Savage Conquest (57 page)

She sank to her knees and cried. When the tender
word "Tamaha" was spoken, she did not know it was
real. Her heart was aching; her world seemed to be
ending. "Why did you betray me? I can't live without
you," she sobbed raggedly into her palms.

Two strong hands imprisoned her head and lifted
it, and ebony eyes gazed into her tormented expression. "Do not weep, Tamaha. Your words are untrue.
I told you it could not be between us. Why do you
come here to torment us this way? Return home with
your family."

"You've been hiding?" she asked angrily as the
stunning reality settled into her warring mind. He
had come to protect Sun Cloud, but he was not going
to tell her good-byl Did she mean nothing to him?

"I thought it best if we did not see each other again.
You must go, Tamaha. I did not lie. I told you it was
impossible," he stated sadly.

"You did liel Your lips said no, but your eyes said
yes. Your. words said it could not be, but your heart
shouted yes each time we touched! I thought you
loved me, but I was a fool. I don't need your pity! Go
back to your wars and hatred! Make love to your
pride and coupsl just leave me alone. You were
right-is that what you want to hear? Will it soothe
your conscience? End all guilt? I did chase you like a
she-dog; isn't that what you called me? I pursued you
because I loved you. Because I thought you loved me
too. What a fool I am not to have realized what you've
been telling me all along; you don't love me or want
me. The least you can do, great warrior, is tell the truth. You owe me an explanation. Say it, Blazing
Start Tell me you don't love me and free me from
these golden dreams which you helped create."

Her anguish pierced his soul like sharp lances.
How could he end it without pain? "I did not mean
to hurt you, Tamaha. I tried to speak in truth to you.
I said our life-circles could not join," he reminded
her gently.

"But you did hurt me. Was I supposed to believe
your words when your loving touch proved them
false? How could I have been so wrong about you,
Blazing Star? I promised I would go, but for once, tell
me the truth. Is it difficult to say you don't love me?"

"I cannot, Tamaha. It would be a lie," he informed
her bluntly. "You promised to go, but you have not.
Why did you come again? Must you cut my heart
with the knifing words of farewell?"

"I don't understand your game, Blazing Star. If
you loved me, you would not treat me this way. Love
isn't selfish or cruel. If you loved me, nothing and no
one could keep us apart." She stood up and turned to
leave. "If I could not have your love, why did you
tempt me with it each time we met? If you loved me,
how could you take all I had to give, then force me to
leave with nothing left? If you wished to protect my
life, then why have you destroyed it? How can you be
the center of my life-circle, then claim it is not ..."

She could not finish. She just started walking
slowly along the stream bank. Finally she stopped
and sat down, propping her chin on a large rock.
"No, Blazing Star, you are wrong. Love is not cruel. Love does not punish or destroy. Love isn't sad or
painful. Love doesn't betray or desert. Not when it's
shared. Not when it's real. No, my deceitful warrior,
you do not love me. But I love you with all my
being."

"Have you learned nothing here? Do you refuse to
see the hatred and dangers around you, refuse to see
why we must part? You wish the truth, Tamaha?
Then I will tell you, and it will hurt. But it will
change nothing. I will make you leave," he declared
stubbornly.

He sat down beside her, fusing his gaze to hers.
"You are white, Miranda; I am Oglala. I am Indian,"
he began.

"I am half Oglala, half Indian," she corrected him,
noticing which name he was calling her. But
something in his tone and expression compelled her
to listen, to delve deeper into his meaning.

"You were born white and raised white. You
cannot change," he replied. "Even so, it is too late to
become Indian. We are at war."

"I am not your enemy, Blazing Star, nor any
Indian's. Must I be viewed as one because my father is
white?" she implored him. "Must you punish me for
what I cannot change? Must you reject me?"

"If you become more Indian than white, you are
your own worst enemy, Miranda." He observed her
increasing confusion. He tried to explain. "White
and Indian are at war, a war for the destruction of one
side. You are half of each. What happens when one
side fiercely battles the other? Or your heart wars against your mind? To become Oglala, you must
become all Indian in thought and action. Ask
Morning Star about such a life between two separate
people. Ask Morning Star of the pain of such a
choice," he challenged gravely. "Ask how her Indian
blood felt when she learned her brother and mother
were slain by her husband's kind? Ask how she felt
knowing whites were slain in retaliation? Ask how
she feels when she knows she can never return here,
for she has chosen the white world. If you chose my
world and love, you could never return to your
father's kind. If your white friends come to slay us, I
will battle them. How can you endure this?"

"The war must end someday, Blazing Star," she
asserted.

"It will not, Tamaha. It will not until all Indians
are wiped out or conquered. The whites and
bluecoats will not allow it," he refuted.

"But Reis will help, Blazing Star," she argued
hopefully.

"What is one drop of rain upon such a roaring
fire?" He caressed her cheek as he entreated, "What of
your white friends and family? What of their deaths
at Indian hands during this endless war? What of
losing all you have and have ever known to become
Oglala? To choose me and the Oglalas, you must do
such things, for we have vowed to battle to the death
against the white man's evil and greed. You speak of
knowing such troubles; you speak of understanding
such a choice. But you do not, Tamaha. When you
realize what you have done, what you have lost, it will be too late. You have not seen torture and
slaughter. You have not witnessed the draining of
pride and strength. We are weary of the fighting and
killing, but they give us no choice. They will not
accept peace without defeat and dishonor. They
demand the surrender of our land, our freedom, our
dignity, our spirit, our way of lifel Is any peace or
survival worth such a price, Tamaha?"

Miranda gazed into midnight eyes which shone
with frustration and anger. "Can either side win?"
she asked dejectedly. "No, so why must the fighting
continue?"

"The whites started this war, Tamaha. They
invaded our lands. They spit upon us and curse us.
They take and destroy. They attack peaceful villages
under a flag of truce, under the colors of the Great
White Father. They kill all Indians, even women and
children. They call us savages, animals. But they
force us to fight this way. They make us live and
battle as the wild creatures of these lands. And the
soldiers keep coming. The more we slay, the more the
White Chief sends. But we have no warriors to take
the place of those murdered, for the white-eyes kill
the young braves and children who would follow in
our tracks. The White Chief sends more weapons,
but we are harassed and have no time to make new
weapons or trade for them. They burn villages and
supplies during the winter when such things cannot
be replaced, and many of our people freeze and starve.
And you ask me to bring you into such a life-circle?"
he scoffed bitterly.

Blazing Star's voice trembled with emotion. "They
speak of their honor; they do not understand the
word. When your grandfather goes to join the Great
Spirit, I will be last in the line of Gray Eagle. Look at
me, Tamaha. I was a great warrior; now I must flee
like a coward to save my. life so that I may fight
another sun for a peace which will never be born.
They offer truces and the fighting halts for a few
moons. But the whites always find another reason to
take more land and lives."

He sat down with his back against the rock. He
murmured tenderly. It is wrong for me to ask you to
make such a choice, such a sacrifice. It is wrong and
selfish to keep you here in danger. It is wrong to make
such a decision more painful by showing you my
love and need for you. You only see me and our love,
Tamaha. You refuse to see beyond that. If I allow you
to fall into such a powerful trap, you will suffer
greatly. I cannot permit it. You must return to your
family and forget the Oglalas. You must forget me.
You must not be caught between two warring
peoples. This is why it cannot be between us. I cannot endanger your life to have you at my side. I love
you too much to watch you suffer or die. Do not ask
such of me."

"It's too late, Blazing Star. I'm in love with you.
Since the first time we met, you've stayed in my heart
day and night. I've wanted and needed you more than
anything in my life. There's nothing you can say or
do to change those feelings. I don't care about the
dangers. I can adapt to your way of life. I will live as an Indian. Please don't ask me to leave you," she
pleaded urgently.

"I must. If you refuse, I will force you to go," he
vowed.

"You seek to run from the truth, Blazing Star, and
cowardice is not within you. Must two hearts bleed
from such unnecessary wounds? Why must our
hearts and lives be divided? Everyone must die
sometime. Isn't it better to do so together? Don't you
see it's the will of the Great Spirit for us to share a lifecircle? Surely that's why He guided my feet back to
the lands of my true people, to the warrior who now
rules my heart. With all my being, I love and desire
only you among all men of any race. What good is
safety if we're both unhappy? I cannot say good-by.
And I will depart only if you do not love me and want
me. Say it, and I will leave with my family," she dared
him desperately.

Blazing Star was fighting his most difficult
adversary-himself. Could he risk her life by keeping
her? Could he bind her to the cruel lifestyle of the
vanishing Sioux? Could she become Indian and side
against her father's people when that awesome time
arrived, as he knew it would? If he but weakened his
stand for a moment, she would remain.

As he wavered, Miranda moved closer to him on
her knees, placing her hand on his chest over his
heart, detecting its fierce drumming. Tears silently
flowed down her cheeks as she challenged, "Say I am
unworthy of your love and touch. Say you do not love
me or desire me. Say you wish another woman to share your life, your mat, your pain, your happiness.
Say you wish another woman to bear your children.
Say you can forget me and what we share. Say you
would feel no pain in your heart if you lost me
forever. Say the war between our peoples has greater
power and meaning than our love. Say these things,
Blazing Star, and I will walk away this moment.
Even if you lie, say them, and I will go. I swear it."

Blazing Star could not think clearly with her so
near. He jumped to his feet and put some distance
between them. His arm extended, he placed one hand
upon a tree and propped himself wearily against it.
He gazed into the forest, unseeing. His next words
would seal their futures. Could he lie?

Miranda came to stand behind him. She watched
and waited, her fears and anxieties mounting. His
motives were unselfish but so misguided. He was so
proud, so stubborn, so caring. If he said no, could she
keep her promise?

His voice seemed distant when he spoke. "The
white man's greed, hatred, and weapons are stronger
than love, Miranda. Their numbers and powers
sprout and grow stronger each moon; with each sun
they spread as wild grass over our lands. Ours wither
and die beneath their evil and force. I cannot deny
your words. But my love cannot protect you from
such powerful evil. If I selfishly claim your love, I
risk finding your innocent blood upon my hands.
You know my rank, Tamaha. Many soldiers are
eager for my scalp and life. What will happen if I am
slain and you are left alone in our teepee? What will happen if you bear our child, and he is slaughtered by
your whites?"

"Then come away where we can live in peace,
Blazing Star. Come and speak with our leader; make
him see and hear the wrongs our people endure. Reis
will help you. If not, we can buy land here, near our
people and sacred grounds. I have money. I have a
paper of protection from the White Chief. You say
the Sioux are not farmers. We can ranch; we can raise
horses or cattle or sheep. Or we can pay men to do it
for us. You can hunt and fish on your lands, lands
which cannot be taken from us. We can have a home
and children. We can find peace and happiness. You
say the war is futile, a lost cause. Must you die to
prove some point which will be forgotten before your
blood soaks into the ground? Isn't there pride and
honor in the wisdom of change? To begin a new life
when the old one is destroyed doesn't show weakness
or dishonor, Blazing Star. Amanda has married a
white man and weakened the bloodline of Gray
Eagle. Only in us can the Great Spirit renew its
power. Surely that is why I am here?"

Miranda moved between his stalwart body and the
sturdy tree, clasping his chiseled jawline between her
hands. "If you were right, Blazing Star, the Great
Spirit would not trouble your heart and head this
way. Open your senses to understand his wishes. He
wants you to live; He wants the line of Gray Eagle to
be reborn. Come away with me, my love; come away
until we can return here in peace. You said Reis was
only one man, a tiny drop of water. So are you, my love. Will your prowess win this war? Will your
death change anything? Soon there could be no one
to chant your coups. I need you-more than your
people. The line of Gray Eagle must continue."

"You ask a warrior to flee as a coward to save his
life, to exchange honor for love? You ask a warrior to
desert his people when they are at war? You ask a
warrior to deny all he is and has learned? You ask
a warrior to live and die in a white teepee, in white
clothes, living as a white? You ask a warrior to deny
his heritage, his duty, his honor?" he inquired sadly.