Scars of the Heart (30 page)

“Kade?” She peered at him, then back at the little dancing flames.

“Yes?”

He seemed lost in his own thoughts, though not tense. She cleared her throat. “I need to apologize to you.” Again she looked at the cowboy and now found him staring at her. He waited for her to continue.

“When you showed me the wanted poster, when you told me you killed your stepfather, after hearing that man in Destiny call you a murderer, I assumed the worst. I didn’t even consider that an accident caused your stepfather’s death. I just thought . . .” Carly’s voice trailed away. In her shame, she couldn’t meet Kade’s gaze, but she felt it on her.

A tangible silence stretched between them, and just when she thought she couldn’t stand another second, Kade’s quiet voice broke the stillness.

“It’s okay, Carly. I suppose I feel so responsible for the man’s death, it’s almost as if I, too, consider myself a murderer.”

She turned toward him and saw that Kade stared again at the small blaze. But she knew that’s not what he saw. She could tell by the turmoil within those dark eyes that the scene he replayed in his mind came from another place, another time. It was one that caused him much pain, one that left a gaping wound that Kade himself refused to let heal.

“Will you tell me what happened?” Her voice was barely more than a whisper. For a moment, she wondered if he had heard her above the occasional crackle of the fire and the night sounds riding on the breeze. Then he heaved a deep sigh and met her anxious gaze. Another moment passed before he began.

“At first, Proctor seemed like a decent enough man. I knew that the ranch was a lot for my mother to handle on her own, especially after half the hands left. I did as much as I could, but all the buying and selling, all the bookkeeping and bill paying fell to her. She’d be up half the night sometimes, trying to sort through it all and make sure we survived. When she married him, I assumed it was for that reason. He had been a successful businessman, and I hoped he could help. Maybe provide her with tenderness and be someone to grow old with. So I accepted him and her argument that he could assist with my education.”

Kade stopped, stood, and retrieved the scattered cards from the floor and the coffee tin. He took a long drag from the cheroot. Carly watched quietly as the tip glowed bright red in the dimly lit room. When he returned to the stool, he gazed again at the fire.

“The first time he hit me, I was twelve. My mother had gone to town. I had been replacing a busted rail in the corral and didn’t get the gate secured. The horses got out. I ran to the house to ask him and Nelson Jr. to help me round them up before dark. Next thing I knew, Nelson Sr. sent me sprawling with a backhanded blow and then let loose with a string of curses the likes I never heard, not even from the wranglers.”

Kade absentmindedly ran a thumb along his bottom lip. “When he saw the blood, he got mad all over again. He grabbed me so fast, I thought he’d hit me a second time, but he shook me hard, told me I was not to tell my mother what had happened, told me to tell her that I’d hurt myself in the corral. Said if I told her the truth, it would cause problems between them. Said if that happened, he’d have to send us away—he’d take the ranch and send us packing. Said when they married, everything she had became his by law. I didn’t know any better, and I sure wasn’t going to be the cause of us losing the ranch, so I did as instructed.”

Kade took another drag of the little cigar and slowly shuffled the cards from one hand to the other. “After that, I could never be sure what would set him off. He acted fine when my mother was around but mostly unpredictable when she wasn’t. And it gave him an odd thrill to whip me in front of his boy. Junior seemed to enjoy it as well, smiling, gloating. Sometimes he’d concoct stories of my supposed wrongdoing just to see if he could fan his father into a frenzy.”

Carly realized she held her breath. Both hands splayed across her chest, covering the heart that ached for the boy Kade had been. “I’m so sorry, Kade. I had no idea.”

He looked at her softly. “You see—that’s why I couldn’t leave you to the likes of Tiny. So much about him reminded me of Proctor; the drinking, his girth, even the single eye and eye patch. I couldn’t let Carl live another day in fear and pain.” He paused but kept his sights trained steadily on Carly as he continued.

“After my mother died, I thought of leaving, but I couldn’t. That ranch was home. My grandparents and parents had carved it out of the wilderness. It was their dream. They are buried there. I knew I had to ride out the storm, find a way someday to get rid of Proctor and his son.

“A few months after my seventeenth birthday, I had gone to the barn to bed down the horses for the night. I heard the porch door slam and heard him bellow. He’d been drinking, and I knew immediately what would happen when he found me. I hid, hoping he’d give up and go back to his bottle. But he didn’t. He came to the barn, yelling my name, mad about something that I can’t even recall now. I could hear him from where I hid in the dark, stalking me like I was prey. When he did find me, he had a riding quirt in his hand.”

Carly gasped as her mind jumped between the scene Kade painted before her and one burned in her memory. For a moment, she was once again that frightened girl cringing in a dead-end alley in Leavenworth.

“Something inside me snapped, Carly. My spirit refused to take another whipping from that devil. I blocked the first blow, making him even angrier. In a rage, he lashed out again and again. I was younger, leaner, quicker. I dodged every strike and told him it had to stop, that I would no longer endure undeserved punishment by his hand. But he was in a rage. He let loose a roar and charged me. I dove out of the way, and he tripped. At first, when he didn’t get up, I thought he simply struggled with his bulk or that his drunkenness overtook him. Then I heard a strange gurgling sound, a sickening sound.”

Kade struggled with that memory. Before she could think about her action, Carly reached out and placed her hand on his arm. She wanted to hold him, to comfort and protect him somehow, to chase away all the bad, all the painful, to heal the hurt.

For a moment, the only sound came from the gently crackling embers. Even the cicadas had stilled, as if they too waited for Kade to continue. Green eyes searched brown ones, and the fathomless depths revealed layers of guilt and anguish. Finally, softly, he continued.

“Proctor had fallen on the pitchfork I’d been using. When I rolled him over, there was so much blood, too much blood. I tried to stop the bleeding, covering the hole in his neck with my hands. But it was useless. He tried to say something, then just looked up at me with that single eye and died.”

Kade took another drag from his cigar and seemed to consider the glowing tip for a minute. “I swear I didn’t mean for it to happen. I didn’t want the man dead. I would never have . . .”

“I know.” Carly’s hand still rested on his arm. “I can’t imagine how terrible that was for you. But didn’t you tell the authorities this story? Didn’t you tell them what happened? Why do they think you murdered the man when it was only an accident?”

Kade stood. “Nelson Jr. He told them that he came to the barn when he heard a ruckus and saw me lunge at his father with the pitchfork, burying it in his neck and shoulder.” Kade moved to the fire and knelt. With a stick, he stirred the embers then placed a few small tree branches on top of the angry red pile.

“Why would Junior say that, Kade? And why would the authorities believe his word over yours?”

He sighed heavily. “The tension between the Indians and the white settlers had been mounting for some time. I noticed more and more often, when people looked at me, all they saw was Indian. They saw a threat. Folks I’d known most of my life. All it took was Junior’s suggestion of violence, and they were on his side. When they came to arrest me, I ran. I ran as far and as fast as I could. And I’ve been running ever since.”

He rose from in front of the hearth and returned to his stool. Carly watched a look of resolve replace the guilt on Kade’s features.

“No more running. I have to find a way to settle this and make the truth be known. I have to find a way to get my ranch back.”

“Junior was a boy then, scared and confused having just lost his father. Perhaps now, now that he’s grown, surely he’ll tell the truth now if you talk with him.”

“No, he won’t change his story after so much time. You heard him in the courtroom. He won’t admit he lied. The ranch is all he has. I’ve learned that Nelson Jr. has a problem controlling his drinking and his gambling. Word is he’s spent all his inheritance and is now selling off sections of the ranch.”

Carly stood and began pacing the compact area. “There has to be a way. We have to get him to admit that he wasn’t in the barn that night, that he didn’t see a thing. Then they have to take you at your word.”

“I think he was there, Carly.” Kade stood. “I’ve been replaying that night in my mind so often lately, little details have started to come back to me. I remember a noise, like a muffled moan coming from somewhere in the dark, after I rolled Proctor over. Then another sound, like a creaking hinge, after he took his last breath. I think Junior had come to watch the fun, come out to watch his daddy whip me. I think he saw the whole thing.”

She let the new information sink in. “That’s great news, Kade. Then he knows good and well his father’s death was an accident. We just have to get him to admit it.”

Kade sat back down and picked up the cards. He resumed shuffling the deck from one hand to the next. “Yeah, but how? He’ll never come clean now. He’d lose face, and he’d lose the ranch, and it’s all he has.”

Carly continued pacing. Her mind worked feverishly. Suddenly she stopped and faced the cowboy. “We use his weaknesses against him. We get him to drinking. Somewhere public, with lots of witnesses. We get him to talking, to slip up and tell the truth.”

“Carly, the man’s not going to have a conversation with me, certainly not going to let down his guard when I’m around.”

“He might not with you, but perhaps he will with me.” Excitement bubbled in her words.

“I don’t know, Carly. I don’t want you involved in this. How could you get Junior in a situation where he’d spill his guts anyway?”

She sat down quickly on the stool and placed both her hands on Kade’s, covering the cards he still held. “Poker! I’ll join his poker game, make sure he’s drinking, and then get him to talking. I’ll trip him up somehow, get him to admit the truth in front of witnesses. He’ll clear your name, and you’ll have your freedom and your ranch.”

He looked at her incredulously. “Poker! Carly, this isn’t an easy game. You don’t know the first thing about poker.”

“Shows what you know.” Carly sat up straight and tall, shoulders back, chest out. “Seems that I preferred the company of the wranglers and the soldiers to that of Marshall’s society darlings. I dined alone most evenings at the café until one or more of the fellas began joining me. Then they’d start up a game after supper. I had nothing to rush home to, so I’d stay and watch. One evening they asked me if I wanted to learn to play. I picked it up very quickly and found the game to be great fun. Before I left, I was holding my own, Kade Roberts.”

She noticed the amused look on her companion’s face. He slowly shook his head.

“These guys don’t play for fun, Carly. They play serious poker. I appreciate your willingness, but this is a bad idea. Not only do I not want you involved, I just don’t think it will work.” Kade leaned forward with his elbows resting on his knees. “I don’t just
think
it won’t work. I
know
it won’t.”

In one swift movement, she grabbed his hat and cigar. Placing the hat on her head, she took a long drag from the cheroot, blowing the sweet smoke in Kade’s astonished face. With a cock of her brow, Carly smiled. “Wanna bet?”

Kade had been quizzing Carly for several minutes, testing her newfound poker knowledge. She’d been able to identify which hand beat another and answered his questions about betting. Still he remained unconvinced. While it seemed likely she could draw Junior’s attention—after all, she was a very attractive woman—it made Kade uncomfortable to put her right in the middle of this mess.

She saw his skepticism and felt her impatience and irritation grow. “Seriously, Kade, it’s not like I’m placing myself in danger. Either Junior will let me join a game and become chatty, or he won’t. It’s that simple.”

“Don’t you think Junior will recognize you as the woman who showed up in court that day with my bail money?”

“Yes, I thought of that, too. We’ll need an explanation.” After a moment, she shrugged. “Why don’t I just tell him the truth? I owed you money. I don’t like to be indebted to anyone. I was in town, heard of your predicament, simply took the opportunity to settle up. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“Nothing more, nothing less, huh?”

“I think I can make him believe that story, that I have no interest in your fate or your past.”

“Maybe you can.” He scratched his head and narrowed his eyes as he considered her. “I don’t like it. There’s too many unknowns. What if he’s suspicious?”

“I’ll think of something.  I’ll improvise.”  She tilted her head to one side. “If it doesn’t work, then we move on to your plan.” She watched as he turned to stare out the door into the night. “Remind me—what exactly is your plan?”

Now Kade’s irritation mounted. A little muscle twitched in his jaw. “I need to see how you play. I’m not sending you in until I’m sure you can at least hold your own. It’s a private game in a small room, so I can’t be there to help you or protect you.”

Kade flipped the wooden box upside down to provide a larger playing surface and began to shuffle the cards in earnest. He noticed Carly’s eyes widen under arched brows.

“You can’t be serious! You want me to
audition
?”

“If that’s how you want to think of it. I just want to see if you can really pull this off, and maybe I can teach you a few things.” He nodded toward her empty stool. “Sit down. Let’s play.” Kade removed a small fold of bills from his pocket.