Salvaged (40 page)

"We are in high school, Charlie, and I guess we won't be exclusive if you don't wanna be, but I only wanna be with you. I want you
to be my girlfriend. I want everyone to know that there isn't anyone
else that I wanna be with.

"I wasn't lying when I said that I believe I've loved you your
entire life. When I look back over our lives together, it's totally obvious. You're important to me, you always have been, and I'm not
interested in letting you go."

She brought her thumb to her mouth and started chewing on
her nail.

"Why don't you tell me what's really going on?"

"I just did."

"You told me some of it, but I think you're still keeping something hidden."

"Not intentionally."

"Why are you so hesitant to believe that could I love you?"

Tears poured down her face.

"Talk to me, Charlie; what's going on inside that head of
yours?"

"I just don't see myself as someone that's loveable."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Trust me, when I say it out loud I realize how
ridiculous it sounds, but it's how I feel and I don't know why. It's not
like I grew up in a house that lacked love or anything. My parents
loved me completely and unconditionally, until ...I don't know. I
don't know why it's so hard for me; I just know it is."

"Charlie, you're loved like crazy, do you realize that? Gramps,
my mom and dad, our friends, Joshua and Nicole, me, your dad-"

She gave a doubtful huff. "I don't know about that last one."

"He loves you. He'll be here next week, and you two can get
back to working on your relationship. I'm sure he's healed a lot since
you left."

She was nodding as I spoke, but I don't think she believed me.
He loves you, Charlie."

"I wish I could believe that as much as you do."

"Look, if it'll make you feel better, I won't speak for anyone else,
I'll just speak for myself. I'm not giving up on us because you can't
accept how I feel about you. I'll let my actions speak for themselves,
and eventually you'll come around-I know you will. I'm not letting
you go.

"I don't want you to let me go, not if you don't want to."

"I don't want to." My body finally relaxed. "I won't. I won't let
you go.

"I don't want to be with anyone else either, Riley."

"Thank God," I whispered as I sat down on the floor and looked
up at her. "So you'll officially be my girlfriend then? When I ask you
and once you've moved out, I mean."

"Of course," she said, crawling into my lap.

It felt good to hold her again.

"Charlie?"

"Hmm?"

"You know that I can't sleep beside you anymore, right?"

She shook her head. "I've realized that."

"We're on a whole `nother level now, and I don't wanna subject
myself to that kind of torture."

"You aren't the only one." She laughed. "If I had my way, we'd be
continuing what we started outside."

I grinned. "It won't be long and I'll be able to kiss you again."

"Maybe I can talk my dad into moving here a few days earlier."

"I wish!"

I sat with Attie until she fell asleep and then went to go to sleep in
my own bed for the first time since she moved into our home.

She had a small nightmare, but I was able to help her get back
to sleep within just a few minutes, and I returned to my room, where
I tossed and turned most of the night.

The last time I looked at the clock it was 4:07 a.m.

(Attie)

I opened my eyes and realized that I was lying in a hospital bed.
Placing my hands on my face, I found tubes going into my nose, and
when I looked down I saw an IV in the top of my hand.

"Hello?" I tried to speak, but my voice didn't work. I realized
that there was a tube down my throat.

"Hello," I screamed inside my head. "Is anyone there?"

There was nobody else in the room. I was alone.

"Dad," I tried to yell, "where are you?"

I was frantic.

"Attie," a gentle voice spoke. "You're safe; I'm here."

"Jesus?" I would recognize his voice anywhere.

"Look at me, Attie," he commanded.

I focused my eyes and found him. We were back in the black vastness standing on steppingstones, and he wore a large grin on his face.

"Turn around, Attie."

I obeyed. Turning, I saw several steppingstones behind me.

"Look how well you've done on our journey so far. Every time I
took a step, you were right behind me. Faithfully behind me."

I turned back to him. "It was painful, but it feels good now."

"Good." He smiled. "Attie, it's time for you to take another step."

"Okay."

I waited for him to move onto the stone in front of him so that
I could step onto the one he currently occupied.

"No, Attie, this time I'm going to share this step with you."

I shrugged and stepped to join him.

He held out his arms, making room for me. It was a tight
squeeze; we both barely fit on the stone. He wrapped his arms firmly
around me.

"Attie, this step will be different than the others, but I want you
to remember that I'm on this step with you and my arms are holding
you tightly to me. You're safe, and you'll be okay."

"I'm scared."

He held me tighter. "I'm here, Attie; you're not alone."

I woke to shouting.

Jumping out of bed, I ran to the stairs and found Riley standing
on the top step.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"I'm not sure," he said, concerned. "I've never heard Dad yell
like that."

As he slammed the phone down, Pops noticed us watching him.
"Why don't you kids get dressed and meet me in the kitchen. Wait,
Attiline, what happened to your face?"

"Uh, I fell into a thorn bush. It looks worse than it is." I hated
lying to him.

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yes, sir."

"All right, well get dressed and meet me in the kitchen."

"Do you think Tiffany ratted on us?" I whispered as we walked
back to our rooms.

"I don't know, maybe. But just in case, let me handle it okay?
We were gonna have this talk anyway, so I was already prepared.
It'll be fine."

I nodded my head.

"It's gonna be all right." He kissed my nose and then smirked at
me. "I can handle him."

We quickly got dressed and then met back on the landing before
making our way downstairs. He held my hand until his dad could have seen us and then gently brought my hand to his face and kissed
the inside of my wrist before letting me go.

Riley was a few steps in front of me as we walked into the kitchen.

"Have a seat," Pops instructed quietly.

I looked over at Marine; she was standing at the sink talking on
the phone. After finishing her conversation, she hung up the phone
and remained standing at the sink staring blankly out the window.

Riley grabbed my hand under the table. "Dad," he began.

His father cut him off. "Son, you need to sit there and be quiet
for a minute."

As Pops turned to face me, I noticed that his hands were trembling. Riley must have noticed as well because he squeezed my hand
under the table.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Attiline... " His voice shook, which caused my heart to race.
"Attiline, your dad called this morning."

"He did? I wish you would have woken me up. I would have
loved to talk to him."

"I know you would have."

"Did he call to talk to me?"

"I don't think so."

"He took the time to call but didn't want to talk to me?"

"Attiline ... he wanted me to let you know that he won't be here
next week after all."

"Oh, okay. Well, when's he coming?"

"He isn't." His voice cracked. "He's not coming."

"What do you mean he's not coming?"

"He's not coming to Oklahoma," he clarified.

"So I'm moving back to New York?" I looked over at Riley. His
mouth hung open, and his eyes were wide. "I don't want to move
back to New York. I want to stay here."

"No," Pops answered. I looked back at him. He looked as if he
were in physical pain. "You're not going back to New York."

"Wait, I'm confused. He's not coming here and I'm not going
there? What are we doing?"

I heard Marme begin to cry. Looking over at her and seeing her
in a stage of complete grief, reality hit, and it was as if a mountain
had caved in over me.

My body shook as I remembered the words of Jesus two days
before.

"Are you going to forgive your dad for shipping you off to Oklahoma so he wouldn't have to see your face? The face that reminds
him of your mother."

Tears filled my eyes. "He's not coming here and he doesn't want
me there?"

Riley squeezed my hand more firmly.

Pops shook his head.

"But the house, we're supposed to close on the house next week."

"He never bought the house. He wasn't honest with you."

My body went numb. "He never actually planned on coming?
He knew all along that he was sending me here and he would never
be coming?"

"Correct."

I panicked. "Did Gramps know? Did you know? Riley?"

"No, we're just as shocked as you. Your Gramps is devastated
and very angry with his son. Riley and I had no idea."

"He's throwing me out."

"He's not ready. He says it's too painful for him to see you right
now.

"Why did he tell you and not me?"

"I don't think he could bring himself to tell you himself."

I sat in silence. Feeling lightheaded, I tried to stabilize myself by
searching the room for something to focus on. My eyes rested on an
apple that sat on the counter.

"I'm so sorry, Attiline."

"He doesn't want me." The apple began to look fuzzy.

"He loves you; he just can't do it right now."

"He's my dad; what do you mean he can't do it right now?
That's what dads do, they're supposed to do it, and they're supposed to be there."

"I know. I can't defend him; I can't."

Riley laid his head onto the table, and I sat stunned. We sat in
silence for several minutes.

I couldn't move. The accident had ripped my entire family away
from me. Even the person who didn't die was now gone.

"So I'm alone then."

Riley sat up and leaned toward me. "You're not alone."

"No, you're not alone," Pops said softly. "We're here. We're all
here for you."

"What am I going to do? Where am I going to live? He's just
leaving me here to fend for myself."

"You'll live with us, of course," Pops answered. "We're your family too, and we want you. We want you here with us."

Baby caught my attention as she scurried through the kitchen.
She'd been trash, deemed worthless and thrown out, just like me.
We'd been unwanted and thrown out like garbage.

"He's throwing me out like trash," I screamed.

"No, Attiline, he's not. He's hurting. He doesn't realize what he's
doing." Pops tried to explain, but there was nothing he could say to
excuse my father. There was nothing that could justify him throwing
me away.