Seducing My Assistant (5 page)

Eliza

I choked up as I finished reading the letter and I could feel tears rolling down my cheek. I glanced over at Shane and he looked uncomfortable and awkward. I could feel my stomach churning. Had it been a mistake reading him the letter? Had it been too deep? Too personal? I could already feel the regret pouring through me. I already wished I hadn’t read it to him. A part of me still felt the hurt and the shame. And it wasn’t in regards to Shane. I realized that as I gazed at him. He wasn’t the one causing the most turmoil in me. At least not my current state of feelings for him.

“Are you okay, Eliza?” He asked me softly and reached over and grabbed my hand. I looked up and nodded as he leaned over and wiped the tears from my face. “I’m so sorry I made you doubt yourself. I’m so sorry that I made you feel fat and ugly. You know you are gorgeous right? You know you’re a great girl. You know you’re beautiful. You know how much I loved you.”

“You don’t have to say that.” I shook my head, starting to feel uncomfortable.

“I’m not just saying it to say it.” His fingers touched my lips gently and I almost jumped out of my seat. “I was such a young fool.”

“It’s okay. We were both fools.” I started to clear my throat as he started moving close to me on the couch. Oh my God, what is he doing? I thought to myself as he started caressing my face. Did he think I’d forgiven him? Did he think that this was his in? I swallowed hard. “Why did you come back, Shane? And why did you bring my dad?”

“All your life, you wanted your dad in your life.” Shane said and I breathed a sigh of relief as he sat back slightly and his hands left my face. “You’ve wanted a relationship with him. There were so many times we went to his house so you could meet him and then you fled. And you cried so many tears. And well I knew you needed answers. I was so angry with you about the baby. And everything else.” He looked away. “You hurt me and I wanted to hurt you. So badly. I wanted to hurt you. And I did. I was too young to process everything. I was too young to understand why you did what you did. It was too much for me. I had my own issues. I couldn’t handle yours as well. Not after a while.” He sighed. “But I fucked it all up. And I wanted to see you again. I wanted to see if I could be in your life again. And well, well, I wanted to let you know that I still had you, still had your back. I wanted to bring your dad to you. I wanted you to get your answers. I still want you to get your answers. You deserve that.”

“Oh Shane.” I sighed. “I don’t really want to see him now. It’s too hurtful. What can he possibly say that would make me feel better?”

“I don’t know, but maybe there’s something he could say, something he could do. He was all you thought about for years.”

“I know.” I nodded and closed my eyes. “I’ve cried so many tears over him. For me and my mom.”

“I know.” He said. “You didn’t deserve a dad like him.”

“I guess we all have shitty parents. Well many of us.” My voice drifted off. “But I shouldn’t have lied about being pregnant. I shouldn’t have done that. I just didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t want you to leave me. It was a lie. A last ditch effort to keep you.” My voice trailed off as the shame hit me all over again. A part of me still couldn’t believe I’d hit that all time low. Lying about being pregnant to hold on to my boyfriend. How low could one person go? Unfortunately, I knew it could go lower and a sweat broke out over my forehead. I rubbed my temple and I could feel a headache coming on.

“Did you ever tell, Lacey?” He asked me softly and I looked up at him in heartbreak.

“About the baby?” I asked softly. He nodded and I shook my head. “I was too embarrassed.” My voice broke. “Even I knew it was shameful. I couldn’t tell her that I lied to you about being pregnant. I couldn’t tell her that I could fake sonograms. I just couldn’t.” I chewed on my lower lip. “I know she would have understood. She wouldn’t have judged me. That’s not her, but I was just so ashamed.”

“And you didn’t tell her the other thing then, either?” He spoke slowly and it was then that I felt like I wanted to die.

“No.” I squeaked out and it was then that pain hit me like a dagger stabbing me in the back. Of all the things in my life I regretted, there was one that made me want to kill myself. One that made me feel like the absolute worst person in the world. “How could I ever tell her?”

“I don’t know.” He pursed his lips. “So who was that guy that was here with you? Graham or whatever?’

“You mean Scott?” I said softly, my mind going to him and his handsome face.

“Yeah.” Shane sounded angry. “Is he your boyfriend?”

“No.” I shook my head. “But he’s someone I’ve been kinda seeing. I don’t really know how to explain it. I like him, but it’s complicated.”

“So I still have a chance?” Shane looked hopeful.

“No,” I shook my head and then when I saw the sadness in his face. “I don’t know.” I said instead and wanted to groan as I watched the hope cross his face and enter his eyes. “Shane, I’m just really confused right now. You showing up with my dad has really done a number on me.”

“I don’t mind. I’d wait forever for you.” He said and then he grinned at me. “So are you going to talk to your dad?”

“I don’t really know what I’d say to him.”

“But maybe it would help you if you were able to chat to him. I’m sure you must still have all those questions in your head.”

“Of course I do, but I don’t know what it would accomplish to talk to him. I just don’t know if it would make me feel better. Sometimes it’s better not to know.”

“I see.” He looked like he didn’t really, but he knew better than to say anything else. “Can I see you again soon?”

“Why Shane?” I bit my lower lip. “I’m not really sure what you want from me.”

“I want you back, Eliza.”

“Shane.” I sighed. “We’ve been through too much. I don’t want to go back. I’m sorry.”

“Eliza, just give me a chance. We’ve so much more to discuss.”

“What else do we have to discuss?” I asked him, starting to feel like maybe there was more to him being here after all.

“I don’t want to overwhelm you. Maybe we can meet up this weekend?”

“I’m going away this weekend.” I said smoothly, knowing that if it came down to being with Scott or Shane, I’d rather be with Scott.

“Where are you going?”

“To a weekend party with Lacey.” I said, not sure why I didn’t say with Scott.

“I see.” He rubbed his forehead and jumped up and started pacing back and forth. “I don’t want to pressure you. I know that’s not the way for me to move forward here.” I watched as he walked back and forth, his fists clenched. “But you’re making this really hard on me, Eliza.”

“I’m making this hard on you?” My voice rose in shock. “Are you joking? Shane you just showed up at my door a few days ago, after not seeing you for years.”

“I know.” He turned and looked at me. “I have my reasons, I told you that.”

“What reasons Shane?” I jumped up then, all goodwill and sentiment gone from my tone.

“I told you.” He pursed his lips.

“Yeah, because you miss me so much and realize you love me?” I raised an eyebrow at him. “That’s what you said, right?”

“You don’t believe me?” He looked annoyed.

“Not really.” I shook my head as I thought back to the last conversation we’d ever had. The lack of love and sympathy in his eyes as he’d told me he’d never really loved me and that I had too many issues. As he’d told me that I was a fat-ass, as he’d told me that I was too much drama, as he’d told me that I’d be lucky to find a guy to put up with me. I thought back to the man that had said all those hurtful words to me and I just didn’t see how a man that could have torn me apart like that and not looked back would all of a sudden come chasing me down with regret and sudden love in his heart.

“What can I do to prove it to you?”

“Prove what to me?” I blinked at him, all of a sudden feeling really tired. I didn’t want to be in this situation. I didn’t want to be here with him. I wanted to go back to last week, when life was much more simple. I wanted to go back to working for Bob and being frustrated and annoyed by him. I wanted to go back to daydreaming about Scott and talking to Lacey about her book. I wanted to go back to when Shane was just a bad memory in my mind.

“Eliza, you’re making this so hard on me.”

“Shane, please.” I yawned and then groaned. “Can we talk next week? I need time to think. Please.”

“Fine.” He just stared at me and then shook his head. “Go have fun this weekend with Lacey and then we’ll talk next week. Maybe you’ll come to your senses.”

“Yeah.” I said simply, not wanting to engage him by starting an argument. However, I really wanted to tell him that he was getting on my nerves. I really wanted to tell him that he was annoying. I really wanted to tell him that I wish that he hadn’t come back into my life and that I didn’t trust him, but I didn’t. Something in me, call it gut instinct, told me that I didn’t want to get him angry. I wasn’t sure why. I wasn’t sure if it was guilt related to Lacey or if it was something else, but I knew I needed to figure it out before I made any more decisions. “Thanks for coming over,” I lied to him, wanting to make him think we were good. “I’ll call you this weekend and we can make plans.”

“Okay.” He nodded. “That sounds good.” He gave me a wide smile. “Give me your phone and I’ll put my number in.”

“Uh okay.’ I said, reluctantly handing my phone over to him. He grinned as he put his number in and I watched him carefully, hoping he wasn’t looking through any of my text messages.

“Here you go.” He handed my phone back to me. “All done. I’ll speak to you later.” He gave me a quick hug and then headed towards the front door. “Thanks once again, Eliza. I’m glad you read me that letter. It makes me feel close to you. Close like I used to feel back in the day.”

“Yeah, you’re welcome.” I said as I opened the front door. “See you later.” I said, all of me wishing I’d never read him the letter. “See you later.” I watched as he walked through the front door and every part of me wished that that was the last I was going to be seeing of him. Every single part of me wished that, but I had a bad feeling that that wasn’t going to be the case. I was about to call Lacey to see how her job was going when my phone started ringing. I looked down and saw Scott’s name and answered quickly, without hesitation.

“Hey,” He said in surprise. “I didn’t expect you to answer.”

“Then why did you call me?” I asked him teasingly.

“I was going to leave you a voicemail?”

“Oh? Do you want me to hang up so you can call me back and leave a voicemail then?”

“No, no.” He laughed. “I’m glad to hear your voice. I just thought you’d be with Shane still.”

“He just left.”

“Oh?”

“We’re going to meet up again next week?”

“Oh?” He sounded annoyed.

“Did you call to speak about Shane?”

“No.” He sighed. “I just wanted to say it was good seeing you this morning and that I just got a call from Henry?”

“Oh?”

“I guess Lacey is working at his party tonight.”

“No way.” My jaw dropped in surprise and all I could think about was what must be going through Lacey’s mind.

“Yeah, I guess it was a surprise to both of them, but he wanted to make sure that I’d passed on the invitation to the party this weekend. He seemed to really want to make sure you and Lacey would be there.”

“Hmm.” I bit down on my lower lip and thought for a minute. “Why does he care so much?”

“No idea.” Shane said. “Well I have some idea. He’s most probably into Lacey.”

“Yeah.” I was starting to think that as well, but I wasn’t so sure that was such a good thing. His pursuit of her seemed to be coming on a bit strong and I was worried he was going to try and play some sort of game with her.

“So you guys going to come?”

“I don’t know.” I said with a sigh.

“Please.” His voice lowered and I could feel my spine tingling.

“Please?”

“I have something for you?”

“What?”

“You have to come if you want to see it.”

“Scott!”

“What?” He laughed. “That’s the deal.”

“Fine.” I said as I walked to my bedroom and then lay down on my bed. “I’ll come.”

“You will?” His voice sounded excited.

“Yes, I will.”

“Good.” He paused. “So where are you now?”

“What?”

“Where are you?”

“In my room.”

“Hmmmmmm.” He groaned. “I wish I was there with you right now.”

“Scott!”

“What?” He laughed. “I didn’t say doing what.”

“I know what you were saying.”

“Really now?”

“Yes really?”

“Can I come over then?”

“Nope.”

“Can I just come then?”

“What?”

“You know?”

“What??” My jaw dropped. “Scott Taylor.”

“A man can try.”

“Disgusting.”

“Not really.” He laughed. “The things I want to do to you aren’t disgusting at all. In fact, the things I want to do to you are very very far from disgusting.”