Scars of the Heart (24 page)

Though they rode from before the sun peeked above the horizon to the last light of day, Kade stayed mindful of Carly’s comfort. He offered to stop often. If they camped near water, he allowed her the luxury of a bath. He always hunted for and prepared their dinner, declining her help and managing to keep his kills from her until they were cooked and made her mouth water.

Carly never complained, tried to pull her own weight, and constantly found herself dreaming, not of the lush green of Virginia but of deep-chocolate eyes and rich cinnamon skin.

They hadn’t spoken of the passionate embrace they’d shared in the passageway, nor had it happened again. Carly couldn’t help but wonder where that may have led if they hadn’t been interrupted by the scoundrels and their firecrackers. The whole thing confused her, as did these new feelings she experienced and couldn’t control. Kade had made his feelings perfectly clear after the night she’d taken the garantoquen. So why had he kissed her outside the livery? And why had he agreed to take her on to Marshall?

How Carly longed for her mother. She felt ill-equipped to deal with these new emotions and needed answers to her questions. Momma had tried once to speak with Carly about love and men and private relations, but she had squelched that conversation quickly. Embarrassment and lack of interest in such things drove her to avoid the topic and erase it from her mind. She’d flitted from one young suitor to the next, finding none worth her attention or affection. They were necessary as escorts to parties and picnics. They were fun to dance with and flirt with. But not one intrigued her with wit, conversation, or accomplishment.

“Can you give me a hand?”

Kade startled Carly from her wandering thoughts. He stood in the doorway of an abandoned shack they’d found. The structure was quite small with holes in the roof, but he’d said he hoped it would provide some protection from the approaching storm. Carly hurried to help.

“I found some wild carrots and other edible roots near the stream out back. If that cook pot over in the corner will hold water, we can have rabbit stew for supper.”

Carly took some of the vegetables and carried them to the hearth near the small fire. Upon inspection of the cooking pot, she assured Kade all it needed was a good scrubbing. She set to work cleaning his harvest while he went outside to skin the guest of honor.

Later, as Carly helped herself to a second serving of the delicious soup, she noticed Kade had barely touched his first bowlful. “Don’t you care for your dinner? I think it rivals the best stew Betsy ever made.”

Kade pushed his bowl to the center of the table and stood. He walked slowly over to the hearth. Squatting, he took a stick from the dying fire and poked at the embers, waking them for one last dance. “Guess I’m not too hungry.”

Her dinner forgotten, Carly joined her pensive companion. She’d seen the worry lines grow deeper as they neared their destination. She felt his apprehension. He’d said little about his past. Through the little he had said and the other clues offered along the way, Carly guessed his returning to Texas was dangerous, physically and emotionally.

She lowered herself cross-legged to the floor. From her vantage point, Carly watched the flames brush liquid gold along his cheekbones and chin. “What happened, Kade? What happened to make you leave the ranch that your grandparents and parents worked so hard to build, the home you obviously loved?”

Carly didn’t really believe he would answer. Kade had proven to be a private man, a mystery of sorts. And until now, she hadn’t really needed to know. Perhaps she had been so consumed with questions about her future that she hadn’t cared about his past. But now, well, now it mattered. It seemed to matter a great deal. Who or what had hurt this strong, simple, caring man? What had happened to set him on the journey that had eventually crossed paths with hers?

“Little Bird told me about your father. About how he had a vision and left the tribe in search of its meaning. She told me how he saved your mother from drowning and about their great love for one another. What happened to them, Kade? How did they die? Did you kill them? Is that why you’re wanted for murder?”

“No!” He whirled and stared down at her. “How could you think such a thing? I loved my parents.”

“I—I didn’t mean—well, not that you would’ve, um, done anything intentionally. I just . . .” Carly took a deep breath. She’d gone too far. She never really believed he had killed anyone. And certainly not his parents. “I’m sorry. That came out all wrong. I was just curious, you know.”

He looked at her for a very long moment, then turned back to the fire. Carly was about to rise and clean up after their meal, certain he would not share his story with her, when Kade finally spoke again, his voice low and steady.

“They did share a great love. So great was my father’s love for my mother, he gave up life as he knew it to live with her and her father on their ranch. It wasn’t really a sacrifice. My father loved working with the animals and was good at it. He made friends easily among the white people. It helped that my mother’s parents were some of the first to settle in the area and were well-known and respected.

“The ranch grew, and the family prospered. They worked hard, but they were happy. I was happy, growing up in such a loving home, helping to carve a life out of the rugged land. We visited the Pawnee at least once a year. My parents taught me to be equally proud of the roots that entwined to form our family.”

Kade sighed and leaned his forearms on the mantel. He trained his dark gaze on the last of the orange flames.

“My grandfather died of a bad heart when I was ten. A year later, my father was killed on a cattle drive. Lightning spooked the herd. They stampeded. The crew chief told my mother that my father went in to save a young hand who had been caught in the middle and knocked off his horse. The fall broke his leg. My father had to dismount to hoist the boy to the saddle. The boy got out. My father didn’t.”

Carly barely heard the next sentence. Low, rumbling thunder threatened to drown out the quiet words. She rose from her seat by the fire to move closer to Kade.

“I had begged to go on that drive. My mother forbid it, promising I could go when I turned thirteen. Said I’d be man enough then. That boy was just thirteen.”

The first few drops of rain tapped against the window. Within seconds, the shower intensified, sending sheets of water running down the pane and fat drops dripping from the ceiling to the dusty floor. Kade seemed not to notice. Carly quickly placed an odd assortment of chipped and broken bowls around the room beneath the leaks. She took two cups to the hearth and filled them with steaming coffee. Kade’s gaze slowly drifted to meet hers. He took the offering and moved to sit at the table. Once she joined him, he continued.

“The ranch was the largest, most successful for miles and miles around. We got along fine, with the help of the crew. My mother met every challenge head-on. She and my father had made a great team. I had already learned a lot from both of them. She wanted me to go to a university, get a real education. Wanted to send me east.”

He looked up from the mug he held between his palms. Carly thought she noted a hint of amusement in his eyes.

“I just wanted to stay with her and help run the ranch. We had several heated discussions about it during the next few years until, in a way, she settled on a compromise.”

Kade took a swig of the scalding black liquid just as a streak of lightning raced across the sky, flooding the tiny room with light for the briefest moment. A rumble of thunder rode in its wake. Carly shivered.

After another swift sip, he set the cup on the table, stood and began to pace in front of the dying embers. She turned in her seat to watch him.

“A man had moved to town, an eastern
gentleman
, a widower. He started out just sitting with us at Sunday morning worship, then joining us at the picnics afterward. Next thing I knew, he and his son were coming out to the ranch to bring our usual weekly staples from the mercantile or to inspect a thoroughbred he hoped to purchase.”

Carly’s mind reeled.
An eastern gentleman! How divine.
But why did she have the feeling Kade didn’t share her opinion?      

“We were eating dinner together one evening, and they told us. Just like that. They’d been married that afternoon. No proper church wedding. No celebration. Just the legal and binding certificate from the circuit judge.

“I couldn’t believe it, and I said as much. My mother didn’t love him. I could see it in her eyes. She just thought I needed a father. And she wanted me to have an education, to be able to read and write beyond what she could teach me, so that I could help make a difference, she used to say.

“Our crew chief had bought a track of land and started his own spread, took several of our hands with him. It had been a rough few months, but we were going to be just fine. I tried to get her to see she was making a mistake. She thought she was doing right by me, the best thing for both of us. But she wasn’t. I tried to tell her.”

Lightning cracked and thunder boomed. The little shack shook beneath the brunt of nature’s wrath. Carly moved to stand nearer Kade and the fire.

“My mother said I didn’t understand. I was too young to understand. She started crying. The only other times I saw her cry were when my grandfather and my father died.”

He stood quietly for a long while, leaning with his forearms resting on the mantel once again. Carly took a step closer, placing a tentative hand on his arm. “You were a boy. You didn’t mean to hurt her. Surely she realized you were simply confused, threatened by another man trying to take your father’s place. Seems a natural reaction to me. I’m sure with time, you all worked things out.”

He said nothing, simply continued to stare at the waning coals. She thought she felt his muscles bunch beneath his skin.

“You, uh, said your parents were both dead. How did your mother die?”

“The mumps, a year later. She’d gone to a neighboring town to help at an orphanage when the children got sick. They gave the disease to her. She gave it to me. I’ve often wished I’d died right along with her. Not sure why I didn’t.”

“I’m sorry, Kade. I’m sorry about both of your parents. But see, your mother was right. You did need a stepfather, a new family. How fortunate for you that they were there. Where is he now, Kade? What has become of your stepfather?”

Lightning split the night sky as a clap of thunder shook the heavens. The storm pounded the feeble little cabin with relentless fury. Carly shivered against the onslaught. The cowboy seemed impervious to the storm raging outside as his own personal storm built within. She added more wood to the glowing embers and studied her companion’s face as the warm light reached his dark features.

“Kade? What happened to your stepfather?” She waited a long moment as nothing but the sound of the storm and the crackling fire filled the space between them. When he turned toward her, his eyes held a quiet fury. His answer stole her next breath.

“I killed him.”

The words hung thick in the air. Though spoken softly, they rang in Carly’s ears louder than the wind pounding relentlessly against the small structure.

Kade whirled and, in three long strides, stood at the shanty’s door. He opened it, letting in cool, clean air and gusts that threatened the life of the little fire in the hearth. The rain angled away from the shack’s entry, but the wind carried a hint of moisture and refreshing crispness. Offering Carly only his rigid back, he shoved his hands in his pants’ pockets as the dark night buffeted him with all the force it could muster.

She sensed their conversation had come to an end. Perhaps Kade had reached his limit, could simply share no more. Perhaps he felt she couldn’t handle any more. In truth, Carly wasn’t sure she could. She wanted to know what had happened between him and his stepfather. She wanted to know the details. And yet she didn’t. Though that man in Destiny had seemed so certain, Carly hadn’t allowed herself to imagine Kade as a murderer, even when he’d forced that wanted poster into her hands. She simply couldn’t believe him capable. But Kade himself declared it a fact. His own words to her shattered the illusion she’d held on to.
I killed him.

A shudder pushed Carly a step closer to the fire as she hugged herself tightly with trembling arms. She hadn’t realized how fiercely she’d been defending Kade in her own mind. A great debate had ensued; one part of her declared him a savage half-breed capable of every heinous act she’d come to witness in this barbaric land, while another part of her focused on his gentle and compassionate spirit.

Carly raked her fingers through her hair and, with a heavy sigh, turned her gaze from the leaping flames to the black silhouette framed in the cabin’s doorway. He had relaxed enough to lean against the rough wooden surround, but Kade continued to stare stoically into the colorless night.

Who was this man that had entered her life so oddly, so abruptly, yet appeared to be her salvation? What a conundrum he seemed. He had, indeed, saved her from what would’ve been a terrible life with Tiny. Kade had shown care and consideration for her while they traveled together and a deep love for his Pawnee family. Yet Carly had seen glimpses of a dark, brooding soul, evidence of a rage that burned just below the surface and could be called upon in a moment. The cowboy had proven adept with fists and weapon, not adverse to using either to inflict pain and suffering. But he’d made sure Fletcher and Buck made it safely out of the burning livery in Destiny. He’d saved their sorry souls but readily admitted to her that he’d taken his stepfather’s life, and without a shred of regret in his voice or eyes.

Carly shook the conflicting thoughts from her mind. She needed to tidy up after their meal. She needed sleep. She needed answers she knew neither her stormy companion nor the blustering night would provide.

As the couple rode into Marshall, the drab and dreary gray evening matched their combined moods. A chilly north wind foretold the shift of the seasons, but Carly refused to press her body against Kade for warmth.