Secrets (14 page)

“I don't want to impose on your life and it's unnecessary for others to take time away from their lives to protect me.”

He gave her a smirk and shook his head and she knew she wasn't winning this one. But she couldn't deny the relief filtering through her, knowing she wouldn't be alone and vulnerable.

“Then that's settled,” Casey said. “We're going to do what it takes to thwart William Carter and we're not giving up.”

“I don't want to give up. It just all seems so complex and daunting. But I'm glad you're here with me.”

“Always, babe.” He pulled her chin up and met her lips with his, softly, tenderly.

The feel of his body pressed to hers and the taste of his lips sent heat cascading through her. Michelle pulled back and met his eyes, steamy and glazed. “You're so perfect,” she murmured.

Instantly his mouth devoured hers, his tongue darting and dancing with hers. Cravings for more deepened her breaths.

Breathless, Casey took her face in his two hands and pierced her with his luminous eyes. “Are you sure about this?”

She answered by nuzzling in close, and kissing a spot just under his ear.

Her heart thumped loudly in her ears and she knew it wasn't a warning triggered by fear. Oh, the defenses tingled throughout her, but she was getting used to letting them go silent under the sweetness of Casey's tenderness.

He returned her favor by brushing a hot kiss to the similar spot under her ear, then her cheek. Delicious sensations fluttered through her, lighting a flame deep inside her.

“Damn it!” Casey pulled away to answer his vibrating phone in his pocket. He checked the screen, then frowned. “I have to take this, Michelle. I'm sorry.”

Still breathless, Michelle nodded her head. She pointed to her bedroom and mouthed, “You can have some privacy.”

“What's up, Lara?” Casey shoved down the effects of kissing Michelle, clenching his teeth and letting out a strained sigh.

“I need to talk. Do you have a minute?” Her voice carried concern laced with tension.

Casey scratched his head. “No, not really. But go ahead, what's on your mind?”

Lara cleared her throat. “You assigned Quinn to watch Michelle's house this afternoon.” She paused, a heavy pause.

“Yes. Is there a problem?” He kept his voice low, so that Michelle wouldn't hear. He knew there was a problem but he wanted to hear from Lara first.

“Well, he did his job. He didn't see any problems.” Again she cleared her throat.

“Spit it out, Lara.” He tapped his foot on the carpeted bedroom floor, waiting. “Is he here now?”

“No, he left. Right after he saw you pull in. And give Michelle a hug.”

“Ah, I see. Did he also tell you that Michelle saw him in her field?”

Her voice dropped low. “No, he didn't mention that.”

Casey knew how the colony felt about interspecies relationships, but he was the leader. He was charged with leading his life in such a way that he would keep the colony safe, doing things that were right. And the colony cats were to respect his decisions. “No, all he thought of reporting was that everything is okay … except the leader. The moggy leader, who hugged Michelle. He didn't feel the need to report that Michelle saw him.” He rubbed his eyes, trying to sort out the implications of, well, hell, the entire day here at Michelle's house.

“You knew this wouldn't be easy. You and Michelle. It's not automatically a moggy versus pure situation.” Her voice was still low, but the tension was gone and Lara's tone sounded kind, but businesslike.

His thoughts whirred in his brain, taking him to a variety of places, and none of them involved sitting here in Michelle's bedroom, taking in Lara's words. “Thank you for giving me a heads-up. I'll have to give it all some thought.”

“I know you will. Meanwhile, I'll let Quinn know he messed up.”

“No, I'll talk to him. If he brings up the topic, just tell him I'll be in touch.”

He hung up, dropping his head into his hands.
How could I have been so stupid?
He'd been so careless about allowing himself as a lynx to be seen. By Michelle. All he'd thought—no, felt—at the encounters was the longing spearing his heart over and over. He'd worn the loneliness for so long. Desert dryness filled his soul. He ached for true connection, engagement at the soul level. And it was Michelle who'd intensified his need. He'd lost his mind and ventured to connect without any thought of consequences. Just a bit ago the moment had presented itself for him to tell the truth and he'd let it pass by. He had a choice to make and then an afterwards to live with the consequences.

He drew in a deep breath and went in search of Michelle. All he had to do was follow the small cat parade down the hall. He laughed out loud. “Michelle? I think it's dinner time.”

She met him at the doorway to her bedroom. It lit up his heart to hear her laughter, bubbly and delighted. “Hey guys.” She gave Jojo, Izabelle, and Munchie a rub to their heads. “Tiger is sitting on my bed, but he won't be far behind the parade when I get out the cat food.”

“Just let me get out of the way!” He followed last in line to the kitchen, where Michelle made quick work of feeding her cats.

Casey peered out the kitchen window, his keen vision taking in much more than Michelle would see. It was still early, about five o'clock, but dusk had already settled into darkness. Still, he could see through the night that nothing looked amiss around her yard and field right now.

“Are you on duty, Casey?” She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. It ignited the intense longing for intimacy.
More than lovemaking, though that would certainly be nice
. It was a longing for connecting at a level of holding nothing back. Nothing.

“Um … yes, I'm on duty.” His thoughts remained stuck on the possibilities before him. His belief that everything is evolving.

“See anything out there? Maybe a stray cat or a lynx?” Michelle let go and stood beside him, peering outside.

“Nothing noteworthy. No ferals and no lynxes.” He touched her nose and gazed at her sweet face. “You're so beautiful.”

A twinkling chuckle escaped her throat. “You're full of shit.” She turned toward her fridge and started pulling out fruits and vegetables. “You don't have to compliment me to get me to make dinner. I'm happy to feed you.” The smile she shot him registered somewhere in the area of his heart.

He had to be truthful with her. Honest and totally himself. He had to lay it all out there, take the risk that could lead him to perfect joy or utter rejection.

Michelle paused, holding the knife she was using to chop vegetables. “You're quiet. Why are you staring at me like that?”

Casey angled his head and kept his eyes on her. She put the knife down and knitted her brow. He rubbed his hand across his mouth, nerves jangling mercilessly. “I … ”

“What is it, Casey? You can tell me anything.” The soft flow of her words poured throughout him, lulling him.

“Can we sit down in the living room?”

“Of course.” She took his hand and led him to the living room. She sat on the couch and gestured for him to sit beside her.

“There are things I want you to know. Things about me and my life.” He dropped his gaze to the floor, suddenly questioning his decision. Something very much like paralyzing fear rolled around in his gut. This awful sensation was new to him. Fear was usually something to manage and move past. This was different. “But what I want to tell you could change everything. I'm afraid of scaring you.”

“Scaring me? How? With the truth? Even when it's hard, the truth is always better than a façade or a lie, Casey. I know you well enough to understand that you believe that, too.”

She pulled his face up to meet her eyes. The clarity of her sapphire blue eyes urged him to continue. “I've made a decision to show you my reality. In doing so, I could put myself and others at risk, but I trust you. I just don't know if I should do that to you.”

“Stop talking in code and tell me or don't tell me.” She drew in a tense breath, as if preparing for something difficult.

He took her hand and pulled her to her feet. “Come with me outside and I'll show you.”

Solemnly, he led her to the backyard. “Don't be afraid. I'm not going to hurt you.”

The wind lifted strands of her blond hair, tousling it into pretty disarray. Her eyes glimmered in the low light, but he didn't see fear or sense fear. Not yet.

He stripped off his clothes. “Stay with me, please. There's more.” The night air prickled his skin. He breathed fully of its crispness, closed his eyes, and shimmered. His thoughts calmed, accepting the decision of his lifetime.

On four feet, he jogged in circles around her, then stopped in front of her a few feet away and sat on his haunches. Watching Michelle.

Immediately her hands flew to cover her mouth. He didn't know if she would scream or faint.

But she didn't run. And she didn't scream. She dropped her hands to her side and stood in front of him, staring.

He chuffed. Once. Twice.

His insides screaming for her to accept him, he strolled close, shaking his head.

“Casey?”

He nodded his head.

She blinked, over and over, fast. “It's you? How could this be?”

He slanted his head to the left, then the right, then nodded. Did he dare rub across her legs? How does one not explode into a million pieces upon standing face to face with a strange new reality? How could Michelle?

She reached out tentatively to touch his fur. “You're beautiful. It was you. It was you I saw in the field and outside my kitchen window. It was you who made me feel safe and amazed. I can sense it now. It feels the same as it did those nights and as it has just being around you, non-lynx you.”

Casey's limbs quaked. His heart beat out joy and gratitude. His heart and soul expanded to contain it all. A gleeful yowl escaped his throat.

Michelle bent on one knee and looked him directly in his eyes. “Your eyes. These are your eyes.” Excitement burbled up unrestrained. He could see it in her eyes. “You're a lynx. And a man.” She gave him a quizzical look that drove what could only be called a combination purr and chuckle up from deep in his chest.

He didn't know he could do that. Purr, yes, of course. But laugh?
Maybe I've never had a reason to laugh like this.

She slowly walked all the way around him, surveying his body. “I'm speechless. No I'm not. I want you to talk to me. Can you switch back to human form? Can I watch?”

So he shimmered.

Again her hands went to her mouth. Her eyes were wide and blinking as though her mind was finding it difficult to take it all in. Not him. The truth.

“What do you say to all that, huh?” Exhilaration filled him once again as the brisk temperature hit his skin and Michelle's reaction came a far cry less than screaming in terror. He picked up his clothes from the ground and dressed.

He took in her awestruck expression and sober eyes and tried to deduce her thoughts. His entire body screamed silently, desperately, to take it all back. After all, secrecy and distance were important tenets of his kind. They'd been strictly enforced, drilled into his head from an early age.

And now he'd broken those rules. The training he'd undergone flooded his mind and body with cascading dire results of his actions. He gritted his teeth, trying to allow the old thoughts but not get swept away.

He'd broken the rules, but it didn't mean it was wrong.
Everything evolves
, he thought to himself.

What had seemed like nanoseconds had probably become a drawn-out, awkward silence. Casey eyed Michelle, still wondering about her.

“You okay?”

Michelle held his gaze.

“You're shivering. All right with you if we go inside?” He tentatively reached around her shoulders, hoping she wouldn't flinch. He breathed out slowly when she leaned into him.

• • •

The world as she'd always known it had just disintegrated all around her, leaving her to stand on new ground. Very unfamiliar and unexplored ground. She chuckled to herself and peered up at Casey from beneath his warm arm. “Boy, when you share a secret, you really go wide. Or would it be go long? I'm looking for a football metaphor here and I should just stop.”

Unease mixed with relief swirled from Casey. She wanted to reassure him she wasn't going to go crazy and call animal control.

They sat together on the couch, an awkward silence stretching between them. She dove in.

“I have so many questions.” She stared up into his hazel eyes and tried to get a glimpse of his wild side. What she saw was the same Casey, who'd always carried a bit of wildness.

“I'm sure you do. I'll explain everything.” His voice was soft, vulnerable. He caught her gaze and peered close. “First, I have one. Did I just lose any hope of being with you?”

“No. I'm not afraid of you.”

He dropped his head against the back of the couch and stared up at the ceiling. “How can that be? I've just revealed to you a part of myself that only my kind know about. I'm a were-cat. I turn into a lynx. How can that possibly fit into your world view?” He turned an angst-filled expression on her and her heart dipped.

“You forget I'm psychic, sensitive. I see and feel things most people don't and most people scoff at my abilities. If you're looking for a girl who is most likely to fall for a half-human, half-lynx species, you found the right one.” She took his hand in hers and brushed a gentle kiss to it. “I want to know everything. Maybe something in your explanation will tell me you and I don't make a good fit. But right now, I see you, Casey, furry and beautiful and wild-natured. While everything has changed, nothing has.”

Casey laughed heartily, melting the awkward between them. “You talk Yogi-speak. I like it.”