Say You Love Me (31 page)

"I'm not pouting," he said tonelessly.

"Then if you aren't mad, why have you ignored me all day? Is something wrong?" Suddenly she started to worry that maybe he was actually beginning to feel he had made a mistake. After all, it was going to take a lot of patience and understanding between the two of them, as well as from all of his people, for her to adjust to such a totally foreign way of life. Or maybe that was not it at all. Maybe an Indian girl was waiting to marry him, and he was wondering how she would react.

He cast a sideways glance at her and saw how her brow was furrowed with anxiety. "I just have a lot on my mind, Jacie. It has nothing to do with you," he lied, wanting to put her at ease. "But I was disappointed you didn't come last night," he added.

"I was afraid someone would hear me sneaking out."

"Someone might hear you tonight, but don't let that stop you. I miss having you sleep in my arms." His smile was warm.

She was not sure she could do it, was not sure of anything right then.

Luke could see she was still tense. "Many things are going to be different, Jacie. We both know that. Your new life isn't going to be easy, I'm afraid. But don't worry. I'll help you every step of the way. I don't intend to ever let you go."

Her eyes began to shine to think of all the tomorrows they would share, and the uneasiness left her face as she said, "Luke, I can look back now and see my old life wasn't easy, because I was trying to make myself believe in a love that was not meant to be. I've found my true love, and I don't intend to ever lose you."

His breath caught in his throat to see the love mirrored on her beautiful face. "Come here," he said huskily, reaching to take her reins and pull her pony close beside his stallion.

Their lips met and held in a searing kiss of silent avowal of love, and she clung to him and felt the familiar shudder of desire. Forcing herself to pull back, she warned him in a shaky voice, "If we don't stop this, we won't reach your camp till morning."

"You just come to me when you can." He kissed her once more and somehow knew she meant what she said, that she would never leave him.

Digging his heels into his horse's flanks, Luke set him into a full gallop.

It was time to end one journey... and begin another.

* * *

Iris stood at the cooking bag, which she had made by tying the ends of the stomach lining of a buffalo to four poles. It was new, freshly made, and would last three to four days before it became soggy and soft from the heat. Then it too would be eaten. Meanwhile, she was cooking stew and had started the water to boiling by dropping in hot fist-size stones. Then she added meat and prairie turnips.

She was not hungry herself but was helping cook for the other women, who were busy working with the game the hunters had brought in the day before.

There were deer to be skinned and cut for drying, and buffalo, the hides to be treated for tanning to make clothing and blankets. It was a busy season, and they had to work fast, because the men had set out again and would be returning in another day, bringing more trophies to be readied for the cold months of winter ahead.

Iris was about to sample the stew when she heard Gold Elk, who'd been left to guard the camp, calling out to her as he ran from his lookout post. "He is back, Sunstar. He is back."

She set aside the wooden tasting spoon and wiped her hands. Now she could rest easy. Always when Luke was away, she worried, but now he would be home for the winter. But seeing the look on Gold Elk's face as he reached her, Iris was not altogether sure she should relax just yet. "What's wrong?" she asked anxiously. "Is he hurt?"

She started by him, intending to climb to the rocky perch overlooking the trail to watch Luke's approach, but Gold Elk held her back. "He is not hurt."

She laughed, relieved. "Then why do you look so upset? You should be happy. Like me." She started by him again, but he continued to hold her. She was getting annoyed. "What is wrong with you? Let me go."

"I should prepare you. I should tell you he is not alone."

"He has men with him? Some of the renegades have asked to come back into our fold?" She could think of no one else.

Gold Elk hated to tell her, for he was afraid of what it might mean for Luke to return with the woman, sure she was the one from the fort. Like the others, Gold Elk felt deeply for Sunstar and would be sad if she went away. "It is a woman."

Iris began to smile. She was not surprised. It was time for Luke to take a wife. And she was sure she would love her as he did. "Can you tell what band she is from? She is Comanche, isn't she?"

Some of the women had gathered to hear what Gold Elk was saying, and they gasped as one when he announced, "No. She is white."

Iris struggled with her own reaction. Dear God, surely Luke had not taken a woman captive. He would never do such a thing, not since his education at the mission school. She could not imagine his doing something so barbaric as to abduct anyone, man or woman.

Several of the younger woman, unmarried and daring to dream they might be chosen for the wife of their leader, began to wail. "Take them away until they can calm themselves," Iris said, snapping her fingers. She had enough to cope with without having to listen to them.

Gold Elk pointed. "Here they come."

Jacie now rode behind Luke on his stallion, clinging to him, arms about his waist. Peering timidly over his shoulder, she saw the women staring curiously, noting that while their hair was hacked off raggedly, their faces were meticulously painted, with red lines above and below their eyelids, some of them crossed at the corners. Their ears were painted red inside, and both cheeks had been daubed with a solid circle of orange and red. They wore drab, plain dresses of buckskin, and ankle-high moccasins.

But one of them, Jacie noted curiously, stood out and apart from the rest. She was wearing a beaded and fringed blouse of buckskin, a skirt with an uneven hemline that fell to her ankles, and low-cut moccasins. Unlike the others, her eyes were lined in yellow, and the painting on her cheeks was in the shape of a triangle. She heard the woman call out to Luke hesitantly and asked, "Is that your mother?"

"Yes." Luke dismounted, leaving Jacie where she was. "Stay here." He started toward Sunstar.

Iris could see the girl was indeed white, and also that she appeared to be quite pretty, her dark black hair framing a heart-shaped face, but she was too far away to tell anything else about her.

"Oh, my son, don't tell me you have taken a captive," Iris said worriedly when he embraced her. She steeled herself for his admission that he had when he did not step back but kept his hands firmly upon her shoulders.

"She came of her own free will, Mother."

A sigh of relief escaped her lips, and she chided herself for ever doubting him. Then the myriad of questions bubbled forth: "Where did you meet her? How did you meet her? And what is her name?"

Luke glanced over his shoulder long enough to make sure Jacie was obeying him and staying put. Then he took Iris's arm and steered her far enough away from the others that they could not be overheard. He could see Gold Elk anxiously looking on and knew he had figured out who Jacie was.

Iris was feeling apprehensive again, "What's wrong? Why aren't you introducing me to her? I want to meet her—"

"And you will." Luke cupped her chin, forcing her to meet his steady gaze. "But first I want to tell you her name."

His demeanor was making her uneasy. "Go on," she said.

"Her name is—" He drew a ragged breath and held it for a second, then said, "Jacie."

He tensed for her reaction, but she merely stared at him. The name did not register. It had been a long time, and there was no reason to make any connection—yet.

"That's a lovely name. And she's a lovely girl, as best I can tell from here. Take me to meet her. I'm happy for you, Luke. I really am, though I'm afraid there are a few who don't feel the same." She nodded toward the sound of young girls weeping over crumbled dreams.

Luke could feel Jacie's eyes boring into his back and knew she must be wondering what was going on, why he was taking so long, how his mother was reacting to the news. "Her name is Jacie," Luke repeated, more firmly this time, firing the words like bullets, wanting to get it all said as quickly as possible, "She came here from the east to look for her mother, who was taken by Indians more than eighteen years ago. Her father and her brothers were killed. Only she and her aunt, her mother's sister, survived. Her aunt raised her as her own child. Her aunt's name was Violet; she died not long ago...."

But Iris was listening no longer. His hands fell away from her, and she stepped back as if in a trance.

Jacie... Violet...
The names fought to rise above the great roaring within, as she walked toward where the girl sat on the stallion, staring with apprehension.

And in that crystallized moment, everything around Iris faded like the mist at sunrise, and in its place, the past came rushing back, bold and bright—her precious baby, given to her sister to nurse. They had walked away from the wagons to disappear among the rocks and waist-high saw grass. She could see it all so clearly once more. And then came the screams... the awful screams... the gunfire, the hacking of tomahawks and knives and the shrieks of the dying amidst the fire and smoke. A nightmare of long ago, only now it was back but different than before, because all was not lost. And with a great halo of realization bursting all around her, Iris Banner knew that her world had not ended at that scene of carnage all those years ago, because she had only to look into the young girl's eyes to know that she was actually looking inside her very own soul.

"My baby. Oh, dear God, it's my baby..." She was barely able to speak past the swelling of her heart that filled her bosom and squeezed her throat. She held out her arms, tears streaming down to smear the painted red triangles on her sun-bronzed cheeks. Her lips trembled, sobs bursting forth as she cried hoarsely, "Jacie, my baby. It is you. Oh, my precious darling, you're alive. You didn't die. You didn't die."

Jacie blinked, shock momentarily imprisoning her in a velvet cocoon. But then she came alive, and with a scream of joy scrambled from the horse and leapt upon her mother to wrap her arms about her. "I don't believe it. Sweet Jesus, I don't believe it. This can't be so...."

And then they were clinging together, crying together, and Luke motioned to the other women to go back to their tasks, to grant Sunstar and Jacie privacy in their golden moment.

He went to where Gold Elk stood frowning.

"Why did you bring her here?" Gold Elk angrily demanded. "You know she will take Sunstar away."

"Neither of them are going anywhere," Luke was pleased to be able to assure him.

Gold Elk's brows rose sharply. "You are going to make the young one stay? She will be kept against her will?"

Luke gave him a hearty pat on the shoulder. "You ask too many questions. You're worse than a woman. Now go help the men with their hunting and tell them to hurry, because there's going to be a wedding."

Gold Elk let out a loud whoop of joy and ran to his horse. Placing his hands on the animal's rump, he vaulted onto its back, then took off in a cloud of dust. He could not wait to tell the news. Not only had Sunstar found her daughter, but their leader had found a wife.

Still clinging to Jacie, crying unashamedly, Iris started to lead her to the privacy of her tepee, but Luke took Jacie's hand and said, "Mother, let me have a word with her first, please."

Drawing her to one side, he quickly explained why he had lied to her before. "It was selfish, I know, but I love her, too, Jacie, and I didn't want her to be taken away, only to be hurt back in your world."

Jacie could understand that but was hurt herself to think he had planned to send her back without her ever knowing the truth. "It will take me some time to forgive you for almost letting me leave.”

He laughed then, playfully tweaking her nose. "Why do you think I was out there waiting for you, little one? If you hadn't come back, as I was hoping you would, the settlement of Nacogdoches would have had a one-man Indian raid that night, because I assure you I would have turned savage and ridden in there to find you. Then my mother would have been mad at me for taking a white woman captive. Don't you know now I couldn't let you go, Jacie?" he asked tenderly.

She felt warm all over, glowing with more happiness than she ever dreamed possible. She wanted to throw her arms around him and kiss him again and again, and he was likewise having difficulty holding back from embracing her, but neither dared with the women watching from a distance.

"Go now," he told her, their locked gaze conveying secret messages of desire. He wanted her and Sunstar to relive the past eighteen years as quickly as possible so they could begin the rest of their lives—together.

Some of the women obediently and hastily erected Luke's tepee for him, then brought him food and drink. He ate his fill of deer stew and turnips, then wearily sank onto the bed of thick blankets of soft rabbit fur and fell asleep, dreaming of how good it would be to awaken later with Jacie beside him.

* * *

In the mellow glow of the small campfire burning outside the open door of the tepee, Iris drank in the sight of Jacie and thought surely she had to be dreaming. Holding the locket and its daguerreotype, she listened to her daughter's story, then said, "I can understand and forgive why Violet did what she did. She and Judd hadn't been getting along, and she was afraid he wouldn't want to stay married to her once he found out the baby they had both wanted for so long was born dead. With no one to know any different, I suppose it was all too tempting not to go through with such a deception.

"But how were you able to find me?" she went on to ask in wonder. "You had nothing to go on except the story of how I ran away from the fort all those years ago."

"Enough about me," Jacie said, laughing. "Tell me why you did run away. No one could understand."

And Iris obliged, explaining that she had felt she had no reason to go back, and how she had come to feel she belonged with the Comanche, loving Luke as her own son, and yes, she admitted, she had begun to care for Great Bear as well.