Seduce Me (5 page)

“I want to wait to find out if it’s a boy or a girl before I tell him.” I pause. “Well, that’s not entirely true. I do want to do that, but I also want to know I can do this on my own. Because that is what it is Dad. I will be a single mom, just like you were a single dad. Funny how things go around in life.”

I pull up blades of grass from the ground and begin shredding them slowly feeling their smoothness between my fingers. “I’m going to school Daddy, just like you wanted. I haven’t figured out how I’m going to be able to go to class and take care of the baby, but I’ve been thinking about it. I have a good friend Bella, you’d really like her Dad, and I was thinking of asking her to help out. I’m still working out the whole job thing, but I have some time.” I feel a bit scatterbrained with all my rambling, but I need to tell him. I need to tell someone.

“I’m about eleven weeks now and the last time I went to the doctor she said everything looked really good. I’m due to go back in a couple of weeks.” I breathe in the warm Georgia air, the humidity clinging to my skin. “I wish you were here to give me advice on how to tell G.T. I know he’s going to be pissed at me. One for getting pregnant, even though he had as much to do with it as I did, and two for not telling him right away.” I sigh. “Daddy. I’ve been working really hard since I left here to get my head screwed on straight. And I think I’m almost there. But when it comes to him, I’m still that same love struck kid and I hate it Dad. Hate it.”

“I haven’t told anyone about the baby but you. Not even Harlow. I want to so bad Dad. But she has a new life right now that she’s dealing with and I don’t want to add to it. I need her so desperately. Even when we talk on the phone, it’s mostly her talking and me listening. I’m sure she doesn’t intend for it, but it’s there. And I’m okay with it.”

“I will do you proud Daddy. I will be the best possible mom I can be. I will tell him or her all about you. I know I can do this because you did. I love you Daddy.”

I sit for a long while just enjoying the silence.

I did not tell Harlow I was coming into town, because if I did she would have for sure insisted I came to see her and I can’t. I can’t look her in the eye and not tell her about the baby. Each time I talk to her, it gets harder and harder to keep my mouth shut.

During the ride back to Cherry Vale, I gather myself back together. I always love talking to my Dad as it gives me relief, but pulling myself together is always the hardest part.

Winding up to my apartment, Jace is standing by the front door. I swear part of me wonders if he has me pegged or something. He always seems to know where I will be. Since seeing him at the bar, he has said hi to me dozens of times and made the idlest of chit chats. He even brought me dinner a couple of times.

Damn if the man wasn’t growing on me.

Climbing out of the car, I head to the door. “Hey. How’s it going?”

“Good. Just got back from a run. Where you been off to?”

The innocent question doesn’t take me aback as it would have a few weeks ago. “I went to talk to my Dad. Now I have to go study. Fun times.” I smirk.

“You need some help?”

“Nah. But thanks.”

I have a huge test tomorrow. Huge and in the one subject that I do not freaking get, stupid Western Civ. What is the point of this class? I know some people probably love it, but it is not my thing. After three hours of looking over notes and reading this book, I’m ready to throw the damn thing. Only bits and pieces are sinking in and I need a break.

Opening the fridge, I kick myself for not getting to the grocery store. With school and work, I haven’t had much time and looking in the fridge moldy cheese isn’t going to cut it. Bella and I have been doing mad dash runs to eat together, which has been really our only time together. We both need to keep our grades up and have been focusing on that solely.

My stomach aches and cramps. I curse myself. I should know better than to not eat especially with the baby growing inside. I take my vitamins religiously, but when I’m studying, all thoughts of eating fly out the window.

Grabbing my cash and keys, I head to the corner deli grabbing a turkey sandwich on wheat and eat it on the way back to my apartment. The day is beautiful and sunny, the warmth caressing me like a second skin.

Images of me walking with my little one flash through my head and excitement and happiness fill me. “Hey, what’s got you smiling?” Jace’s voice comes from the side of me making me jump a bit. He is in his running gear and slicked in sweat. His breathing is coming out in small pants as he pulls his head phones out of his ears.

“Just a beautiful day.” I reply taking another bite and swallowing.

“Yes it is. I needed to get out and run. Can’t let a beautiful day like this go to waste. You mind if I walk with ya back?” He asks panting.

“Not at all.”

As we walk, I continue eating, trying to ease the ache in my stomach. Jace talks about his classes and asks with interest about mine. Our conversation is casual and easy flowing. One thing that I’ve really grown to like about Jace is how easy it is to talk with him.

I yawn, “I’m really tired all of the sudden. I think it’s all the studying.” I smile softly.

“No problem. I gotta get in the shower and clean up.” He smirks walking off to his place.

Entering my apartment a huge wave of exhaustion overtakes me. I crawl into my bed feeling the cool sheets hug my body and fall fast asleep.

Hurt. Pain. Hurt
. My body tosses and turns on its own accord not being able to get comfortable. My bed feels like a layer of rocks instead of its normal softness. I try to wake up from this horrible dream, from this horrible pain. But can’t.

I move from side to side trying to get comfortable, but it’s impossible. My eyes shoot open quickly and I immediately know the pain is not a dream. It is full out cramping in my stomach, my hands moving to clutch it. I quickly move the covers, but see nothing amiss. My gut is telling me something is wrong, very wrong.

I slowly get up each movement adding to the already agonizing pain inside. Add to that the frantic fear and I’m lucky I can even move to the bathroom. Pulling down my pants, my underwear is covered in blood. “What the hell!” I scream and panic overtakes me.
My baby.

As quick as I can, I throw the pants and underwear off of me and search for my phone. I need to find Bella. She can help me. I dial her number and it instantly goes into voice mail. A cramp hits so powerfully, I drop the phone and hear it clatter to the ground. I double over for a few minutes grabbing on to the counter top so I don’t fall until the pain slightly subsides.

I slowly put on new underwear and pants, trying to figure out how to get to the hospital. Jace. Reaching down for my phone, I scream as the pain slices again through me, the pain bringing me to my knees on the floor as the crash to the tile. I reach for my phone and dial Jace’s number. He answers on the first ring.
Thank you.

“This is a nice surprise. See aren’t you glad I gave you my number?” I do not have time for his smooth talking and cut him off abruptly.

“I need you to get over here now and get me to the hospital. I’m pregnant, about 12-13 weeks. I’m bleeding and in a lot of pain. Please hurry.” I beg him, tears begin rolling down my face at the realization of what may be happening right now. Before I even get the last words out, loud banging echoes through the apartment.

“I’m coming. It’s taking me a bit to get to the door.” I say grabbing every bit of strength to get up off the floor. I grip my stomach and trying to walk as fast as I can, yet not nearly fast enough each step sending shooting pains through my body.

“Take your time and breathe. I’ll get you to the hospital.” His voice is calm and sure as he speaks to me through the door. I feel anything but.

I twist the locks on the door and open it wide. “Shit.” He mutters, his eyes grow wide with panic as they trail up and down my body. “Come here.” He picks me up in his arms, holds me close to his body on the elevator ride down and places me into his car. “Breathe. I’ll get you there.”

I bite my lip trying not to scream, but the pain is so intense, like nothing I’ve ever felt before, take cramping times a thousand. I close my eyes and rest my head on the seat biting back as much of the pain as I can. Jace doesn’t say a word, he just drives… Fast, but everything is a blur to me.

Entering the ER, I tell the doctors and nurses in a rush as much as I can and they begin checking me from head to toe. They place me on a bed with wheels and move me here and there all the while my hands gripping my stomach tightly. The room they put me in is white and cold and IV’s are placed in my arms and big machines that make lots of noises are brought in. They make Jace wait outside the room and I am utterly alone.

Tears stream uncontrollably down my face. I know my baby is gone. Deep down, I can feel the loss already.

After what feels like hours, the doctor pulls his chair up to the side of my bed and sits next to my head. “Ms. Alexander. I’m very sorry, but the baby didn’t make it. At this time, we don’t know why or if there is a reason you miscarried.” Sobs escape my throat; my chest tightens to the point where I cannot breathe. I feel like I’m suffocating… dying. “I need to go in and do a D&C. That’s where I go in and clean up your uterus.”

“No!” I scream loud. “You are not taking my baby out of me!” I pull away from him and try to get up from the table, but the wires and tubes coming out of my body slow me down. I begin pulling them off of my body in a panic, the plastic foreign to my touch.

The doctor stands over me grabbing my arms. “Ms. Alexander. You must calm down. We must do the procedure, there is no choice.” His voice is trying to soothe me, but nothing will at this point.

I stare at him fear ripping through me, my arms wrapping around my stomach. I never even told the father the baby existed and now it’s gone. Gone, just like my Dad.

“I’m going to have the nurse give you something to settle you.” I continue to stare at the man, my mind coming up a big blank canvas, void and nothingness. I don’t have the will to stop him or argue with him anymore. I just don’t care. If my baby’s gone, I have nothing.

“I’m so sorry Casey.” Jace’s voice whispers in my ear. I feel his hand rubbing the top of mine and I slowly open my eyes, the realization of what just happened hits me like a Mac truck.

I yank my hand from his placing both of them over my face and sob, uncontrollably. I pour every bit of sadness, frustration and longing into the tears that go on forever. I just can’t stop.

I feel Jace by me, but I do not acknowledge him. I don’t want him anywhere near me right now. I don’t want anyone. I don’t need anyone.

The door bursts open, but I don’t bother looking, instead I try my best to curl up in a ball, tucking my feet to my chest. The pain is there, but this time I welcome it. At least I can feel something.

“Oh my God!” Bella’s voice comes closer and she slides up to me, my eyes only seeing a blur of her from the water encasing them. “I’m so sorry babe. I wish you would have told me.”

I continue to sob my words coming out choked. “It doesn’t matter. It’s gone. Everything is gone.”