Selby Sorcerer (12 page)

Selby was about to hop down from the stool but decided to have one more sway to see if the
Smiling Lady’s
eyes moved. He swayed way over to one side and then back to the other. All of which would have been okay if he hadn’t lost his balance.

‘Oh, no! I’m falling. I’m about to land smack dab on
the Smiling Lady!’

Selby’s front legs whirled around and around like a windmill as he tried to miss the painting. And they whirled so fast that he
did
miss her. What he didn’t manage to miss was the GO button on the machine. And as Selby went crashing to the floor the painting suddenly disappeared into the machine.

‘Hey! What’s happening!’ the director cried. ‘Who turned that on?’

By the time the three men got to the PCM, the painting was just coming out the other end.

‘It’s — it’s blank!’ the director gasped. ‘There’s nothing there! The paint is all gone! This is a tragedy!’

‘Nya nya, I told you so,’ the restorer sang. ‘You didn’t listen to me. Now you’re going to be in big big trouble. You’re both going to jail.’

‘It wasn’t supposed to do that,’ Dr Trifle said. ‘How could it have happened?’

‘What have I done?’ Selby wailed silently in his head. ‘I can’t believe this.’

‘We’re ruined!’ the director said, staring at the blank painting. ‘The painting can never be replaced. The government will have to pay billions of dollars for this mistake,’ he sobbed. ‘And I could lose my job.’

‘And it’s all my fault,’ Selby thought, fighting back tears. ‘I ruined the most famous and valuable painting in the world. Her eyes will never ever follow anyone around the room again.’

‘Now you can get out of my laboratory — both of you!’ the restorer said. ‘And take that stupid dog with you!’

‘He’s right,’ Selby sniffed. ‘I am a stupid
(sniff)
dog. And now the only thing I can do is tell them exactly what
(sniff)
happened.’ Selby felt the tears collecting under his eyelids. ‘My secret doesn’t matter anymore. I can’t let Dr Trifle and the director take the blame for my mistake.’

Selby was about to say, ‘Okay, guys, I confess. I did it — but I didn’t do it on purpose. And, yes, I’m a talking dog but that’s not what’s
important now. I just climbed up on a stool for a closer look and I fell off.’

That’s what he
was going
to say but before the words came out of his mouth he suddenly looked over at the painting of the kitten with big eyes.

‘Hey, hang on,’ he thought. ‘There’s something different about that kitten’s eyes. When I move, they follow me around the room.’

Selby got closer and saw a bit of liquid from the almost empty plastic water bottle running down the painting, taking the paint with it as it went. He dabbed it with his paw and then licked it.

‘It’s water all right,’ he thought. ‘This painting has been painted with poster paints. And, wait
there’s another painting underneath! And I think I recognise those eyes!’

Selby looked around.

‘Quick! I need some water!’ he thought. ‘But there’s no water. Oh, no, I think I’ll have to
make
some …’

‘Selby! What are you doing to that painting!’ Dr Trifle gasped as the three men came back into the room.

‘I can tell you what he’s doing?!’ Etto screamed. ‘He is making water on my beautiful masterpiece kitten with big eyes! Stop it right now, you stupid dog before I kick your stupid head!’

But it was too late. The painting was completely wet now and all the paint was running down onto the floor. And, as the kitten with big eyes in the basket disappeared, a woman’s sort-of smiling face appeared.

‘The
Smiling Lady!’
Dr Trifle gasped.

‘It was under Etto’s kitten painting!’ the director gasped too. ‘You were trying to steal the
Smiling Lady,
weren’t you, Etto? The other painting that went through the machine was just a copy you made, wasn’t it?’

‘I-I-I …’ Etto stammered.

‘And the PCM took the paint off because the paint was new paint.’

‘I-I-I …’ Etto said, still unable to say anything.

‘And you were going to take your kitten painting home and then wash off the kitten. Then you would have owned the most famous and valuable painting in the whole world and everyone would think it had been destroyed!’

‘I-I-I …’ Etto continued.

Suddenly two art gallery guards appeared in the doorway.

‘Take him away,’ the director said, pointing to the Chief Painting Restorer.

‘It’s a good thing you brought Selby along,’ the director said. ‘If it hadn’t been for him, Etto might have pulled off the greatest art theft in history.’

‘He’s a wonderful dog,’ Dr Trifle said, patting Selby. ‘But I have to admit that I’ve never seen him do anything like that before. He must have been desperate to go to the loo. Speaking of which, I think the
Smiling Lady
certainly needs a clean now.’

‘Well, what are we waiting for?’ the director said, rubbing his hands together. ‘Let’s put her through the PCM just the way we’d planned to in the first place.’

Selby sat on the front seat of the car on the way back to Bogusville. It was a beautiful day and as the scenery flashed by he thought of the
Smiling Lady.
Then he looked over at Dr Trifle.

‘She was okay,’ Selby thought, ‘but, let’s face it: she’s only a painting. As far as I’m concerned, Dr Trifle and Mrs Trifle are the most famous and valuable people in the whole world.’

‘Roxanna’s Spelling Kit’
Dr Trifle said, looking at the box Mrs Trifle was holding. ‘What’s that for?’

‘It’s a present for Willy and Billy. Today’s their birthday,’ Mrs Trifle said, writing out a birthday card.

‘What a good idea,’ Dr Trifle said as he finished mopping the kitchen floor, ‘a game to teach the lads to spell better.’

‘No, dear, it’s not
that
kind of spelling. Have a look.’

Dr Trifle opened the box and pulled out a long robe covered in stars and moons. Under it was a long pointy hat, a plastic wand and a booklet called
Roxanna’s Guide to Sorcery.

‘Now I get it,’ he laughed. ‘This is about
casting
spells, not spelling words.’

‘Yes, Roxanna is the girl from the TV show
Roxanna the Sorcerer,
remember?’

‘Now wait a minute,’ Dr Trifle said. ‘Who’s this for? Willy or Billy?’

‘It’s for both of them. It’s about time they learned to share.’

‘Willy and Billy share something?’ Selby thought. ‘What planet am I on? What town is this?’

‘When do we take this over to them?’ Dr Trifle asked.

‘We don’t. You and I have some serious grocery shopping to do. Jetty said that the boys would drop by on their way to town. Goodness, it just started to rain. I’d better leave the present just inside the door so they won’t track mud around the house.’

Selby watched as the Trifles drove away.

‘I can’t go out because of the rain,’ Selby thought. ‘So I’ll hide somewhere in the house where those little brats will never find me.’

Selby was about to climb up to his favourite
indoor hiding place — on top of the china cabinet — when he stopped and looked at the present.

‘I just love Roxanna,’ he sighed. ‘I wish
I
could have a sorcery set.’

Selby opened the box and put on the robe and the hat. Holding the wand in his paw, he looked in the mirror.

‘I am Selby the Sorcerer,’ he announced, waving the wand, ‘and you are now my servant. You must do as I say.’

Selby remembered the time Roxanna got a boy from her class who didn’t even like her to do all her homework.

‘Now, let’s see. How does she get the wand to work?
Hocus pocus runkus rand, give me magic in my hand!
Only when Roxanna says it sparkles come out of the wand.’

Selby opened
Roxanna’s Guide to Sorcery
and started reading.

‘I did it and it doesn’t work,’ Selby said. ‘It’s a dud wand.’

Selby read on.

‘Okay. How about:
Mokus pocus fiddly fee, make this thingy work for me
,’ he said. ‘Or:
Unktus frumptus diddly dower, fill this stick with magic power.
Nope.
Selby’s nimble, Selby’s quick, put some magic in this stick’

Selby felt a strange tingling in his paw and for a brief moment he thought he saw sparkles coming out of the wand. And that was when he suddenly caught the terrifying sight of Willy and Billy heading for the front door.

Selby threw everything back in the box and bounded from the lounge to the top of the china cabinet.

A split second later the terrible twins flew through the door.

‘Here’s my prezzie!’ Billy squealed, tipping out the contents of the box.

‘It’s not yours, it’s mine! ‘Willy screamed. ‘It’s my prezzie and you can’t have it!’

Willy grabbed the sorcerer’s hat and put it on only to have Billy grab it off his head. In a second they were punching each other and screaming.

‘You can have it, ‘Willy said finally, ‘cause it’s stupid.’

‘Yeah, it’s about that stupid girl,’ Billy said. ‘Hey, Willy, let’s find that stinky doggy!’

Selby watched as the boys searched the house, leaving muddy footprints everywhere.

‘That poopy stink-dog is gone,’ Willy said. ‘And we’re going to be in big trouble.’

Willy pointed to the mud all around the floor.

‘Yeah,’ Billy said. ‘We can say the doggy did it, Willy.’

‘No, we can’t. Cause doggies don’t have shoes. Hey, I know! Let’s make doggy feet!’

‘What do you mean?’

Billy took off his shoes and went outside into the mud. Then he came in and ran around on his tiptoes.

‘Look, Willy! Doggy feet! The stinky-face will be in big trouble!’

‘I’m gonna make doggy feet too!’

Willy and Billy ran in and out of the house, making little muddy footprints everywhere — including on the lounge, the table and all the chairs.

‘I can’t believe it!’ Selby thought. ‘When they walk on their tippy toes it does sort of look like my paw prints. The Trifles will think that I did this!’

Selby couldn’t stand it any longer.

‘Stop it, you idiots!’ he bellowed.

Willy and Billy stopped and looked up.

‘It’s him, Willy,’ Billy said. ‘And he talked again! Let’s get him!’

Willy and Billy struggled to climb the china cabinet but soon gave up and started rocking it back and forth.

‘Cut it out!’ Selby yelled. ‘You’re going to break everything!’

Willy laughed and then lay on his back, making muddy dog tracks on the side of the cabinet.

‘Great,’ Selby thought. ‘If this tips over the Trifles will think I did it.’

‘Okay, stop,’ he said, jumping down. ‘You’ve had your fun so go home.’

‘Now we’re going to get you,’ Willy said.

Selby backed away from the boys as he looked around for a weapon. He bent down and snatched up the sorcerer’s wand.

‘One step more,’ he said, ‘and I’ll hit you with … with this.’