Saving from Monkeys (21 page)

Without seeing or touching him, it was the sound of Elliot's breathing that I went by to judge his level of composure. Quite a while passed
before slowly, but surely, his uneven pants became more measured and controlled. It coincided, I realised, with the soothing of my own racing pulse; his level of calm in direct correlation to mine.

I opened my eyes when I started to feel like I was actually in danger of dozing off and saw that the room had darkened around us. The pale of twilight had turned into the thick depth of night and I preferred it. It helped hide the things missing from his room, the things he'd hidden the sale of just to mess with me. With nothing but the faint outline of the furniture visible we could have been anywhere.

It was the gloom that gave me the courage to break the long held silence.

"Do you believe that stuff your mum said about Nan?" I hadn't wanted it to, but during our cool down, that had niggled away at me like an itch. That stuff about Mrs Sinclair
having to rely on Nan to feed and clothe her had resonated deep inside me. The fear that your mum wouldn't be competent enough to provide those bare necessities was one I'd lived with daily growing up.

"I don't think Nan's perfect, if that's what you mean." His voice was back to its normal 'angsty Elliot' tone, the one that, although irritating, was a whole heap better than the out of control one he'd been using just before. "No-one's perfect."

Well, wasn't that the truth?

Had Nan been a feckless mother? Through all her tales of her outrageous life, I'd never really thought about where her daughter had fit in.
It just wasn't fair! I hated having these thoughts when Nan wasn't able to defend herself or give her side of the story. Elliot was right, no-one was perfect, that didn't mean I didn't still love Nan and it definitely didn't take away the joy she'd given me during a pretty miserable period of my life.

"Are you going to go in and sit with her tonight?" I pressed, hating myself for it, but thinking that Mrs Sinclair was right on this at least. Nan was all bluster and front so, even though it sounded ridiculous, I didn't think she'd let herself go whi
le we were in there with her...and she needed to go. She'd hate to think she'd become just part of the furniture, she'd be humiliated and, well frankly,
bored
.

I could see the muscle working in Elliot's jaw as he ground out, "No."

It was the right decision, even if it seemed so wrong.

Completely unable to stop myself this time, I reached up, cupping my hand against Elliot's cheek and pressing a kiss just below his jaw
-line. He was so beautiful, even whilst being ripped to shreds from the inside out.

As I pulled back, I saw that he'd tightly closed his eyes as I'd kissed him, but he opened them again as I moved away and they shone wet in the moonlight.
I didn't say anything about it, just leant in against his shoulder and he put his arm around me.

"Rox?"
I felt my name rumble in his chest, but stayed tucked underneath his arm as I muttered,

"Yeah?"

"Would you stay with me tonight?"

OK
, at that I
had
to twist myself round to see how he looked when he'd asked me that. His pale face almost glowed in the dark, dignified and calm, and I felt a strange tingle break through the constant sick feeling.

"Because Nan would want me to?"
I asked carefully, but he shook his head.

"No, because
I
want you to."

----------

Rox's eyes were wide and still slightly red from all the crying he knew she'd done that week, but he didn't see any doubt in them as she nodded.

He pushed himself round to face her more fully, reaching up with both hands to push back her hair until he was cupping her face.

What would he have done without her today? Or any of the days that week, come to that?

She watched him watching her and he saw the exact moment when the last of her tension from his earlier outburst left her. It was replaced by the spark that Nan had been the first to see in this house, a spark that lit up her eyes
and made the blood pump faster through his body.

"So what's next?" She asked with a credible attempt at sounding bored. "Or did you just want to hold my face for a bit?"

He forced an arrogant smirk to twist his lips and saw her coerce an answering scowl out of her own. They were playing roles, but they played them very well.

He stroked her cheeks with his thumbs until her lips smoothed, and then leant forward and pressed his mouth to hers.

He'd meant the kiss to be light; a 'thank you' or 'don't worry' kiss, but as soon as he touched her, his restraint was blown to hell.

Her mouth was soft, as was her body as she curled herself around him, her thigh against his leg,
her breast against his arm. They were both fully clothed, there wasn't even tongue involved in the kiss, but he felt himself tighten so hard and fast it was almost painful.

He swore against her mouth and felt her lips widen in response, her smile opening her to him and allowing him to change the 'there wasn't even tongue involved' part.

He dropped his hands from her face, trailing them down her body until they reached the ripped hem of her t-shirt. Rucking the material up, he grabbed her around her now bared waist and pulled her onto his lap. For once in her life she didn't complain about something he'd done, in fact she made a muted noise of approval and tipped her head to take him deeper into her.

Her
scent was gentle, but it still made him dizzy, made him clutch her harder, made him damn near lose his mind.

Wanting to claw back some tiny semblance of control, he loosened his desperate grip on her,
then lightly began to walk his fingers up her spine. When he reached the nape of her neck, he trailed them back down, scraping his nails gently against her skin in a way he remembered made her squirm. Sure enough, she shivered and her thighs tensed against his.

He was just congratulating himself on a job well done when she suddenly went rigid. The next thing he knew, she'd pulled away, shoving him hard up against the wall at his back so the air was knocked from his lungs.

"You cheat!" Her tone was accusing, but she looked so cute with her lips all pink and puffy that he couldn't stop himself leaning in to nip at them.

She allowed him two, maybe three, soft presses of his teeth on her bottom lip, before she pushed him away again.

"You're using information you've obtained through deceitful means." She put a hand across his mouth, maybe to stop him protesting, maybe to cover any temptation she had to kiss him again. "It's...it's insider trading!"

It hadn't been very long since she'd used her incomprehensible Rox-speak to talk him down off his own personal ledge. Now, though, it wasn't half as welcome.

"If I agree," he mumbled against her palm, "even though I have no idea what you're talking about, do I get to kiss you again?" She took her hand away, but he could see what the answer was and he sighed. "Well, it was worth checking."

"That thing you just did," she mimed the way he'd moved up and down her back, "that seriously turns me on."

She blushed, but he felt
his
blood start to head in the opposite direction. God, she was beautiful...and so nuts.

"Good to know." He would've said more, but the way she wriggled slightly in displeasure at his smartarse response distracted him.

"But that's the thing, you
do
know," she poked him in the chest and he wondered how someone could be so grumpy and so bloody hot at the same time. "You know because you obviously did it last time, but I don't
remember
you doing it so having you suddenly pull one of my favourite moves is just...creepy."

"
Creepy
?" He suddenly felt some of the fog from the Rox-induced haze lift and he cringed internally. Having his head clear was not a good thing, it made reality beat against his skull like the worst hangover imaginable.

"
OK," he said, aware, but beyond caring, that there was a hint of desperation in his voice. "I won't pull any moves on you that I remember from before. Nothing that makes you feel good, I promise." He ran a finger across her lips because he already felt that he was losing what they felt like, and it gave him the courage to add, "I'll even throw in some stuff you
didn't
like if that'll make you feel better."

Her eyes narrowed as she obviously tried to decide whether or not he was taking the piss.

"That won't be necessary," she said stiffly. "Just remember that this is basically my first time with you. Don't go ahead and leave me behind."

He felt himself relax and he smiled
in a way he'd forgotten he could. Maybe what they were doing was unhealthy, maybe some people would think it was disrespectful to Nan, but he didn't care. If being with Rox was how he spent Nan's last hours he knew she would consider it the best use of his time.

Leaning forward he tucked a kiss down just below the collar of Rox's ratty t-shirt, a benediction of her and what she'd done for him.

"I never leave a girl behind," he told her, keeping his face tucked against her neck so she wouldn't see that his expression didn't match his cocky words.

"You're all talk, Sinclair," Rox tapped his cheek and he lifted his chin up to see that she was working hard to keep a stern look on her face, "let's see some action."

Chapter 12 – The Nice Contours and the Grey Dawn

I'd insulted Elliot's masculinity plenty of times, often to his face, but as he scooped me up in his arms and got to his feet in one fluid movement, there was really no denying his manliness.

Maybe, then, it was just me playing my corresponding feminine role when I let out a thoroughly girly squeak and clutched at his shoulders. He certainly seemed to enjoy my
reaction, my back had barely touched his mattress before he was kissing me again.

Well, I'd asked for action...

His lips pressed and pulled, sucked and bit and I clung to him harder and tighter, my position feeling more precarious, and my balance more off, than when he'd been holding me aloft. It was a good precarious, though, and an exhilarating lack of balance. I knew Elliot had hold of me; I was in no danger of falling.

This thought was a bit off-putting sitting there in all its mushy
glory, and I twisted beneath him until one of my legs fell between his. This new position meant I could shift my thigh back and forth against a very interesting spot, and I felt Elliot's shoulder blades tense beneath my hands in response. Straightforward action and reaction, just what I wanted.

Our fingers plucked at the clothing between us, pulling ineffectually at the flimsy barriers even as we refused to break away to rid ourselves of them. I at last managed to burro
w my hands under his shirt, but even as I pressed my palms against the warmth of his skin, I knew that it wasn't enough. It didn't matter that economics told me that restrictions were a part of life, this time I wanted more.

Elliot was deliciously heavy on top of me, but at the first sign of my hands pushing him back rather than pulling him forward, the heaviness lifted. He held himself off me and looked down questioningly.

"Clothes...off," I panted in explanation and his face cleared instantly.

He sat back and, in one quick yank, he'd rid himself of his top. I grinned and then he was reaching down to help me with mine, the poor old t-shirt suffering another tear in our haste.

My top had barely hit the floor before he was lowering himself on top of me again, but I stopped his descent by pressing a palm to his chest. I could feel his heart pulsing beneath his skin, the increased fluttering a natural contrast to the way I'd listened earlier to his breathing slow.

As soon as I realised that I would've been happy to spend ages just feeling his heart beat, I knew I had to move on. It was action we were after, movements that took us out of ourselves and away from the Nan situation. With this in mind, I walked my fingers down his chest, smiling as I felt each muscle ripple with the contact.

"Nice contours," I complimented him and he let out a surprised puff of laughter and shook his head so that the infamous flop of hair fell across his eyes.

I didn't want that, I was getting to kind of enjoy watching his reaction to my wandering
fingers , so I reached up with one hand to push it back. The other hand, however, continued on its journey down until it reached the top of his jeans.

Maybe it was the knowledge that this was technically a 'been there, done that' situation, or maybe it was the lead up that had laid us both bare in a way nudity just couldn't compete with, but I felt no embarrassment. I dipped my hands below his waistband and trailed my fingers over the top of the boxer briefs below without faltering

I kept my touch light and teasing as I explored, feathering my fingers across the length of him and only stopping to again remark, with a cheeky grin, "Nice contours."

There was no laugh this time, it seemed like he was using all his energy just holding himself still above me. I could see the muscles stark in his arms from the effort, and, when I resumed my exploration
, he released a soft little curse that left me in no doubt of the effect I was having.

Unbidden, one of Nan's little gems popped into my mind and I could almost hear her cackling 'have a man by his dick, Rox, and you can lead him anywhere'.

Nan may have been a big part of why we were in the situation we were, but she had no place with us just now, and I stowed her away to the farthest reaches of my brain. I think, given the circumstances, she would have understood why she'd been put on the figurative naughty step of my thoughts.

A soft bite on the underside of my thumb brought me back to the present and I saw that the hand that had reached up to push away Elliot's hair had slipped down to cup his face. When my thumb had strayed close to his mouth, he'd obviously decided to take advantage.

"You taste pink," he informed me in a tone that I think was supposed to be mischievous, but which fell short of the mark. Probably something to do with the position of my other hand down his pants.

"Pink?" I repeated, before realising I was playing out his role from the other night.

"Like fairy floss and soap, strawberries and marshmallows." He sucked my thumb into his mouth, the warmth and wetness coupled with the slight scrape of his teeth making me wiggle back against the mattress. After a couple of seconds he pulled away and, like a fine wine taster making an appraisal, he nodded and proclaimed, "pink."

"Well
, aren't the pair of us a regular rainbow?" I tightened my fingers on him, to reassert that
I
was supposed to be the one in control, and his smirk vanished as his mouth dropped down and his head tipped back.

I moved on then, starting to slowly pull at his fly, so that each release of the metal teeth caused a little tug of friction against him. I was only about halfway down when Elliot hissed my name, sounding almost like he was in pain, and a hand clamped down on mine.

I took pity on him then, and released the zip the rest of the way without ceremony, helping to push the denim down his legs until he kicked it off onto the floor. I wanted him to press his weight back on me, was more than ready to feel his skin flush against mine, but he seemed to think it was his turn to survey me. I found I was disinclined to refute his logic.

Sitting back on his haunches, he let his eyes lazily travel down my neck, across my bra and bare stomach to where my trousers impeded the rest of his view. The room was darker still now, but his focus had such heat that I knew where he was looking every step of the way.

I don't know what I was expecting, but him suddenly leaning forward and pressing a hot kiss in-between my breasts was not it. I jerked at the sensation, the move taking me so much by surprise that, for a moment, I didn't realise he'd simultaneously undone my jeans.

"Suave bugger," I muttered as I felt his fingers press lightly against the soft skin at the top of my thighs. His lips turn
ed into a smile against me and I knew he was feeling pretty pleased with himself. I would've protested if I hadn't been pleased with him too.

He kissed a trail along the swells above my bra, moving down until he was pressing an open mouth against one and then the other of the cups, the warm heat seeping through to the sensitive areas below. I clutched at the bed sheets and worked very hard to not release any incredibly embarrassing sort of mewling noises, noises he seemed determined to coax out of me.

While one hand continued to swirl lazy patterns across my thighs, he reached up with the other and unhooked my bra with an expertise that made me quirk an eyebrow, despite myself.

He saw my reaction and, as he drew the bra down my arms and away from me
, his smile was wolfish. "Practise makes perfect," he informed me, cupping my newly revealed breasts in his hands and rubbing the tips gently with his thumbs.

I met his dark eyes, seeing that, despite our starting point, they were bright with laughter and lust.

"I can expect perfection then?" I asked as I reached up to grip his pillow, anchoring myself as I started to feel like I could float away.

"Rox, honey," he moved down, kissing a path along my stomach until he reached the open v at the top of my trousers, "you can count on it."

I laughed and then cried out as his mouth settled over the already damp material at the juncture of my thighs, the teasing and touch making my body fizz in a way I'd never known it could.

This wasn't just foreplay, it was foreplay with Elliot, and it was fun and hot and unlike anything I'd ever experienced before.

I was glad of the thin barrier of material as his mouth softly suckled and his fingers stroked, it was the only thing stopping me from spinning off the edge, and I really wasn't happy to go off and leave him behind. It was this that made me plant a foot against his shoulder after a few seconds, pushing him away as I started to get too close.

He looked up at me, colour high along the top of his cheekbones, and then hooked his fingers into the elastic at the top of my knickers and pulled them and my trousers down and off my legs, collecting my socks on the way past. Before I really had time to register that he was sitting back and looking at the completely exposed length of me, he'd shucked his own briefs and pulled me up so I straddled him. My legs automatically locked around his back and my head tipped forward so that our foreheads almost, but not quite, touched.

There was nowhere to hide in this position; no room for modesty or cowardice. In contrast to our teasing before, this was a completely solemn moment, one where our eyes locked and we both acknowledged the where, what and why of what was happening.

Not able to take too much of that, I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him down for another kiss, open and deep and, I have to say, about as soul-revealing as gazing intently into each other's eyes had been.

"Condom," I muttered when we finally pulled back for a breather.

It wasn't perhaps the most romantic of ways to finish a bone-deep pash, but Elliot didn't seem to mind.
With one arm still holding me to him, he reached into the bedside table he hadn't flung into the wall earlier, and produced the foil packet I'd asked for.

"You sure about this?"
He asked, holding the protection away for a moment as I reached for it. "I seem to remember last time you had some qualms about using my stuff. 'Probably as dysfunctional as everything else about you' you said, and it's not like today would’ve gone anywhere towards making me seem any more...functional."

I wondered if he knew how obvious it was that he wasn't talking about contraceptives anymore.
I suddenly felt like crying, and dropped a quick kiss down onto his collarbone to hide it.

"Seriously," I said, once I was sure I would be able to talk through the lump in my throat, "what's the worst that could happen? I catch some incredibly posh STI? I end up having a kid with your stupidly floppy hair? I think I could deal."

I snatched the condom off him then and ripped it open, scooting back slightly so I could roll it down over him. Lying back on his pillows I opened my arms to invite him down to me. He accepted the invitation with alacrity, settling above me once more and positioning himself so I felt him nudging against me.

"Admit it," confidence restored, his voice was once again a low sexy growl in my ear,
"you secretly love my floppy hair."

I gasped, clutching at his back as I felt him push forward and I stretched to accommodate him.

"Maybe I do," my whole body was on fire, liquid fire and I simultaneously ignited and melted as he slid fully into place inside me. "Just a little bit."

~*~

"Just like studying economics."

I was sweaty, tingly, satiated, and totally thinking about my
economics textbooks.

I'd had a brief second's concern after we'd both hurtled over into climax about what came next. Would it get weird? Would we find that we weren't really all that keen on each other's company now the deed was out of the way? And, for the tiniest, most infinitesimal moment, would my mum be right? Was Elliot going to reveal himself to just be after one thing?

I was shamed away from those thoughts almost immediately. Elliot rolled away, sure, but he tugged me with him so that I was sprawled across his chest. He did it without fanfare, without pause, but his grip told me it was no accident.

Alright then.

"I'm sure I'm going to regret this," he said after a few seconds, his fingers absentmindedly stroking my hair, "but what's just like studying economics?"

"Having sex with you."
I tapped him on the stomach to underline my words, and he let out a half sigh, half laugh.

"
You know those author notes bits at the start of textbooks?" I asked, pulling a sheet up and over our bodies as the cool air started to tickle me in sensitive places. "The ones that no-one reads? Well,
I
read them and they’re always so positive and insightful. Like one of my first year books had this big speech about how studying economics should revitalise and stimulate you. How it should make you rethink the world you live in and influence how you proceed.”

There was a pause and then Elliot asked, "Is this the norm for you? Quoting your textbooks after sex?"

I blushed, not because I was embarrassed by the question, but because I'd just realised that he was the first one I'd even come
close
to quoting economics to after sex. "No," I admitted, "this is a first."