Sekhmet's Curse (Pearl Vampire Chronicles) (19 page)

She looked back at me, “Do you know how many women he’s been with?  How can you possibly trust him?”

I smiled at her, “Of course I know.  And I only need to trust that he loves me, and he does wholeheartedly.  The rest is up to him.”

Suddenly, Maria’s face looked terrified, “Oh my God, what have I done?  I told a reporter about you.
About us.
 
About what
we
are.
 
About this place.
  What am I going to do?  How can I possibly fix this?  Where am I going to go?” she gasped.

“We will help you fix this, Maria.  And you can go wherever you want to go.  You can even stay here, if you’d like to.”

“You, you’d let me stay here?  After everything I’ve done?  You’d do that?”

“Of course I would.  I’d like you to stay here.  You can have your old job back in the clinic.   We can use the help there, since I’ll be gone for a while
,
”
I said.

“Where are you going?”
she whispered.

I smiled and patted the back of her hand, “That’s for another time.  First, how about we get you a room, some new clothes and a shower?”  Does that sound good?”

She slowly nodded.  I took her hand, helped her up and we slowly headed down the hall.

.
Maria recovered in her room and
, she helped
right
the wrong
she had done
with the reporter, finally convincing her that she was mentally unstable
and that was why she thought she was a vampire and that she was getting help at the mental treatment facility that she was living in (our home), and she
began working at the clinic again as I returned to my studies.
Day and night, night and day, I studied.  I buried myself in it, because it was easier to keep my fear and anxiety at bay if I did.  At least for a while….

Chapter Nine

             
I quietly slipped out the back door, jumped up and over the wall and headed up the mountain.  I wasn’t exactly sure where I was going or why, but I had to get out of there.  I couldn’t take it anymore.  I couldn’t handle the looks of sympathy, the pain in their eyes.  It wasn’t their fault, this was me.  This is how I deal with trauma in my life.  I shut down.  I stop talking.  I pull away.  It’s what I’ve always done.  I can handle trauma in other people’s lives.  That’s when I shine.  When they need help, I’m at my best.  When I need help, I’m at my worst.  I can’t
handle others feeling like they need to help me.  It just doesn’t feel right to me.  I’m supposed to help others, not the other way around. 
It feels wrong and
unnatural
to me
.  And so I shut down.  I bottle it up inside.  And I avoid those in my life who know my troubles and who might try to help me.  I can’t help it.  That’s how I’m wired.  That’s who I am.  So I walked up the hill
and
i
t didn’t take me long before I knew where I was headed.  Waterfalls have always brought me comfort and joy. 
When I got to my
destination,
I sat at the edge of the pool, dangled my feet in the hot springs, closed my eyes and listened to the roar of the waterfall as I tried to think.  Carlos was right.  I knew he was, but that didn’t make this any easier.  We had to leave for Egypt in three days, and he said the smart thing to do was to go hunting until we left.  Get me completely sated, over-full even, before I was locked in that damn tomb
, because who knows how long I would be locked in there and the more blood that I had in me, the better chance that I had to survive
. 

‘
Sarah?’
Carlos’ voice broke my concentration.  I kept my eyes squeezed shut because I didn’t want him to see where I was.  I wasn’t ready for that yet, not by a long shot. 
‘I went for a walk, hun.  I’ll be back in a few
minutes
,’
I thought as calmly as I possibly could.  In my heart I was thinking: please don’t find me yet.  I’m not ready for that.  I’ll break.  I’ll crumble.  I’ll fall apart.  I can’t do that.  I have to be strong for you, for both of you.
  There was silence for a few seconds, during which I assumed Carlos was talking to Matt.  I was right.  Matt
popped into my head a few seconds later, ‘
Sarah, honey.  Please tell us where you are.’

He was trying so hard, but I could sense the panic that he was trying to hold back.  Shit.  But I need more time, guys.  I’m not ready.  I’m so not ready to see you yet.  I took a few deeps breaths to try to calm myself.  ‘
I’m at the hot springs, by the waterfall.’

I heard the crunching of the leaves behind me a moment later.  I squeezed my eyes shut and held my breath, muttering, “I’m not ready, please, I’m not ready,” over and over.

They came and quietly sat next to me, Matt on my left side, Carlos on my right. 

“Sarah,” Matt began.

“Don’t,” I whispered immediately
,
I had to stop him.

“Don’t?  Don’t what?  Don’t speak?”

I nodded my head, “Yes.”

“Sarah, what’s going on?  This isn’t like you.  Why don’t you want me to talk?”

“Because, if you talk then you
’ll
want me to talk
,
 
a
nd
I can’t do that
,
n
ot right now.  I just can’t.”

“Honey,” Carlos began, “this isn’t you.  Communicating is something you do better than
anyone I’ve ever known.  Why can’t you talk right now?”

I could feel the dam in my chest beginning to crack and crumble.  I started shaking my head, I tried to will that dam to repair itself, but when the first sob escaped my lips, I knew I was fighting a lost cause.  “Because, because, because I can’t handle not being the strong one.  I can’t handle not being the one who has to fix things.  I can’t handle being the one who needs help.  I can’t handle feeling vulnerable.  But I can’t be strong anymore.  I’m exhausted.  I’m scared shitless right now and I don’t want you guys to see that.  I don’t want you to feel like you have to make me feel better
.  I have to make you feel better.  That’s who I am.  That’s how I survive.  I try to fix everyone around me.  But when I need fixing?   When I need help?  I can’t handle it.   So, I shut down.  I internalize everything.  I pull away from loved ones.  Because I don’t want them to feel pressured.  I don’t want them to feel like they have to help me.  I just can’t handle it.  I can’t be a burden on
you
.  I just can’t.”

Carlos glared at me for a few seconds,
“Are you
fucking
serious?”
he
snapped.

“Carlos,” Matt said.

“No, Matt.  She’s being ridiculous and she needs to know that.  God, Sarah.  Give us a little more credit than that.  Ever since you came into our lives, you’ve been helping us. 
Fixing us
,
f
ixing every
fucking person
around you.
  You have more than earned the right to fucking chill out and let someone help you for a change.  It would be so fucking awesome to feel needed by you.  For us to feel that you needed our help for a change?  That would be
fan-fucking-
tastic
.  It’s about damn time too.  You’re scared?  You have the right to be scared.  We’re scared too, but we’re not going to be locked in that tomb with that damn woman
, that
thing
.  We
’re
not facing death here.  So we can deal with our fears.  Our fears are much easier to face if we can help you with yours.  So, fall apart.  Let it go.  Don’t hold it in any more.  Don’t be brave.  Don’t act strong.  Let us feel like we’re doing
something
to help
for fuck’s sake
. 
God, that
w
ould
be so much better for us.”

My mouth hung open as I stared at him.  Could I do that?   Could I let someone help me for a change?  Did I know how?  I looked to Matt, back to Carlos, then back to Matt again, “I’m not sure I know how.” I whispered.

Matt beamed his awesome smile at me, and that’s when I felt the damn shatter completely.  He held his arms open
an
d
I began sobbing as my head lay down in his lap.  “That’s a great start, honey,” Matt whispered into my ear, “Let it out.  Let it all out.  Show your fear.  It’s okay to let us know you’re afraid.”

“But, but, but I have to be brave for you.  You’re going to be all alone when I’m in there.  I need to help you prepare for that.”

“No, you don’t, Sarah.  Matt and I will have each other to rely on when you’re in there.  We will be fine.  You don’t have to do shit right now, except let us take care of you.  That will make us stronger.  It will help us deal with it better when you’re gone if we knew we were able to take care of you and make you feel better before you went in there.  It’s the best
thing you could do for us,” Carlos said as he stroked my arm. 

“Me falling apart
is
the best thing I can do for you?” I gasped between sobs.

“Absolutely,” Matt said.

“O, o, okay,” I managed to choke out before the sobs overwhelmed me.

             
I stayed like that for at least an hour, with the two of them comforting me the entire time.  The
y
soothed me, they consoled me,
they
loved me. 

As the last remaining hiccups slowly eked their way out of me, I knew I had to ask for help on something else.  But this was something that I was worried might cause a fight or some issues with them.  This one I was nervous about.  But I had to do it. 

“I need your help with something else too, guys.”

“Anything, Sarah,” Carlos said.

I sat up and clasped their hands in mine.  “Promise me you won’t get mad?”

“Mad?  Why on earth would we get mad at something that you needed our help with?” Matt said.

“Just promise me, okay?”

“Okay, Sarah.  We promise.” They said.

“I’ve been thinking about what Carlos said
, a
bout
me
needing to be at full strength when we get there.  I think he’s right.  I think we should go hunting.  But I need you to do something for me first before we go.  I’m hoping that it will make hunting less traumatic and less embarrassing for me.”

“Anything
,
” Matt said, but I heard Carlos chuckle quietly.  He knew.  Of course he would already know.

“Sex
,
” I said.

“Sex?”
Matt whispered.
  “You mean here? 
Right now?”

“I mean for the next twenty-four hours
,
n
othing but sex
,
t
wenty-four hours of sex.  I’m hoping that by doing that, I won’t have any ‘episodes’ when we’re hunting.”

“Oh
,
u
mmm, okay.”  Matt whispered.

I started shaking my head,
“Shit.  This is too weird.  I’m such a freak. 
Never mind
.  Please forget that I asked.”  I said, trying to back-peddle.  But Carlos calmed me instantly.  He saw my panic and knew what he had to do.   He had to take control here.   He stood up, pulled me to my feet and pulled me into
his arms, giving me an amazingly passionate kiss.  When he finally pulled back, he whispered into my ear, “I’ll be waiting for you in our room, naked and ready to go,” then he turned and flew down the mountain toward home
.  I stared after him for a few seconds, wanting to go after him, afraid to see the look on Matt’s face, ashamed that I had even asked in the first place, but a small splash behind me startled me enough to turn around.  Matt had shed his clothes and was waiting for me in the hot springs, with his arms stretched out, and nothing but a
smile and
a
look of complete love on his face.  “I’m so sorry I had to ask for this,” I said as I stepped out of my clothes and stepped into his soothing embrace.  He tilted my chin and forced me to look into his eyes, “Sarah Pearl Delgado, don’t ever apologize for who you are.  You have nothing to apologize for
,
n
othing at all.” 

His lips came down onto mine, and the shame
th
at
I had been feeling
soon left my body, replaced by the realization that I couldn’t possibly be any happier, or feel more loved.

A few hours later, Matt
threw his head back and roared his release louder than
I had ever heard from
him
as he gave one final powerful thrust, his pelvis crashing into mine as my own release was squeezing and pulsing around him
then he collapsed against the rocks behind hi
s back
.  We cuddled in the water for a few minutes, enjoying the twinkle of the billions of stars above us
as we tried to catch our breath
.  Suddenly he started laughing.