See How She Awakens (27 page)

The door clicked shut, the sound of impending doom settling in. I wouldn’t know what was inside of the envelope if I never looked. 

“Like ripping off a bandaid,” I muttered to myself as I tore into it. 

A letter, just like the ones I’d found in the desert shack, lay in my hands. Aberto’s handwriting scrawled across the pages, almost frantically.  Fear pulled at my chest.  What if he was saying goodbye?  Swallowing down the fear, I began to read. 

How I wish I could warn you. Tell you of the coming days. There are moments when I almost lose focus and reveal all, but then I am reminded the cost of this knowledge would be too heavy of a burden to bear.

How could I tell you the one you love will soon be gone from this world? The last moment
’
s you share together would be tainted.  How will you endure it?  How will you bear losing your heart? 

You are my heart, my soul, and to know you must endure this tears at me.  I am powerless to change the fates.  If I could take his place, I would.  For you, I would endure anything.  You deserve the world, and yet, all I offer you is pain, loss, and destruction.  Everything I touch turns to ash. 

I see it in your eyes when you speak of him. He is your home, your whole being. How I long to be the one you see in that way, but I will never press this upon you. Your happiness, your wellbeing is all that matters. Yet here I sit, with the truth that will bring your world crumbling to the ground.

How will you ever forgive me? How could you? I, who have done nothing but take from you. I, who have irrevocably altered your very makeup. Every step I have taken in your life has led you down this path. I cannot tell you the truth, so for now I will write the whole of it. Of how our journey began, every step that will lead us to that infernal day. I owe you the truth.

My throat tightened as I read the words. This was what I’d been looking for in the stacks of papers. But the truth of it, the reality of knowing Aberto had carried this burden, was too much. He’d done his best to protect me, even at the risk of me never forgiving him.  Tears streamed down my face to splash on the paper as I read. 

This journey began as many others, I was given a task. The Seer was to be born unto the earth, the great protector. I was to guard her and blind her to the truth until the time came when all should be revealed. You were nothing more than another task to complete so that my penance would be paid. But, like all things with you, it did not unfold according to plan.

I have not allowed myself to form any emotional attachments.  For thousands of years I have walked this world alone, unmoved by a single being. 

At first, it was easy to remain objective.  You were nothing more than a child, a ridiculous infantile creature that needed to be kept in the dark.  Even as you grew, I held no regard for you.  I was there, I watched you as a child, and while you amused me and I felt some sort of attachment, I was not moved.  Through trial and error, I managed to form a barrier between you and the dreaming.  So, my constant presence was no longer required in your life.  I would return from time to time to assess the barrier and make adjustments, but I would not linger. 

When the nightmares began, just before your twenty-fifth birthday, I returned.  Watching you in the dreaming, fight against what was really a vision, something changed.  Deep in my soul, I knew I would never be the same.  Your safety became my only priority. 

Everything in me called out to reveal myself, to show you the truth of what awaited you.  I wanted to prepare you, but my vows prevented me from interfering.  You were to face the coming days unassisted.  The heavens granted that when the time revealed itself, when the Symbol-smith was called forth, I could show myself.  The laws must be abided, they were of the utmost importance.  I would not ascend past this existence if I did not consign myself to the guidance the heavens provided. 

You might have wondered at my neglect, why I never stepped in when you fell captive to Xavier.  The truth of the matter is I still cared more for myself and my own future than I did for you.  I have been a selfish creature my entire life.  Only caring for what would allow me to move on, what would pay my
penance.
  Though I
’
d begun to form an attachment, I could not be moved to act.

Then the torture began. A piece of me was forever changed watching you endure torment after torment. I sought you out, I tried to reach you, but in your fear, you managed to block anyone from assisting you. Powerless, I did the only thing I could. I waited, and I watched as you fought to maintain control.

In those days two things became abundantly clear. You were far stronger than even the heavens had predicted, and I would tear apart heaven itself to protect you, even if it meant damning my soul to walk this existence eternally. From that moment to this, I
’
ve done all I could to keep you safe, to prepare you to fulfill what you were called to do.

I wanted so badly to be as your Guardian, to keep you from harm.  But I have been what he cannot.  He is too close to see the truth of you, to know, as I know, you will not stop until those you love are safe.  Your compassion, your love for those you do not even know, is what drives you.  Perhaps that compassion is what first pulled me to you; it was something I lost long ago.  I saw the world and its inhabitants as tedious chores to be dealt with.  Watching you, seeing the world from your perspective, had begun to change me.  I knew the only way I could protect you was to prepare you. 

Kennan thought me reckless with your life, perhaps in a way he was right.  Perhaps I should have treated you as the precious gift you are.  But I did not.  I thrust you into a battle, barely prepared.  Yet you went willingly, once more risking yourself for the sake of others.  I rebuked you for being selfish, for thinking only of your needs, when in truth I was afraid.  I knew if your entire focus was not on the task at hand, you may forever be lost.  I could not bear it. 

Then it happened, I almost lost you forever, and in my moment of fear and selfish desire to keep you, I changed you forever. I know not what the cost of my actions will be; I only knew, in that moment, \ nothing in the universe would allow me to let you go. Perhaps you would not be here now if I hadn
’
t been so selfish. Perhaps the future pain you must endure could
’
ve been prevented.

What is the point of this?  Why am I pouring these words out?  In truth, I seek some absolution for my sins.  I wish the unthinkable, I seek the unattainable. 

I will love you every moment of every day of my long existence, and I will do all I can to protect you. I know you have your home, your heart. I know when it is taken from you, your heart will be devastated. I will never ask for your love in return. I do not deserve it. I
’
ve brought you nothing but pain, heartache, and destruction. I only ask you find it in your heart, the heart so full of compassion for this world, to forgive me. I
’
ve wronged you in unforgivable ways.  I have selfishly pressed onward, putting you at risk in the process. 

I pray in time, you will find a way to reconcile your disdain for me, to forgive what I
’
ve done.  The secrets I have kept, the half-truths I have uttered, I have done it all with only one purpose.  To protect you. 

Someday.

Aberto

My mind swirled as the words sank in. Aberto, so full of secrets had been keeping one very huge one. Yes, I’d known he loved me. Sure, I knew he had been keeping things from me, but I’d had no clue what that meant for him. The burden he’d carried, all to keep me as safe as he knew how. He had never once tried to stop me from throwing myself into the fray. I’d wondered how he could say he loved me, and still let me put myself at risk. 

He’d given me something no one else in this world, or the next, would ever have. He’d given me the truth, a rare glance into his mind. He’d always been there, to catch me when I fell, or to push me when I wanted to stop. My heart began to race.

What did this letter mean? Is this why he’d been gone so much? Did he really think I would blame him for the choices I’d made?

“Izzy.” Aberto’s voice settled over me, a welcome sound.

“Where have you been?” I couldn’t bring myself to face him yet, to look at the most secretive being I’d ever known. He’d bore his soul to me, and I was terrified.

“Look at me.” His voice was a mixture of demand and plea.

Slowly, I turned to face him. He stood before me in all his gorgeous glory. I wasn’t ready for this, for us. I couldn’t give him what he longed for, and it pained me. 

“I can’t be what you want me to be. Not now.”  I couldn’t look him in the eyes. The pain of the admission sunk deep within me.

“Izzy, we are eternal.  I have walked this earth for thousands of years waiting to find someone, or something, that might move me.  You have awakened something within me that has been dormant for far too long.  I am a patient man.  I do not expect you to move on from this loss so suddenly.  You are not made of such fickle stuff.  In truth, I would not love you as I do if you were so easily changed.”  Aberto closed the distance between us, lifting his hand to my chin, gently raising my face so he could look into my eyes.  “Izzy, I need to know. Can you forgive me?”

“You aren’t responsible for everything that has happened to me, Aberto. The darkness is, and the heavens for setting up such impossible barriers. I was angry at you for keeping the truth of Kennan’s death from me, and yes, you infuriate me with your secrecy, but you don’t need my forgiveness for anything. I know you did what you thought was right, and for that I can’t blame you.”  Tears began to fill my eyes as the next words sat heavy in my throat.  “I’m not ready yet, and that is the truth, but selfishly, I don’t want to lose you. Your absence these past few days has left me adrift. I need you, and I know it isn’t fair to ask, but I must.”

“Whatever it may be, ask and it is yours.”  Aberto lifted his hand to my cheek, the warmth of his palm seeping into me to warm my soul.

“I don’t know what the coming days will hold, and I’m not even sure what I’ve become, but I do know one thing. I don’t want to do this without you. Please don’t disappear on me.”  His thumb brushed away a tear as he slowly leaned forward. 

His forehead pressed against mine, I could feel him inhale deeply. It would be so easy to tip my face, to invite him in, but it wouldn’t be fair. Not to either of us.

“I am yours. Not just today, but all of the days. Even should you wish me away, I do not think I could truly bear to leave.”

“Where have you been these past days?” I couldn’t stop the stupid tears from falling. I’d been so afraid he was going to leave me. That because I couldn’t give him all he wanted from me, he wouldn’t be able to bear being close. I’d been so very wrong. 

“I have been here, watching you. Just beyond, in the dreaming.”

“Creeper.” A half laugh, half cry came out as Aberto pulled me close. His arms wrapped around me, and I knew I didn’t have to face the future alone. For the first time, eternity didn’t feel so scary.

Days flew by and with each one, I became more and more restless. I knew I couldn’t remain at the Council headquarters.  There were too many memories haunting the halls.  Molly had settled into her position and was overwhelmed by the ideas pouring in.

“Izzy?” Molly’s voice startled me as I paced around the gardens. Something I’d been doing to pass the time. 

“Yeah?”

“You are pacing around like a caged lion. Are you alright?” The concern in Molly’s voice saddened me. I didn’t want to abandon her, but staying here was driving me slowly insane.

“Molly, I can’t stay here much longer. If you really need me, I will, but I’m kind of losing it. There are just too many memories here. Good and bad. I don’t think I will be able to keep it together if I don’t leave soon.”