Scarred (Book 1, #1) (4 page)

“I was wondering if I could ask you for something else instead.” His voice was deep and the words rolled off his tongue with ease.

Shit! I knew it, she thought. Adonis or not, he was a pervert like the rest of them.

“You can ask,” she said, knowing that her tone was probably diminishing her tip as she spoke, “But I can pretty much assure you if it’s not dancing on this pole, that it’s not going to happen.”

The smile won the battle with his lips then and splayed out across his gorgeous face. His teeth were so white that she almost couldn’t look directly at them.

“I like a woman who sticks to her convictions,” he said. “I wasn’t going to ask you for anything...that might compromise your values or our arrangement, Chloe.” The sound of her name on his lips gave her a chill down her spine. “I was just going to ask you to have a drink with me and talk. You can sit an arm’s length away.”

“I don’t drink at work,” she told him. That was the truth. She wasn’t going to do anything that would alter her thought processes where so many horny men were involved.

“Then just lemon water...isn’t that what you drink between sets?” He asked arching an eyebrow.

She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to be flattered that he knew what she drank between sets or not, but she wasn’t. It kind of gave her the creeps that he knew that.

“I’m not really thirsty yet,” she said. “Look, I don’t want to be rude to you. I know you’re paying a lot of money to watch me dance. But that’s really all I do here...is dance. I was hoping that Roxi went over that with you.”

“She did,” he said. “I’d just like to know more about you than the fact that you’re beautiful and you can dance like an angel when you’re really into it. Maybe you’d agree to dinner...or even lunch sometime...?”

“No, thank you. Would you like me to dance again?” He looked like he was trying to control his amused expression as he said, “Yes, Chloe. Thank you.”

She yelled the next track out to Mike and then she tried to get back into the mode.

Unfortunately all she could see were those beautiful eyes surrounded by the longest lashes she’d ever seen on a man and all she could hear was how sexy her name... “Chloe” sounded rolling off his lips.

––––––––

D
erek didn’t say anything else to her that first night. But when their eyes locked several times, she sensed such a haunted look of sadness in their depths and it made her curious. Then he just smiled at her before he left and once again, left a thousand bucks on the table. At this rate she was going to make more than she did in a month just off tips.

“So, how was it?” Lexi asked as they watched him go out the front door.

“It was fine,” Chloe said.

Lexi could hear how distracted her voice sounded and she said, “Fine? Are you sure there isn’t something going on back there between the two of you?”

“Lexi! Why would you say that? You know me, I don’t play.”

“Look, in the two years that we’ve been working here, you have never once said it was “fine” when I asked you how it went. You’ve been creative with it, you’ve said, “creepy” and “disgusting” and “worse than swallowing my own vomit,” but you’ve never said, “fine.”

Chloe laughed, Lexi was right. She never really thought of dancing for these creeps as “fine.” “He’s just different,” Chloe told her. “He doesn’t even seem like he’s picturing me naked at all. It’s weird...it’s almost like he’s here just to get to know me or get me out on a date.”

“A guy like that could walk into a laundromat and get a date,” she said.

“I know, weird, am I right?” That was exactly why she had to wonder: Why was he here? What were his motives?

“Give me my smokes, will you?”

Lexi handed them to her along with her lighter and she slipped out the back. She was hoping to be alone but as soon as she stepped out the door, she came face to face with Roxi.

“Oh, hi.”

“Hey. How’d it go with Derek Stark?”

“Good. He was a perfect gentleman. Roxi, do you know him at all?”

“No. I know of him and his family. It’s hard to live in Rhode Island long and be around the elite set and not hear the name. Why?”

“I’m just still trying to figure out why me. There are a lot of girls here who would love to strip down to nothing and give him a lap dance.”

“Some men aren’t into that,” she said. “You’d be surprised at what some of them are into.”

“Probably not,” Chloe told her, taking a deep drag off her cigarette. She glanced away for a second and when she looked back, Roxi brought her eyes from Chloe’s back to her face.

“Chloe, you know if you ever need to talk about anything, I’m here to listen.”

“I know. Thanks.” She said. Chloe knew she was talking about the scars. Roxi had seen them before and Chloe had made it clear that she didn’t want to talk about it. Today when Roxi walked into the dressing room, it must have reminded her.

“You don’t have to do everything alone, you know?”

“I know.” Chloe told her. It was a lie though. Being alone for the past two years had given her the confidence to know what she could accomplish and what she could change. It had brought at least a semblance of peace to her soul. It had meant that she didn’t have to worry what she said or did or even looked like it was going to piss someone off enough that by the end of the night she’d be sporting two black eyes and a bloody lip. She was finished with that, for good. Chloe Green wasn’t going to be anyone’s punching bag ever.

****

C
hloe woke up on Friday morning and found herself actually looking forward to work. She tried to lie to herself and say it was just because she was used to the regular exercise that she got when she went in every day...but the truth was that she was looking forward to seeing him. It wasn’t that she was even considering going out with him, or ever having anything pass between them other than a pole dance or two...but damn he was nice to look at.

She took her morning run and on the way back she stopped at the juice bar to pick up an energy drink. While she was standing there waiting for it she saw one of the regulars from the club. His name was Gregory Branson and he’s the administrator of the biggest hospital in the city...or so Roxi and Lexi had told her. She didn’t keep up with who the jerks really are. She didn’t care...usually. But she stood there today leaning on the juice bar and watching this pig have breakfast at an outdoor café with his wife and kiss his toddler son on the cheek and act like he had a right to be any part of that family. She knew for a fact that he was in at least three times a week and he always paid for a private dance with Gretchen and he wanted her to wear knee socks and put her hair in pigtails. Not just a regular pig, a pedophile pig at that.

“Here you go, Miss.” The barista sat Chloe’s drink on the bar. She slid the five dollars across to him, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the family. She felt almost compelled to go over there and tell his wife what he was doing...where he was when she probably thought he was working...

She finally grabbed her drink and forced herself to walk away. She didn’t know what came over her lately. His problems and his wife’s problems were not hers. She had plenty of her own to deal with, like how she ran past the billboard with Derek’s photograph on it this morning for no logical reason at all. She only went that way if she had a class...which she didn’t today. But something about those eyes...

*****

S
he wore a hot pink one-piece suit cut high on the thighs and low in front. Her heels were black again, matching the lace strip along the side of the suit. She took more care than usual with her make-up and she made sure that her long-straight hair was just-so. Lying to herself once again on the way in, she said it was just to make sure her customer was getting his twenty grand and tips worth...since he wasn’t getting to touch anything.

“Hey Mike,” she said on the way back, “Tell Jake I’m ready and give me track three tonight.”

Mike whistled, “Track three and a hot pink! Baby I love you!”

Chloe knew he was kidding. Mike was a great guy and he never hit on any of them for real. He knew they already had enough of that to worry about. She winked at him and stepped onto her private little stage. Derek sat patiently at his table, sipping his drink.

He was wearing a light blue button down tonight...it made his eyes look that much bluer if it was at all possible. The other difference was that next to his drink was a tall glass of ice water...with lemon. Chloe was most definitely not naïve, she knew full well how these guys worked, but for some reason that glass of ice water gave her a warm feeling inside.

Mike turned on the music and her pole lit up and came to life. She let the beat run through her, trying to forget that Derek was watching and she went to work. She started out by lifting her leg and doing a standing split against the pole as she began to gyrate her hips to the music. She let the top leg slowly wrap itself around the pole and then she reached up and grabbed it with two hands. She pulled herself up so that she was about a foot off the ground and then leaned back with her eyes closed and she whipped her long hair in time to the music.

When she opened her eyes, Derek’s were immediately locked onto hers. His facial expression was still neutral and he still had both hands on the table like a perfect gentleman...but she could see desire burning in those eyes tonight and it made parts of her ache that she hadn’t really given much thought to over the past two years.

She made herself re-focus and she used the strength in her arms to swing completely around the pole and lower herself gracefully to the floor. As soon as her heels were on the smooth marble of the mini stage she looked back over at her customer. His beautiful, full lips were curved at the edges and as he looked at her he lifted the water up slightly and offered it in her direction. She shook her head slightly. Again, she wasn’t naïve. She never took anything from any of these guys, even the wealthy good-looking ones. He could have put anything in that water. No thank you. I’ll wait until the set is over and Lexi will fix me a drink.

Chloe launched herself back up onto the pole as high as she could reach and wrapped her legs around it. Inching up so she was a few feet off the floor, she let go with her left hand and then used her right one to launch herself into a spin. She let go with her right hand then and holding on to the pole only with her legs she arched her back and spun around. She kept her eyes closed the first time, but as she geared up to spin once more she glanced over in Derek’s direction and she saw him shift slightly in his seat.

He still wasn’t touching himself. He still wasn’t being disgusting like the rest of them, but Chloe knew enough about men to know that his current state of desire had to be uncomfortable. She willed herself not to smile. That wasn’t ever a good thing. She’d fought off more than one creep until Jake extracted him...None of it was sexy or appealing to her in any way. Then why was she suddenly so turned on? Why was she in a state that she hadn’t allowed herself to be in for so long? Even her breathing was affected. What was the difference in those creeps and this one? Chloe had no idea. The only difference she was aware of was that none of them had been Derek Stark.

––––––––

C
hloe woke up on the last day that she was supposed to dance for Derek with a strange sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She wondered if he would still come into the club when “their” week was over, and even more importantly, she wondered why she cared. She had never cared before. She’d never yearned to dance for any of them. She had never felt like she was losing something when they went away. As a matter of fact, it had always been quite the opposite. She’d always felt nothing but relief to get rid of the clingy ones. It was like calling the exterminator and watching him carry out the rodent carcass. There was nothing but relief that the creepy thing was gone and she wouldn’t have to live in fear any longer of it touching her...even slightly.

She sat up in bed and reached into her dresser drawer retrieving her journal. She opened it and sat with her pen poised and her thoughts racing before finally writing. 

June 5, 2011

I woke up this morning with a feeling I haven’t felt in years. It was a feeling that I can only describe as longing. I used to long for things. I longed to escape my nightmare of my childhood. I achieved that and I was doing well...better than well, I was doing great. Then when I first met Jesse, I longed for him to love me. Once he told me that he did and we moved in together. I ultimately began to long for a day without fighting and then a day without pain and a day without fear and finally a day without chains that bound me to a life I had come to despise.

When I woke up in the hospital with a slice down the side of my body that looked like someone had tried to gut me like a fish I decided that longing was no longer an option. I would no longer long for freedom, I would just pursue it and once I achieved it, I’d never let it go. I no longer longed for someone to love me...I learned to love myself. I took the option of longing off the table, two years ago. Longing for things put you in a vulnerable state and that’s a place I never intended to be put in again. So why do I suddenly find myself longing for things now? Why do I long to know what his fingertips would feel like on my face or what his lips would taste like pressed up against mine...Why, when I know how dangerous that is? What if instead of his fingertips he’s the kind of man that wants to use his fists. What if his lips taste like whiskey at seven in the morning and again at ten at night...what if he’s just like Jesse?

I think if I have to ask those questions, then I’m not ready yet. I’ll go to work tonight and I’ll do my last dance for the pervert who just happens to be wrapped up in a much nicer package than the rest of them and then I will continue to move forward with my life. I’ll leave the longing here on these pages because here it can’t hurt me or set me back.

Chloe put the journal back into her dresser drawer and got up. She didn’t have any classes today so after her shower she dressed and made her way down to the beach. The coastline was dazzling in the morning sun with its pallid white strip of cliffs, some jagged and others folded, dwindling out into the distant horizon. Below the cliffs were beaches of rocks with barnacles growing across them. Each little rocky beach was separated by wooden groynes stretching out to meet the advancing waves.