Saint And Sinners (20 page)

“Hi everyone, hi Saint!” A slight giggle could be heard after the caller’s greeting.

“Hello, Terri. How are you tonight?” Saint cleared his throat, then took a sip from
a bottle of water that had been offered to him before the show.

“I’m doing good; it is so nice to talk to you. I enjoy your books!”

“Thank you very much. How can I help you today, Terri?”

“Well, I understand the format of the show, I listen all the time, Aubrey.” The woman
declared, seemingly quite happy with herself.

“Thank you, Terri.” Aubrey grinned. “So, you know that you ask your question first,
and then go into detail, so go right ahead.”

“Okay…I’m a little nervous.”

“It’s okay, I don’t bite, not too hard anyway.” Saint smirked, casting a teasing look
at Aubrey who smiled and shook her head.

“Why do men cheat, Saint? I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years, and I know
he’s cheating. How can I…get him to stop?”

“Okay, Terri, first of all, you’re looking at this incorrectly.” Saint put his hand
up, as if waiting to catch a ball. “You are taking on the brunt of the responsibility,
believing there is something
you
need to do in order to fix
him
. No.” Saint shook his head. “If you believe he is cheating, he very well may be.
Before we get into any advice, first I want to know, why are you convinced of this?”

“Why? I’ll tell you why. He comes in
all
hours of the night. I ask this fool where the hell he’s been, and he says some mess
like, ‘I been where I been and I’m at where I’m at and will be where I will be.’ He
is also distant now. We fight all the time and it’s like he is trying to drive me
crazy or something.”

“Are you still having sex with one another?”

“Yes, but he is totally selfish about it now.”

“So, he is just getting his own pleasure and not delivering the same to you? You’re
not having orgasms?”

“Right.”

“Okay, well.” Saint scratched the top of his ear and shifted in his seat. “Those are
some of the signs. The verbal combativeness, staying out, changes in sexual delivery
or performance. More often, the sex frequency drops or there are unexpected changes
in the bedroom. Okay, first of all, if he is not even being honest, then you can’t
remedy the relationship. When a person steps out on their relationship and seeks the
sexual company of
another
, it means they feel they need or want something they currently do
not
have at home.” He pounded his fingertips on the table before him to drive the points
home. “That does not mean their mate is doing anything wrong though! Many women seem
to get this confused. You think, ‘What does she have that I don’t?’ And that’s the
wrong question to ask. … Terri, you should be asking yourself,
why
are you staying?”

There was a brief pause.

“Well, I love him.”

“So, you love him more than you love and respect yourself…” Saint swallowed, crossed
his arms and sat back in his seat as he casually crossed his ankles.

“Well, no. I mean that I have three years invested in this and he was a good person.
You don’t just walk out on someone because you hit a bump in the road.”

“Terri, Terri, Terri!” He grinned. “A bump in the road is a man that was caught in
a white lie. A bump in the road is one of you losing your job, then suffering financial
hardship. A bump in the road is an expected, no-fault-of-your-own occurrence or the
consequences of past dealings. No, this is recent, right here and now. A man that
won’t tell you his whereabouts isn’t a bump in the road, Terri! A man who had nothing
to hide will tell his mate where he is going, approximately when he will return, and
what he did while he was out! A man who consistently shoots off inside of you, gets
his rocks off first with no consideration of your needs is not a bump in the road.
The only bump in the road, Terri, is
you
getting in your
own
way of the true value of your life and what you deserve.”

“Well, it’s not like that all the time.” She huffed, sounding slightly offended. “Not
all
men are the same, Dr. Aknaten. I just need to know how to improve this, you know?
You’re kinda making him sound bad.”

“…You can’t be serious. Are you for real?!” Saint cracked up laughing. “This must
be a hidden camera show.” He looked around the room then turned back to the microphone.
“I’m making your man sound bad?” He pointed at his chest, a bit astonished at the
accusation. “I did
nothing
but repeat what you told me he was doing! I didn’t embellish, add to the story, take
away or instigate. I relayed the facts of what
you
shared.”

“Is it because he’s a black man?” She slid it in there so slyly, as if she was running
to third base…

Shade…

Saint looked at the switchboard for what felt like an eternity. He ran his palm along
his chest, then slapped the table as his stomach rolled with bubbles of humor.

“Now how the
fuck
would I know the man in question was black, Terri?! If you believe that I can’t give
unbiased answers, and that I have some secret agenda, why would you even pay me the
time of day, huh?! When it comes to fucking around, goddamn it, the color of the dick
doesn’t mean
shit
! If he was white, Asian, Latino, I’d still say the same goddamn thing! Black men
aren’t the only ones who cheat ’nd fuck around! You think I’m such an imbecile and
don’t know this?! You are now making
me
the focus, because you can’t handle the damn truth!”

Aubrey shot him a look, her face full of concern, but she didn’t dare interrupt.

“You have issues with black men and everybody knows it! I had to—”

“Be quiet. I have something else to say to you.” He pointed at the microphone, his
body heating with dormant frustration now being released onto the woman. “Look…Terri,
since you know so damn much about me and
my
kind, about men in general, why in the hell did you call this show? No, don’t even
bother answering.” Saint laughed cheerlessly. “I tell you what, when you’ve had enough,
you give me a call back, okay? After you hang up, imagine that mothafucka’s dick in
another woman’s pussy, okay? Because that is the reality of your messed up situation.
After you get finished trying to psychoanalyze me and telling me what I’m about and
what issues you presume I have, you call
that
mothafucka on his cell phone and see if he answers! He won’t! Because he is too busy
fucking
someone else while his silly girlfriend calls into a radio show defending his sorry
ass! When you’re sick and tired of being treated like the
side
chick, like the damn rusty ass mistress, and dealing with a man that doesn’t give
a shit about you, you let me know, okay?”

“I called you to get your advice!” The woman’s voice trembled as she blurted into
her phone after being taken off mute.

“No, you didn’t. You called me so that I would give you pointers on how to keep this
low life, low grade, low vibration mothafucka a bit longer, string out this train
wreck you call a love affair. How to throw a Band-Aid on your cancerous relationship…
Ain’t
shit
you can do to make this man treat you right! You could have the tightest, wettest
pussy this side of the damn equator. You could be willing to suck him dry at the drop
of a damn hat, take it in the back door like a champ and let him toss you around the
bedroom like a mothafuckin’ bean bag. You could have the face of a super model and
the body shape of a glass coke bottle from 1962, be built like a damn brick house,
stacked like money in a rap video, and he’d
still
fuck around on you…and do you know why? Because he
can
!

“You fu—” Aubrey’s eyes grew big as she slammed her finger on the button, putting
the caller on mute and hold.

“But no.” He laughed loudly, continuing on. “You want to tell me this mothafucka ain’t
‘all bad’, and would I have told you the same if he weren’t black, like I give a damn
what race he is, like I
knew
that shit…like I can see that mothafucka through the goddamn radio waves! What kinda
silly ass, high school bullfuckery is this?!
You
are the one that called
here
, and asked to speak to
me
.” He pointed to his chest, his brows dipped. “
You
were the one that asked me why men cheat. I’ll tell you why men cheat, Terri: because
they of the insecure people around them, gluttons for abuse! In other words, silly
ass women like
you
! And this goes out to
all
you ridiculous ass broads that wanna sit around whining about that mothafucka in
your house not doing you right, but year after mothafuckin’ year, and baby after mothafuckin’
baby, you keep his ass around and having his kids even though he has not placed even
a magazine
picture
of a damn ring in your vicinity! He hasn’t said one thing to you and lived up to
his damn promise and you
still
stick around!

“You keep laying down, standing up, pushed against the wall, whatever the fuck you’re
doing, getting knocked up by losers and then blamin’ that mothafucka for being a shitty
son of a bitch, like this is new mothafuckin’ information! This ignorant ass shit!
Get your shit tight! Get it together! Damn!” He pointed to his temple. “Your mind
is weak, Terri! Your
soul
is weak now too! It doesn’t even want to be tied to you anymore. It wishes it belonged
to someone else goddamn it because you’re abusing the Goddess within! She wants to
be free of your dumb ass bullshit!”

Aubrey reached over and touched his arm to try to reel him in, but Saint snatched
it away.

“No, I’m not done! This shit is personal to me, okay?” He stabbed his chest with his
finger. “I have a daughter, a precious little girl who is going to grow into a woman
and be out in the world and over my damn body will she think this sort of scenario
is okay! We’ve got to raise our daughters, men! Fo’ all you guys listening to this
call, I want you to pay close fucking attention! You hear this shit Terri is talking
about? Where the
fuck
is Terri’s goddamn daddy, huh?! She is turning men into her damn Daddy, that’s where
the fuck he is! I already know your whole story, woman! You didn’t have a father and
if you did, he wasn’t
shit!
It is the story of so many women who are spiritually flat as doormats, and treated
even lesser than. You are tired of being walked on? Rise the fuck up! No one walks
on the goddamn sky! Elevate yourself, woman! You
allow
men to cheat by taking our shit, by not setting the bar higher.” He put his arm in
the air. “If you aren’t in an open relationship, and a man is fucking other women,
that’s
cheating
and it means he doesn’t give two shits about you or your damn feelings. He knows
he can come home whenever the
fuck
he wants, hump you for thirty seconds and talk shit because you
let
him get away with it! He told your ass the truth when he answered where the fuck
he was! He told you
exactly
what he thinks of you, and he thinks you’re stupid and weak! That’s
why
the fuck men cheat, Traci! That’s fucking why!”

Aubrey broke in, stumbling over her words, but Saint cut her short.

“I’m almost done… We cheat because we are wired to procreate and to run around impregnating
women. Don’t like it? Take it up with nature. Here is where you see the difference
between boys and men though, Terri. We have to fight that, and be righteous, be divine,
because we do not
ascend
to a higher spiritual level if we simply allow that to take place.” He placed his
hands in the air, as if on scales. “Seed is essence, it is precious, but only a spiritually
attuned person would understand this. He is following his primitive nature because
he is a bottom tier son of a bitch. He is a
basic
mothafucka and he has a
basic
woman by his sorry ass side!”

Aubrey took the woman off hold and they were immediately blasted by her screeching
voice.

“I don’t like how the hell you’re talking to me! You are a disrespectful, rude, mean
son of a bitch!”

Saint rolled his eyes. “Go yell at
that
man, Terri! I bet he hasn’t even heard you raise your damn voice with you too afraid
to rock the boat, but you got brass balls when it comes to a man like me, right? Someone
on the radio… You have all the gumption in the damn world! Go use that where it counts!”

“Dr. Aknaten, you self hating, arrogant bastard. Go to hell!”

“Put her ass on mute again, but don’t hang up,” Saint whispered, his finger pointed
to the button. Aubrey did as requested.

“I’ve been to hell and saw women like you there partying it up at ‘Club Ignorance’…
Now, I’ve grown really tired of you, but if I bring this home, I just may help someone
else who is open to hearing what I have to say. So, be quiet and listen, you just
may learn something, Terri. Oh, and I don’t hate myself, sweetie… I’m too damn beautiful
for that, baby! If I could marry myself, I fuckin’ would, believe that!” He smirked.
“Now, back to you.” He cleared his throat and leaned in close to the microphone. “I’m
glad you’re mad. It’s about damn time! My job here is done.” He cackled. “I suggest
you take all this anger you have now towards
me
, and use it to boost your valley-ditched self-esteem. That, my dear, is your assignment.
The way you just yelled at me—yell at
him
and while you are doing it, pack his shit!

“You want to know what I meant by basic, baby?” He sneered. “You are the
base
model, the one without all the bells and whistles, and he knows it. You don’t ask
for much because you don’t really think you deserve better. The first question out
of your mouth, was, ‘Why do men cheat?’ instead of, ‘How can I get out of this situation
and love myself again?’ That is what the
fuck
you should have been asking me!” He jabbed his finger into his chest. “Right now,
you are too afraid of being alone.” Saint threw up his hands. “So, there is nothing
I can do for you, sweetheart. Now, Aubrey, do me a favor, baby.” He grinned and winked
at her.