Second Kiss (22 page)

Even Drew was startled by it as she jumped to her feet and whispered, “Be at my house by eight.” Then she disappeared back to her desk.

On my way out of class, Trace came up behind me and tugged on my backpack strap. “Looked like you and Drew were having quite the conversation,” he said with that familiar sparkle in his eye. I couldn’t believe that we were talking again. I had somehow convinced myself that he would forget all about me, and I would go back to fantasizing about him from across the room for the rest of my life.

“Yeah,” I replied, “it was really weird actually.”

“What did she say?”

It felt strange telling Trace about my interaction with Drew before telling Jess. It felt weird telling anybody anything before telling Jess about it. “She kind of apologized, I guess, for everything that happened. She invited me over to her house Friday night to play games with some people. She said that you could come if you want.”

Trace stuck out his bottom lip as he thought about the offer. Then with a nod of his head he said, “Sounds great. Do you want me to pick you up?”

His offer excited me and petrified me at the same time. To be picked up by Trace Weston felt like a dream, but the reality of it was a bit too much. Hanging out with him would be nerve racking enough without me having to deal with a doorstep scene. “No thanks, I’ll just meet you at Drew’s.” A sick pit-like feeling developed in my stomach as I saw his eyes light up at the mention of Drew. He liked her. I just knew it. And now I was providing the perfect opportunity for them to be together this Friday night.

“I hate this!” I exclaimed as I dropped my books on the grass in front of my house after school.

Jess had been lying on the grass with his hands folded behind his head when I approached. “What happened?”

“Drew apologized to me today.”

Jess sat up with surprise. “Really? That’s huge. So what did you say?”

“I accepted it, I guess.” My words lacked enthusiasm. “Then she invited me to her house this Friday to play games.”

“Are you going to go?” He began playing with some grass, trying to make a whistle. But the grass was too wet, and it kept slipping between his fingers.

“Yes,” I moaned under my breath. “I’m so stupid.”

Jess looked up at me for an explanation.

“I told her I’d bring Trace.”

“Why is that stupid?”

“Because she likes him, and I think he likes her too. And they’re going to be all into each other, and I’m just going to be by myself looking like a loser.”

“Why do you think Trace likes Drew?”

I shaded my eyes from the warm sun. “You’ve got to put the grass between your thumbs.” I reached toward his hand that held the piece of grass and took it from him. “Like this.” I held the grass taught between my lips and thumbs and blew. A highpitched squeal escaped behind the grass.

Jess looked sincerely impressed. “Where did you learn to do that?”

“When we go up to the Cape, my mom always has a spa day where she goes and gets a massage and a mud bath and the whole works. So my dad takes Bridget and me to the same park that is close to the spa. It’s an absolutely terrible park for kids. There’s only one set of monkey bars and an old weedy sandbox.” I paused to laugh at the irony.

“But according to my dad, the park has perfect conditions for making whistles. He calls it whistle grass.”

Jess tried blowing into the grass once more. “How long would your mom be gone?”

“All afternoon. But we have fun. I always look forward to that day actually. Especially the past few years since Bridget has been old enough to go with my mom. I’ve gotten my dad all to myself.” That’s when I had a thought that made the whole Drew-slashTrace situation insignificant.

“What’s wrong?” Jess asked, still trying to straighten his thumbs around the grass blade.

“We’re never going to go to Cape Cod again.”

Jess sat perfectly still as he witnessed my realization.

“We’re never going to have another family trip. My dad is too weak to go to the grocery store, let alone another state.” I hated that this happened, but tears began forming in the corner of my eyes.

Jess leaned forward and stroked a piece of my hair that had fallen over my shoulder.

I continued, choking on my words, “Last year when we were making whistles, he told me that next year I would be old enough to go have spa day with the girls. When I told him that I preferred to be with him at the park, he was so happy.” Tears began pouring out of my eyes. “He was so happy, Jess.”

I heard Jess take a deep breath. I knew he didn’t know what to say. I didn’t either. It was just the way it was. My life had been perfect once, and now it was in ruins.

“So, Jess, who is your mother out with tonight?” Mom asked that night at dinner. Jess’s sisters were at their grandma’s again, and his mom had gone on her first date since the divorce. So Mom had insisted that Jess eat dinner at our house. To have him over again, for dunner with my family, was like Christmas all over again.

“It’s actually kind of a funny story,” Jess replied, but he wasn’t smiling, “Parent-teacher conferences were last week at my school and-“

Bridget jumped in, “Your mom is going out with one of your teachers?” She threw her head back with an amused cackle, and I punched her in the arm.

Jess shifted in his chair. “No, nothing like that. But he’s the dad of one of my friends at school. It was just weird to have him show up at my door all dressed up, holding flowers, you know.” He stared at the ice in his glass.

Mom reached out and touched Jess’s arm. “It would probably be a little strange to see any man other than your father showing up at your door for your mom, but I think this will be really good for her.”

I watched Mom carefully scoop a bite of food onto her fork. I thought about her dating if and when Dad died. The thought caused an actual pain to burst in my chest, right where my heart was. I looked at Jess. It must be different for him, though; his father was so terrible. Surely he would be glad to see his mom dating other men.

Mom spoke again, “The truth is that I bet this is even harder for Caris to be going on a date right now than it is for you. I mean, imagine going out on your first date after all these years of being married.” Mom’s voice cracked, and she held her napkin up to her mouth. An uneasy silence fell over the table as Dad wrapped his arm around her shoulders. It was absolutely impossible for me to take my eyes off my parents. I watched carefully as Dad stroked Mom’s hair, and she buried her forehead into his chin. They were like two pieces of a puzzle; they fit together perfectly. How would Mom ever be able to be with another man? I felt the beating of my heart grow more rapid, and it became difficult to breathe.

Eventually Mom lifted her head and asked with a forced smile, “Gemma, did you see Trace today?”

I felt embarrassed that my entire family including Jess knew all about my crush on Trace. Was I really that much of an open book? I ducked my head as I answered, “Yes, but I think he likes Drew, so it doesn’t really matter.”

Everyone at the table continued eating quietly. Mom was the only one to respond. “I’m sorry, honey.”

“It’s okay. I never expected him to like me anyway. He’s way out of my league.”

“Oh, that is such bull crap,” Bridget spat.

We all looked at her speechless, waiting for an explanation.

“Look at yourself in the mirror, Gemma. I don’t care how inexperienced and self-doubting you are. You have this perfect little body and this shiny long brown hair that somehow wisps perfectly around your face whenever the slightest breeze blows past you.” She tucked her own short hair behind her ears and stabbed at a piece of meat with her fork. “If I notice it, you can bet your pants that the boys at your school notice it.”

We all sat in complete shock looking at Bridget, trying to figure out if that was a compliment or an insult.

Jess was the first one to speak, “See, Gemma? Bridget is the toughest critique out there. If you can impress her, you got it made.”

Bridget cringed and fidgeted in her seat. “I never said I was impressed.”

“Jess,” Mom said as she redirected the conversation, “your mom told me you are going to California for the summer. When do you leave?”

I jerked my head at Jess. “What? You’re going?” Then I paused as the reality of a Jess-less summer unfolded before me. My chest felt heavy and my eyes began to burn as I stared at Jess with angry eyes. “And you didn’t tell me?”

Jess looked at the rest of my awkwardly staring family while he wiped at his mouth with a napkin and swallowed the food in his mouth. “Gemma,” he whispered, “let’s talk about this later.”

I turned back to Mom. “How long have you known?”

Mom’s mouth was gaping. “I’m sorry, I just assumed that Jess had told you.”

“How long?” I asked again.

Mom looked at Jess with apologetic eyes while searching for the right thing to say.

Then Bridgett entered the conversation. “Well I’ve known for at least a week and I couldn’t care less, so … ” She shrugged her shoulders apathetically and continued eating her food.

I couldn’t say a word. I couldn’t look at my family, who had known all this time that Jess was leaving and hadn’t thought to say a word about it to me. And I definitely couldn’t look at Jess, who hadn’t had the decency to tell me himself. I got up from the table and without saying a word I walked out the front door and into the dark night. I kept walking down the porch steps and across the front lawn until the lights from my house no longer lit up the air around me.

I heard my front door slam, and soon rapid footsteps were coming up behind me. “Gemma!” It was Jess, and as mad at him as I was, I still couldn’t help but want to turn into his arms. But I didn’t. My pride wouldn’t let me. So I kept walking, my arms stiff and angry at my sides. Soon Jess caught up to me and grabbed me gently on my arm. “Gemma, listen to me.”

I stopped and glared at him in the darkness. I wanted to hurt him as badly as he had hurt me.

He caught his breath and continued, “I wanted to tell you… “

“So why didn’t you?” I spat.

“Because I knew you’d be upset. You were dealing with so much already between your dad and this Trace thing … “

I laughed angrily. “Trace?You didn’t tell me because of Trace?”

“You’ve just been really preoccupied lately and-“

“Don’t you dare blame this on me! I wasn’t preoccupied with Trace!” I lifted both of my arms in exasperation. “Jess, you mean everything to me! Who cares about Trace? He doesn’t matter! What matters is that you are going to be three thousand miles away!”

“It’s only for three months, Gemma. It’s not that big of a deal.”

You know when you’re a little kid and you fall off something like the monkey bars or the trampoline, and after the initial hit you can’t breathe for a second; you literally can’t catch your breath because it’s completely knocked out of you? Well, that’s exactly what happened to me, right then, when Jess said that being away from me for three months wasn’t that big of a deal.

I stepped away from him slowly, my body aching with the realization that he meant a whole lot more to me than I was ever going to mean to him. My jaw tightened as I turned back to the dark road. “You’re right,” I whispered with a raw voice. “It’s not that big of a deal.” I let my arm slip out of Jess’s grasp and I walked away. This time he didn’t follow.

That Friday night Mom dropped me off in front of Drew’s house at a quarter past eight. When I knocked on the door the woman that introduced herself as Drew’s mom let me in. She was the exact opposite of what I pictured Drew’s mom to be. She was small like Drew, but she had bleached blonde hair and tan skin. She looked exactly like the cheerleaders in every movie I had ever seen. She directed me to the door leading down to the finished basement. As soon as I bgan descending the carpeted staircase, I could hear sounds of laughter and music coming from the room that I was headed toward. My breath became shallow as I took the final step into the basement. Directly in front of me was a big-screen TV and a long leather sofa. Drew was sitting closs-legged at the far end of the couch. Kit Walker was next to her, and next to him were Carmen and Stell. Then there was Trace, and to his left was Stephanie. Next to Stephanie was a boy named J.R. that I had never talked to before, but I knew him from school. And next to J.R. was his cousin, Danny, who I knew equally as well. I couldn’t help but notice that there were four girsl and four boys. I wondered if Drew secretly hoped I wouldn’t have come.

“Gemma!” Drew called and waved me over to the couch. “Come sit down! There’s a spot next to J.R.”

As I walked toward my assigned seat, I made eye contact with Trace. I lifted my chin toward him to which he lifted a couple of his fingers in a half wave. He looked exceptionally good in his midnight blue button-up shirt and some long, baggy, khaki pants. His hair was doing this kind of gelled, loopy thing on top, and he looked tanner than usual on his face and neck. He was just as good looking and witty as Jess. But he was also new and exciting.

“Let’s play a game.” It was J.R.‘s cousin Danny who said it, but we were all relieved that he did.

“Let’s play Pictionary,” suggested Stella.

“No. I’m a terrible drawer,” complained Carmen.

“I have a game,” Drew said with mischievous eyes. Everyone looked at her and waited for the name of her game.

“It’s called Kissing Rugby. My brother plays it with his friends all the time.”

J.R. clapped his hands together. “I vote for Drew’s game.”

“What’s Kissing Rugby?” Stephanie asked.

Drew pointed to the back of the basement, where there was no furniture. “Everyone needs to sit on the floor. Let’s go over there; there will be more room.”

One by one everyone started getting up from the couch and making their way to the other side of the basement as directed. As I made my way over, I felt warm hands on my shoulders. I turned around to see Trace standing so close to me that I could have counted his eyelashes. “Hey,” he said softly.

I could feel my face turn a bright shade of red. The same butterflies that always fluttered in my stomach when Trace was around were going wild. “Hi!” I forced myself to sound as perky and unaffected by him as possible.