Secret of a Thousand Beauties (27 page)

I gave him another sip of the tea, and he asked, “Spring Swallow, did you come to Soochow and up here to find me?”

I nodded. Of course I was not going to tell him that I was also in Soochow for my honeymoon. But I was not lying, I did come here for him.

Shen Feng squeezed my hand, but without much force.

Moments later, he spoke again. “Can you do one last thing for me?”

“Of course, Feng, anything I can do.”

“Help me go outside the cave.”

“So you’re willing to go down the mountain and to a hospital?”

“No”—he shook his head—“so I can see the sun and feel its warmth one last time.”

“Feng, I beg you, let me take you to a hospital, and you’ll recover. I’ll take very good care of you, promise.”

He didn’t respond to my pleading, but insisted all he wanted was to go outside. With one rotten leg and the other, which he probably hadn’t moved since he’d come here, I had to half-drag him outside. When the bright sunlight first struck his eyes, he flinched back, looking startled. I helped him to lean his back against a boulder so he could face the breathtaking view before us. The sun’s rays shone through clouds, turning everything golden—trees, leaves, flowers, rocks, sand. A flock of geese flew over, high up in the sky, calling to each other in melancholy tones.

We remained silent for the few moments we had together enjoying the scene fit for immortals. Seeing that Shen Feng had closed his remaining eye to let the breeze soothe his face, I felt touched to see him have a moment of pleasure, probably his last.

Then he lifted his head and asked me to help him stand so he could walk a few steps closer to the edge.

“But it may not be safe for you. Why don’t we just stay here?”

“Don’t worry, Spring Swallow, we’ll be fine. It’s a beautiful, peaceful day, no rain, only a gentle breeze. There won’t be any danger.”

I still didn’t feel comfortable. “But, Feng, why can’t we just sit here?”

“Because I want to have a better look at Soochow off in the distance, its rivers, you know, everything.”

I could not deny him what might be his last wish, so I used all my strength to help him stand and take faltering steps toward the edge. I held on to him as we enjoyed the breeze grazing us like a massaging hand. Suddenly the sun’s rays landed on Shen Feng and gilded his whole body, so that for a brief moment he seemed to transform into a saint. I knew this meant he was slipping away from this terrible world, and again I felt tears sting my eyes. He looked almost content, as if willing to accept whatever lay before him. We held each other even more tightly.

Suddenly I felt his body shake as he released himself from my arms, followed by, “Farewell, my dear wife Spring Swallow . . .”

When I realized what had just happened, I found myself totally alone on the peak.

29

M
y mind blanked for a moment; then I dashed down the mountain. Sharp rocks and twigs kept cutting my arms and feet, but I didn’t care. During my plunging descent, the image of Shen Feng loomed in my mind, his shattered body—blood-soaked, skull cracked, brain splattered. . . .

I kept shouting, “Feng, why did you do this to me, why?!”

I looked down but didn’t see him. I couldn’t tell if he’d fallen on the ground or in the nearby river. When I was halfway down, drops of water began to shower on my head and face. At first I thought it was my tears, but then I realized it was the sky pouring big drops of rain. Like sharp pebbles, they hit hard on my face and back, hurting me. I slowed down and held on to branches so I wouldn’t slip and fall.

I could hear my own sobbing competing with the hissing rain, and my desperate screaming. “Feng, why did you leave me like that?”

In the heavy, hissing rain, I strained my eyes and ears, but my lost husband was still nowhere to be seen. Now the sky had darkened and the weather turned chilly. I pulled my thin jacket across my chest and continued to plod along the muddy ground. The world was now obscured by a veil of rain, hiding everything in the distance. I tripped on a large rock and fell....

I must have passed out, for when I woke up I found myself lying, head downward, on the mountain slope. The rain had stopped and it was now twilight. Head throbbing, I put my hand to my forehead, which felt warm to me, as if I was developing a fever. Eager to get down the mountain before it was totally dark, I forced myself to stand up. If I was trapped here overnight, I’d either get a chill, be attacked by wild animals, or even worse, by ghosts.

Then what about Shen Feng? I didn’t want to believe that he was already dead. If he was severely injured but still alive, I
had
to keep looking for him. I couldn’t just abandon my first love.

With worries and horrible images swirling in my mind, I soon reached the foot of the mountain. But in the dim light remaining I could not see any sign of Shen Feng, so I feared he had fallen into the river and washed away downstream. Feeling hopeless, I dragged my sore feet toward my old house, which loomed in the distance like a huge, wounded beast. When I arrived, I tugged at some loose planks until they fell to the ground like lifeless snakes. The knob turned easily and I entered, my heart beating like a swinging pendulum.

Though I’d once lived here, I felt like a thief breaking into a rich person’s mansion. A strong, musty smell ambushed my nostrils. But I also felt comforted by the house’s nostalgic familiarity—the embroideries on the walls and the long wooden table where we’d worked. I went right over to the kitchen, hoping that somehow I could find a little food there. Luckily I found some bits of dried meat and salted fish. They weren’t very appetizing, but I was tired and hungry, so I gobbled them down. After that I went outside to relieve myself, then back inside to my old room. Quickly pulling off my wet clothes, I crawled naked under the tattered covers of my dusty cot. I pulled the thin blanket up to my chin and sobbed until I fell into a deep, troubled sleep.

 

When I woke up the next morning, my headache was gone and there was no sign of a fever. I went to the kitchen to finish off the leftover dried food, then put on my still-damp clothes and went outside. Though I was curious to check once more on Aunty Peony’s secret chamber, I was more concerned with searching for Shen Feng. I knew that the chance he was still alive was slim. But if somehow he had survived, there was no time to waste, so I quickly set out for the mountain. On the way I said a prayer to Ryan’s God, begging him to grant a miracle that Shen Feng had not fallen to his death but was only injured and waiting for rescue.

I walked around the base of the mountain, scrutinizing the area carefully, but there was no sign of Shen Feng, not even blood, or a scrap of clothing. I knew that most likely he had fallen into the river and been borne away. So I walked downstream along the river for a while but finally had to give up the search.

I could not help but hope that somehow Shen Feng had recovered and had gone back up the mountain to our old meeting place. So I decided to make one last trip up the mountain, so I would not always wonder. But unfortunately when I reached the top, I realized that my revolutionary husband was gone and somehow I had to accept that I had lost him forever. All I could do now was to go inside our cave and make a little shrine for him, as Purple and I had for Leilei. I recited a sutra twice, first toward Heaven, then toward Earth. When the cave fell silent after my recitation, I walked out of it and this part of my life forever.

Exhausted by three physically arduous and heartbreaking trips in just two days, I rested for a while before I headed back down the mountain. When my feet finally touched level ground, I went straight to Aunty’s house, then back to my room. I didn’t have the energy or the will power to go back to Soochow, so I decided to rest here for one more night, then make my way back to Ryan in Peking.

In the middle of the night, a strange noise woke me up. I guessed it was a stray animal scavenging for food. But what if it was a homeless person looking for shelter? Or a wandering ghost from the haunted mountain? Shen Feng’s ghost, even? Suddenly, I was as awake as if cold water had been splashed on my face. I got up from my cot but couldn’t make out anything in the dim living room.

Maybe it was a small animal after all. As I started to relax, a hunger pang hit me. When I walked into the kitchen to look for the last bit of dried meat, something bumped into me.

As I screamed, another voice joined me in a panicky
“Aiiiya!”

We blurted out, “Who is it?!”

I grabbed a candle, lit it, and looked.

It was Little Doll, looking as startled as me!

“Oh, Heaven, how come you’re here?” we screamed at each other.

Under the candlelight, Little Doll looked like a little beggar. Wearing a dirty top and pants, hair disheveled, eyes dull, face sunken, she looked even smaller than ever, as if she’d lost twenty more pounds.

“Little Doll, what happened, why are you here?”

She kept staring at me without saying anything. So I helped her to sit down on a chair and went to start a fire to boil water. Her voice rose from my back like an angry ghost’s.

“Sister Spring Swallow, why did you leave me?”

I went to sit next to her and put my arm around her shoulder.

“Little Doll, please forgive me. I really had no choice.”

“Why no choice?”

“It’s too complicated to explain now. But I will later. If I had taken you, it would have been dangerous for both of us. So, I thought you’d be safer with the Li family. So, how come . . .”

“But you left me alone. . . .” My little sister started to cry.

“Little Doll,” I said very gently, “we’re together now and won’t be separated anymore.”

Her teary eyes stared into mine. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

Little Doll extended her pinky and hooked it with mine.

“After you left”—she wiped her tears with the back of her hand—“Golden Thread was cursed, so its business dropped. Mr. Old Li believed it’s because of you.”

“Why me?”

“Because you’re his all-destroying unlucky star.” She paused, then continued. “After you left, Li Wenyi gambled away everything. Then loan sharks came and splashed red ink on the shop windows and dirty words that scared away all the customers. Old Li had a stroke, and Golden Thread went bankrupt. They couldn’t keep me anymore, so they made me leave.”

“Did they give you money?”

She nodded. “One month’s salary and some embroidery tools. I also had some savings.”

“When did this happen?”

“A while ago. That’s why I came back here; I had no other place to go.”

“How did you get in?”

“One of the boards was loose, so I crawled in.”

Hmmm . . . Little Doll was actually more resourceful than I’d thought.

“What have you done since you had to leave Li’s house?”

“Selling my embroideries on the streets.” She smiled proudly. “Some people buy them because my works are cheap and they feel sorry for me. One time a woman paid me double what I’d asked, but another time I was robbed.”

“How did that happen?”

“A group of beggars snatched the cloth bag where I put my money.”

“That’s terrible! Did they hurt you?”

“No, but they laughed and threw stones at me so I couldn’t chase them.”

I sighed. “Sorry, Little Doll. But from now on, I’ll take good care of you. Did you leave the dried meat and fish in the kitchen?”

“Yes, every day after I finish work, I go to the market to pick up leftover food. Mostly vegetables, but once in a while I can find some meat.”

“But where were you last night?”

“Yesterday when I finished, it was already dark and I was too tired to come home. So I slept on a street bench and worked late today.”

Now I looked at my little sister in a different light. “Little Doll, I’m so proud of you. Do you know you’ve been self-sufficient and independent?”

“What’s that?”

It’d be too hard to explain, so I said, “Don’t worry, I’m just so happy that we meet again.”

“Me too, Sister Spring Swallow. But I’ve already told you everything about myself, so tell me where you’ve been. Why did you leave without a good-bye? And then what happened?”

So I told Little Doll almost everything, except what I thought might upset her, or that she was too young to understand.

When I finished, her eyes were round, as big as two plums. “So you now have a real husband?”

I nodded. “He’s very good to me, and he will be to you too.”

Little Doll suddenly exclaimed, “Oh, I almost forget, wait here, Sister Spring Swallow, I’ll be right back!”

She dashed away and came back in no time, handing me a bag.

“What is it?”

“Open it and you’ll see.”

I opened the bag and couldn’t believe my eyes—my jacket with the imperial undergarment attached.

“Heaven, how did you get this?”

“After Old Li’s stroke, one time when Sister Ping asked me to bring food to him, I saw him holding this on his lap. I recognized your jacket because I saw you wear it many times. I didn’t like him to touch anything of yours, so when he fell asleep, I just took it. So now it’s back to you.”

Did Little Doll know how valuable this was? Had she turned my jacket inside out and seen the imperial garment? Judging from her expression, she had no idea. And I was not going to tell her the whole story.

So, I simply said, “Thank you so much, Little Doll. I really love this jacket; it keeps me warm.”

Suddenly she dashed to her room, then returned with a note that she handed to me.

“Where did you get this?”

“I saw it underneath the door. I tried to read it but don’t understand. I did recognize Sister Leilei’s name and
‘Along the River’
on it, though.”

“Leilei?” My heart started to pound as I read the note:

The letter was unsigned. This was typical of Leilei—after she agreed on the price, she asked for more. And it got her killed! I felt very sad for her—a woman who never realized that she brought her troubles on herself.

My emotion must have shown on my face because I was interrupted by Little Doll’s voice. “Sister Spring Swallow, are you all right?”

I looked up at her innocent face and had no heart to tell her the truth about Leilei, so I just said, “It’s nothing important, Little Doll.”

“You look so pale! You want me to cook you some soup?”

“Thank you, Little Doll, but I’m fine, really.”

Then she seemed to cheer up. “So, Sister Spring Swallow, are we going back to Peking to live with this Mr. Ryan in the Western church?”

I nodded and she clapped with excitement.

“Good, so we’re going to see this foreign ghost soon!?”

I gave her a disapproving look. “Little Doll, his name is Ryan. And when you meet him, you better address him respectfully as Uncle Ryan.”

“Yes, Unkle Rai An,” she said with a dreamy expression. “Unkle Rai An must be a kind, good-looking man.”

“What made you say that?”

“Because I just know he is.”

I didn’t know how she “knew” this, but I liked her logic anyway.