RUSH (A Stone Kings Motorcycle Club Romance) (13 page)

Grey

We didn’t say much on the way to her place.  Seton seemed so relieved about Cal that I didn’t want to do anything to break that feeling, so I just let her snuggle in next to me on the bike and wrap her arms around me.  The feeling of her holding on to me for protection, trusting me, worked on me the whole way to her house, and I felt like more and more of a fraud with every mile. By the time I pulled over to the curb outside the address she’d given me, I had made up my mind that it was time to come clean.

Seton climbed off the bike, by now doing it like she’d been doing so all her life.  She handed the helmet to me and I hooked it over the back seat after I’d climbed off.

Seton lived on the ground floor of a small, compact duplex with a tiny side yard that boasted a minuscule but well-tended garden.

“Welcome to my place,” she said shyly.  “You want to come in for a bit?”

I grunted my assent. I wasn’t going to tell Seton, but I wanted to make sure the apartment was safe and no one was waiting for her inside.
If you would leave her alone, you wouldn’t have to worry that she was safe
, my inner voice reminded me, and I frowned angrily that because of me, Seton could potentially be in danger. I followed behind her cursing myself. I watched with a mixture of desire and frustration the sexy way she swayed her hips when she walked, and watched as she fit the key into the lock on her front door.

We entered the apartment to find a woman of about Seton’s age on the couch. She had long, wavy blond hair and a pattern of geometric tattoo sleeves on both arms. She had earbuds in and was listening to something that was causing her to bob her head and smile slightly, her eyes closed as she appreciated the beat.

Seton tapped her softly on the shoulder and she opened her eyes. “Hey,” she smiled up at Seton, then turned and looked at me, startled. “Oh, I didn’t hear you come in,” she said, her voice registering her surprise.

“Carly, this is Greyson,” Seton smiled, glancing over at me.

“Grey,” I corrected, nodding at her.

The woman raised her fingers in a small wave. “Hey,” she breathed, then cut her eyes toward Seton questioningly.

“We’re uh, going to go back to my room for a bit,” Seton grinned at her shyly.

“Sure thing,” Carly replied. Her lips started to curl into a smile, but she suppressed it.

“Come on,” Seton said, looking at me seductively through a lock of hair that had fallen into her face.

I followed her back, noting the locations of exits and windows as I went. Seton led me into her bedroom, a reasonably tidy but small space with one wall lined with bookshelves. A double bed with no headboard was shoved against the far wall under a window to make as much space as possible. Seton sat down on the bed and I sat next to her.

“So,” I said. “Your room.” I was feeling conflicted about being here, but I wasn’t ready to launch in to what I wanted to say just yet.

“My room,” she agreed. She looked through her hair at me again. I felt myself get hard with desire but forced myself not to do anything about it. She looked momentarily disappointed, but seemed to shake herself out of it. Then she seemed to remember something and her lips curved into a conspiratorial smirk. “You know, Cal was really surprised when he came back to the clubhouse and I was there. I totally forgot he didn’t know about us.” Her face flushed slightly when she said ‘us,’ and it made me want to kiss her.

“Huh. Yeah, I imagine that was kind of weird for him,” I agreed.

A soft giggle escaped her then. “It feels weird to have you here.”

“Weird how?”

“Just…” she blushed, then continued bravely. “I’ve thought about you a lot when I’m in bed, so… now that you’re here, it makes me want to do the things I thought about.”

I almost groaned as I felt my dick twitch in response.  This was not going the way I wanted it to. I realized I had to get out what I needed to say. Rip the bandaid off before I pushed her down on the bed and did exactly what she was trying to get me to do.

“Seton,” I began, my voice almost cracking with desire. I grabbed her hand and held it. “I need to tell you something.”

Her smile faded a little, but she kept her voice light. “What is it?” she asked.

I hated that she was worried what I was about to say would hurt her. I hated even more that she was right.

“It’s something… something I should have told you a long time ago.”

Her eyes opened wide. “Do you… are you with someone else?”

“No,” I growled in frustration. “Fuck, no, Seton. I wasn’t lying when I told you there’s no one else.”

She sat up straighter then. Her smile was gone, and she looked at me bravely, her eyes serious.  “What, then?” she challenged.

“I knew about your dad’s death. I knew who you were as soon as you said your name,” I said. I took a deep breath and looked at her. “Because the person who killed him was my uncle.”

A small sound escaped her throat. “Your uncle?” she choked out.

“Yes, my uncle Lawless. My mom’s brother was the one who did it.  And there’s one more thing.” I turned to face her. “I was there.”

“You… what?” she whispered.

“I was there.  I was in the crowd when your father died. I… You looked at me. We looked at each other, when you were on the ground with your father.”

It was done. I’d finally told her. All I could do now was wait for her reaction.

If I’d thought Seton would yell at me, or cry, or throw things, I was mistaken. The blood drained from her face, and she looked away from me toward some point on the wall. She slowly, firmly detached her hand from mine. “Go,” she said in a strangled whisper. “Just go.”

It was what I had wanted, in a way. What my head wanted, anyway. But my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest as I stood up, quietly walked to the door, and closed it behind me.

In the living room, Carly’s curious gaze met mine. “You leaving?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I said tiredly. “Look in on her in a while, will you?”

Without waiting for a response, I left the house, got on my bike, and rode away.

*   *   * 

Back at the clubhouse, I tried to convince myself that drowning myself in pussy was just what the doctor ordered, to convince myself that Seton Greenlee had been nothing special. But my heart just wasn’t in it. I pushed away the club whore that was grinding on my lap and grabbed a couple shots of whiskey from the bar.

Eventually, some intel started to come in from the recon mission. The van used in the driveby hadn’t been found, so we assumed it was either in a chop shop somewhere or had been ditched or torched. But Trigger, who still couldn’t ride because of his leg, had managed to find out some info by shaking the trees. Turned out, there was evidence the Cannibals had joined the Aztecs cartel. Which was fucking interesting, because we had a truce with the cartel that had allowed us to avoid a turf war for years now. If the Cannibals truly had joined the cartel, and they had been behind the attack that killed Hammer, much less the driveby, they were breaking the truce. Lupine and neighboring Fox Bluff, where Maisie’s was located, were strictly off-limits to them. The potential for this to be a much larger and complicated problem had just reared its very ugly head. Before, the only question was to find out who had been responsible for the driveby at Maisie’s and Hammer’s death. After that, the response was clear: justice. Blood. It was a formula I was comfortable and familiar with.

Now, if everything we knew was true, the question was, had the Cannibals committed both of these crimes as part of the cartel? And if so, was the cartel behind it, or were the Cannibals going rogue… or worse, working on a power grab?

These were questions, I knew, that required shifting from a short-term view to playing the long game.  The Cannibals, if they were responsible, would taste our vengeance. That part was certain. But what was also clear was that the Stone Kings had to get ready for the possibility of an upcoming war.

In a fucked-up way, I was glad for the distraction from Seton that these new developments presented. I knew it had been the right thing to come clean to Seton, so that she would push me away and I would be forced to forget her.  Even though it felt like I was fucking dying inside, I would force myself to shut her out. That was the only form my love for her could take: I had to protect her. The way I felt about her, what I wanted for myself: that was immaterial. Just as I had to put the club’s needs before my own in any decision, I needed to put what was best for Seton before my own desires. And the only way I could do that was to make sure that she stayed far, far away from me.

Seton

Andi had been texting and calling me almost non-stop since the morning after Grey had come to the bar and beaten Wes to a pulp. We hadn’t seen each other in several days, in spite of her persistence, and I knew she was worried, even though I had texted her back a couple of times to tell her I was fine.

I hadn’t bothered to call in sick for my next two shifts, and I hadn’t heard a word from Wes about it. I knew he was afraid to fire me after Grey almost killed him. I also knew I couldn’t go back to work at the Cactus after what had happened. In fact, it didn’t seem like I could go back to anything in my life. Ever since Grey had told me the truth about who he was, it seemed like everything had screeched to a halt at once. My job was gone, my brother was pulling away from me, and the one man who had ever made me feel like I could trust him — like a real, complete woman — had apparently been lying to me from the very beginning. My father’s death, now that I knew Grey’s uncle had killed him, rushed back to the front of my mind as though it was yesterday. I couldn’t stop thinking about the little boy whose eyes had met mine that day — the boy I had hated so much because I knew he probably had a father to go home to. Little did I know that the reason I didn’t have my own father anymore was because of that little boy’s flesh and blood. It was like my past and my present had just driven full-throttle toward each other and crashed in a fiery explosion, leaving me with nothing.

For almost a week, I sat in the apartment, rarely leaving, eating, or showering. I didn’t answer the phone, I rarely looked at text messages. Mostly, I just lay on my bed and stared up at the ceiling, or sat unseeing in front of my computer screen as old movies I had seen a million times played on mute. Carly had tried to talk to me numerous times, but had eventually given up when I waved her off tiredly, telling her that I was fine, that I just needed to rest.

One afternoon, as I was sitting on the couch, mindlessly leafing through one of Carly’s magazines, there was a knock on the door. I contemplated not answering it, but I knew she was expecting a package, so I went to see on the off chance that it was the delivery man. I peered through the keyhole to see Andi on the other side, looking impatient.

“I know you’re in there, Seton,” she called sternly. “Open the door.”

Sighing, I did as she asked. She stood in the doorway, arms crossed. “You scared me, Seton. Don’t do that.”

“I’m sorry,” I said automatically.

“Can I come in?” she asked in a voice that wasn’t a question.

“Sure.” Listlessly, I stood back from the screen door and let her open it. She came into the entryway and gave me a big hug before I could push her away.

“Seriously, Seton, Don’t do that again. You’re my friend. Don’t make me worry like that,” she said fiercely.

I felt a wave of regret and apologized again more sincerely. She let go of me and stepped back. “You don’t look so good,” she said with a skeptical look, though not unkindly.

“I don’t feel so great,” I admitted.

She led me over to the couch. “Look, See,” she began, her eyes growing dark with concern. “Is this because of what happened with Wes? Because he is a fucking prick, you know that, right? Did he… how far…”

“No,” I cut her off. “It’s not that. I mean, he tried to…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. “But he didn’t get very far before Grey stopped him.” I winced as I said his name out loud.

Andi looked relieved. “You’ll be glad to know that ever since your boyfriend beat him up, Wes has been creeping around the bar like a terrified field mouse. He’s afraid to talk to anyone. He won’t even look women in the eye, much less leer at them.” Andi gave me a satisfied look. “Also, I gave my notice,” she announced. “I would have just quit right then, but I felt bad for the servers and other bartenders, so I’m giving that asshole the time to hire someone else.  And, I notice he’s only been interviewing male bartenders,” she said smugly.

I didn’t bother to correct that she had called Grey my boyfriend, and gave her a weak smile. “That’s great,” I said. “But are you gonna be okay finding something else?”

“Oh, yeah,” she waved off my question with a flick of her hand. “I actually already got another job tending bar at one of the places our band plays. So, no worries.” Andi smiled reassuringly, then looked at me more closely, her brow furrowing. “Seton, honestly, you look like shit. Have you been eating?”

“Not a lot, but I’m okay,” I confessed. “I had something to eat yesterday. So far today I’ve only had some coffee.”

“Okay, get up.” Her voice turned stern. “You are coming with me.”

“Ugh, Andi, I don’t want to go anywhere,” I pleaded.

“Nope, you don’t get to decide,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re coming with me to Gus’s.  You seriously need to eat something. You look gray.”

Grey
…

“You need comfort food. A burger and fries. And then you’re going to tell me what’s wrong,” she ordered. “So, go wash up. I’m starving.”

When Andi takes that tone, it’s useless to argue with her, so I nodded mutely and hauled myself up the couch. Ten minutes later, I had at least brushed my teeth and pulled on jeans and a tank top. I pulled my hair back into a messy pony and let her lead me out the door to her car. She grabbed some sheet music that was sitting on the passenger seat and threw it in the back so I could sit.

Andi didn’t ask me anything else until we had already ordered and gotten our meals. She made me get a burger, fries, and a chocolate malt, most of which I knew I wouldn’t be able to choke down.

“Okay,” she finally said, after she had personally witnessed me eat a few bites of the food. “If it’s not what happened with Wes, what’s wrong?”

I knew it wasn’t an option not to tell her, after I’d let her drag me all the way here.  And frankly, maybe letting it out would help somehow. As much as I didn’t want to talk about any of it, I’d been thinking about it nonstop for a week, so it wasn’t like saying it out loud was going to bring anything back that wasn’t already right there in front of me.

Andi knew that my father had been killed when I was little. She knew that the man who killed him was my mother’s lover. But what she didn’t know was that he had also been a member of the Stone Kings. And when I told her that Grey was not only his nephew, but that he had been there that day, and had concealed all of that from me, her eyes grew wide with shock.

“Holy shit, See! That’s like a soap opera!” Her face reddened. “Sorry, that probably didn’t sound very sympathetic. I didn’t mean it that way.  I mean, it’s your life, not a soap opera.” She whistled. “But whew! That is crazy!”

“I know.” I took a tentative bite of a fry and shook my head. “And honestly, Andi, I feel like
I’m
going crazy. Part of me hates him for this: that he didn’t tell me, that all this time he knew, and thought, what, that I would never find out? Like I wouldn’t care? I don’t know
what
he was thinking!” I closed my eyes, all my emotions flooding to the surface.

Andi reached over and patted my hand. “And the other part of you?” she prodded.

“The other part of me… is in love with him,” I whispered.

She nodded. “That’s what I kind of got,” she said gently. She sat for a moment, and then continued. “How did you find out about his uncle and your dad?”

“He told me. The day after the thing with Wes.”

“But he did tell you, of his own volition?” Her brow furrowed. “You didn’t have to find out on your own?”

“No,” I admitted.

“Seton,” she said, leaning toward me, her elbows on the table. “Imagine how hard it might be to tell someone something like that. I mean, ‘My uncle killed your father and I saw it happen’ is not exactly an easy conversation to have.” She peered at me. “Do you think he knew it when he met you?”

“Not exactly.” I thought back to the day we met, to how abruptly his attitude shifted when I told him my name. “I don’t think he recognized who I was until he heard my last name was Greenlee.”

“Well, I have to tell you, I guess I don’t one-hundred percent blame him for not bringing up something that was so traumatic for you,” she answered. “I can only imagine how hard it would be to tell you a member of my own family had done something so horrible to yours.” Her eyes locked on mine with a knowing smile. “Especially if I was in love with you.”

I scoffed. “He’s not in love with me.”

“Seton.” Her voice was sharp. “The expression on that man’s face as he led you out of the Cactus after what Wes did? The fury in his eyes? That was the expression of a man protecting what was his.” She sat back. “You tell yourself whatever you want, but he’s in love with you.”

I was silent. Was it possible Andi was right? I thought back to everything that had happened between Grey and me. How he had told me I was the first woman to stay the night at his place, to sleep in his bed. How he had almost killed a man who had tried to hurt me. How he always made sure that I was fully satisfied before he took his own pleasure. I could barely allow myself to believe it might be true.

“How did you react when Grey told you?” Andi persisted, interrupting my thoughts.

“I was furious,” I admitted. “I kicked him out.”

“And you haven’t seen him since?”

“No,” I said miserably.

“See.” Andi reached over and put her hand over mine again. “He’s not gonna come looking for you. He’s gonna respect your wishes. Hell, he probably feels terribly guilty about it all, and terrible for not telling you sooner.” She looked me in the eye. “If you want him back, you need to go to him.”

In the days that followed, I spent a lot of time weighing what Andi said in my mind. Damn her, she was always so smart and reasonable, I couldn’t help but consider things from a different point of view, even though my gut wanted to continue to hate Grey for deceiving me. The more I thought about it, the easier it was to imagine things from his perspective. Instead of hating the little boy of the past for not losing his father that day, I began to feel compassion for him for seeing a man killed in front of him and knowing his uncle had done it. The memory I had of the expression on young Grey’s face, which I remembered so well despite it being so many years ago, looked less curious and detached, and more shocked and afraid. I recognized the wide, wild-eyed stare that locked on mine as one of fear and dread. And now, fifteen years later, two children that had been caught up in a world of violence finally found connection and solace in each other’s eyes.

Grey, I had finally come to realize, was not what I had assumed him to be. As a child, I believed him to be just a curious witness to my family tragedy. As an adult, I had taken for granted that a man who was a member of a motorcycle club would be just another unreliable man who would use me and let me down.  Yet this man, whose hard, rough exterior would lead most people to believe he could not be trusted, was in truth the kindest, most responsible man I had ever met.

I thought back to what Andi had said that day at the restaurant. If I wanted him back, I needed to go to him.

Which, I decided, was exactly what I was going to do.