. She mumbled something I couldn’t make out between her fingers. I leaned in, trying to hear what she was saying, and then realized she was hiding.

From me.

She hid her tears as she said, “I’m broken, Ed, and I can’t give all my broken pieces to you and expect you to keep me glued together. That’s not fair to ask of you. I need time.” Her tears soaked through my shirt as I pulled her into my chest, her sobs rocking the foundation of our souls.

“Time,” I repeated, wondering if time meant the same thing to her as it did to me. Could I let her walk away hoping she’d overcome her demons? Would time be enough for her to realize she loved me just as much as I loved her? Or would it mute everything for her? Allow what we’d only touched the surface of never to get the chance to grow and surround us?

“I’m sorry. I know I’m hurting you. I see it when you try to hide your disappointment in me because I can’t be what you need. I can’t be that person you see me as.” She wiped her nose and then looked up at me, the sides of her mouth falling. “But I do want to. I want to be a better person, Ed. I want to be what it is you need. I just… I just have to figure out how.”

She blinked, and my heart stopped.

“I need to be able to love myself the way I want to love you. Otherwise, I’ll never be whole.”

I tightened my arms around her and she held on to me as if I were the only thing keeping her together. “Hannah, I would wait the rest of my life for ye. I love ye.”

She jerked back, her swollen eyes wide with fear. “Don’t say that.”

“What? That I love ye?” I asked, wishing I could lay her on the mattress and kiss her until the world melted away. Until words meant nothing and our touch meant everything.

But those three words were like a gavel being dropped. Like a line being drawn in the sand, dividing us in half.

Hannah dropped her arms and moved away, drying her eyes on the sleeve of her shirt. “You can’t love someone who doesn’t know what love is.”

She stood over her open suitcase and tossed her makeup bag in as I came up behind her, pulling her against my chest, refusing to allow her to push me away. To close herself off from me like she had too many times before.

I leaned down, moving my lips against her ear. Feeling my heart catch in my throat when her body tensed up, and then slowly relaxed against me. “You know exactly what love is,” I whispered to her. “Ye’ve felt it between us when there was no one but you and me. Ye feel it when our hearts even out and beat together. It’s in my touch and your kiss. Every moment we’ve shared has been love. Ye only need to close your eyes and feel it.”

She melted into me as I shut her suitcase and knocked it to the floor, spilling the contents.

“Ye know what it is because I make ye feel it. Like the way my soul reaches out to yours and ye can’t stop it. Ye don’t want to stop it. Close your eyes.”

I felt her draw a breath in, her resolve withering.

“Ye can feel it now.”

She turned in my arms, placing her hands on my chest, feeling the galloping of my heart as it slammed against my breastbone under her palm. Her breath caught as her eyes fluttered closed when I lowered my lips to hers. We moved as one, falling to the mattress. Lost in each other like all the other times as we pushed every single reason from our thoughts and allowed our true feelings to take over.

The curve of her hip fit into my hand. The slender length of her fingers twisted in my hair. We pushed and pulled to get closer, moved together, until we became one.

It was then I knew without a doubt that Hannah was my soul mate. There wasn’t anywhere she could go that I wouldn’t follow. I would walk the world ten times over just to be with her.

She just had to say the word.

Our rapid heartbeats kept time with one another as we strained against each other. Clothes were peeled and tossed. Flesh slipped against flesh. Mouths sought kisses from the other with a hunger I’d never experienced before.

One brought on by the understanding that it might be our last time together. If fate would have it that way, and she was to never return, then I would hold her with everything I had in me. Give every part of myself I had to give, in hopes it would be enough for her to see.

I breathed her in; she exhaled me out. Our bodies molded together as she pulsed around me. I dug in deeper, wanting our connection to have no point that wasn’t touching.

She called to me.

I answered.

It was beautiful.

It was hope.

It was everything.

I didn’t take my eyes from her. She met me with equal intensity. It was erotic. It was truth. And when our bodies sought release, it was together.

My forehead dipped down, resting on hers as we breathed each other in. I cupped her face as she trailed her fingers down my back.

“This. This is love, Hannah. I will wait for ye. Ye’re the other half of me. And if ye ever wonder, I want ye to think of this moment. Think of me so deep inside ye, loving ye as our bodies cool, with the warmth we ignited still lingering around us. Know I love ye with all my heart and I will be right here waiting for ye.”

Her head dipped, nodding as tears rolled past the corners of her eyes, down into her hair. I kissed the salty path. Told her over and over how much I loved her without saying a word.

Neither of us moved. Me, still inside of her. Her, unwilling to move the slightest to break our connection. We stayed like that until our breathing evened out and the last of our shudders tapered off to a drowsy state of euphoria.

“You… aren’t mad I’m leaving?” she asked as I rolled over and pulled her against me.

“No, love. Ye told me ye need time. I’m willing to give ye what you need. I understand ye have things to sort out. I just need ye to do something for me too.” I turned slightly and moved her hair behind her ear.

“What’s that?”

“I need ye to remember ye’ve left half your heart right here in London,” I said, closing my eyes and fighting the heavy wave of emotion rolling through me. “And when ye go home, so will I, but I won’t be the same until we’re back together.”

“And if I don’t come back?”

“Then I’ll be a man with half a heart,” I answered with the faintest whisper.