Secondhand Heart (11 page)

“I think it’s beautiful.” I reached out for her other hand. “Thank you.”

“But girls’ names? I don’t know. I’m not even going to think about it until we know what we’re having.”

Bullshit. This was the girl who’d always spent hours looking at baby clothes in stores. She was worried about the baby.

B
ree’s mother was waiting for us in the window when we came back. I don’t know how Bree had bribed her into babysitting today, but she seemed really anxious to get back to her mess.

“For the love of God,” Bree scoffed. “Are my kids that bad? The place probably looks like a bomb hit it, since I’m sure she’s got them all hopped up on donut holes.”

Donut holes were off limits for the boys? Whoops. I made a mental note.

“I feel like an asshole,” I confessed to Ev as we drove away.

“Don’t.” Ev shook her head slightly while waiting for traffic to break so she could turn. “Cam’s into you. The married thing is just unfortunate timing. It’s over. Once she signs the paperwork, he’s all yours.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about.” Although, it did reaffirm my asshole status. “I mean you. Is everything okay? I’m worried. You’ve had baby names picked out since you were seven. Especially girls’ names.”

“Oh, that.”
That?
She wasn’t putting my mind at ease. “The nurse practitioner says some people just have worse morning sickness in the first trimester. Lucky me, right? But this is what happened last time, so I guess I am a little worried. How can I not be?”

“I know,” I said quietly. “I wish you said something. I feel like I’ve been off in Daisy Land and I was such a bitch about the dress. But I’m just not a dress girl. What can I do?”

“I’ve already asked you for what I want you to do,” Ev said. “Remember?”

“I am an asshole.” I sighed. “I’m sorry. I promise I’ll do better.”

“Thank you.” Ev sounded like that was just what she needed to hear. “There’s just so much going on, and I’m trying not to freak out, because of the baby, but then I want to freak out more.”

“What about Roger?” I asked, not sure I really wanted the answer. “You haven’t mentioned him at all since you told us about the wedding.”

“Roger got hired as an adjunct professor at the school of design, so he’s been busy working on his curriculum. He starts school right after the wedding.”

“So he’s ignoring his future wife and unborn baby,” I finished the story, plotting his death more with every word. Although, it was about time he got a real job. My parents had enough people mooching off of them.

“Pretty much. But once he starts working, we won’t have to worry about money. This wedding is costing a fortune, even trying to keep it small.” We headed into the house. Dad was home alone. “He keeps it like a meat locker in here.”

“I love it.” Wearing sweatpants in a cold house in the summer was such a first world guilty pleasure. “You don’t have to marry him, you know. Bree is raising two wonderful little bastards. No one cares about that stuff anymore. The president was raised by a single mother. The sky’s the limit.”

“When my baby needs a job, I’ll be sure to have her contact you for a recommendation.” She laughed. “I care, Daisy. I want to be married.”

“I want you to be married to someone who thinks you’re more important than teaching some stoners how to make glorified bongs.” I hugged her, she looked so sad and almost transparent. “And you know I think Roger sucks.”

She pulled away from me, and I knew I didn’t make her feel better. “Stop it. He doesn’t suck.”

I didn’t agree, but I did keep my mouth shut.

“I’m just going to say hi to Dad and then head back home.” Ev stood up straight, sucking in a big breath. “What are you doing this weekend?”

“Hanging out with Cam, I guess.” In less than a week, I’d gone from awkwardly planning dates to assuming we’d be hanging out. I hushed my voice so Dad wouldn’t have post-traumatic stress syndrome from our encounter the other morning.

“It’s all going to work out. Have fun.” Ev hugged me again before I went upstairs. “I’ll call you this week with any new wedding stuff. And if you refuse to do it, I’ll tell Mom you’re banging a married guy.”

I hung my new dress up carefully on the outside of my closet. All the good stuff got that place of honor. Otherwise, it would get shoved in the back, fall off the hanger, and look like something I should dust with instead of wear to my sister’s wedding. I tried to picture some of the enhancements that Ev wanted to suggest to her friend, who was a fashion designer. It would make the dress more wedding appropriate, but she seemed to think I’d still be able to wear it later on with a pair of leggings and boots. Of course, that was Ev’s style and not mine, but she always did look cute, so maybe I’d give it a try.

For way too long I laid on my bed and started at the dress, thinking about my sister. How did she go from having the brass balls needed to perform on national television to trading services with struggling artists and marrying some guy who put everything else before her? Ev deserved so much more than that. She deserved someone who thought the sun rose and set because of her. I wasn’t just saying that because she’s my sister, either. Ev was what awesome was made of. Somewhere along the way, she let someone talk her out of believing that. It pissed me off. How did I not see it happening? Was it when I was in Arizona? Or when I got sucker punched by Jordan’s death? I’d taken so much from Ev, and I never realized she needed me just as much.

God, I was an asshole.

The last thing I wanted her to do was to get married so she could avoid admitting to failure. I understood, having to tell people you weren’t kicking ass and chewing bubble gum was mortifying. The singing thing didn’t work out as she planned, she wasn’t making any money, and now she let douchebag Roger knock her up. Even though I harbored this fantasy that he wasn’t the father, I knew Ev too well to think that was true. She thought he was so fantastic, creative, and visionary. It was like she was putting all her eggs, literally, in his basket.

But I’d done the same thing with Jordan. Of course, his basket was way cooler that Roger’s. But with Jordan, it was a joint effort. We both wanted the same thing. Or did we? Our lives had been so intertwined that it just felt natural to factor his future into mine. I was so lost without him, because I felt like now that he was gone, all my passion had died with him. Being with Cam lit a fire in my heart like I hadn’t felt since Jordan. It would never be the same, but damn, it felt good. But I couldn’t rely on someone else to help me shape my future. This time, I needed to do it for me, and if someone else wanted to come along for the ride, well…buckle your seatbelt, baby.

I snuggled in under my blankets, wondering if Dad could manage to freeze the pipes in July. I didn’t want Ev to make the same mistakes I did. But the question was, could I stop her?

T
he rest of the afternoon was spent snoozing and fantasizing about Ev calling her wedding off. I didn’t want anything bad to happen. I just wanted to make her come to her senses. But then it was time to get back to reality, and go hang out with my still sort of famous country singer boyfriend.

A couple of the waitresses gave me funny looks but didn’t say anything as I bypassed the dining room and headed towards Cam’s office.

“Take your clothes off,” were the first words he said to me when I entered.

“What?” I knew I heard him just fine, but what the hell? He might own the place, but that was a damn ballsy request.

He gestured up and down my body. “That stuff. Get rid of it.” He got up from his chair behind the desk and perched on the front of it. “It’s covering all the things I want to see.”

“What about my beautiful face?” I protested, as I unzipped my jeans and let them pool at my ankles. I kicked them away, feeling so much more naked than I really was.

“I love it.” Cam’s eyes moved from the puddle of fabric on the floor up to my face. “But this stuff,” he motioned to my shirt, “has got to go.”

This would be so much easier if he’d just come over here and do this for me. But instead, Cam leaned against his desk, arms crossed, almost like he watched me through the window of another room. This felt like giving a stranger a peep show. Dirty, forbidden, and fucking exciting. My girl parts were already screaming at me. My shirt joined the jeans, and I walked slowly over to Cam as I unhooked my bra, which I used to wrap around his shoulders and pull his face to mine to kiss me. The move had already worked for me once. Why mess with success?

His teeth grazed my bottom lip, sinking in and pulling it. I unbuttoned Cam’s shirt and pulled it out of his pants.

“Why do I have to do all the work?” I pulled away from him to ask, then sat down in one of the chairs in front of the desk.

“Because I love watching you do it.” Cam didn’t move. “Are you going to finish what you started?”

My face was now at his hip level. Yeah, yeah, yeah, when you’re sitting in the back of a restaurant in nothing but a pair of soaking wet panties, the time had passed for being coy. His crotch was in my face. So I did what any other red-blooded American girl would do in that situation. I undid his belt and unzipped his jeans. His cock was ready for me, even before I put it in my mouth.

Every so often, I looked up at Cam, a beautiful angle up the long hard line of his abdomen, to see his head thrown back. He groaned in approval, his hand clutching my hair just at the nape, so I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to.

“Hey, Cam, we wondering if…oh my God.” Someone walked in on us. I’m not sure who, because by the time I was done gagging, she was gone.

My mouth still open, I sat there, stunned, covering my chest in case of any more intrusions.

Cam burst out laughing.

“You think that’s funny?” I took turns staring at him and looking back at the door, convinced the entire restaurant was going to come back to try to catch the free show.

“I told them to knock first.” Cam wiped his brow and continued chuckling. “Maybe now they’ll listen.”

“That girl just saw her boss getting his dick sucked! There are some things you can’t unsee, Cam!” I bent over to pick up my bra, then got up to retrieve the rest of my clothes. Cam grabbed me around the waist before I even got away from the chairs, turning me around so now I was against the desk. One of his hands slid to the waistline of my panties, moving back and forth along the elastic before tugging them down over my hips. I tried to pull them back up, but he was too fast for me. His other hand went back and forth from one breast to the other, teasing my still bare nipples. My breathing was jagged and shallow, I kept watching over his shoulder, distracted.

Cam eased me up on the desk, picking me up like I weighed nothing. I clasped my hands around his neck so I wouldn’t fall backwards. He pushed his jeans down his legs, just enough so he could get the job done. My heart hammered against my ribcage, matching the rhythm of his thrusts.

“The door isn’t locked,” I whispered against his damp neck, the curls stuck to it moved with my lips, my voice raspy.

“Exciting, isn’t it?” he asked.

You know what? It was.

The drive-in. The parking lot outside his condo. Here. My sweet country boy had a thing for being watched.

I guess it wasn’t that much of a stretch, he performed for screaming crowds on stage. Singing, playing his music, it had to be as raw and personal as being intimate with another person. Right? In a different way, but the same level of vulnerability. Or he’d given so much of himself that his boundaries had totally evaporated.

My boundaries were still held together by a worn thread. I didn’t want to set foot into the common area of the restaurant, but if I ever planned on leaving this office, I had to do something. There was no way in hell whoever caught us kept her mouth shut. That type of thing was just too good to keep to yourself.

I gave up. “I can’t go out there.” When we finished and got dressed, I sat back down in the chair and looked up at Cam, who raised an eyebrow at me.

“This is it?” he asked. “You’re going to stay back here for the rest of your life? There’s no shower back here. I’m just letting you know, in case you want to reconsider.”