SEAL's Baby (Navy SEAL Secret Baby Romance) (22 page)

“Prove it,” I said.

  
Her smile grew wider and she leaned in and kissed me, long and
slow. We were still entwined together when the sales clerk appeared. He had to
clear his throat before we broke apart. Lizzie looked flushed and slightly
embarrassed but when she looked up at me, it was like she was looking at the
sun.

  
I felt a little burst of discomfort as I saw how she looked at me.
I felt pressure that I hadn’t felt in eleven years and I started to remember
more than just the beauty of living in Bastrop. I was no hero and I was no
knight in shining armor.

  
I was just a guy trying to figure out how not to screw up.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Elizabeth

  
The apartment felt lonely once more. I sat on my couch with a
glass of wine and Elvis sprawled out on my lap. Dylan was meeting some of his
old friends tonight so I was alone in the apartment and I was starting to
realize how little I liked the feeling.

  
I took a deep breath and set down my glass of wine. Elvis gave me
a hurt look as I moved him from my lap onto the couch and moved towards my new
keyboard. It was a beautiful instrument and I couldn’t help admiring its simple
sleekness. I was touched that Dylan so badly wanted to buy it for me but a part
of me also wished that I had been the one to make the purchase. That way when I
looked at the keyboard I would have been able to see myself rather than Dylan.

  
I sat down in front of the keyboard and started to play. It was
shaky at first, but the more I kept at it, the smoother and more pleasant the
sound became. I started to feel the music; I stopped thinking so hard and
allowed my fingers to take control. Soon, I wasn’t even concentrating. My
thoughts flew free and my fingers still kept playing.

  
The only thing I was really capable of thinking about for any
length of time was Dylan. He consumed my thoughts, took up the space in my
brain until there was room for nothing else. I thought about the next few weeks
and how terrible it would feel to say goodbye to him. I was starting to realize
that I didn’t want to say goodbye at all.

  
My fingers jammed against the keys and the music stopped abruptly
as I started to understand how deep I had fallen so fast. Thankfully the
doorbell rang and I rushed to get it, half hoping that it would be Dylan
standing on the other side. I opened the door and came face to face with
Maddie.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hi,” I said. “What are
you doing here?”

“Well I had some free
time and I thought I’d stop in for some conversation and feminine energy.”

I smiled and opened the
door wider to let her through. “Come on in.”

Maddie got herself a glass of wine and joined me cross-legged
on the sofa.

“So …” she started pointedly. “I see a new addition to
your apartment.”

“Oh,” I said as I saw the
direction of her gaze. “The keyboard. Yeah, we got it today.”

“We?”

“Well … Dylan bought it
for me,” I admitted.

  
Maddie raised her eyebrows. “I knew you two were spending time
together but I had no idea it was that serious?”

“It isn’t,” I said
quickly. “He just bought me a present, that’s all.”

“Have you slept with
him?” Maddie asked pointedly.

“I ... well …”

“Lizzie!” Maddie
exclaimed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  
“I was just processing,” I said lamely. “I honestly don’t know why
I didn’t tell you. I guess I didn’t want to hear you tell me that it was
probably not a good idea.”

Maddie fell silent and I
rolled my eyes at her.

“Well what did you expect
me to say?” Maddie demanded. “It’s
not
a good idea and you already know that.”

“I know,” I nodded. “But
this is different.”

“How?”

  
“Because I don’t have any expectations,” I said honestly.
“Seriously, I don’t expect anything from him. I know we’re not a couple, we’re
not exclusive, and we’re not girlfriend and boyfriend. He knows that and I know
it too.”

“Ok, then what exactly
are you?”

“We’re … well, we’re just
friends who used to be lovers,” I said lamely.

“And now you’re lovers
again?”

  
“Short term lovers,” I replied. “Listen, this is just until his
leave is up and he goes back to his life. We’re going to enjoy the time we have
together and then see how it goes.”

“See how what goes?”

I sighed. “It’s
complicated ok?”

“I thought the point is
to avoid complications in the first place.”

“Sure, it always starts
out that way.”

“Lizzie,” Maddie’s voice
was serious. “Be straight with me ok?”

“Ok,” I agreed.

“Do you have feelings for
him?”

I sighed. “Yes I do; to
be honest, I don’t think I ever stopped having feelings for him.”

“Once he leaves, don’t
you think it’s going to be hard?”

  
“Of course,” I nodded. “But it’s too late now. I’m aware of my
feelings for him, the damage has already been done.”

“So what exactly is your
game plan here?”

  
“When he goes back, he goes back,” I said. “But that doesn’t mean
I can’t still write to him every now and again.”

“You’re planning on
staying in contact with him?”

  
“Just as a friend,” I said quickly. “Again, I don’t expect
anything from him. I just figure there’s no reason to stop contact completely,
I mean, we can maintain a relationship, even if it’s a platonic one.”

“And what if he meets
someone along the way?” Maddie demanded. “Then what?”

“Then I will accept that
and move on,” Lizzie said.

“You say that like it’s
gonna be easy.”

  
“I’m not an idiot, ok?” I said. “I know it won’t be, but the thing
is, I made mistakes too after Dylan left to enlist. I was too young to handle
things and apparently so was he. We’re older now, we have enough life
experience between us to deal with things.”

“No matter which way they
swing?” Maddie clarified. “Is that what you’re trying to say?”

“I guess so,” I nodded.

  
Maddie looked at me carefully and sighed. “He’s still in the Navy,
Lizzie,” she said. “Or have you forgotten that part?”

“Of course not,” I
replied. “But I also know that he’s not going to be with the Navy for long.”

“Who said?”

  
“Dylan did,” I replied. “He told me that he’s thinking of early
retirement. He might leave the Navy sooner rather than later.”

“That’s what you’re
hoping for, aren’t you?” Maddie demanded.

  
I threw my hands up in the air in frustration. “People say you
need to manage your hopes. ‘Don’t get your hopes up.’ That’s what they say,
isn’t it?” I asked. “That’s always seemed so unreasonable to me. Your hopes are
your hopes, you can’t control them any more than you can control the people
around you.”

Maddie smiled.

“What?” I demanded.

“Nothing,” Maddie said
quickly. “It’s just that I haven’t seen you this passionate in a long time. It’s
nice.”

  
I couldn’t but smile. “It’s weird but I’m starting to feel normal
again. I don’t feel as scared as I used to and I don’t feel the need to hide
away from the world.”

“And I’m thrilled for
you,” Maddie nodded.

“But …?” I asked.

“How did you know there
was a ‘but?’”

“How long have we been
friends?” I asked rhetorically.

  
“Fair enough,” Maddie nodded. “I guess what I’m worried about is
that this new change that you feel, despite being a good change, well, it’s
been motivated by Dylan’s presence in town.”

“You’re scared I’ll fall
apart once he leaves aren’t you?” Lizzie asked.

“Yes I am.”

  
“If I’m being completely honest, I am too,” I admitted. “I don’t
know how I’ll feel when he leaves and I don’t know if we will stay in touch
once he’s gone. This might just be history repeating itself, but for the moment,
this is where my head is at.”

Maddie sighed. “Ok,” she
nodded. “Then I will do my best to respect that. All I’m saying is—”

“Be careful,” I finished
for her. “I will.”

  
Maddie nodded and we let silence settle in on the heels of that
conversation. Then she looked at the keyboard and then at me. “He bought you a
keyboard huh?”

I smiled. “He did.”

“That was really sweet of
him,” Maddie said. “He was always so supportive of your music.”

“He wanted to buy me a
piano,” I said. “A grand piano.”

“Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack,” I
nodded. “But I told him I wouldn’t accept it, so the keyboard was the
compromise.”

Maddie snorted. “I wish I
had men who wanted to make compromises like that with me.”

I laughed. “Dylan’s one
of the good ones.”

“He is,” Maddie nodded.

“It was just bad timing
and different choices for us, I guess,” I said mostly to myself.

“So you called in sick
today to spend time with him?” Maddie asked.

“Yes,” I nodded. “He only
left a few hours ago to meet some of his old friends.”

Maddie wrinkled her brow
a bit. “And you decided to sit home like some old maid and wait for him?”

I shot Maddie a dirty
look. “I just felt like staying in,” I said.

“Well too bad,” she said
getting up from the sofa. “Cause we’re going out.”

“Now?” I asked. “But …
I’m kinda tired.”

  
“I don’t give a shit,” Maddie said forcefully. “Get your butt off
that couch, put something sexy on, and let’s go.”

“It’s Monday night
Maddie,” I reminded her. “I have work tomorrow.”

“So do I,” Maddie
replied. “And that’s never stopped me. Now get moving or I will move you myself.”

“Geez,” I said getting
off the couch and moving into my room. “You are so bossy.”

“Why thank you,” Maddie
replied and I rolled my eyes at her.

  
She followed me to my closet and sat on the bed as I started
sifting through my clothes trying to figure out what I should wear.

“What about the red mini
dress?” Maddie suggested.

“Are you crazy?” I asked.
“We’re not going clubbing.”

  
Maddie laughed and I finally settled on a simple, white dress that
went perfectly with my nude wedges. I left my hair loose and dabbed a little
gloss on my lips and then Maddie and I headed out.

“Where exactly are we
going?” I asked Maddie when we were sitting in her car.

“Umm, I don’t know,” she
replied sheepishly. “Any ideas?”

“Maddie!” I exclaimed.

  
“What?” she laughed. “I just didn’t want you sitting at home alone
while your guy … or whatever he is right now, is out partying it up. If there’s
one thing I’ve learnt, it’s that your life should never come to a standstill
for a man, no matter who he is.”

“Wise words,” I nodded.
“But it doesn’t apply here.”

“Why not?”

“Because I was staying in
tonight because I genuinely wanted to.”

“Really?” Maddie asked
suspiciously. “How were you feeling just before I showed up?”

“I was fine,” I said.
“Tired but fine.”

“Fine?” Maddie repeated.
“You weren’t feeling, maybe a little bit lonely?”

  
I thought back and realized that I had felt a twinge of
loneliness. I had been sitting in the apartment thinking about how empty it
felt without Dylan.

“I’m right, aren’t I?”
Maddie persisted when I didn’t answer.

“All right,” I said
reluctantly. “Maybe I was feeling a little bit lonely.”

  
“See, that’s just another difference between men and women,”
Maddie went on. “If a man feels lonely or empty or unhappy, he’ll try to get
rid of that feeling in any way he can. Women, on the other hand, just let it
stew and that makes things so much worse.”

“When did you get to be
so analytical?” I asked, half teasing.

“I always have been,”
Maddie said with a self-satisfied shrug.

  
I was starting to feel better the more we talked and I was also
starting to see that Maddie was right. I should have been out, having my own
fun and living my life, regardless of everything else that was going on.