Saving Katie Baker (19 page)

Micah bounced up and down, and attempted to say the word “surprises”, but it didn’t come out right. She settled with “prizes” and giggled at the new word.

As soon as Micah saw the cool whip and fruit, she jumped up and down pointing and saying, “mine,” ready to dig in. Blake smiled and nodded.

“Yep, just for you.”

Katie stood by and watched the two of them communicate. Was she really going to pull them away from one another? Micah was doing so well as she’d adjusted to this new place, this new life. But they couldn’t stay. She just couldn’t stay here. Besides, staying for Micah’s benefit wasn’t a good enough reason to say yes.

Blake looked over at Katie, “Should we sing Happy Birthday?”

Katie nodded her head, so he lit the candle and they began belting out the little song. Micah clapped her hands together as the couple sang.

“Now, blow out the candle, honey,” Katie told the birthday girl.

It didn’t take long for Micah to blow the candle out and start digging into the white mountain of sugary goodness while Blake stood by and watched. Katie couldn’t tell if he was getting more joy out of this little moment or if Micah was. She wished at this second she had a camera to document his expression as he watched the events unfold and Micah’s innocent delight. Her daughter was having her very first birthday party, and it was so much more special than she had ever imagined it would be.

After the dessert was gone, Micah spotted the red balloon lying desolate in the corner. She walked over and was mesmerized, hugging it, launching it into the air and running after it, playing her own game of tag. Katie stood and considered this very moment to be her favorite part of the whole day, if she had to pick just one.

Blake handed Micah the gift that Jill had left for her and the little girl looked to her mother with questioning eyes, unsure what to do with it.

“You open it,” said Katie.

Micah tore into it and found a little tiara in the box. It was perfect. Today was her day to be a princess. Blake placed it on her head and watched as she lit up. She was so adorable as she attempted to throw her head back and try to see the tiara for herself on top of her head.

“Here, let me show you,” Blake said, and he picked her up and carried her into the master bathroom where the big mirror stood above the sinks.

The little girl stood on the counter, and with her hands touching the mirror she giggled.

“Mi-Ah” she said as she attempted to define herself.

Katie and Blake looked at each other in awe of this moment. It was perfect. Blake led them back out to the living room and showed Micah the movie cover.

“I have another special surprise. We are going to watch a very special movie. It’s called
The Little Mermaid
.”

Blake sat down on the couch and Micah ran to cuddle next to him.

Katie noticed that Micah’s hands and face were still covered in sugary goo and debated calling her back to the sinks to get washed up, but she let it go. Blake and Micah were comfy on the couch already and anxiously waiting for her to come join them.

Katie relaxed with them on the couch next to Blake. She was well aware that his forearm was touching hers. Her whole body felt tingly. The warmth of his skin touching her own brought so many emotions to the surface. She wasn’t ready to fall in love. She couldn’t. With these thoughts, Katie scooted further away from Blake. She couldn’t touch him. It just confused her too much.

Blake noticed the change in Katie’s demeanor. He was well aware that her bare arm had just brushed against his own, but her reaction disappointed him.
Why was she so repelled by me
, he wondered.
Is she still holding me responsible for her husband’s death? I thought we were past that
. He wasn’t sure what to think.

Blake felt he was about to lose them both, and his heart broke at the thought. He tried to distract those painful thoughts because he wanted to enjoy these moments with Micah right now.

“Are you ready, beautiful?” Blake asked Micah.

The little girl reached her arms up, clasped her hands around Blake’s scruffy face and said, “Wuv you, Daddy.”

All went silent.

CHAPTER
18

K
atie’s eyes jolted up to Blake’s. It was obvious she was shocked and sinking back into her usual angry and frustrated state, but this time she had reason. Her daughter had never met her father. Micah didn’t even know what a daddy was—how could she have known? The little girl had no idea what she had just said and the volcanic eruption of emotions it had caused.

Blake looked at Katie; he was surprised that she hadn’t said anything at all yet. He knew that this must be torture for her. He wondered if he should be the one to address the subject with the child or if he should continue to wait for Katie. He looked over at Micah and felt compelled to speak.

“I love you, too, sweetheart, but I’m Mr. Blake, remember? I’m not Daddy.”

“Daddy?”

The little girl questioned again with a look of confusion on her face.

“Where Daddy?”

Micah looked to her mother for an answer.

How dare Micah call Blake “daddy”. What is happening
?
This can’t be happening.
He is not her daddy and she needs to know this, she needs to be reminded of how wonderful her real daddy was and not get the two confused
. Katie thought with desperation.

Katie was carefully running through her words, painstakingly trying to figure out how to string them together in a way that her daughter would be able to understand. She was presently stumped.
How much do you share with a two year old about life and death?

Katie reached for her little girl and pulled her onto her lap, holding her close. There was a need for physical closeness for this conversation. Katie had already begun to tear up.

“Micah, honey, Daddy died a long time ago, but he loved you very much and was so excited to meet you. One day, you will get to see him again in heaven.”

Katie added the heaven part even though it made her mouth sour at the thought of using religious words with her daughter. Did she really believe that there was a heaven? It did make the accident easier for a child to accept, so she threw the religious term in for Micah’s benefit.

“No. Blake daddy.”

Micah was beginning to go into one of her fits again as she pushed off of her mother’s lap and attempted to climb onto Blake’s. Neither of them knew what to do in this situation. Should they pull her off, or let things be? Either way Katie felt like the bad guy.

“Blake, can I talk to you in the kitchen, please?” Katie asked.

Blake nodded his head as he pushed play on the VCR player to start the movie for Micah. The little girl rocked back and forth to the introductory music.

“I hope you like this movie as much as my little sister did,” he said to Micah and kissed her on the top of her head before going to the kitchen. Katie watched the interaction and for a brief moment she found it sweet, before remembering the issue at hand.

Blake walked over to Katie who had just stuck a bag of popcorn in the microwave.

“I wasn’t sure what to say,” he told her.

“Blake, this isn’t good. I can’t deal with this right now. What am I supposed to say to her? How does she even know what a daddy is? She can’t possibly understand. She’s just too young to comprehend it all.”

Katie plopped down onto the bench at the table, an act that was becoming too regular in her opinion. She laid her head upon her folded arms that were resting on the table.

Katie’s weeping became apparent by her shuddering shoulders and the occasional sniff. She had reason enough for it, so she didn’t fight it. Momentarily, she wondered what it would be like to have Blake next to her, holding her in his arms, while she dealt with stuff like this.

Katie felt Blake’s hand on her back and though her thoughts came to a halt, his touch made her shiver.

“She’s a smart girl. Everything is going to be okay. We’ll figure this out together. Don’t worry. Actually, Katie, where’s he buried?”

Katie glanced up and looked at Blake in confusion. “Why do you care where he’s buried?”

“I was thinking that maybe it would help Micah if we take her to visit her father’s grave site. A visual might help her understand. I think it might even do you some good, too.”

Katie thought about his suggestion and had to admit that it wasn’t such a horrible one. She had never taken Micah to the site, since it had been too painful to think about. She didn’t want her innocent, happy toddler to see a place that housed so much pain. It was where death lived.

In the beginning, she stayed distant from the cemetery in hopes that the torment would go away so that she could pretend none of it had ever happened. Katie quickly learned that pain and memories didn’t work that way. In spite of her actions, in spite of the distance she put between herself and the graveyard or herself and others, it still happened.
Shit still happens.

“I’m open to it,” she told Blake, who waited for her reply. “Maybe after the movie finishes we can head over there. It’s not far, only about a fifteen minute drive.”

“Is it the one in Hackleburg, near the store where everything is a dollar?” Blake asked her. “Sounds like it might be the same one where my sister’s buried.”

Katie thought back to when Blake shared about Brandy. It might be nice to visit her gravesite, too, while they were there.

“Yes, that’s the one. Do you think it’s free from damage?”

“I heard on the radio that the dollar store place just across the street from it was gone—collapsed, just like many of the other places out there. But I would assume the cemetery is OK. We may get there and find a total mess, but I’m up for the adventure if you are. It’ll be nice to go visit my sister’s grave; it’s been a while for me too.”

Katie could tell that the thought of going to the cemetery brought back memories for Blake. He appeared to be daydreaming. She wondered if he was remembering. She wanted to ask him what he was thinking about, but was afraid that his answer would be something totally different and would change the mood, turning it sour. She wanted to steer clear of any mention regarding their staying or leaving.

The day his sister was buried was one of the last memories Blake had of his family all together and not fighting. It didn’t take long for everything to fall apart after that.

His mother became bitter and wouldn’t forgive him or his father. Evidently, it was both of their faults. His father’s fault because it was he who had allowed the two of them to go to the friend’s house in the first place, and it was Blake’s fault for not keeping an eye on his sister.

It was about a year after the burial that Blake’s mother left. She didn’t tell anyone where she was headed. They’d all assumed that she’d gone out to get groceries, but she never returned. She left everything in its place. Didn’t even pack a bag.

It took Blake a long time to stop feeling responsible. He thought perhaps it was something he had done that day to make his mother so mad that she grabbed her purse and left. The guilt over his sister’s death and his mother’s abandonment left him a target for his father. He began blaming Blake for running off all of the women that he loved. That’s about the time his father started gambling. The man was never home, it was always about the next big game. Money dwindled and Blake became a burden—just one more expense.

It’s common to hear about children put into foster care to protect them from abusive parents, but Blake was an exception. He wasn’t taken, but rather offered up by his own parent. Unwanted. His dad called Social Services one day after Blake had returned from school and told them that he didn’t want “the kid” anymore. Thus began Blake’s teenage years of jumping from one home to another.

He sat trapped in his own thoughts as Katie and Micah finished the movie together on the couch. He wondered how much of his story he should share with Katie. How much could she handle? Could she fall for a man that grew up in a family life as twisted as his had been? Even if she did decide to give him a chance, those facts would surely end up changing her mind and scaring her away.

Blake looked at the two on his couch who had quickly become “his girls” in his mind, and he began dreading the day that they would pack up and leave. He expected it would be coming sooner rather than later, but he hoped he was wrong. He so desperately wanted to be wrong.

Micah jumped at the tone of King Tritons’ outbursts and Blake considered that perhaps this movie was too much for a two-year-old to be watching. His gage on things like that wasn’t very good. He’d never had to think about it before. He loved children, but didn’t have much experience with them. He walked over to the couch and sat down next to Micah.

“Is it too scary?”

Blake directed the question to Micah, but looked up at Katie with the same question in his eyes. Katie shrugged her shoulders as if she wasn’t completely sure either. They’d find out together.

“The king is angry because he’s worried about his daughter,” Katie said to her little girl, trying to help explain and lighten the tone of the scene.

Blake smiled at the way she put words together so Micah could understand them. He loved Katie’s own little interpretations. When the movie ended, Micah was rubbing her eyes as if she was beginning to get sleepy again.

Katie grabbed her bag and walked to the truck. “We should probably try to keep her awake until we head back, or she won’t sleep tonight” she told him.

Blake smiled, thinking of a sleeping baby in his truck. As they opened the door, he realized that once again the trip wasn’t doable. He didn’t have a car seat for Micah. He could kick himself for not buying one the other day when he went to Target. Why hadn’t he thought about this predicament until now?

“What are we going to do about a seat?” he asked Katie.

“Oh, I forgot to mention that. Jill left the one that she kept in her car for us. It’s in the bedroom. I’ll run and get it.”

Katie was about to hand Micah to Blake, but he interrupted.

“No, you stay here, I’ll go grab it for you.”

Blake ran back towards the house. He found himself questioning if Katie watched him as he left, remembering the many times he himself watched her walk away. He felt a little self-conscious as his feet met the ground.

Blake returned with the bulky car seat and worked on getting it buckled properly in the back of his pick-up truck. Once the little balance bubble on the side of the base showed that everything was centered and safe for traveling, he lifted Micah up into it and fastened the little buckles around the little girl. Blake walked over to the passenger side and opened the door for Katie.

“Look Blake, you don’t have to be like this. I’ve already told you, we can’t stay here. I can’t go there with you. Please, stop trying to convince me otherwise.”

Blake’s face tensed up.

“I’m just trying to be a gentleman. I would open the door for you regardless of my feelings.”

Katie jumped as Blake shut the door after she had scooted up onto the seat. He wondered if he had frightened her with his intensity. Everything he had done lately had been intense. Saving her, expressing his feelings for her, he wondered if she was afraid of him.
Surely not.

Blake slid across the front of the truck while smiling at Katie, in the hopes of lightening the mood. He wasn’t sure whether or not it worked.