Scrimmage Gone South (Crimson Romance) (30 page)

“I’ve told you,” he said. “There’s no need for all that. I want you anyway.”

And then she finally understood. This was the price of magic.

• • •

Why was someone ringing the doorbell in the middle of the night? Except there was too much light seeping through Tolly’s eyelids for it to be the middle of the night. She opened one eye and groaned when she saw the clock. Almost 11
A.M.
Small wonder, though. She’d hardly slept at all.

The bell rang again. And no chance of Kirby answering it. He’d be long gone to Shaun’s house where there was an eating and college football watching marathon in progress. Maybe if she lay here quietly, whoever it was would go away.

But no. More ringing. She got up and pulled her robe on over Nathan’s football jersey. She hadn’t been sleeping in it lately, hadn’t needed it. Yet last night it was the only thing that would do.

She made her way toward the door.
Please, God. Don’t let it be him. I really can’t stand it today.

She opened the door. After a week like she’d had, Tolly thought there was nothing else that could have surprised her. She was wrong. Unless she was dreaming. That was more possible than who she found on her doorstep.

“Hello,” the woman said. She had not lost her southern accent. “I’m Arianna.”

But identifying herself was not necessary. Even if she had not been a supermodel, Tolly would have known her anywhere. He looked just like her.

Frozen. The ice did its job
too
well. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t speak.

Arianna offered her hand. “And you must certainly be Townshend.” She used the smile that Nathan brought out when he really wanted something. Badly.

“Tolly,” she said. “Please. Everyone calls me Tolly.” Everyone but
him
. She wondered if Arianna had gotten the name from Nathan or the media. Because truly, she knew nothing about what communication passed between those two, if any.

Arianna smiled again. “Tolly, then. Ah, those southern nicknames. Almost as charming as the double names. And think, if the two had been combined, you could have been Tolly Lou.”

“Doubtful,” Tolly said. “My mother barely tolerated Tolly. I don’t think she would have gone for Tolly Lou at all.”

“I must apologize.” Arianna looked at her robe. “I see that I have wakened you.”

“Not at all,” Tolly lied.

Arianna raised an eyebrow and looked past her. Fabulous. She was assuming Nathan was in there somewhere, probably naked.

“I mean, yes you did. I was sleeping. But I shouldn’t be this time of morning. Come in. Please.”

She stepped aside and Arianna entered. And there they were, two southern women, pretending this wasn’t awkward, pretending this situation wasn’t extraordinary. They squared off like two warriors with only their manners for armor.

“Can I offer you something?” Tolly asked. “Coffee will only take a few minutes. Unless you prefer tea?” Did she even have any teabags that weren’t Lipton family size, for iced tea? Why hadn’t she just gone ahead and offered her eggs Benedict and a Bellini?

“Nothing for me.” Arianna peeled off lambskin gloves that it was in no way cold enough for. “But you go ahead.”

“No, no. I’m fine. May I take your coat?”

Arianna surrendered her camel cashmere coat. Underneath, she wore dark brown wool pants and a caramel colored cashmere sweater. Must have been cold in Paris when she packed. No jewelry except the pearls in her ears. She’d dressed carefully. Nice, but not over the top. Clearly this visit was important to her.

But the bag said it all. Oversized Birkin. Probably the bag of the moment, but Tolly wouldn’t know for sure. Her grandmother gave her bags for Christmas — nice, classic bags that were about quality, not name.

“Please sit,” Tolly said. “And if you will excuse me, I’ll hang your coat and slip into something less comfortable.” She had no idea what kind of conversation she was about to have with this woman but she didn’t intend to have it wearing Nathan’s football jersey, a robe, and no shoes.

Arianna laughed a silver little laugh. “Take your time, honey. It was very rude of me to come unannounced.”

You bet your sweet fanny it was.
“Not at all. Of course you’re welcome in my home.”

Tolly brushed her teeth, combed her hair, and threw on jeans and a sweater in record time. She did not waste her energy wondering about what came next, but she promised herself she was not going to play this dancing around the issue game all day either.

Apparently, neither was Arianna because she spoke as soon as Tolly reentered the room.

“I suppose you would like to know why I’m here.”

“It occurred to me to wonder.” Tolly sat in the club chair, opposite the sofa where Arianna sat.

“I want to see my son and he won’t take my calls. He has blocked my number. I think you can help me see him.”

“I see,” she said. “How long has it been since you’ve talked to him? Seen him?”

“I would think you would know that. The media has portrayed you as the most important thing in his life.”

“Hmm.”

Arianna was silent. Then she laughed a little. “You are a clever girl. You don’t give away much, do you?”

Tolly cocked her head to the side and tossed out a questioning look.

“All right.” Arianna sighed. “You’ve got all the cards. I get that.” She folded her hands as if in prayer, and bowed her head to them for a second. “I haven’t talked to Nathan — not in a very, very long time. I went to his college graduation. It was after one of his surgeries. He was on crutches. Still, he outdistanced me.”

“And you haven’t seen him since?”

“No. I tried when he was in Texas for a time. But, well — no. I have not talked to him since he got hurt in college.”

“Then why now?”

“He’s been though a lot. I want to be here for him.”

“He’s been through a lot before.”

“You’re tough, aren’t you?” Arianna gave her an admiring look. “I am glad that you’re in his corner. I’d just like you to help me be there too.”

“Why now?” she repeated.

“I failed him before. I don’t want to do it again.”

Just once?
“Tell me about that. I need to understand.”

“And if I tell you, you’ll help me?”

“Not necessarily. I don’t even know that I can. But if you don’t, I for sure will not.”

“Then tell me what you know. At least save me from repeating painful things unnecessarily.”

Tolly weighed that. Why not? She didn’t have to tell her when she got the information.

“All right. I know you were in close contact his senior year in college. You were in California, but you were planning to move to be near him. You were planning to go with him to the Heisman ceremony and for NFL Draft day. Then you were going to permanently relocate to wherever he landed to play pro ball.” That was where her information ended. “Of course, none of that ever materialized.”

Arianna bent a pain filled face to her hand. “I have admitted I failed. I should have come. He wanted me to. I tried. I meant to. After he got hurt, I bought plane tickets three different times, but I just couldn’t get on the plane. There’s no excuse, really. But I cannot stand hospitals, pain, illness.”

Even for your child?
Tolly wanted to scream.
Your child whom you deserted, but who was asking for you, willing to give you a chance?

“Look.” Arianna raised that still flawless face. “Unless you are in my head, you cannot know what the thought of sickness and blood does to me. Why do you think I left to begin with? I almost went insane when I had him — the hospital, the blood, the pain. You have no idea. And when I thought it was over, he was colicky. And there were all those doctor visits. And then he would have a fever and I didn’t know what to do. He would cry. Do you think I
wanted
to leave him?”

“I don’t know.” Arianna’s explanation didn’t set right in Tolly’s gut. At best it was lame; at worst it was a lie.

“What mother would want to leave her child?” Arianna challenged.

“No one likes blood, hospitals, and pain,” Tolly said.

“It goes beyond that with me.” Arianna looked at her hands in her lap. “I was five when my older brother rode his skateboard into the path of a car in front of our house. I saw it all. You can’t know.” Her voice caught. “There was so much blood. And the ambulance, the sirens … “ She looked up again, her eyes haunted. “And then there was the funeral.”

Tolly imagined such a scene in her own front yard, but with Harris on the skateboard and an ambulance coming for him. She shuddered.

“I am sorry that happened to you.” What else could she say? It wasn’t a valid justification, but it was an explanation, of sorts.

“Not much of an excuse, I know. I should have made myself do what was right, though I did try. Once, I went to the airport and sat there for ten hours. Then I bought a ticket to Paris. I had someone send me a few things from my California house and sell the rest. It was like I couldn’t bear to be on the same continent where he was hurt.”

So they’d both failed him, left him alone — she, with her adolescent lies and Arianna with her self-centeredness. Tolly wished she could destroy her own knee, Arianna’s too.

“I can see that you don’t have any sympathy for me. That’s fine. I don’t have any for myself. But let’s think about him.”

Oh, no problem, Arianna. All I do is think about him.

“This ordeal is over,” Tolly said. “The girl admitted she lied. He has his job back. True, he doesn’t like the media attention. Neither do I. But it’s not negative toward him. In truth, it’s as much about you as it is him or, certainly, me. It will pass.”

“Yes. The media attention will pass. It always does.” She said it like a lament. “But that’s not important. I am his mother. I want to be part of his life. Can you honestly tell me he’s better off without me? Can you honestly tell me he’s still not hurting over what happened this past week? And how do you know I can’t help him?”

Arianna had some good points. And, really, who was she to judge? She’d done her own damage.

“Tolly, look at me.” Arianna slammed her chocolate brown eyes into Tolly’s with intensity like she’d never seen. “I love him. I’ve done wrong. But I want to do right now; I have wanted that for a long time.” She put her hand over her heart. “You can’t know what it feels to love like this.”

“None of this is my decision. You act like it’s in my hands. And if you think he will see you just because I ask him to, you don’t know anything about Nathan.”

Don’t know anything about Nathan.
It was just an expression but it struck a raw nerve in Arianna and she wore the pain on her face.

“Can you arrange it? In some way?” Arianna asked in a small voice.

“You mean deceive him into seeing you?”

Arianna nodded. “If that’s what it takes. I’m not proud of myself for asking, but I’m desperate. And I think if I can just get in the same room with him, just talk to him, then his life will be better for it. For sure mine will, whether I deserve it or not.”

Maybe Arianna was right. It wasn’t like Tolly hadn’t deceived him before. Arianna was his mother. That was powerful. But if she, Tolly, did this thing, there was no chance for her and Nathan.

But there was no chance anyway, was there? Wasn’t that what she’d been telling herself and him? But if she did this, even if he reconciled with Arianna, it would be the last straw for him. Right now, she could choose to go back, no matter how ill-advised it was. But wasn’t the last straw always coming anyway? And, in many ways, wouldn’t it be better if he did stop trying? If the decision was removed from her? Look what happened last night and what had almost happened. She’d been so close, too close, to giving in.

“Will you do it? Will you help me?” Arianna asked.

“I’ll do it,” Tolly said. “I’ll do it for him.”

Arianna went from desolate to radiant. “He’ll forgive you. You’ll see.”

“This is how it’s going to work.”

Nathan was deep into the Arkansas/South Carolina game when his phone rang. He considered letting it go to voice mail without looking, but the media calls were slacking off and it might be Townshend.

And it was. He had vowed he wasn’t going to call her again until she called him. He’d waivered this morning, almost called to ask her to go to breakfast with him.

He needed to be charming. And not pressure her.

“Hi, sweetheart,” he said.

Silence. Oh, Lord. What if Kirby was using her phone?

“Townshend?”

“Yes, it’s me.” She sounded nervous. And sad. Sad wasn’t new; nervous was. Townshend was poise personified.

“I know you’re probably watching a football game. Or game film.”

“Doesn’t matter. Plenty of time for that.” And there was.

“I would like you to come over here,” she said formally.

His radar told him something wasn’t quite right. “This is not an invitation to Bad Memory Lane, is it?”

“No. I know you are never going there. I understand. I accept it. I just want you to come to my house.”

Maybe she finally understood that talking about the past would destroy them, not save them. And she still wanted him to come.

“All right,” he said slowly. What was causing his hesitation? Wasn’t this what he wanted?

“And Nathan?” Her voice was very unsteady. He wanted to reach through the phone and fix whatever was distressing her.

“Yes?”

“Before you come, I want to tell you something. Just a minute.” She seemed to be walking. Maybe Kirby was in the room. “Okay. I want to tell you I love you. I really, really love you. I always will — for what it’s worth.”

For what it was worth? It was worth everything. Didn’t she know that by now? No matter. Everything was going to be fine.

“I love you too, sweetheart. I’ll tell you again when I see you in ten minutes.” And if there was a God in heaven, Kirby would be gone and he could
show
her.

“Just come over,” she said. And then she hung up.

Odd. Very odd, but he’d take it.

• • •

Tolly was in the driveway, car keys in hand, before she remembered Kirby had her car. She had not envisioned leaving the house until it was time to take a dinner contribution to the eating and football-watching marathon at Shaun’s house. She’d figured she would call Lucy or Harris to take her.