Salvation (9 page)

I tried to stay there, but my body was swaying and I was almost passing out. I couldn't believe
that he had come back, that I was being rescued. Then I wondered if this was another hallucination and I had finally gone insane.

When m
y body started shaking again, I knew exactly what it was.

"Simmons!" The captain shouted in my face. "Open your eyes!"

I tried to focus but my eyes kept rolling back in my head and my entire body began shaking with the effort.

"No, no, no, dammit! Stay with me!"
I heard him calling me from far away. I knew that I was rocking back and forth and mumbling incoherently, but I couldn't make my body respond in any way to my mental commands.

"I-I'm s-s-s-sorry,
Cap'n. I-I'm s-s-such a-a p-p-pain in the...." I felt myself pitch forward into his lap and felt a burning pain in my chest as the open wounds hit his legs, then finally, blissfully, everything went black.

I woke up
to the smiling eyes of the medic once more.

"Another
déjà vu," I muttered.

"Hmm?" He asked, picking up a small light and shining it in my eyes. I followed his finger back and forth until he nodded, satisfied.

I didn't repeat myself, but sat there watching the medic clean his tools and wondering what would happen to me now.

I must have drifted off again, because the next time I woke it was to the footsteps of the captain walking in. He didn't waste time, but walked over and looked at me closely.

"How are you feeling?"

I took a quick inventory. "Not much the worse for wear, sir."

He expelled a breath softly, and I could tell he was relieved. "Well, you got to use some of our remaining medical supplies to fix you up. Aren't you glad I saved them?"

I started to smile, but then a
ll at once I remembered what had happened, and I grabbed his arm. "Please, sir,” I begged. “Don't make me go again. This ship is the only home I know." I really wished that I was braver, but I started trembling again.

I felt the muscles bunch in his forearm as his fist clenched. "Why didn't you tell me the truth?"

I kept looking down at his fist, not wanting to meet his eyes. "I was afraid that you would send me away." Unable to help myself, I added, "But you did that, anyway."

"Look at me," he commanded, and my eyes shot up. "
Do you really think I'm the type of person to send a young girl with no protection out on her own?"

He paused, and when I shook my head, he continued. "I would have figured out something to do with you, a way to keep you safe."

I knew I would probably regret it, but I spoke out again. "You would have kept me safe by sending me away. I wanted to stay with you on the ship...even if it meant I had to be a boy." My words trailed off and I was already embarrassed that I'd admitted my feelings.

He put his hand on my shoulder
. "Look, Simmons, I need you to understand something. I sent you away because I thought you were a young boy. It was becoming obvious that you were developing some fairly strong feelings for me. Even worse, I was starting to have feelings for you. I wanted to make sure that you had the chance to meet other people your own age, and people of the opposite sex."

The pressure of not knowing what he was going to do with me was making my head hurt. "I guess you must've been
pretty angry then, when you found out I was a girl."

He snorted. "
That's an understatement. Jeremiah is going to be knocking a few dents out of the walls in my office." He softened his gruff words with a grin.

"
Are you still angry with me, sir? Are you going to send me away?" My questions were hesitant, but as afraid as I was of hearing the answer, I needed to know what he planned.

H
e shook his head slowly. "After the worst of my rage had been spent, I started thinking about the first time I saw you. You had spirit, but I could see that you were painfully thin and barely making it on your own. I didn't know what would happen to you if I didn't take you on board, but I could guess. That's why I hired you."

I was shocked at his
revelation. Seeing our first meeting from his perspective was making me realize there was a whole other side to him that I hadn't known about.

I realized the captain was watching me closely. When I looked up at him again, he went on, "
I think, if I'd been having as hard a time as you were, I probably would have done anything to change my fate. That's what you did, taking your future into your own two hands, and I just can't be angry about it, Simmons."

Tears began to form in my eyes, and I quickly blinked them away. For the first time, I felt that he saw me; that he understood why I'd done what I had in order to survive.

The captain chuckled suddenly. "I can't keep calling you Simmons. What is your real name?"

"Samantha," I replied
shyly.

"
And how old are you, really?"

"I just turned twenty-two standard years, sir."

His eyes rolled upward. "Thank god." He spoke the words fervently, and then, completely unexpectedly, he cupped my face in his warm palms and crushed my lips with his. I sat still in shock for a moment, then came to my senses and wrapped my arms around his neck, living every fantasy I'd had for the last year in the space of a few moments.

He tried to pull back several times, but I just kept holding on to him tightly. I didn't want to let him go. He laughed and kissed me again thoroughly each time.

"I'm
so sorry I didn't tell you, sir," I finally whispered, my fingers clutching his shirt. "I wanted to, but I was so afraid."

"It's all right
." He hugged me close. Then he barked out his characteristic laugh which I'd thought I'd never hear again. "Truthfully, I'm just so glad that you're a fully grown woman that I could kiss you all day."

We both laughed
, and for a moment it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

"Well, Samantha, I still have a job to do
as it's only lunch time, but I'll be back this evening."

"I'll see you then, sir," I forc
ed myself to let go of him.

He barked out a laugh. "You're going to have to stop calling me 'sir'
when we're alone. My name is Thad."

"Yes, sir," I replied
instantly out of habit, and then we both laughed again.

The door closed behind him, but this time, I didn't feel the sense of loss that I always did when he left. I
nstead, I felt a sense of hope.

I
was allowed to go back to my former room a few hours later. Although they had used the healing accelerators on me liberally, my body was still quite sore. I took a nap, and woke up just before dinner, walking over to examine myself in the washroom mirror. Long, thin lines ran across my back and front where Angorak had whipped me, and there were circular scars on my shoulders and lower back where I had been clawed.

Surprisingly, I wasn't upset about the scars marring my appearance. I was actually kind of proud of them. They signified sit
uations where I could have died. I could have lost myself or given up, but I survived. I smiled at myself in the mirror. The talk with the captain that afternoon had helped me to have renewed confidence in my own ability to survive.

The captain, Thad, cam
e to my room with dinner for two. There was a strange awkwardness between us now which hadn't been there when I was 'Simmons'. I liked it; the flutters of awareness I felt when I knew that he was seeing me as a woman. He didn't keep as much space between us now, his arm brushed me as he was putting down the trays and I could feel the hard muscle beneath his shirt.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" I asked hopefully when we were finished eating.

"Sure, just let me get rid of these dishes and I'll be back shortly."

I was so excited that I hopped up to get the viewer as he was stacking the dishes
, wincing as my body reminded me that it was still recovering. He laughed at my antics, but I could tell he was also in a lighthearted mood.

When he returned, we sat down on the couch. I sat too close, as usual, but this time instead of looking uncomfortable, he casually put his arm around my shoulders. I looked up at him, and he looked down at me at the same time. When our gazes met, he looked at my mouth. I swallowed hard and felt myself turning red. I had no idea what I was doing.

"You'd better pay attention to the movie or you won't be watching it at all," he teased softly.

"I don't really mind." I shrugged, trying to not to sound too eager.

His eyes became more intense. "Are you sure?"

I nodded, unable to speak.

"Then come here," he said, pulling me onto his lap when I got to him. He ran his hand through my short hair, pushing it back from my face. "I've been wanting to do this all night." He leaned down and brushed my lips with his.

I eagerly kissed him back, and when his hand caressed my jaw, I reflexively opened my
mouth and let him inside. He groaned and his tongue drew soft strokes along mine. It was hot and sweet and everything I dreamed it would be.

I felt like I had wanted him for
ever. When he drew back, breathing hard, I followed him, brushing my lips back and forth over his. The position was awkward, so I straddled his thighs to give me better leverage. When I brushed against his hardness an unexpected thrill went through me. He fisted both hands in my hair and brought my lips to his, kissing me with an urgency that I felt in return.

Experimentally, I brushed against him again,
feeling the urgency increase. He groaned and his hands moved to my hips. When he moved me against him harder, I gasped. He took my mouth with his and made small rocking motions beneath me. I didn't even realize I was whimpering until he stopped for a moment and sat forward slightly, pushing himself harder against me.

He brought my hands to the bottom of his shirt, which I eagerly took and pulled off, exposing the hard lines of his body. I wanted to touch him everywhere. I leaned forward and kissed his mouth, the hard planes of his cheeks, then bent down to kiss his neck
and shoulders. I ran my fingers up and down his stomach, feeling the muscles tense as I touched them.

When I moved my fingers to the button at his waist, he grabbed my hands. "Not yet," he said huskily.

"Why not?" I asked. My voice sounded impatient, breathless.

"Because this will be over before it's begun." Seeing the confusion on my face, he chuckled. "Just trust me. We'll get there soon enough."

He pulled me back to his mouth, and then subjected me to the same treatment that I had given him. He placed small kisses on my face, my ears, my neck, and as he moved downward his hands went to the buttons on my shirt. He began slowly undoing the buttons, his lips following to place kisses down the center of my chest. I wasn't wearing the bindings any longer, but didn't have any underclothes either. I shuddered as he touched my bare skin, feeling hot and shivery at the same time.

When he had undone the last button, he leaned back on the sofa once more and used the two halves of the shirt to pull me back to him. I half
fell into him, bracing myself with my arms on the back of the sofa. His tongue was gentle, seductive, and I felt his hands move over the outsides of the shirt. He rubbed my nipples through the fabric and I gasped into his mouth. I could feel my arms trembling as he rubbed the cotton over the sensitive tips with his thumbs. His caresses were soft and sweet, and his kisses were gentle as he tickled my tongue the same way his fingers were tickling my breasts.

Graduall
y, his kisses grew stronger. His hands moved inside my shirt to my back and made long, slow strokes up over my shoulder blades and down my spine. I squirmed when he moved them up my sides, and down the sensitive insides of my arms. I shivered and shuddered, the combination of tickling and pleasure at the feeling of his warm hands on my naked skin under my shirt making my whole body sensitive.

Finally, he pushed me back slightly, bracing me with one arm around my back and moving one hand to my stomach. He looked at me, his lips wet and his eyes half-closed. I could see the hunger there, and knew that I must look the same. Parting the shirt, he ran his hand up my stomach to my breast and, when he reached it, cupped it and took the nipple in his mouth. I
gasped and closed my eyes when his lips closed over it, and my entire being focused on the pleasure of his lips. His tongue rubbed over the tiny point, and then he kissed his way over to the other breast, moving the fabric at the last second.

The pleasure seemed greater because I was expecting it, and I cried out and arched against him as he sucked gently.
I was squirming on his lap, searching for what exactly I wasn't sure, but knowing that I had to have it.

"Is it time yet
?" I gasped, fisting my hands in his hair.

"Almost," he whispered against my breast, but from his tone of voice, I knew he was teasing me.

He lifted me off his lap and I stood there on trembling legs. His hands moved to the button of my pants and then he was sliding them down, leaving my underwear on. I hastily moved my hands to his pants, unhooking the button.

"Careful," he barked a short laugh as I tried to unzip them over the hardness beneath. "Let me help you with that."

I felt my face flush, but then all thought left my mind because as his pants went down, his shaft sprang free and it was literally right in front of me. Without thinking, I moved my hands to it, and when I touched it, it jumped. Startled, I touched it again, taking a firmer hold. I looked up at his face, and he was looking down at me with such intensity that I felt nervous.

"Am I doing this right? What should I do?" I asked, rubbing my fingers down the sides.

"You're doing fine, just do whatever you want," he said, his voice strained. "But maybe we should go to the bed so that I don't fall over."

At that moment our eyes met, and I felt happiness bubble up inside of me. I knew that he was feeling
the same way I was, and it was just as magical for both of us. I entwined my fingers with his and we made our way over to the bed.

I lay down and he l
aid sprawled half on top of me, taking my mouth. His hands roamed freely, running smoothly over me to cup my breasts, my hips, and bring my body to his. He finally cupped my center, and I took in a breath as he found my point of greatest pleasure, using his thumb to rub the cotton over me gently.

I arc
hed against his fingers, trying to get closer, my legs moving restlessly. Finally, he stopped and pulled my panties slowly down my legs. As he settled over me, I reached up to kiss him again, and taking my mouth, he prodded my entrance.

As
he began to sink into me I felt uncomfortably stretched, and he slowly pulled out and entered again. This time he went farther and I winced, feeling a sharp pain, digging my fingers into his shoulders. He paused for a moment, touching his forehead to mine.

"The pain will pass
." His gruff voice held a note of tenderness. "I went slowly because I wasn't sure."

I couldn't speak, so I nodded, trying to wiggle slightly to adjust to the feeling.

After a few more seconds, he took my mouth and kissed me slowly and tenderly, his tongue seeking entrance inside. At the same time, he started a slight rocking motion with his hips, then he moved his lips to my ear and down to suckle my neck.

I could feel my body squeezing around him. Slowly his strokes got longer, and the pleasure within me grew.
Arcs of fire began to shoot through me from his lips down to where I was impaled on his hardness. He moved one hand down my body, and began to move me with him.

W
hen he moved his lips to my breast, I cried out and I could feel my body clench in response. He groaned and moved his hand around to touch my center, rubbing it softly with his thumb in time with his motions.

I was whimpering now, grabbing on to his shoulders desperately, reaching for a peak I had only heard about but never experienced for myself. Finally, it overtook me, and I heard myself crying out, my whole body shuddering and my muscles clenching around him. He groaned, and with a few more thrusts he was shuddering on top of me as well.

He sank down on top of me and pressed our foreheads together. Then he rolled us to the side, keeping himself buried inside me and my leg wrapped around his waist.

I felt
contented and sweaty, elated and exhausted at the same time. I was blissfully complete. And after years of running and hiding, and then a year pretending to be someone I wasn't, I was finally me. And I finally knew how it felt to be a woman.

"Is it always like this?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Not always," he said, his arms tightening around me. He was silent for a few more minutes. "You know," he said thoughtfully, "I had guessed it was your first time, but I wasn't sure."

"Why not?" I asked curiously.

"You didn't show any fear." He gave a half shrug.

"I guess I should have been," I mused. "But although I didn't know anything about sex, I didn't really need to."

He looked bemused. "Why not?"

"Because I knew about you." He still looked bemused, so I continued. "Sir
...Thad...you've probably saved my life three times now. Every time I've been in agony, you've been the one to stop the pain. I know your gentleness, so I wasn't afraid of you hurting me. I want to experience everything I can with you."

He was looking at me with his mouth open.
He must not have realized it, because a few seconds later he shut it with a clack. Then he grinned.

"So I guess you're saying I'm your hero." He looked at me, raising his eyebrows.

"Don't get cocky," I quipped. But truthfully, I don't think he could even understand the extent that his words rang true. So, I slowly shook my head into his shoulder and admitted the truth. "Uh-uh, captain. You're not my hero. You're my salvation."