Saving Ever After (Ever After #4) (20 page)

Our lives were in places
that were just too far from each other, but Katrina, she was right beside me
and I knew what I had with her. Thoughts of Mia had to go, but no matter how
far back I pushed them, how deep I buried them, they repeatedly found their way
to the forefront of my mind over the next two days.

I tried to give Katrina
my undivided attention, spending my time with her, trying to remember the
feelings that had been there when I first met the beautiful and flirty
photographer at a photo shoot. The problem wasn’t so much in remembering them,
the immediate spark of attraction that had sprang up between us had been
undeniable and memorable, but somewhere along the way it had fizzled out and I
couldn’t find that place in me that still felt all those things I’d felt for
her in the beginning. Our relationship hadn’t really grown beyond that initial
attraction like it should have. We never went any deeper.

The more I pulled away,
the harder Katrina pressed in until I could actually feel the desperation in
her actions. I hated that I was putting that strain on her, that my sudden
uncertainty and misgivings about our relationship created this barrier between
us that she felt like she had to break through. The tension and awkwardness
hung in the air so heavily that even Jax picked up on it and cornered me before
our show on the last night. And Jax was smart enough to see the reason for it.

“Chris, there are two
girls sitting back there,” she gestured further backstage where the girls and
Abel would all hang out while we went onstage. “Both of them are confused and
unhappy right now. Just choose one.”

“I already have, Jax,
and we both know there wasn’t even really a choice. Mia’s just a kid with a
crush.” I felt like I’d just betrayed her and myself by saying that, by denying
that there could be anything more to it, and it left a bitter taste in my
mouth. “I’m with Katrina.”

“If that’s true, then
why did it look like it hurt you to say it?” She was giving me that concerned,
mothering look. Her heart was so open that she couldn’t help but let everyone
else’s troubles and pains in. She also wasn’t capable of not trying to do
something about them.

“You tell me how there’s
any choice but the one I’ve already made. I’m with Katrina, and staying with
her is the right thing to do.” I noticed some of the roadies and our crew
walking past us with equipment, so I lowered my voice.  “That other road won’t
lead anywhere good. I shouldn’t even be thinking about it and we sure as hell
shouldn’t be talking about it. We both know it’s wrong.”

“Do we?” she prodded.
“Because I don’t think I know that. Sometimes we try so hard to make what we
think is the right choice that we miss the good choice. They’re not always the
same thing. At some point Chris, your head and your heart are going to have to
get on the same page, because right now it’s obvious that they aren’t.”

The ten minute call came
out and I knew I had to go take my place to get ready to go on stage, and I
didn’t have the words to argue with Jax. Probably because she was right. My
head and my heart weren’t even reading from the same damn book, let alone on
the same page. I had no idea how to get them there, and I didn’t trust my heart
not to lead me down that road paved with good intentions that too many people
end up on, because they only follow their hearts. My mom followed her flighty
heart right out of our home and into another man’s bed. At some point reason
and wisdom had to come into play.

 Right now I couldn’t
tell what was what. There were so many conflicting voices inside of me. The
loudest one still insisted that I was doing the right thing, choosing to stick
with Katrina and try to make that work for both our sakes. At the very least, I
needed more time to think this through, when my head wasn’t clouded by Mia’s
presence. I didn’t want to make any decisions rashly. And when she was around,
I didn’t think I could help myself.

Our flight back home
further convinced me of that. It was two o’clock in the morning, Katrina and
everyone else was passed out in their seats, except Ky, Jax and Abel who were
in the bedroom at the back of the plane. I hadn’t been able to get a wink
because of the thoughts weighing on me. Katrina and I were toward the back of
the plane and I saw a little light flicker on up front. Then Mia rose out of
her seat and slipped into the small bathroom up there.

When she returned to her
seat a minute later, something urged me out of mine. I quietly rifled through
the bag that was shoved under my seat and I pulled out the turtle that I hadn’t
found time to give her yet.

The seat next to Mia’s
was empty, and even though she was already curled up in her sleeping position
with her eyes shut, I dropped down beside her and whispered, “Mia.”

Her eyes fluttered open
and she sat up so that she was facing me. “Hey,” she whispered, “What are you
doing up?”

“Couldn’t sleep and I,
uh, I picked up something for you the other day and figured now was as good a
time as any to give it to you.” Because no one was awake to see and question
it. I held out the stuffed turtle.

She stared at it for a
moment and I started to worry that it had been a lame idea, but then she
reached her hands out for him, taking him into her arms. “You found me a
Crush.” Even in the dark I could see her warm smile shining up at me.

“I just saw him and it
made me think of you,” I told her, uncomfortable with the way her smile was
making me feel. “I thought you should have him.”

“Thank you,” she said
sweetly.

“You’re welcome. I’ll
let you get back to sleep now.”

“Good night Chris.”

“Night, Mia.” I slipped
inside the bathroom before returning to my own seat. When I came back out, the
automatic light from inside the bathroom cast a soft glow over Mia briefly before
the door closed again and the light went out. In that moment, her eyes which
had been shut again, popped open and found me watching her. That sweetly tender
and affectionate smile touched her lips again and I could see that she had
traded her pillow for the plush turtle she now rested her head on.

Then the door clicked
softly behind me and the dark stole the moment back. I returned to my seat.

Mia

“What do you
mean I shouldn’t worry about coming home for Thanksgiving? It’s in two days. I
already bought my ticket. My flight is tomorrow. Why wouldn’t I come home?”

“Everything
is still unresolved with your mother. Our lawyers are trying to work out who
gets what and who will live where. Between that and all the projects at work
and expanding the company, no plans have been made for the holiday. Right now
it’s difficult for the two of us to even be in the same room and maintain any
level of civility. Your mother certainly won’t be putting together the usual gathering
this year. I don’t believe she’s even staying at the house. I’ve been living in
the penthouse of my office building until things are sorted. I just don’t want
you to fly out here for nothing, Mia.”

“But I
haven’t seen you in months,” I protested weakly. For once I’d actually been looking
forward to seeing my family. I knew things wouldn’t be the same, but I at least
thought . . . I thought my Dad wanted me to come home.

“I’m sorry.
I realize I’ve let a lot of time go by and still haven’t been out to see you
like I promised. As soon as this acquisition goes through and we’re able to
launch our new program, things will settle down. Then I promise you Mia, that I
will fly out and spend a whole week in Boston.”

“Maybe you
could just fly out here for Thanksgiving day. Surely, since you’re the boss,
you can give yourself that one day off to come out here. We can do our own
Thanksgiving. You, me, Sadie and Ace.”

“That sounds
wonderful Mia, but I just don’t think it would be practical for me to fly
across the country for one day. That wouldn’t even give us much time together
before I’d have to turn around and fly back to Seattle. Soon though, Mia, I
promise. Now, I’ve got a little bit of time before I have to get back to work.
Tell me how your classes are going.”

Like you
actually care.

I didn’t say
that out loud, but I wanted to. Instead I told him all about how I was doing in
my classes until he was satisfied. I may have exaggerated just slightly about
how well I was doing, but he accepted my response without question. Then it was
time for him to return to his corporate duties, able to mark off the little
note his secretary had no doubt put in his daily agenda.
Monthly chat with
Mia. Check.

I plopped
backward on my bed, my head hitting the mattress, and grabbed the turtle lying
next to my pillow, clutching it to my chest. I’d only been back from Australia
one day and already it felt like things were piling up on me again. I wanted to
rewind.

At least Dad
took the time though, even if it wasn’t enough. I’d stopped trying to reach my
mother weeks ago. After Chris and I talked about his parents’ divorce that
night, I decided that, like him, maybe I should just get used to how things were.
Really, I just couldn’t stand to feel so pathetic anymore, calling and leaving
messages that I knew she would get but not return. I couldn’t do it anymore.
Every single time it made me feel like absolute shit.

Other Kris
had actually deleted her number out of my phone when I told him that I was
done. He’d seen me upset too many times after trying to call her, and had been
telling me for a while just to say “fuck her.”

It wasn’t
like I didn’t still know her number, but he said it was supposed to be
symbolic, deleting the shit out of my life. He was a good friend, and as much
as I regretted most of the night that we met, I couldn’t regret meeting him. He
was the one person that I trusted with everything, partly because I didn’t have
a choice. He met Chris that night and figured out that I was desperately and
pathetically in love with him and then had refused to leave me alone. It was
actually a relief that he had. It was nice to have someone to be able to
confide everything in. He was also good for my health, as much as I pretended
to hate his workouts, and he was quickly converting me into a hockey fan.

I’d been to
two of his games so far, and was pretty much hooked at this point. It was just
so fast paced and intense. I cringed every time I watched him get slammed into
the plexi though. Hockey was brutal, but that might have been part of why I
loved it. The other part was the entertainment I got from seeing all the girls
holding signs and wearing shirts with his number on them, screaming his name
like groupies. Apparently that’s pretty much what they were, only they weren’t
called groupies, but puck bunnies. I thought they were hilarious.

Kris was
teaching me all the lingo. I still hadn’t figured out all of the rules and
dynamics of the game, but enough that I found myself standing in my seat when I
thought the ref made a bullshit call, or cheering my ass off when they
completed an awesome play and got the puck in the net.

Kris gave me
one of his jerseys to wear at the games and made sure I had good seats, but
that earned me all kinds of negative attention from the bunnies. I worried that
after a game I was going to get jumped for the jersey. It was like that
sometimes on campus too. The more time I spent with Kris, the more attention it
garnered me from his female fans on campus, and there were a lot of them.

Jillian also
didn’t like it, and things had actually grown somewhat tense between us because
of it. I never hung out with her group anymore, and she rarely stopped by or
texted to invite me to parties. I needed to keep my distance from all that,
especially the drugs. I needed the chance to get out of that party trap that
continually sucked me back in. Kris gave me that.

He was the
closest thing to a real best friend that I think I’d ever had. That was a tiny
bit depressing considering we hadn’t even been friends all that long, but it
was true. A lot of people on campus thought we were dating. They actually came
up to me all the time when I wasn’t with him and asked, but we weren’t.

Even though
he was insanely attractive, and on occasion caught me spacing out and staring
at him like one does a juicy burger, fries and milkshake when they’re on a
diet, there was no pressure or desire for anything more on either side. That
connection wasn’t there, but still he seemed to get me and was there for me. He
pulled me out of my shell, made me socialize and go out and do things. And I
introduced him to his nerdy side, getting him hooked on League of Legends. He
probably wouldn’t admit it though.

I checked
the time on my phone, expecting him to show up any minute. Right on time, the
door to my room was shoved opened in a dramatic gesture, “I’m ready to fuck
some minions up and destroy towers.” He stopped bothering to knock weeks ago,
even after my insistence that he should in case I was naked or something.
Apparently that didn’t deter him, and he entered like he owned the place, his
lap top tucked under his arm.

I just
rolled my eyes. He talked a lot of trash, but he was still grappling with the
basics of the game. “I’m serious. I’ve got this now. You should definitely let
me join your team.” He set his computer down on my desk and started booting it
up. I plopped down into the chair in front of mine and logged into the game.

“It’s not
happening until you get some more experience,” I told him. It was a player
versus player game, and our match ups were five on five. I’d been playing for
about two years now and had reached max level thirty over a year ago. Some
weeks I logged in every day and played multiple games. Then there were entire
weeks that, with trying to balance classes and homework, I only managed to get
in a few games. Kris was still fumbling around at level eight.

Over the
years I’d built up a group of friends in the game that I regularly teamed up
with. I didn’t think they would welcome Kris’ lack of experience and skill.
There were a couple guys that I was so used to playing with, that when we were
on the same team we were one unit moving through the game working in tandem
with each other. You didn’t usually get that kind of cohesiveness with
beginning players who were just learning how to strategize within the game.

“Oh come on.
I played for like four hours last night. I gained two more levels. I’m ready to
gank some bitches.”

“I’ll see
who’s on, and maybe we’ll let you be our jungler.”

“Oh, hell
yell. I’ll be like a damn ninja in the jungle.” See, he was hooked.

I smiled
when I logged in and saw that XCrossAshes was online. Nobody else in the game
knew that it was Chris, not even this Kris. I quickly invited him to join a
match, including Kris, or PuckMasterKris, as he called himself in the game, and
two other online friends I knew only as MatttyD16 and JaggerBombr. I suspected
the first was a sixteen year old kid named Matt. I had no idea about Jagger,
other than maybe that was his last name. They all accepted, and then the game
matched us up with an enemy team. Kris was the only one not on our level, but
other than Matt and Jagger questioning who the newbie was, nobody complained.

I chose my
character from my top 4 assassins, they were the ones I played with the most,
and waited for everyone else to make their picks. The four of us – me, Chris,
Matt and Jagger – all had characters and roles we were the most comfortable
with, so we almost didn’t even need to discuss who would take which lane. The
map was divided into three lanes, or paths through the game, with jungle areas
in between. I quickly informed them that Kris was going to take the jungle, and
get his experience attacking in there, while the rest of us attempted to push
the opposing team back in our lanes and take down their towers, and hopefully,
ultimately destroy their Nexus.

Once the
game started, I got in the zone, occasionally turning my attention to Kris’
screen to help him out and give him advice.

“Remember to
watch your mini map and keep an eye on the lanes to see what’s going on in the
rest of the game.” Junglers weren’t just good for killing the creatures in the
in between space, but they were also good for popping out in the different
lanes and surprising the enemy. A few times throughout the match he appeared in
my lane to assist when I was being flanked by two players from the other team.

“Let our
minions do most of the work,” I reminded him. “Just make sure you get the last
hit, that way you’ll get the kill and the gold.”

I continued
to give him little tips about which spells and attacks to use, until we’d taken
out both of the enemy players in our lane. Then we quickly pushed back their
minions before they re-spawned. Kris returned to the jungle and I managed to
take out a tower.

So far my
team was just barely ahead in kill ratio, but we’d taken out two of their
towers and they’d yet to take one of ours. Throughout the game, little text
messages would pop up on the screen from Chris. I had to force myself to keep
my face neutral so other Kris wouldn’t start asking why I was grinning like an
idiot. It wasn’t like the messages were flirty or anything, just friendly game
banter, but I ate it up. It felt like everything was different since Australia.

It had been
too easy during that first day there, to pretend that he was single, that
possibility and hope actually existed for the two of us. Katrina’s arrival had
shattered that. I’d been so disappointed and embarrassed for letting myself get
caught up in a fantasy, but then things seemed strained and off between them.
It confused me and gave me hope all at the same time. I thought maybe, just
maybe he was finally seeing me. We had that moment on the flight back when he
gave me the turtle. But he was still with her as far as I knew.  

“Damn it. I
got killed again,” Kris muttered next to me. I looked at the game stats and saw
that he’d actually made a lot of improvement. He’d only been killed six times
this match, instead of the ten or fifteen deaths he’d usually have accrued by
this point in the game.

Still, even
with Kris roaming rampant through the jungle, trying to sneak attack people,
and getting his ass killed when that didn’t work, we were still able to push
the other team back and get the win after an intense forty minutes of battling.

Kris jumped
up, kicking over his chair and doing some kind of victory touchdown dance,
inciting my laughter. “We kicked ass!”

“Yes
we
did,” I agreed. “Although I’m not sure what you were doing while we were
kicking ass.” I smirked and he glared at me.

“That’s it,
I played your game, and helped you win, and this is the thanks I get. Well now
you’re going to do what I want. We’re going to work out.”

“What? No!”
I protested. “I want to play another game.”

“Well then
you shouldn’t have given me shit for dying, besides, your boyfriend already
signed off.”

“He did?” My
head snapped back to my computer screen before I realized my mistake. “Wait, I
don’t know who you’re talking about.” I tried to backtrack, but Kris just
stared at me, unconvinced.

“Right. Like
I don’t know exactly who ‘X,’ or Chris, ‘Cross Ashes’ is. You two spend so much
time passing notes back and forth during the game that I’m surprised the both
of you don’t die as often as I do.”

“Well, we
don’t suck.”

“Shut up,
and get changed. I’m going to make your ass run four miles on the treadmill
instead of two for that comment, and I think it’s a good day to bump up your
weights by ten pounds.”