Safe Harbor 2: Hiding in Plain Sight (14 page)

“Hey. You got all stiff. Am I hurting you?” Joey was still buried deep inside, but one hand kneaded the tense muscles of Vlad’s shoulders and neck. “What’s going on?”

“You’re perfect.”

“Then what’s the matter?”

“Nothing. I just—” Could he say this? Would Joey think it was only because they were having sex?

“Babe? You can tell me anything. Don’t be scared.”

Vlad snorted.
Scared? Try fucking terrified.

Joey started to pull out. Vlad’s hand shot out to grip the back of the other man’s thigh. “No. No.”

“No, what? Hon, you’re starting to freak me out. Talk to me. Where is this coming from?”

He started to withdraw again, but Vlad held tight.

“Ow. You can let go. I’m not going anywhere if you don’t want me to. But I do need you to let me in on your thought process. I get the feeling this isn’t something you should keep inside.”

He was completely ruining his first time.
I’m such an idiot
. Trying desperately to salvage what they’d had, Vlad said, “Fine. I will talk.” Joey slowly pulled out and pushed back in, and Vlad moaned. “I’m not sure I can say this right in English.”

“Try.”

“I feel like I am finally who I am supposed to be. It feels right but wrong at the same time.” The words came out in a rush, and Vlad let out a whoosh of breath. “I thought…maybe I would feel disgusted or like less of a man if I ever let another guy fuck me.”

“Why would you—”

“Please let me finish.”

“Sorry.”

“You know how things are in Russia. Even though I have been here for ten years, I still heard a lot of homophobic talk in the locker rooms going all the way up to the NHL. Hell, up until a few months ago, sometimes a guy would call another guy gay or a fag, but they were mostly kidding. I like most of the players in the NHL. They are good men.” He paused, collecting his thoughts. “I know I did not seem to have any trouble blowing you. I was so horny I would have done just about anything you wanted.”

“Good to know. Can make Vlad wash my truck and cook me dinner if I give him a handjob first.”

“Fuck you. I’m trying to be serious, to answer the question you asked.” Joey was still moving inside him, and Vlad seriously considered telling the man they could talk about this later, after both of them had come, but he feared he would lose his nerve.

“Go on, baby. I’m sorry.”

Vlad shook his head. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Do what?”

The soothing rubbing returned, and Vlad’s heart stopped feeling like it was going to leap out of his chest. “I want you so much. I like you so much.”

“Well, that’s good. We agree.”

“Yeah, definitely. I like you more than I should.”

Why did I just admit such a thing?

“Not for me to say.”

Joey’s tone was careful and level, and Vlad finally turned to look at him. His face flamed as Joey stared back at him, his expression serious. “You have some part in this.”

“A big part. But you still haven’t explained what’s going on in that hot head of yours, and I’m not talking about the one at the end of your dick.”

“When I said I was nervous about me being on the bottom because I had never done it, I was not being fully truthful.”

“Oh?”

Joey sat back on his heels after pulling out completely, and Vlad rolled onto his back, watching as a thin bead of sweat worked its way down Joey’s chest. When he raised his gaze, Joey was smirking.

“You were saying?”

“I really was scared, because I’d never been on the bottom before. Hell, I’ve hardly ever done anything. But also it was like the…what do you Americans say…” Vlad shook his head, frustrated in his inability to get his point across. “The final nail in the coffin.”

“You’re comparing being gay to being buried in a coffin?”

“No. Shit. I can’t say this right.” Vlad scrubbed a hand through his hair and sat up. He felt weird lying down while Joey was seated; like he was at some kind of disadvantage. “I guess it meant I was gay.”

“I went through a lot, figuring out I was gay, baby, but I don’t understand what you’re trying to say. I’m sorry.”

“I could say if I let a guy suck me off I was not really gay, because like I said before, having your dick sucked feels good no matter who is doing it.” Vlad shrugged. “And even fucking a man. You can fuck a woman in the ass too, so it’s not bad. I could even say I wasn’t gay if I gave another guy head.”

Joey bridged his nose between his thumb and forefinger. “How do you figure?”

“I was just seeing what it was like. I was curious.”

“But if you let me put my dick up your ass, you’re suddenly gay?”

“It’s different than anything else we could do.”

“Because?”

The poor guy’s erection had completely flagged, and Vlad felt like a jerk.

He squirmed and then felt ridiculous. Vlad hadn’t squirmed since he was about seven years old. “Because if I take you inside my body, I am letting you fuck me. I am offering my ass to be fucked.” Slapping the bed, he said, “What I am is an idiot. I’m sorry.”

“No, this is important.”

Joey rose and headed toward the bathroom. When he neared the open door, he turned around and speared Vlad with a look that could’ve made a president give up his nuclear codes.

“Do. Not. Move.”

Vlad nodded. When Joey closed the door to the bathroom, Vlad fell back against the pillows. Everything had been fine. He’d felt good. Why was he still letting opinions he shouldn’t care about influence him? He’d wanted his first time to be perfect, but instead it was a disaster.

A tear escaped, and Vlad hastily wiped at it. But another followed, and despite his best efforts, Joey seemed to zero right in on them when he reentered the room.

“What the fuck? You need to let it out, whatever it is.” Lying down, he gathered Vlad in his arms. “You’re safe here. Just let it out. Cry if you need to. It might help.”

“I bet you never dealt with this in the military.”

Joey scoffed. “I did. Plenty of times. And if you think big, bad special ops guys don’t cry, you’re dead wrong. You wouldn’t believe the shit I’ve seen. Sometimes it just overwhelms you.”

“I’m sorry. I cannot even imagine the things you have had to do. I did not mean to offend you.”
Could this day get any worse?
Another tear tracked down his face. Yes. Yes, it could.

“You didn’t, baby. I was making a point.” He gathered Vlad tighter. “Come on. You’ll feel better.”

Vlad sniffled. “I can’t believe I am crying when we could be having sex. I am so stupid.”

“No, you’re not,” Joey gave him a little shake. “You’ve been under an incredible amount of stress for a long, long time. Of course you were bound to snap. Having sex for the first time would certainly be a good reason to freak out.”

“I’m sorry.”

“None of that either. We have plenty of time.”

Vlad tried to turn away and hide his face, but Joey refused to let him. There weren’t many guys who were an equal to him in strength. It turned him on that he couldn’t manhandle Joey.

“No. Stay with me.”

Vlad pushed out of Joey’s arms and flipped over on the bed but yowled when Joey’s hand came down hard on his ass.

“What did I tell you?”

Why the fuck is that growl so sexy?

Joey spanked him again. “What did I tell you?” Another hard slap. “I’m here for you, and I don’t want you to hide from me.”

“I’m acting like a baby.” Several more hard slaps fell. “I never knew you were into this kind of thing,” he finished with a grumble.

“I am when my boyfriend is being an ass. Seems like the most appropriate thing to do is redden his ass for him.”

“Fine.” Vlad turned onto his back again, wincing a little when his sore ass came into contact with the sheets. Joey shifted, taking Vlad’s dick in his mouth, and with a muffled curse, Vlad grabbed Joey’s head. “Fuck. What are you doing?”

“If you don’t know—”

Vlad rolled his eyes. “Of course I know what you’re doing. I just do not know why.”

“Because I figured I’d have your full attention. Do I?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Now stop with all this crap. You’re not weak, you’re not a baby. And you aren’t less of a man because you let me inside you. Am I less of a man if I let you fuck me?”

Vlad didn’t answer, and Joey was on top of him before he could even draw breath, holding him down.

“Am I?”

His eyes flashed with something, and Vlad could see how Joey must’ve been a frightening guy to deal with in his time. Though he knew Joey would never hurt him, in the moment, he was a little afraid of the man. They were both still naked, and Joey, perhaps sensing Vlad’s unease, rubbed their cocks together before grabbing and roughly jerking them both in his calloused hands.

“No. God, no, you’re not,” Vlad gasped out.

“Then why would you be?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with men.”

Vlad looked away.

“Look at me,” Joey barked.

He did. The guy would have made an excellent instructor for those young kids coming into the army. Vlad’s brain was far too scrambled to come up with the right word.

“Believe me,” Joey continued, “it took a long time before I believed I wasn’t some sick-in-the-head pervert. I just don’t want to see you torturing yourself.”

“I love what we do. I love being with you.”
I love you
. “But sometimes, all that stuff drilled into me takes over. And the fucking guilt about the Olympics thing. It is killing me. I wish I could tell everyone. I can’t, though. I am not close to my family, but I cannot risk putting them in danger just so I feel better about what I did.”

“Oh baby.”

Joey caressed the side of his face, and another tear leaked out. He caught it and then leaned down to lick the side of Vlad’s face.

“I wish you didn’t have to go through all this. I’m rushing you. I knew it, and I still did it.” He sat up and scrubbed his hands over his face. “I pushed you.”

“No,” Vlad told him. “You are one of the only good things in my life right now. Please. I need you.”

Joey’s eyebrows drew down. “I’m not going anywhere.”

The sides of Vlad’s mouth crept up as relief swept through him. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“With the…other guy thing. Why did you call me your boyfriend just now?”

“Ah, you mean when I was spanking your disobedient ass?” Joey smirked and then reached underneath Vlad to pinch the sensitive skin.

“Ow! Yes.”

“Because that’s what you are. We’ve been seeing each other exclusively for a little while now. We’re more than fuck buddies. What would you call yourself?”

Vlad frowned. Were people supposed to fall in love this fast? He thought he loved Joey, or was it just infatuation? Was Joey in love with him? Did he want Vlad for more than just sex? Would Joey want him to come out?

Of course he would. He already said he didn’t want to live in the closet.
Can I come out? Do I dare?

Joey tilted his head. “Hon, your mouth is opening and closing like a fish.”

“Like a what?”

“Never mind. What’s going on inside your gorgeous head?”

“Nothing. Just trying to think about everything.”

“Well, how about you don’t think for a minute?”

Joey took both their half-hard dicks in his large hand and began to stroke. Vlad groaned. How could such a simple thing feel so good? With his other hand, Joey grabbed the lube, popped the cap, and poured some over the flushed heads of their cocks, working it down onto the shafts.

“I want you to come for me.”

“Yes.”

The man didn’t go easy on him, increasing the tempo until Vlad thought he’d lose his mind if he didn’t come. With a shout, he spilled his release onto Joey’s hand, and it wasn’t long before Joey swore and more warm, milky fluid coated them. Joey rose and came back with a washcloth and a towel before returning them to the bathroom. Joey reentered the room, and Vlad smiled.
He’s so gorgeous.

“Are you hungry?”

Vlad blinked at the non sequitur, but his stomach growled. Joey laughed.

“I see you are. Come on, let’s get some food in you. Can’t have you wasting away while you’re not playing. Get up and put on some pants. We don’t want to scare anybody.” He looked Vlad up and down. “Or turn them on. I’d hate to have to kick some poor schmuck’s ass just because he has good taste.”

Vlad rose and looked around for his underwear and jeans. Locating them, he stepped into them. “Why is it so sexy you know all those things?”

“Like how to kill people?”

“Yeah. It seems like I should not think that’s hot.”

“A lot of people do,” Joey said with a smile. “Men and women alike are attracted to military types. We make them feel safe or something.”

He winked, and Vlad seriously considered trying to revive the mood, but his stomach protested the idea.

“Come on, babe. Let’s get you fed.”

Chapter Eight

Joe observed Vlad carefully as they ate their subs. They’d stopped into one of those fast-food places, and Joe watched with a mixture of amusement and fascination as Vlad took several minutes to make a decision about what type of sub he wanted, loading it up with everything conceivable, which, to Joe’s mind, negated the time he’d spent debating the flavor of the sub. Joe just got a drink—he was still full from breakfast earlier—but Vlad hadn’t eaten, and Joe was sure the other man had to be famished.

It was practically obscene, watching Vlad eat his lunch. But that wasn’t the only thing Joe was looking for. He couldn’t shake the notion that he still hadn’t gotten the full story about what had freaked Vlad out. And even though it was killing him not to know, he’d made a vow to himself he wouldn’t push. Already he felt like a lecherous asshole for thinking Vlad was ready to bottom.

They finished eating and went back to Vlad’s place. The plan was to watch some movies and take it easy. Joe was fully on board. Though the hangover had definitely improved, he still had a headache, and sitting on the couch wrapped in his man’s arms sounded pretty damn good.

Vlad let him into the apartment and went back outside to check on his mail. When he got back, Vlad waved an envelope in the air. “It is from the US government.” He stared at it.