Running on Empty (16 page)

“Mom, I don’t really see what the problem is. You already broke a glass tonight all over the floor. I think that we all know you need a little help. And we think that Blake being here is good because he can help you after we go to bed. Plus, what if you need something out of the cabinet that we can’t reach? Blake’s a lot taller and can get it for you. Mom, please, just let him help.” Nycole crosses her arms over her chest and shifts her weight to one side.

Help.
That evil little word. Damn Harlow for being out of town. This would be so much easier with her here…and a lot less to explain.

“Alright, I’ll make you a deal. Blake can stay for one movie. Then I’ll decide if I need his help through the night, okay? I’m not making any promises. And I don’t want any pouty, grumpy faces if I decide he needs to go home. Got it?”

“Yes, ma’am!” They all shout at the same time, each with huge grins on their faces.

I snap my head back to Blake who’s also grinning, but his smile is more triumphant.

I lean over and whisper, “Look buddy, you need to wipe that smug smile off your face. No promises have been made, so there’s absolutely no reason for you to be smiling like that. You’re lucky to get to stay for a movie. And for the record, I hope they choose something that will be extremely painful for you to watch. You deserve it.”

Speaking of which…

I excitedly turn back to face the girls. “Alright, go pick a movie! Oh, didn’t we just get that new Barney movie? I really think Blake would love that one! You should put it on for him!” I direct my eyes over to Blake and shoot him the best, smart-ass grin I can conjure up.

Blake simply glances at me and then turns his full attention back to the girls. He trumps my enthusiasm with an astounding, “The purple dinosaur? I love that one! Do you guys really have a whole movie? I can’t wait! Go get it and let’s watch it!” He then looks back at me, giving me his own smart-ass grin.

Jerk.

I decide no baths are necessary tonight. My hand hurts too bad, and there’s no way Blake’s doing it, so I just decide to skip them all together. And since I don’t feel like cooking either, we order pizzas for dinner. After the girls are fed, I pop a few ibuprofen (after internet research confirmed that I could indeed take them with the pain pills), and we load up the new Barney movie – despite Nycole’s heartfelt protests.

If Blake wants Barney, he’s getting Barney. Full length, movie version Barney.

As Blake starts throwing pillows on the floor constructing a make-shift pallet, I watch the girls literally slide off the couch and onto the floor, making their way to sit by him.

“Hey!” I shout. “Isn’t anyone going to sit with me? I’m pretty sure I’m the one whose fingers were almost broken today!” I push out my bottom lip and cross my arms over my chest, making my best pouty-face.

Nycole looks at me and laughs. “And you call me dramatic?” She sighs. “Okay, I’ll come sit with you.” She flings herself on the couch and lands right beside me. She snuggles in next to me and I put my left arm around her and squeeze her tight. Elbow positioned on the arm of the couch with my right hand sticking straight up, I yell to Blake, “Let’s get this party started! Push play!”

Blake leans over to grab the remote and turns back to me with a wide grin. Then he looks at the girls and says, “I’m ready for some Barney. You girls?”

“Yeah!” I hear from Kyndall and Rylie while at the same time Nycole protests, “No!”

I chuckle and elbow her in the side. “Stop it. Be nice! I’ll let you have Nycole time tomorrow in the office and you can watch whatever you want, sister-free, okay? I know you don’t want to watch it, but your sisters are really excited, and evidently so is Blake.” I jerk my head towards him and shake my head. We both start laughing. “So you suffer with me tonight, I’ll reward you tomorrow. Deal?”

“Deal,” she says and then eyes my hand with concern. “How’s your hand? Is it okay? Do you need anything?”

Wow.
Where’s this coming from? Squeezing her shoulder, I look at her. “I’m fine, sweetheart. Thank you though.”

“You should take your pain medicine, Mom. We’ll be fine. I promise. I think between the both of us, Blake and I can handle Kyndall and Rylie,” she says seriously.

Tears start to fill my eyes. I look away because I don’t want Nycole to think she’s said anything to upset me. But I just can’t help myself. I feel incredibly guilty that she’s been forced to grow up so quickly. I wanted her to stay my baby forever, but circumstances being what they are, she’s had to shoulder more responsibility than most nine year olds. Wiping a tear that escapes my eye, I turn to her and say, “You’re right, Nyc. You guys are more than capable of handling those two. If I hurt too much, I’ll take them. I promise.”

She smiles a grateful smile at me and then looks forward as Barney makes his appearance on the television. She rolls her eyes and exhales loudly. “You
so
owe me.”

“I love you, you love me…” I hear Blake singing as he walks down the hall. I also hear some shuffling around so I lean over the couch to see what he’s doing. He’s standing in my hallway, sifting through some of the girls’ movies.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“Getting the girls something to watch. They wanted to have a slumber party in Nycole and Kyndall’s room. I hope it’s okay, I figured it would be fun for them. Plus, it’ll give us a chance to catch up. They’re about to pass out anyway so I’ll move them once they fall asleep.”

I continue to watch him. “Okay.”

He goes back to singing the Barney song, and I find myself grinning from ear to ear. Here is this beautiful, massive man, smiling and singing the stupid Barney song in my hallway. I shift my body around to get a better look. I cross my arms on the top of the couch and place my chin on them. I find myself continuing to smile as I watch him. I also find myself genuinely happy that he’s back in my life.

He was always a good friend to me. A good person, who turned out to be an even better man. He has every right to be angry with me for so many things, but yet, he doesn’t hold a grudge. In fact, here he is, in my house, helping take care of my children. In the midst of all of the misery over the last few years, I guess I must have done something right.

Evidently finding the movie he’s looking for, he closes the door to the “movie closet”, and heads to the girls room. I hear the girls shout, “Yay!”, and once again, giggling ensues. After a few seconds of getting settled, I hear Blake reading their favorite book, making different voices for the characters. I don’t hear anything else from the girls. I assume they’re entranced by his story telling. Maybe his awesome reading skills will lull them to sleep.

Starting to feel the effects of the day, I yawn as I drag myself off the couch to head to the kitchen. My hand’s really starting to hurt again. And I’m pretty sure that Blake will be staying the night because it’s inevitable…I’m going to have to take the damn pills.

I pick up the prescription bottle and stare at it. Rolling it around in my fingers, I look at the clock. 9:18 PM. Sighing, I put it back on the counter and fill my glass with water. Not quite yet. Not until the girls are asleep. Then maybe I can get some relief.

I hear the door to their bedroom close and listen for Blake. “Alex?” he asks from the living room. I place my glass back on the counter next to the pills. “In the kitchen.”

Blake enters and walks right past me to grab a piece of pizza from the box on the stove.

“Blake! Don’t eat that! It’s been out for
at least
two hours. You’re going to get food poisoning!” I can’t help but look at him in utter disgust.

“No way!” he fires back as he takes a huge bite of the slice of pepperoni. Mouth completely full he adds, “Two hours is nothing. It’s fine. Trust me.”

Pet peeve number one.
Gross.

“Okay, well for the record that’s just gross. If you get sick I’m going to be really pissed, seeing as though you’re the only help I have until reinforcements arrive tomorrow.”

I watch him finish off the piece of pizza and follow it with a swallow of water…
my water.
He puts the glass in the sink and turns to face me, leaning his back against the counter. He puts his elbows on the top of the counter behind him and crosses his feet at his ankles. He watches me for a couple of seconds as I back up and lean against the stove.

“How’s your hand? Have you taken the pain meds?” He dips his head toward the prescription bottle. “I’m pretty sure the girls are settled if that’s what you’re waiting for.”

“Yeah, I’ll take them soon. I just want to be sure they’re good for the night. Don’t worry…you’ve made your point. The way my hand feels right now, it’s pretty evident I won’t be sleeping at all
without
taking them.” I’m growing extremely tired of him being right all the freakin’ time.

I lean back against the counter and sigh as I replay the evening in my head. It was really fun, actually.

“You were really great with them tonight, Blake. Thank you so much. And thank you for helping me through my break down in the kitchen earlier. I don’t do well when things are out of my control…as if you don’t already know that.”

He chuckles silently and I can’t help but smile as I watch his face light up with laughter. “Yes, unfortunately I know that all too well. You’re allowed to need help sometimes, Alex. Everyone does. There’s no fault in that. Seeing as though I actually helped put you in this predicament, it’s the least I can do. Plus, you have really great girls, so it wasn’t that bad,” he says with a wink. “
They
were actually the easy part.”

“Shut up! I can’t help the way I am. You know this, yet you continue to act surprised. I haven’t changed that much since high school,” I say defensively.

“I wouldn’t know. You didn’t really bother to talk to me in high school.” I scan his face for a couple of seconds, trying to gauge whether or not he is angry or just stating a fact. Either way, his statement warrants a response.

“You’re completely right, Blake, and I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened really. I guess I was just young and didn’t understand that what I was doing, or not doing, was hurting you. I was so focused on Derek; I just kind of moved on and left you behind.” I see his body tense and I know I’ve struck a nerve. Nevertheless, I continue.

“It wasn’t fair to you. You were, and still are, a great person. I was lucky to have you in my life then and extremely selfish when I decided I didn’t need you anymore. I can’t tell you how truly sorry I am. But what I can tell you is that I’m blessed you have entered my life for a
second
time, and I hope you and I can pick up where we left off, as friends. I don’t want to lose this, Blake. I was reckless enough to throw it away the first time; I hope I get the chance to prove to you that I won’t do it again.” When I’m finished, I continue to hold his eyes with mine so he can see my sincerity.

Still maintaining eye contact, Blake pushes himself off the counter and I hear his boots clank as he crosses my kitchen floor to where I’m standing. I want to look away, but I refuse to let myself. He needs to understand how I truly feel. So I look him in his beautiful face and stand my ground. He walks right up to me and simply puts the palm of his hand on the side of my face. He strokes my cheek with his thumb. He then moves his hand to slide a lock of my hair behind my ear and places his hand on my shoulder.