Saving Grace (43 page)

Gabriel opened the door just as she was tightening her belt around her waist. He saw that his son was still sleeping and motioned with the crook of his finger for Johanna to join him in the hall.

He was staring at her hair, or so she believed, and frowning with obvious displeasure.

He would eventually get over his irritation, she decided. She hurried across the chamber, a smile on her face, and went out into the corridor. Gabriel pulled the door closed and turned to her.

“You’re too damned pale,” he muttered.

“And that is why you’re frowning, m’lord?”

He nodded. She pinched her cheeks to gain some color. “Have you perchance noticed anything else?”

“Clare’s father was spotted coming up the ridge.”

She forgot all about trying to gain a compliment over her haircut when Gabriel gave her his news.

“I want you and Alex to stay inside our chamber until Laird MacKay and his men have left.”

“How many soldiers ride with the laird?”

He shrugged. “Enough,” he answered.

Gabriel was just turning away when she shook her head at him. “I wish to speak to Clare’s father,” she announced.

“He won’t be in the mood to be polite, Johanna. Do as I order.”

“The laird’s angry with the Maclnnes clan, not us,” she reminded him.

“Nay,” he said. “His fury is fully directed on all the MacBains. He blames us for his daughter’s disgrace.”

Johanna’s complexion underwent a radical change. She wasn’t pale now. In the space of a heartbeat, her face had turned red with anger.

She didn’t ask her husband how he’d gained his information. If he said the Laird MacKay blamed them, then it must be true. Gabriel wasn’t one to jump to conclusions without first gaining all the facts.

“Who is sitting with Clare now?”

“Hilda,” he answered. “Go back inside,” he ordered. “I don’t want any of the MacKay’s anger near you.”

She didn’t agree or disagree with her husband’s command. He assumed she was going to be cooperative. She did go back inside her chamber, but only for a minute or two, until she was certain her husband had gone back downstairs to wait for Clare’s father. Then she hurried down the hallway to Clare’s room. She sent Hilda to sit with Alex.

“Your father’s going to be here in just a few minutes, Clare. Do you want to see him alone, or do you want me to stay with you?”

Clare struggled to sit up in bed. She let out a little whimper of distress. Johanna wasn’t certain if the movement caused her pain or if the announcement was the reason. The fear on Clare’s face was aching to see.

“Please stay,” she said.

Johanna straightened the blankets around the bed, more to cover her own nervousness than to make Clare comfortable.

“I don’t know what to say to him.”

“Just tell him what happened,” Johanna advised.

Tears gathered in Clare’s eyes. “I can’t,” she cried out.

The truth hit Johanna all at once. It was a blessing she was standing next to the chair. She was able to sit down before she fell.

“You don’t understand, Johanna.”

“Oh, Lord, I think I do understand. You made it all up, didn’t you? There wasn’t any MacBain . . . you aren’t carrying . . .”

Clare started crying. She shook her head, trying to deny Johanna’s accusation. The fear in her eyes made a mockery of her attempt to cling to her lie, however.

“You’re wrong,” she protested.

“Am I?” Johanna asked. “Every time one of us tried to ask you questions, you feigned weariness.”

Clare didn’t give Johanna time to continue. “I was weary,” she defended.

Johanna could feel Clare’s panic. She wanted to comfort her. She didn’t, though. Instead she tried to be heartless to her pain, for she was determined to get to the truth. Only then could she help Clare.

“You gave yourself away, you know.”

“I didn’t.”

“You told me you felt trapped and that you did something you knew would eventually be found out. Pretending to be carrying a baby would eventually be found out, wouldn’t it? Didn’t you realize people would notice you weren’t getting bigger?”

Clare was openly sobbing now. “I didn’t think at all,” she confessed.

Johanna slowly leaned back in her chair. “What in heaven’s name are we going to do about this mess?”

“We? I’m the one who will suffer the consequences when my father finds out I lied.”

“Why did you make up such a tale?”

“I was desperate,” Clare admitted. “Can’t you understand? It was so horrible living there. Each day got worse.”

“I do understand,” Johanna said. “But . . .”

Clare interrupted. She was anxious to explain her reasons so Johanna wouldn’t condemn her.

“Father placed me in the Maclnnes household for training. I was supposed to marry the laird’s son in six months’ time. It didn’t take me long to realize how terrible they all were. Did you know the laird has two older daughters? They were born before his precious son,” she added in a rush. “One of the servants told me that each time the laird was given the news his wife had delivered him a daughter, he went up to the birthing chamber and beat the poor woman. She died after giving him a son. She probably welcomed death. I know I would have if I were married to such a monster.”

“And his son is just like his father, isn’t he?” Johanna already knew the answer to her question. She had vivid memories of the laird’s son standing over Clare with his hands formed into fists at his sides.

“He’s worse than his father,” Clare said. Her voice reeked with disgust. “I couldn’t abide the thought of being married to him. I tried to talk to my father, but he wouldn’t listen to me. I had run back home, you see, but . . .

Clare couldn’t go on for several minutes. Her sobs were wrenching. Johanna found it extremely difficult to maintain her own composure. Not only had Clare been placed in the hands of a monster, she’d also been betrayed by her father. It was unthinkable to Johanna, for her own father would have killed Raulf had the dear older man been alive and known the anguish his daughter suffered.

“Your father took you back to the Maclnnes clan, didn’t he, Clare?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “I don’t believe I’ve ever felt so abandoned . . . or . . . desperate. A few days later, I heard the Maclnnes soldiers talking. They’d spotted warriors wearing the MacBain plaid crossing their border.”

“And that is when you came up with the lie?”

Clare shook her head. “The soldiers didn’t realize I was listening to them. When they whispered your husband’s name, I could hear the fear in their voices. I decided then that I would go searching for these soldiers. I don’t know what I thought would happen if I found them. I didn’t have a plan, Johanna. I just wanted someone to help me.”

“Yes,” Johanna agreed, her voice a soothing whisper. She handed Clare a linen cloth to wipe her face, then took hold of her hand. “I would have done the same thing.”

“You would?”

“Yes.”

The conviction in her voice assured Clare. Johanna felt a strong bond with the woman. They were united now, for their memories of nightmares past joined them together against the atrocities forced on women by a few bullying, frightened men.

“I had already been beaten once for insolence,” Clare said. “And I knew it would happen again and again. I never found the MacBain soldiers; and by the time I gave up my search, it was getting dark. I stayed in an abandoned cropper’s cottage all night. Dear God, I was afraid. I was terrified of going back to the Maclnnes keep and terrified not to,” she added. “They found me the next morning.” Clare was holding onto Johanna’s hand with such a strong grip, she was bruising the skin.

“You felt helpless, didn’t you?”

“Oh, yes,” Clare answered. “I still hadn’t thought up the lie though. Three months went by, and then one morning the laird announced he’d decided to move up the marriage date. Robert and I were to be wed the following Saturday.”

Clare’s voice was hoarse from strain and weeping. Johanna was going to get up to fetch her a drink of water, but Clare wouldn’t let go of her hand.

“My lie wasn’t planned ahead of time,” she said. “I gathered my courage and stood up to Robert. I told him I would never marry him. He went into a rage. He’s a possessive man, and jealous. I knew he wouldn’t want me if he believed I had willingly given myself to another man. I remembered the MacBain soldiers who had crossed the border, remembered, too, the MacInnes’ soldiers fear of your laird, and that is when I came up with the lie. I knew what I did was wrong and I’m sorry I lied to you. You have been so kind to me, Johanna. Hilda told me what you did to Robert. I wish your arrow had pierced his black heart. Dear God, how I hate him. I hate all men, even my father.”

“You have sound reason to despise Robert,” Johanna said. “In time you’ll get past your hatred. You might even begin to pity the man.”

“I’m not so forgiving.”

“Clare, I know you aren’t in the mood to listen to me, but I still must instruct you not to blame the majority of men for the sins of a few.”

“Didn’t you hate your first husband?”

Johanna sighed. “Yes,” she admitted. “But I didn’t hate all men. My father, if he’d been alive, would have protected me from Raulf. I would have found sanctuary with him. My brother, Nicholas, came to my rescue once he became aware of what was going on.”

“Once he became aware? Didn’t you tell him after the first beating?”

“It’s difficult to explain, Clare,” Johanna replied. “Raulf wasn’t like Robert, and I was much, much younger then. The beatings didn’t start right after we were wed. He set about destroying my confidence first. I was naive, and frightened, too, and when you are called ignorant and unworthy over and over again by someone who is supposed to love and protect you, well, in time a part of you will begin to believe some of the nonsense. I didn’t tell my brother because I was too ashamed. I kept thinking I would make it better. I never believed I deserved such foul treatment, and eventually I came to realize Raulf was never going to change. That is when I knew I had to find a way to leave. I would have gone to Nicholas, but as it turned out, it wasn’t necessary. My husband was killed.”

Johanna paused to take a calming breath. “You wouldn’t hate Nicholas if you knew him. He’s the reason I married Gabriel,” she added. “And you cannot hate my husband.’Tis the truth I can’ t imagine how anyone could.”

“I don’t hate him,” Clare said. “He has been protecting me, and I am appreciative. He does frighten me though. You obviously do not notice what a giant of a man he is, m’lady, or that his manner is most . . . abrupt.”

“He can be overwhelming, but only if you let him,” Johanna replied, a smile in her voice now. “Clare, you showed incredible courage standing up to Robert. You must have known what would happen. You almost got yourself killed.”

“My game is over, isn’t it? I’ll tell my father the truth. I promise.”

“Will he make you go back to Maclnnes?”

“I don’t know,” Clare said. “He wants the alliance.”

Johanna felt sick. The thought of the woman being forced back into Robert’s grasp was simply too appalling to think about. Only one thing was certain in her mind. She wasn’t going to let that happen.

“Don’t tell your father the truth just yet,” she said. “I must think about this. I cannot allow you to go back. No, I can’t let that happen. We will have to put our heads together and come up with a solution.”

“Why do you care, m’lady? You put yourself in jeopardy by keeping me. Your compassion will get you into trouble. My father ...”

Johanna wouldn’t let her finish her protest. “Clare, I believe you’ve already conquered the most difficult challenge.”

“And what was that, Johanna?”

“You were in an untenable position, and you took the most important first step. I wouldn’t have chosen your road to freedom, but that doesn’t matter now. You got out. Don’t you understand? You cannot consider going backward now.”

“What happens when my father’s soldiers war against the MacBains because of my lie?”

Johanna shook her head. “We will find a way to avert a conflict,” she announced.

“How?”

“I don’t know . . . not yet, but you and I are clever. We can find a way to straighten out this mess.”

“But why would you put your clan in such a position?”

“I don’t believe one must be sacrificed for the other,” Johanna said. “I do believe that every woman has a responsibility to look out for the other. When one is in bondage or suffering, then aren’t all of us?”

Johanna knew she wasn’t making any sense. It was difficult for her to put her feelings into a coherent explanation. “Women are looked down upon by some men. There are members of our church who consider us inferior. God doesn’t, though. Remember that one important truth, Clare. It took me a long while to understand. Men make the rules, not women. They tell us they are interpreting God’s views, and we are supposed to be naive enough to believe them. We are not so inferior.” Her voice was filled with conviction now. “As women, we must try to stand together . . . like sisters, and when we see an injustice, we damned well should try to interfere. Together . . . if there are enough of us united, we can help. Attitudes can be changed.”

“And where do we start? With our sons?”

“We start by helping each other now,” Johanna explained. “Later, when we have sons and daughters, we teach them to love and honor one another. We are all made in God’s image, men and women alike.”

The sound of men coming down the hallway stopped the discussion. Clare surprised Johanna, for she didn’t look overly afraid. She let go of her hand, straightened her shoulders, and smoothed her covers.

The door was just opening when Clare whispered, “Together.”

Johanna nodded and then echoed the promise. “Together.”

Gabriel was the first to enter the chamber. He didn’t look happy to see his wife there. He shook his head at her. She pretended she didn’t notice.