Sail (Wake #2) (36 page)

Me: Do you want me to pick you up? I’ve got a rental.

Honeybee: Don’t be silly. I can pick you up at the airport. I just have something to do at five. When do you get in?

Me: About 4:15. What do you have to do?

Honeybee: Nosy, are we?

Me: Not we, just me. Now tell me. Secrets don’t make friends.

Honeybee: We’re already friends. I was going to tell you when I saw you, but Grant agreed to sign the papers tomorrow after work. I’m picking them up after he gets off.

I stood up out of my chair and read the message.

Papers.

Signed divorce papers.

This
was
real.

Me: Do you want me to go with you?

Honeybee: No. It’ll be fine. I’m only stopping by to pick them up.

I couldn’t argue with her, even though I wanted to. I had to concentrate and trust she knew it was all right to go alone. If she was worried, she would have told me. But something felt off.

Maybe, it was just me not believing it was real.

Me: I’ll meet you at your parents’ then. I’ll wait in the car until you get there.

Honeybee: Okay. I won’t be long. Meet about 5:30? We’ll go in together. You’re really coming?

Me: You can bet your sweet ass I’ll be there.

Honeybee: I’ll see you tomorrow.

Me: Tomorrow. Goodnight.

We were going to have a happy life. I didn’t have to wish for it any longer. We were still going to fuck up. There were going to be days when we didn’t get along and things wouldn’t always be perfect.

But we’d figure it out. Our bond was strong and only getting stronger. It was going to be a great ride.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

THE ROAD TO WHERE we were had been bumpy. That was an understatement. But maybe good things don’t just come to those who wait. Maybe good things also come to those strong enough to fight when it looked like a losing battle. Those who never gave up.

And when I missed him, all I had to do was remind myself that.

Talking to him on the phone always made me feel better, even though we were miles apart. There was something so amazing about telling him I wanted to see him, and him saying that he’d come. Just like that.

It was surreal how things were lining up the way I‘d dreamed they would.

By this time the next night, I’d have signed divorce papers. It wasn’t that I was excited about getting a divorce. It wasn’t like that at all. I never should have married Grant to begin with. I still felt guilty about doing that to him. To our families. And to Casey. It wasn’t until recently when I’d realized I’d been hurting myself just as much.

Seeing Dr. Rex helped tremendously. I finally sensed I was doing things for the sole purpose of making
me
happy. And all along, those were the same things that made Casey happy too. How much time had I wasted trying to make Grant happy when he wasn’t making me feel the same way?

I was a coward, but not anymore.

Me: Tell me you love me and I’ll go to sleep.

Casey: I fucking love you.

I giggled.

Me: You have a way with words. I fucking love you too. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.

Casey: Go to sleep and it will get here faster.

I yawned and looked at the time on my phone. It was after eleven and I had a big day on my horizon. I’d taken the next day off work to help my mom get things ready for the party, but I still had a long day of running here and there picking things up for her. Which was perfect. The day would fly fast and I would be counting down the minutes.

As my eyes grew heavy I sent him one final message.

Me: We’ve so fucking got this.

The next morning I felt like I was on top of the world. Casey called early telling me he had to get a move on, but he wanted to say good morning first. We were kind of making me a little sick.

It was awesome.

I had to pick up Reggie from the airport
and while I waited by baggage claim, I kept imagining Casey walking down the path from the arrival gates instead of my brother. While I was there, I called the caterers and confirmed everything for the next day and added a few more servers. Now that Casey was coming, I didn’t feel like spending the entire night in the kitchen.

It was a small party of only about sixty, but that was a lot when they were all in a few small rooms.

The movers had already come, packed, and moved a lot of their furniture. My parents had a nice-sized home, but there was just too much stuff in there for it to be a functional space for a party. My mom finally agreed to my idea of having them moved out for the night, when I told her the furniture would be safer in storage for the weekend. Much safer than in everyone’s way. And since she had a penchant for red wine, she’d agreed.

We had some small tables brought in and removing everything worked perfectly for having a band out on their deck. We’d leave the French doors open, allowing both music and guests to float in and out.

According to my list, as soon as I dropped Reggie off at Mom and Dad’s, I’d have just enough time to go back to my apartment and take a quick shower before going to Grant’s.

It was odd, that just out of the blue he decided he would sign, but I wasn’t about to argue.

I wanted it over. The sooner the better.

“There’s my brat,” Reggie said as he hugged me. “So lover-boy is coming over tonight, huh?”

I’d told him on the phone earlier about Grant signing the papers and how Casey was flying in to come to the party. But only after he changed the subject when I asked if he’d seen anything of Nora. I was unrelenting. Call it sister’s intuition, but I knew there was something there.

“Yeah, I’m a little nervous.”

“I would be, too. Did you tell Mom and Dad he was coming over?”

“No. I didn’t know what to say and they’re busy with this party. I figured I’d just see how it goes when I bring him tonight first.”

“All right. So where is he? Are we picking him up, too?”

“No. He’s getting a car and meeting me there after I finish up with Grant. Where’s your date, beefcake?” I teased, knowing he didn’t have one. But I was in a great mood and teasing him was fun.

Turns out my joke wasn’t funny. His face got serious and he started walking toward the exit.

“Chicago,” he mumbled. He kept talking as he walked, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying under his breath. It sounded like he was chanting something. I guess everyone has their own complicated stuff.

I’d leave him alone. I understood
complicated.
I was fluent.

On the way to Mom and Dad’s, I told him about the difference we’d witnessed in Shane over the past few months. The working out. The new apartment. He finally moved out last month. Reggie and Shane didn’t talk a whole lot after Shane married Kari, but I think they emailed some. And I hoped they’d get closer again.

After Shane’s divorce—and frankly for some time before that—he’d changed from a fun-loving guy into a quiet introvert. I think Reggie felt bad for not being there for him and I’d had my own problems taking center stage.

Shane and I had spent a lot of time together last fall after I left Casey but not as much in the past six months. Then it was more of a buddy system than anything. We were both miserable and it was nice having someone to be with without having to explain everything.

I was surprised when Reggie said he’d noticed a shift too, saying that Shane was thinking about starting up a small business and had asked him for advice. Neither of us knew what the catalyst for it was, but Shane was looking and acting like a man with a mission. We agreed that whatever the shift had been, we weren’t going to question it.

I dropped Reggie off and headed straight to my apartment.

There were so many things going through my mind as I showered.

I walked myself through the next few hours and how I saw them going.

I’d go to Grant’s house—it was always Grant’s house—and in my imagination he was civil and polite, but brief. He would sign and we’d have an awkward hug and pledge to be friends. Of course, I had at one time cared for him, but in reality, I don’t know if I’d ever miss him after the divorce.

Looking back, I never missed him.
Ever.

I never thought about calling him. I never wondered what he was doing. I never wished he was with me. But before Casey, I didn’t even know those types of thoughts existed. Thoughts that were so consuming. So intoxicating.

It took falling in love with another man to make me see I didn’t even know what love was to begin with. It definitely wasn’t what I had with Grant.

As I shaved my legs, I thought about how surreal it was to be having dinner with Casey, my brothers, and my parents. True enough, I was giddy with the thoughts of bringing him back to my apartment—after the impromptu meet-my-parents’ dinner. But I was elated he wanted to meet my family and I wanted to show him off.

It felt so right.

I toweled off and smiled at myself in the mirror. I’d done it. I wasn’t sure what
it
was, but a feeling of peace cleaned away every last knot of anxiety that had set up residence in my stomach over the past few years.

I fantasized about Casey shaking my dad’s hand. My dad looking at me and seeing me smile. Then he’d say to Casey, “It’s nice to finally meet you.” Happy tears sprang to my eyes as I imagined my mother telling me how handsome she thought he was. Because, of course, she’d be just as smitten as I.

And it wasn’t like it was the first time he’d ever been to my apartment—hell, he owned the damn thing—but with all the weekend’s excitement, it felt like a miracle I’d be spending it with him. Sharing it with him. Making new memories where we laughed and smiled.

No fighting.

No worrying.

No struggle.

No leaving and crying.

My current dreams were coming true and it was time to start making new ones.

I knew how Casey felt about marriage. However, I had kind of a bad run as a wife, but considering he was the man I was bad
with,
maybe he was cutting me some slack.

Dinner wasn’t going to be anything fancy, but on more than one phone call that week, Casey mentioned me wearing a skirt the next time we saw each other. That was an easy enough wish to grant. I knew what he was thinking and I’d be reaping the benefits later.