Scarlett Epstein Hates It Here (8 page)

xLoupxGaroux: FINALLY, a slash couple: Jason/Gideon. Thanks for throwing me a bone.

WillianShipper2000: idk he seems pretty straight to me! :DD

xLoupxGaroux: babe, the ones who try too hard? they always try too hard for a reason.

DavidaTheDeadly: gideon and ashbot! #yasssss #gidbot?

MorwennaWraith: Hey, been lurking on here since the last chapter!! And OMG YES TOTALLY I THOUGHT I’D BE ALONE. #gidbot

WillianShipper2000: they’re sooo perfect and Gideon doesn’t even know it.

MorwennaWraith: I mean of course he wouldn’t want to be with her bc she’s his father’s invention but . . . romeo and juliet, namsaying?!

DavidaTheDeadly: yes yes yes exactly

MorwennaWraith: #gidbot!! i’m gonna go draw them right now in fact.

DavidaTheDeadly: oh! link when it’s up pls. i need a new pic for my cube.

xLoupxGaroux: Anonymous had better be a hot guy, is all I’m saying.

DavidaTheDeadly: this could be such a great character arc for both of them: gideon helps ashbot realize her worth, ashbot helps gideon not take everything so effing seriously . . .

I’m getting nauseated, so I jump in at this point.

Scarface: Guys, she’s a robot.

MorwennaWraith: That’s not what John would do. He’d make her better than the sum of her parts, LITERALLY

Scarface: But, like . . . maybe she’s just a robot. You know?

DavidaTheDeadly: um . . . no? what do you mean? if that’s true, who’s gideon’s otp?

xLoupxGaroux: Then where’s the story going? She’ll just start and end the same way? That’s kind of dull.

Scarface: She’s literally one step up from a love doll. She’s not his OTP! JESUS. Check yourselves, guys.

xLoupxGaroux: Um, is your DivaCup stuck in you or something? Why are you so worked up about this?

DavidaTheDeadly: when has John ever given us a character that was totally expected? literally 0.00 times; that’s what makes him so good.

MorwennaWraith:
Made
him so good. Ugh ugh ughhhh I hate thinking about it.

DavidaTheDeadly: he’s not dead.

Scarface: tbh you guys are kinda pissing me off.

xLoupxGaroux Gchats me privately.

xLoupxGaroux: OK. I need to know WTF is making you so upset about this. And don’t tell me you’re not.

Scarface: Uh . . . idk.

xLoupxGaroux: Seriously, I’ve never seen you snap at anyone before, even that time people commented on one of your Grecca fics that you stole the concept from
Supernatural
.

Scarface: FOR THE SEVEN MILLIONTH TIME, SIRENS
ARE UBIQUITOUS GREEK MYTHOLOGY THEY’RE NOT ONE PERSON’S “CONCEPT”

xLoupxGaroux: You need a rabies shot.

Scarface: Ugh. Haha. God. I, whatever, I guess I’m weirdly invested because—they’re kind of, a tiny bit, based on people I know? Not entirely. I mean, there are no robots in my life, that I know of, so it’s obviously not the total truth, I’d say uh—it’s the truth
massaged
quite thoroughly.

xLoupxGaroux: You’re kidding.

Scarface: TBH I really wanted to keep us together! And writing! And this just seemed easier, as a starting point.

xLoupxGaroux: So, Gideon’s a real person??

Scarface: Uh

xLoupxGaroux: YES AND YOU’RE OBSESSED WITH HIM

Scarface: Maybe.

xLoupxGaroux: Do you really go to a private school?

Scarface: HAHA. I wish. I go to a public piece-of-shit school. Inside it’s all gray or burnt umber, like a jail. Has anybody in the history of education intellectually flourished inside a “burnt umber” building? I feel like, no. There’s always some big asbestos calamity that seems to travel around the building so we’re constantly
relocating classes—it’s the worst.

xLoupxGaroux: Sounds atrocious. Where do you live?

Scarface: New Jersey.

xLoupxGaroux: That explains it.

Scarface: I know, right? What about you??

xLoupxGaroux: I’m in NYC.

Scarface: NOOOOO

xLoupxGaroux: Yeah!

Scarface: Cannot believe this! I go there all the time! You should give me your cell number, we should hang out next time I’m there! Right??

(xLoupxGaroux is typing . . .)

xLoupxGaroux: yeah def!!

Scarface: I think I’ll be around sometime this month (and hopefully after I graduate, for the rest of my life), what times are you usually free??

(xLoupxGaroux is typing . . .)

I hear the front door open, then slam shut, then hushed giggles: Dawn is home with someone. She’s whispering, tipsy, but the apartment’s small enough for me to catch some of it. “[Something something] not wake her up [something].” More giggles. It’s, like, ten. She thinks I go to bed at nine thirty because by then
I’m in my room with the door shut, with no idea I’m on the forum until one or two
A.M
. every night. Not that she’d care, since I’m not a balding Sears manager who’ll pay for her Sea Breeze and mozzarella sticks at Arby’s.

As I hear them awkwardly shuffle into Dawn’s bedroom, my phone vibrates. It’s Ave.

bad news for you

gideon just asked ashley to the

pls don’t

I try to remember that this kind of stuff doesn’t really matter. I will not ruin everybody’s lunch period tomorrow by repeatedly questioning the fairness of the universe. I will be mature and understanding, gracious and Zen.

I check my Gchat tab. There’s still no answer from xLoupxGaroux.

,
I text to Ave.