Save Me From the Dark (4 page)

Waking some time later, I groan as I roll over to pull myself up off the floor. My vision is as if I am seeing through blinders. I can’t see on either side of me. When I walk into the bathroom, I can see why. My eyes are swollen along with each side of my face. My mouth barely opens and hurts like hell as I try to move it. Reaching for a rag, I wet it and begin to clean my face the best I can.

When I finish and see the stain on my floor, I reach under the sink, pull out the cleaning products and go about cleaning the floor. Scrubbing until my arms ache, I carry the cleaners back into the bathroom. It’s as I walk out of the bathroom that I tripped over something. Looking back, I focus my eyes and see the box that caused the whole beating, that I’m damn sure isn’t over yet.

Pushing it under the bed with my foot, I climb into my bed and close my eyes. Reaching up, I turn on my favorite song by Ace Jergens. As the song starts to play, my heart begins to ache. Then my favorite part of the song came on. I sang it aloud, but quietly so I’m not heard by him.

“The moon shines through the night, to give us strength to fight through the dark. Save ourselves with the sun’s bright light. Save me, moon.”

The way Ace sings it, it’s like he knows the feeling of pain. Like he’s singing it right to me. This song brings another wave of sadness with it and tears flow down as the melody and lyrics fill me. Eventually, I fall asleep, but not for long.

“Get your ass up!”

Jerking up in the bed, I’m struggling to get my vision to hone in on what’s going on. Something hits my stomach and I lose all my breath. The urge to vomit brings me to my feet without registering what is going on. My feet are knocked out from under me. My back lands half on the bed with the rest of my body on the floor. When my eyes finally rest on what’s been hitting me, my breath stalls in my chest.

Oh God! He’s brought out the bat again.

No more did the thought cross my mind, than the bat connects with my stomach again. My stomach heaves as I curl into a ball. That doesn’t stop him. He swings the bat hitting me in the back causing me to arch out of the protective ball I’d curled myself into. Another blow to my stomach brings forth the vomit that had been lurking on the edge from the first hit.

“Oh fuck! Damn you!” He yells as he swings the bat again connecting with my back again.

The door locks only a few moments later. Pulling myself into the bathroom, I finish emptying my stomach and run a hot bath. After a few moments of sitting in the bath, the pain is down to a level I can tolerate. Wincing in pain as I move, I lift myself out of the water and slowly dress. Grabbing the cleaner again from below the sink, I walk slowly out to my bedroom. Sinking slowly to the floor, I scrub until I can’t scrub anymore, until the smell and evidence of yet another attack are no longer remaining.

Once I stand, I’m out of breath. Sitting down on the bed, I wince at the jolts of pain shooting through my back. When I place my hands behind me, I feel another box. I cry. I need to find out what’s going on before it kills me.

Moving slowly and carefully, I get down and pull out the first box. Once I see the writing on the front my heart stops.
How could he do this to me? I told him! I told him damn it!

Moving over to my desk, I turn on my monitor. Ignoring the message he’s already wrote. I type fast and I type angrily. The words a blur on the screen as the tears in my eyes build.

Bella:
How could you! How could you do that to me!

AJ:
Do what? Shouldn’t you be at school?

Bella:
I told you not to send me anything! I trusted you! I trusted you to honor me that one thing!

AJ:
I wanted you to have them. I thought they’d help you.

Bella:
Damn it! Do you have any idea what you’ve done! What you’ve just cost me!

Bella:
I’ve got to go. Don’t be surprised if you don’t hear from me for a while. If at all again.

I shut my monitor off, walk over to my bed and put the boxes under it. As I lay down on the bed, I stare up at the picture of Ace Jergens. And all I can think about is AJ, moreover his betrayal. That’s how it feels anyway. He betrayed me. When I gave him my address, it was so I could get in the limo for the concert. He promised he’d not use it to send me anything or come by. I remember his laugh and telling me it was a silly promise, but he’d do anything if it meant he got to meet me finally.

Squeezing my eyes shut as tightly as I can, I pray to be taken away from it all. I pray for it all to be over. Honestly, I am at the end of my ropes. Ten years of beatings that are getting worse as time goes on, it’s getting too much for me to focus on my plan. My only light in the storm has just let me down.
He promised he’d never let me down.
Tears spill out of my eyes as I force myself to sleep.

It is now Friday. I haven’t completed any of my homework. It is time to try to work. Maybe with all the extra beatings this week, he’d leave me alone this weekend. Praying that this will happen, I sit down gradually to work on my homework. My heart is aching with the emptiness I now feel with not talking to AJ all week.

Saturday is here before I even thought about the boxes again. Walking over to my bed, I dig them out from under it and sit down in the center. Opening one box, I find a scientific calculator. The next box has graphing paper, several notebooks, and a message.

My beautiful Bella,

Please don’t be angry for me sending you these, but I thought they’d help with your Math and writing. You have a beautiful gift with words, don’t waste it. Until we meet, I’ll dream of your heart, your voice, and especially your laugh.

Hugs,

AJ

Tears fill my eyes. It’s school supplies. The laugh almost escapes, but I manage to keep it contained in body shaking silent laughter. As soon as the laughter ends, I go to my computer and I turn on the monitor. Not being able to bring myself to read his past messages, I type a message.

Bella:
AJ? Are you there?

I wait for his reply for about an hour. When nothing comes, I type out a final message.

Bella:
I’m sorry for how I acted. When I made you make that promise, it was for a good reason and you said you understood. Yet, you still sent me not one, but two packages. When I wrote you…I wasn’t in a good place and that wasn’t fair to you. I’m sorry isn’t good enough. I’m sorry isn’t enough, but I’m sorry none the less. I understand why you aren’t responding. I’ll remember our time. My favorite song to listen to at night is called “
Save Me, Moon
” by Ace Jergens. There’s a line in one of the verses that makes me think of you.

“The warrior in the dark that fights the shadows from closing in, my warrior of the light fights away the darkness of the night. My warrior, my strength. Oh, Save me, moon.”

You were my warrior in the shadows. You will be even with you not here. You’ll always be here. Thank you for all you’ve given me. I won’t forget you.  Thank you for everything my dear, dear…moon.

Always thinking of you,

Bella

Hitting send, I turn off my computer unable to have the constant reminder of his departure. Instead of focusing on the pain that fills my every bone, I focus on my homework.

Sunday rolls around and I’m just in a sulking mood. Cleaning my room from top to bottom, I sit down at my desk drop my head to my hands. It’s harder than I thought it would be to have AJ walk out on me. Just then my phone vibrates in my desk. I quickly answer it.

“Hello?” I say quietly, sniffling.

“What’s wrong?”

“Um, nothing,” I say weakly.

“Bella, don’t lie to me. I can tell you’ve been crying. What’s wrong?”

“I can’t let you go. It hurts too much,” I sob.

“I don’t want you to let me go. So please don’t.”

We talk for a while about everything. He’s been busy and hadn’t been on the computer. He wrote several times with no response so he finally called. I’m glad he did too. Hearing his voice made this whole week so much better.

“I’ve missed you,” I say before I even think about it.

I hear his intake of breath. “I’ve missed you too. Are we still meeting in a week?”

“Yes-”

I scream dropping the phone, kicking it under my desk and out of sight. Scrambling to my feet, I stand in front of him. Watching in horror as he reaches for one of my schoolbooks, he brings it back over his shoulder and pauses for a moment. He looks at me as if he is actually feeling guilty for what he is doing to me. The moment passes and he swings the book hitting me across the face. My face hits the desk on the way down. I can feel the edge of my desk scrape my face as I slide down it to the floor.

Sobbing on the floor, he kicks me in the stomach and leaves. That is a considerably light beating considering what he’s done this past week alone. Hearing screaming, I remember my phone is still on. My head drops as I sit up. Grabbing it, I quickly speak.

“Hey I gotta run. I’m fine. See you soon.” A sob escapes and I whisper, “I hope,” before hanging up the phone.

Bella

Never in my life have I ever
wanted
to celebrate my birthday. Today is no different. Celebrating means that you are happy to be alive for another year. I’m not. My birthday only signifies one more year of survival, but really what am I surviving for. I don’t even know anymore.

My father has been in a foul mood all week. For added torture, my father has been in every night this week. Usually, I get a day or two with no beating, but not this week. Nope this week, I received eighteen hits of whatever he was doing; hitting me in the head, with his belt, kicking me, whatever he felt like doing.

Because of all this, I was unable to get on the computer to talk to AJ. Hell, I’m lucky I had time to finish my homework. I worry that maybe he thinks I walked away. The scared part of me hopes he did.

Sighing, I walk into the bathroom to look in the mirror. The left side of my face is still very bruised and swollen, but thankfully, the right side was okay. There is slight bruising there but it’s nothing a bit of foundation can’t cover. After all the years of abuse, I’ve gotten pretty good at covering them up. With parting my hair and swooping it over to the left side, I cover the part no amount of make-up can cover.

This weekend, I decide that I’m going to treat myself with staying away from home. It is going to leave me in for one hell of a beating when I get back, but I know that this will be the only way I’m able to have a semi-normal birthday. Even if that means I spend it all alone in a hotel room, it’s better than having the shit beat out of me.

Walking downstairs, I leave my note for my father letting him know that I won’t be home until Sunday afternoon sometime. When I walk outside the limo is waiting. Climbing in, I’m whisked away to the concert.

Because the concert is a few hours away, I decide not to go to school. My nerves are already stretched thin with meeting him after the concert, I can’t handle the kids at school too.

The limo slows to a stop outside the venue. My door is opened and a security guard greets me.

“My name is Gary. I’m Mr. Jergens’s head of security. I’ll be escorting you around today. How was your ride over here?”

“IsabellaBella.” I run the two names together nervously. My face flushes puce when I realize he hasn’t even asked my name.

“Unique,” he tips his head in thought. “Well, IsabellaBella…”

“Just call me Bella,” I mumble embarrassed.

“I thought as much,” he says smiling.

Though as scary as this man looks (and he looks freaking terrifying), he is rather friendly. He is muscle on muscle, with a wide chest and bald head. I have to practically break my neck to look up at him. He is like a freaking tower. The thought makes me laugh.

“What’s so funny,” he asks with a smirk on his face.

“Oh, um,” I blush. “Nothing.”

Gary talks to me as if we are old friends, asking me questions about school, friends and all that.

“I’m doing well in school, I guess.”

“Why do you guess?” He asks as if he is genuinely interested.

“I’ve worked so hard to get the grades I have, some days I just wonder if it’s really worth it,” I say shockingly.

“Well, it’s always my philosophy to have a great education behind you no matter where you end up in life. Your education is one thing that can’t be stolen.”

We stop outside the door of a trailer kind of off by itself from the others that dot around the parking lot. Gary smiles down at me, as he opens the door.

“Go on inside, Bella. Ace will be a few minutes before he gets here. Make yourself at home.”

“I highly doubt that,” I mumble.

He laughs and I flush a bright red. “Really. Pretend you live here,” he smiles. “Ace has to,” he winks.

I laugh as I climb the steps. He shuts the door behind me. Looking around, the trailer is pretty ordinary ‘guy’ decorated for such a huge celebrity. To my right, there is a sitting area. To my left, there is a small kitchen. Somehow, a table for four was sitting in the kitchen as well.

“I guess if all of them were midgets they could eat comfortably there,” I say to the empty trailer.

Just past the kitchen, there is a hallway that I can only assume leads to a bathroom and bedroom. The colors throughout were nothing to write home about. Sporting memorabilia dot the walls and shelves. I keep looking for a mess to prove a guy lives here, but there is nothing.

“Someone probably cleans up after him,” I mumble again.

“No, he keeps it up on his own.”

I scream crouching down in protective mode. After a few seconds of nothing happening, I look up into the concerned face of Gary. Making sure my hair is still over my face, I stand up laughing.

“You scared the crap out of me.”

“I’ve been known to do that, but never to that degree. Are you okay?”

“Yes, just fine. Nervous I guess.”

Finding my bearings, I walk over to the couch, sitting down. It is surprisingly very comfortable. Gary looks at me a little longer before moving to sit on one of the chairs. He rests his ankle on his knee, sets his elbows on the arms of the chair and just looks at me. I begin to feel uncomfortable under his gaze and drop my eyes to the floor.

“I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Ms. Bella. Ace is like a son to me. I’ve been watching over him from the very beginning. Just assessing you is all.”

“I’m not here to hurt him or go uber fangirl on him. I really enjoy his music. The lyrics have helped me through a lot,” I shrug, still unable to meet his eyes.

“Uber fangirl?” He asks, I can hear the smirk in his voice.

“Yeah, you know, those screaming lunatics that jump on him saying they love him or beg for him to marry them?”

“And you don’t?”

“Um, I don’t know him so my answer to both of them would be no.”

“You haven’t read about him in the papers or magazines or watched the television?” He asks stunned.

“Well, yeah,” I blush. “But that’s not
him
. That’s what his publicist says is him. The image he portrays as the mega talented singer is different from the guy behind the scenes, I’d almost bet my last dollar on it. Besides, television and papers always want to find the celebrities at their worst, so, I really don’t pay attention to them much.”

“Insightful. Then what do you pay attention to?”

“His music. The lyrics to his music are inspiring, strengthening. They give you hope and make him seem real, not the unattainable star that most celebrities are,” I blush again when I glance up and see his smirk.

“You know Bella, you’re a rare find. Many girls would come in here and want to be all over him the minute he entered the door, but my guess is he could walk in right now and you’d stay in your seat and act just as you are with me. Am I right?”

My head flies up with wide eyes. “He’s not coming in right now, is he? Oh God, I can’t do this. I’m not ready.”

“I know you were expecting to see him before and after the show, but there were some technical difficulties that he has to attend to, but you will get your time after the concert.”

I sag into the couch relief flooding through me. “Oh thank goodness,” I breathe.

Gary starts laughing, “If Ace could hear you right now, his ego would be taking a big hit.”

“I’m sorry today is just a big day for me and I’m all over the place.”

“I know, dear. It’s not every day that you get to meet
Ace Jergens,
” he ends in a faux girly voice, terribly done I might add, but it makes me laugh.

“No, it’s not him.” My hands fly up to my mouth. “I’m sorry. I’m not making a good impression, am I?”

“You are making an excellent impression. I wish I could be in here when you two finally meet. I have a feeling his ego is going to take quite a beating.  If you’re not nervous about meeting him, then what has you all tied up?”

“See I’ve been talking to this guy for a while. He’s the one that got me the tickets to come here. After the show, he’s going to be waiting for me to take me out for dinner. I’m scared he’s going to be another person to let me down. Another person to lie to me. Another person to walk away from me.”

“Can I give you a piece of advice?”

“Yes, please.”

“Expect the unexpected. Then when it happens, you aren’t hurt or surprised. Another bit of advice. If you keep measuring your present to your past, your future and past will be the same thing just different times. The only way to change is to quit bringing your past into your present.”

All I can do is nod my head. Finally recovering my brain cells, I manage to find my voice. “Thank you for listening to me belly ache and freak out. I promise I’m not a danger to Ace or anyone,” I smirk.

“Never thought you were, dear. Never thought you were.” He places his finger to his ear, and then looks at me giving me a smile. “Showtime.”

I follow Gary out of the trailer and into the area the concert is being held. Next to the stage, there is this almost separate floating stage that Gary leads me to the stairs of before I climb the seven stairs. Looking at him in shock, he just smiles and sits down next to me. We talk about whatever pops into my head as I excitedly wait for the concert to start. He is knowledgeable and I even learn a few things from him.
I may have made another friend tonight
, I think to myself as the lights dim.

Music starts playing and the first opening act comes out on stage. I know a couple of their songs, but sadly that is it. The second opening act comes out and I’m not a fan. Gary smirks at me when he sees I’m less than enthused about their set.

He leans in next to my ear, so I can hear him over the music. “He didn’t get to pick the opening acts. He wasn’t thrilled with the company’s choices.”

I smile at him with the inside information. It’s then that Ace walks out onto the stage. All the screaming is about deafening. Honestly, I don’t know how he can handle it. I’m sure I’ll be deaf by the end of the concert.

Ace starts to sing my second favorite song by him,
A Loving Fool
. He’s all over the stage and the little peninsula that jets out into the crowd. I almost choke as a girl gets past one of the guards down below and pulls his pant leg. Ace takes it in stride, smiling and shaking his finger at her with a wink.

This whole thing, I am just in awe. This gift is above and beyond what I deserve. The fact is I owe him big and I’m not sure how I’ll ever pay him back. I will though, somehow. When he finishes the song, he looks over in my direction. I stop breathing completely. Our eyes lock and it almost seems like a look of relief crosses his face.

“Good Evening, everyone!” He shouts excitedly. “Tonight is a special night for me. A good friend of mine is here tonight and it’s her birthday. Stand up Bella, please.”

I’m in complete shock for a moment. Something about the way he says my name… It sends a familiar shiver up and down my spine. If Gary didn’t help me stand, I would probably have just sat there the whole time like an idiot. I wasn’t under the impression that I’d be called out in front of everyone.

Ace walks over to me, taking my hand in his; raising it to his lips as he presses a small tender kiss that sends a tingling sensation up my arm that warms my chest.

“Happy Birthday, Bella. I’m glad you made it,
relieved
you made it. My God you’re beautiful.”  He walks back out on stage. “Because it’s Bella’s birthday, I’m going to sing her favorite song. I’ve never performed this song live before, but,” he looks towards me with a smile on his face, “for you, I will.”

The melody starts playing and I can’t stop the tears that fill my eyes. Every time I listen to this song, I’m in so much pain, both physically and emotionally, so it brings it all back. He walks over to me taking my hand just as the instrumental part starts to play. He leans in next to my ear.

“Don’t cry my beautiful Bella,” he kisses my cheek, lingering there for a moment before pulling back and starting to sing again. When the song is over, he looks at me, “Happy Birthday. May you have so many more each happier than the last.”

I can’t tell if I smile or if I’m completely frozen. Tears still fall down my cheeks. Slowly, moments from before start to fill my head, causing me to flop down in my seat, the rest of the show not fully registering to me.