season avatars 03 - chaos season (14 page)

“You may not channel your God the way I do mine, but you embody Him well,” Lex said. “I could think of no one more suitable to be Summer’s Avatar.”

“Thank you.” She turned, checking to see where Callie and Robbie were. Callie had found an ancient pram, but she struggled to push it over the bricks. Since Callie was too far back to overhear Jenna, so she dared being informal. “Lex.” She hesitated. “Does your God…visit you often?”

“During peacetime, no. Even during a battle, He can be fickle. He expects me to use His gifts without calling on Him too often. I try not to summon Him unless the need is great.”

“To save your soldiers?”

“To save the battle, and then only when failure would cost us the entire war.” He stared straight ahead, as if he didn’t want to be distracted by flowers. “All of us are in the end expendable to the Gods and Goddesses.”

“That’s not true. I’ve served Summer for several lifetimes. He needs me and my sister Avatars to tame Chaos Season for Him. Without us, Challen would starve.”

“And so would the Fip soldiers. But I suspect all of the Gods use us for Their own ends. They expect you to obey Them as if you were soldiers, dying for Them without question.”

They passed under an arch of elm trees, and Jenna shivered in their shade. “I’d rather not talk of gods right now, Lex. You still haven’t told me what you think of Robbie.”

He shifted away from her. “He seems like a quiet child. I hope he’s strong?”

“By All Four, you’ve never heard him when he’s hungry. I swear you can hear his cries on the other side of Challen. And it’s too soon to tell how strong he’ll be.” She glanced at him. “But if he takes after his father, I suspect he’ll be as strong as an ox.” She hesitated, remembering what he had told her at the soltrans. “What does the War God look for in His Avatars? Is it just strength, or something else?”

“Many things. Strength and skill with weapons, of course, but also cunning and a warlike temperament.”

It was so hard to imagine her sweet child someday channeling a god through him. Perhaps it would be safer to have Robbie study something different when he grew up. Would he be happy with life as a farmer, or would he crave more excitement, like she did?

“How are new War Avatars chosen?” she asked. “Does War do it directly?”

They arrived at the gazebo, a wicker structure painted white, with openings to view the Chikasi River and the garden. Lex strode inside and placed his dagger on the table. “He decides through His dagger. All eligible Avatar candidates take turns handling the weapon. When it changes form, the one holding it becomes the next Avatar.” He looked at her, gray eyes cool. “Is that what you seek for our son, Jenna? If you cannot pass your magic to him, you would give him mine? Remember the risk he would run by exposing his true heritage.”

She shook her head. “No, that wasn’t what I had in mind at all.”

Lex spat out something harsh in Fip. Had she offended him? Jenna quickly added, “There was no great plan behind my decision to bear a child. I just…I’d heard some bad news and needed some comfort.”

Given that Lex himself had been the bearer of the news—he was the one who’d told her the Spring Avatar was a woman and therefore someone she couldn’t marry—that might not have been the best thing to say either. Especially if he ever guessed she had been in love with Gwen for far longer than she’d known Lex.

Lex raised an eyebrow. “You found comfort in my arms, or in the child?”

“Both.” If she couldn’t count on Gwen’s love in this life, then she’d seek it from her children.

“Hmm.” He scooped up his dagger again as if it would pain him to be parted from it for more than a heartbeat. Then he left the gazebo and stood at the top of the garden, arms crossed, watching the river below.

Now there’s a seed that doesn’t want to crack its shell.
What was he thinking? Did he care enough to tell her? They might have had a child together, but she still knew very little about him as a man.

Glancing back to make sure Callie still had Robbie, Jenna approached the War Avatar. “Lex?” she asked, letting her voice take on a quaver. “Did
you
want to be the War Avatar?”

His hand went to his dagger hilt, then relaxed. He turned his head to regard her for a few heartbeats. Despite the breeze, his closely-cut hair didn’t stir.

Lex finally shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I was born to it as surely as you are to your magic.”

“I had a choice, however many lifetimes ago that was. If you weren’t the War Avatar, what would you choose to do?”

He stood straighter. “I am of the Fip family. If I hadn’t been chosen, I would have either helped my brother administer Challen or joined the military anyway.”

Both options sounded more exciting than spending the rest of her life in Bull Rock, which would have happened to her if she wasn’t an Avatar. Yet they still didn’t tell her anything about Lex. “What would you have chosen for yourself if you weren’t a Fip?”

“Why do you ask, Jenna? Is this for the child’s sake?”

Jenna stepped closer to him. Lex’s aftershave couldn’t quite cover the masculine smell of his sweat. “No, not for Robbie. For me.”
For us.

He studied her for a few heartbeats, as if he was checking to see if she still had stalks of hay in her hair. He raised his eyebrows. “For you? You wish to cement the alliance between our gods? A tempting idea, but I fear my brother would not approve my marrying a commoner. Besides, War prefers Lady lo Havil’s healing magic over yours.”

Jenna wished there were some weeds around here that she could rip apart. Bad enough she couldn’t have Gwen, but Lex refused her too? “You know she won’t have you!”
Thank the Four for that.
“You found me fair enough before!”

“That was different.” For a moment, his eyes darkened with passion. “A man and a woman can come together and enjoy each other, but for something more permanent, families must be considered.”

“You don’t like my farming family? How about my three sister Avatars? Our magic should be dowry enough.”

“And here you just told me the Ava Spring would never marry me. Why would a marriage between the two of us persuade her to use her gift on my behalf?” He headed past the gazebo, back to the One Oak. “Jenna, I…I do thank you for the gift of a son, even if I can’t acknowledge him.” He gave her a brilliant smile, which only frustrated her. “I will protect you and Robbie as much as I can. Do not ask me for more.”

She stalked after him. “More! I should have given you less.”

He didn’t acknowledge her. Off to the side, Callie blushed and covered Robbie’s ears as if he was old enough to understand her.

Jenna returned to the gazebo, now mocking her with its emptiness. She left it to stalk through the garden, inspecting it for weeds. Whenever she found one, she shriveled it from tip to root. If only she could do the same to Lex and his weapon. Turn her down, ha!

After perhaps a quarter-hour, hunger reminded her she’d already used a great deal of magic earlier that day. She should rest and eat. Unwilling to face Lex or her sister Avatars just yet, she returned to the gazebo. Callie sat in the shade with Robbie. He made sucking motions with his lips, so she picked him up. “I’ll take this feeding, Callie. You can have the rest of the afternoon off.”

“Thank you, Ava, but are you sure?”

“I’m quite sure,” she said. “I’d like to be alone for a while. But where’s the food we were promised? Could you have a meal sent out here for me?”

Callie curtseyed. “Of course, Ava. I’ll see to it directly.”

Nursing Robbie did nothing to soothe Jenna’s hunger pangs, but it did give her time to think. Maybe marriages between nobles, including royals, and commoners weren’t as easy to arrange as all the songs and stories said they were. Still, as an Avatar, her original birth rank didn’t matter. She would be considered equal to nobility once her quartet was officially recognized. Was rank difference really Lex’s main reason for not marrying her, or was there another obstacle between them?

Maybe if she reminded Lex what he was giving up by rejecting her, he would change his mind. War’s Avatar had as much passion as she did. She remembered it from their time together last summer, and she’d seen it storming in his eyes. Would seducing him again remind him of what he was missing, or would he think she was too loose? Was there something else she should try?

Maybe she wasn’t the expert on love the others thought she was. Should she ask the rest of her quartet for advice? Could she trust Gwen to help her make the right decision? The wrong choice wouldn’t just affect Jenna and Robbie. If Jenna offended Lex deeply enough, he might withdraw his offer to fight with them against Salth.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

A Selathen Surprise

Lex met with the Avatars again the next day, but there seemed to be nothing they could do about Salth until all twelve Season Avatars managed to reunite. Frustrated, Lex left. Jenna avoided another private moment with him, and as he was extremely polite to her in public, she treated him the same way in return. When he rode away, everyone else breathed a sigh of relief. Her sigh contained regret instead.

Training continued for another quarter-moon. Every day, Jenna would tend to her oak, force-growing it toward maturity. Sometimes Charles would stroll by to offer her unwanted advice. During that time, her sister Avatars would practice their magic individually. Sophia and Ysabel sometimes rode out to nearby farms to tend to the horses and cows, while other days they would monitor the wildlife near the One Oak. Gwen visited Midpoint to treat the sick and injured there. Dorian continued to grow more haggard every day, despite all the sleeping tonics Charles prepared for him. Gwen volunteered to treat him once, but he rejected her so harshly she didn’t repeat her offer. He occupied the Spring Wing, scarcely bothering to leave. In contrast, Kay spent most of her time outdoors, drinking in fresh air and sunshine. Although her complexion remained pale, her manner gradually became more relaxed and confident as she worked through practice weather exercises on her own.

In the mid-afternoon or early evening, when Gwen, Jenna, Ysabel, and Kay had finished their individual tasks, they would gather to practice linking. This did not proceed smoothly. Try as she might, Jenna couldn’t commit herself fully to the link. Gwen and Ysabel had no problem sharing themselves, and once they reassured Kay they still accepted her despite the years she’d neglected her magic, she opened up like a blooming flower. Jenna resolved every evening to copy Kay’s example, but one glance at Gwen’s solemn face would remind her of their last life together, the life she had to keep secret. At that, her soul closed off part of itself, something everyone could sense. They went through the motions of surveying sites remotely and searching for any sign of Chaos Season, but their range was limited. Thank the Four there was no evidence of a Chaos Season anywhere during this time.

The worst part was the way Gwen allowed Jenna to fumble in silence, watching her with those intent blue eyes but never accusing her, never even asking why Jenna had so much trouble with the link. Did she know what had happened to her? There must be plenty of journals and histories describing the tragedy of their last life in lavish detail. Jenna wished she dared root all of them out of the One Oak, but she didn’t have access to the Spring Study.

One evening, as the four of them ended yet another unsuccessful session, Gwen stretched and said, “I think tomorrow we should try something else. But in the meantime…Ysabel, are the glowflies awake yet?”

She nodded. “I can feel many of them in the meadow by the stable.”

“Freeze it, that’s a bad place to walk at night. Our boots and hems will become filthy.” Gwen paced to the window. “Perhaps we could take a stroll around the garden before bed. Don’t we have some night-blooming flowers, Jenna? I don’t think I’ve seen them yet.”

Jenna glanced at Ysabel and Kay, but neither of them met her gaze.

“I should write to my family,” Ysabel said.

“And I to Jon,” Kay added.

Jenna bit her lip. Looked like this would be the confrontation she’d been dreading all along.

“There’s a section of primrose and jasmine near the edge of the garden,” she said.

“That sounds perfect.” Gwen’s bright smile didn’t reach her eyes. “Do we need a lantern, or is your night vision strong enough to go without?”

“Maybe we should bring a lantern just in case.” She would have preferred the dark to shelter her from the forthcoming probe.

Although the butler frowned disapprovingly when Gwen informed him they would be outside—what did he think would happen to two Avatars on their own property?—he sent for a lantern and maids to fetch their shawls. Jenna abandoned hers before they left the house. The cool air outside was refreshing, not chilly. She took a deep breath, inhaling the scents of the night: soil, manure, the green smell of cut plants, and even a dead fish from the river mingling with the perfumes of nearby flowers. She didn’t need odors to guide her to the nocturnal flowers, though; she’d worked in the garden enough over the last several days to know the different sections by heart. Raising the lantern so they could see the path, Jenna led the way, walking quickly to put distance between herself and Gwen.

Despite the difference in their heights, Gwen kept up easily. She remained silent for many long heartbeats, long enough to make Jenna testy. She slapped a whining biter harder than necessary and winced. That would leave a bruise on her arm. “We should have brought Ysabel with us to keep these frozen pests away.”

“The bites don’t bother me.”

Jenna turned toward the wood. An owl hooted in the distance.

Gwen continued softly, “Nothing bothers me as much as your refusal to link with us.”

She halted next to a series of lilac bushes. “By All Four Gods and Goddesses, you know I’ve been trying!”

“Trying, not doing.” She remorselessly advanced forward, as if she could pin Jenna on thorns. “You don’t commit, Jenna. You never did.” She turned away and whispered, “Not to me.”