Seers (20 page)

But I have been left to my own devices when it comes to
my
background. I have been given no addresses, no phone numbers, and no physical descriptions of loved ones or family members, much less any information about the nature of my lost family dynamics.

Where are the files on me? Surely the extensive research conducted daily at headquarters on strangers, strangers we meet for missions and then hear nothing more about, pales in comparison to the amount of research that was conducted on me, a fellow Seer. A valuable Extractor.

But to my own devices I am left. And on my own devices I rely. And on my own senses. I spend the rest of my evening pouring through the files on Dr. Kuono and sifting through my own head.

Thanks to Saanen Stables I can now see a horse. A roan mare with a white stripe from forelock to muzzle. She half walks, half trots to me as I enter the paddock. She bypasses my waiting hands and nudges my pocket where she knows she will find an apple, always an apple. She knows me. She knows me because she is mine.

And thanks to the musk, the heavy, spicy perfume I inhaled as I leaned in close to Tobias, I can also see a row of houses, brownstones, with marble front steps and elaborate wrought-iron railings defining each front porch. A cement retaining wall separates the sidewalk from the properties, which sit back from the street. They are towering and formidable. In the center house, the one with no blooming marigolds, no mums, no shrubbery or manicured lawn, in the center house, in the center of the doorway, behind the full-glass storm door, stands a man. I know him. I know him because he is Tobias. Tobias exists in my memory. My old memories.
Before I showed up at his door.

When I finally go to sleep, I feel resolved. Empowered. I’m ready to challenge the system, fight with Luke and Eri beside me. I feel like a genius with an ingenious plan.

But when I wake up in the morning, I feel like a naked tree. Because today I will be shedding my leaves and blowing my cover to Tobias.

I am not going to say anything. I am going to hand Tobias my journal and watch him read it. What will he do when he reads about my memory of him? What will he do when he realizes I
remember
things at all? What will he do when he realizes I know he existed in my life before it was taken from me and that he can no longer pretend he had nothing to do with it? Will he squirm in his seat? Will he gasp in shock? No, not Tobias. It will be subtle, a sight change in expression. But if it is as Luke and Eri believe, if he is the one who stole my memories, he
will
react, and I will know.

Both Eri and Luke are in the parking lot when I finally arrive. They have exasperated looks on their faces, as if they are sick of waiting or worrying.

She’s at my window before I can put the truck in park.

“You’re late! We have almost no time before class! Where have you been?”

“Doing my nails and putting together this fabulous ensemble. You like?” I make sure my words have a slight snarl to them to top off the sarcasm.
Like I would be late intentionally today. Right. I’m an idiot. Give me more credit than that, Eri.
I step out of my truck, slam the door, and add, “I was in traffic. Philly, remember?”

“Oh. Sorry. You don’t need to get all red on me. I was worried.”

When was I going to get used to this
Aurae
thing? I use a little sarcastic attitude to convey my annoyance and hide my anger, but she can see the whole thing in color.

“I know. I should have called or texted or something. Just an accident on the bridge. I didn’t mean to make you worry.” She watches the air around me as I speak, and a smile starts and spreads. I don’t even think she listened to me just now. I guess my colors are more interesting to her than my words.

We turn and head a couple of parking spots over to where Luke stayed when Eri ran to interrogate me. I’m guessing he knew it wouldn’t go over well.

“Traffic?” he asks.

“Traffic.”

“I tried to tell her. But she was imagining one horrible thing after another that could have happened to you.” His eyes search mine. Then I watch those dark eyes dance over my face, my hair, and pause at my lips.

He’s watching my mouth as I answer, “And you? Not worried?”

“No. I don’t worry about you.”

Such a loaded statement. How does he manage to speak volumes in a single sentence? Is he saying what I think he’s saying? I need to be sure.

“Good,” I answer, being sure to remove any tone, any inflection, from my voice.

“Yes. It is good.”

So he
is
saying what I think he’s saying. He doesn’t worry about me because he doesn’t have to. Well, that’s a relief. With all that overprotective hovering he does with Eri, I was concerned that he was just that way. He was just one of those guys who cares about a girl and turns into Super Boyfriend, flying around, saving her from other boys, herself, the world. Gross. I wouldn’t be able to tolerate that. I can’t be coddled. I can’t be cajoled or cooed at. I need to
just be.
And I want a guy to
just be
with me. If he keeps this up, he just may get the job.

I guess I have to make sure I live past today so that can happen.

We would have continued to stare at each other at least a couple seconds longer, but clearly Eri has an agenda.

“Leesie, did you read the files? Luke, are you ready to tell us your plan?”

As I nod yes Luke begins to tell us.

“We need to Navigate your father today, Eri. We’ll meet at your house. I have been going over and over how we are going to do this. How we can Extract the information and keep it safest for the longest amount of time. We need time to find out how deep this thing goes, how many Seers and Preceptors are involved, how many enemies we are going to have. Leesie will go in and Extract the memory from your father. And then I will go in and Extract the memory from Leesie. That will buy us some time. Tobias and the others will not expect the information to be in my brain instead of hers.” Now he turns to me. “You will continue to report your progress to Tobias. Give as much information as you feel will suppress him. You will tell him you need more time—”

“No,” I say. I wasn’t going to tell him what I plan to do when I meet with Tobias today. But now I can’t help but tell. His plan has me buying time with Tobias. I will live above Tobias, answer to Tobias, report to Tobias. No. If he took my memories to send me on this mission, if he took my life, stripped me of my past and my identity, my family, then no, I will not continue this relationship past today. His rule over me ends today.

“What do you mean, no?”

“I mean,
no.
That’s not how this thing is going to go. It’s going to have to go my way. According to my plan. And you’re not going to like it.”

His face seethes with frustration. His mouth turns down in anger. But his eyes. His eyes dance in my fire.

“I agree that we should Navigate and Extract Dr. Kuono today. I’m not crazy about the idea of you Navigating and Extracting me, but it does make sense. And it will buy us time. But as far as my meeting? I have some breakthrough memories. I remember a few things from my past. They play in my head like movie previews.”

“You’re going to tell him that? That you’re remembering? What’s that going to do? That will do nothing but possibly get him thinking he should mess with your memories again. He’ll just monitor you more closely. It’ll make next week that much harder.”

“Leesie, Luke’s right,” Eri cuts in. “You don’t want to evoke any suspicions.”

“I’m not finished.” I clip my words razor sharp at the ends. How can I get them to see my side if I can’t present them with the whole scenario? “I am not interested in just giving him information about the return of a few memories. I am interested in providing him with information concerning one memory in particular. I have a scene that plays in my head of me on a sidewalk somewhere in the city. I am facing a stretch of row houses. I am staring at the door of one of the houses, at the man in the doorway. The man is Tobias. I am sure of it now. It hadn’t meant anything to me before, but now … if he is responsible for taking my memories and I tell him that I remember that day—”

Luke interrupts: “It’ll be as if you’re telling him you remember everything. Even though you don’t. You tell him that and he will think you know everything. How he intercepted you, what happened to your memories, everything.”

It’s quiet for a second as we all process.

“So you’re ending this today, then. You do this, you challenge him like this, accuse him like this, and you will have to leave immediately. You will Navigate Dr. Kuono and go,” Luke says finally.

Why is he surprised? Of course I am ending this! Or starting this, depending on how you look at it. I have to. I have to get to my life. A real one. And I have to remind Tobias and myself of what I am. The more powerful one. He has toyed with me. He has stolen from me. And yet I have worked for him. My gut burns and I feel as if I could rip flesh from his face if he were here. That I could squeeze it and let it ooze between my fingers. That I could stare at the gaping raw-meat wound where part of his cheek used to be and smile.

And I will not meet with him and make nice. I will not stand before him, reporting to him as I have done in the past. All the times I listened to him, took his advice: “Tobias says this” and “Tobias says that.” I have been violated, and I am ashamed that I let him get away with it for so long. That I didn’t figure it out on my own. So I will tell him about my memories. I will remind him who the powerful one is. He may have outsmarted me, but in the end I have the better brain.

“I know what the accusation will do. I will present him my journal, a journal I use to provide him with information about my missions. He will read about the memory I have of him. And that will do it. Yes, I am ending his false sense of reality in which I am a memory-free moron and he is in charge. How can I continue to meet with Tobias now that I know what he has done to me?”

“You can’t.” Eri, who has been silently watching, now commands our attention. She was Reading us as we spoke. I can tell. She has that look on her face. The one she wears once she has figured me out and wants to tell me all about myself.

Instead she turns to Luke. “I don’t want her to go either, Luke. But having her here another week. One more week? What’s that going to do? This setup is ending. I liked it, too. I liked my new friend. She listened to me and spent time getting to know who I really am. Mission or not. She cares about me, and I care about her. I don’t want to lose her either.”

Eri turns to me now. When she leans in for a hug, I worry that it could be weird because I haven’t known her long and we’ve never touched before. But it isn’t. It’s like I am hugging someone I’ve hugged a thousand times before.

When we break our embrace, Luke steps toward us both and rests his hand on Eri’s shoulder.

“You’re not just losing Leesie, Eri. I’m going with her.”

“Eri, look at me,” I say, gripping her shoulders. She wipes the tears from her cheeks and sniffs a few times. “Eri, you may lose us, but let’s think about this. It won’t be forever. We’ll handle this. We’ll stop Tobias. And we’ll get every other Preceptor involved. This isn’t a permanent good-bye. I promise. It’s not.”

I don’t know if that’s something I can promise, considering I just ensured her that Luke and I will be blowing the top off the abuse of power in the world of Seers and Preceptors. That’s quite a promise. But why can’t we? Why stop with Tobias?

She’s Reading me. “Okay” is all she says. She’s not stupid. She knows it’s a tall order. I’m sure she Reads that I am unsure, but I hope she also Reads that I am determined. I am not lying to her. I may not be able to guarantee victory. I can guarantee that we will do everything in our powers to end this and get back.

“I can’t go in, Leesie. I can’t just go to class now,” she whimpers.

“We have to,” I insist. “Don’t raise any suspicions. Anyone could be watching, right?”

“Right. Great. Awesome.”

“Careful, Eri. With the attitude. You’re starting to sound like me.”

I put my arm around her and turn her toward the front doors. She puts her head on my shoulder for a second and then straightens up. She pulls her shoulders back and clears her throat.

That’s right, Eri. Suck it up. It’s going to be all right.

We float through the day, slightly aware of things, slightly outside of ourselves. I see Eri and Luke walking together to class. I wonder what he said to her. I wonder if he apologized or explained himself. What is his explanation to her? I’m sorry to leave, but I am choosing her, not you? It must feel that way to her, even though he is choosing the mission and the fight against Preceptors and trying to keep her, her father, and her friends safe in the process. But it will sting the sting of rejection nonetheless.

I both look forward to and dread going to lunch. I want to see Daisy and Patrick and Frances. But it will be hard to see them. I miss them already.

“Looking good, Leesie!” says Patrick. “But what’s the matter? You look distracted. Did you see your reflection in the dining-hall window and get yourself all flustered again? You gotta stop taking your own breath away, girl. I told you about that.”