September Moon (33 page)

“Don’t ever do that again,” he scolded, lowering me back to the floor. “You had me scared half to death. Arys wouldn’t take me to Shya’s no matter how much I threatened him.”

“Good. You have to stay off Shya’s radar. Trust me. You don’t want to be on it.” I hugged him close, reveling in the scent of wolf and aftershave.

“Thank God you’re ok,” he murmured before kissing me with raw emotion. That simple act was filled with love and affection. It made me wish so badly that I could be what he needed.

Willow excused himself, heading to the bar to avoid the kissfest.

“It’s not over, Shaz. Shya isn’t going anywhere. Not anytime soon, that’s for sure.”

“Kylarai is a wreck. She was planning to cancel the wedding if you didn’t make it back in time.”

“No way in hell is that happening,” I vowed. “Somebody deserves to get their happy ending, and it’s going to be Coby and Kylarai.”

“Excuse me?” A gruff voice drew my gaze to Dayne who stood a few feet away, waiting for us to disentangle from one another. “I don’t mean to interrupt. I just wanted to speak to you face to face.”

Reluctantly, Shaz let me slip from his embrace. The sudden absence of his warmth made me reconsider. He extended a hand to Dayne.

“I must apologize for what happened at Doghead,” Shaz said, remorse heavy in his jade eyes. “It was unacceptable and completely bad judgment on my part.”

Dayne accepted both Shaz’s hand and his apology. “Think nothing of it. My boys like to scrap. It doesn’t take much for that shit to get out of control in a pack as big as ours.”

“Would you like to sit down?” I glanced at the booth where Jez snored softly and led Dayne to an empty one a few booths away instead. “Anything you want is on the house, of course.”

“Nothing for me tonight.” Dayne sat heavily in the seat across from Shaz and me. His hard, rugged face made it difficult to gauge his mood. “I want to thank you for taking care of Stuart. Owen told me what happened with the vampires. He said you’re a strong fighter and a true wolf despite your hybrid status. His opinion means a lot to me. If he thinks you’re a worthy ally, then so do I.”

He offered me a meaty paw of a hand, and I accepted it gratefully. My alliance! I was so excited I could have squealed. Amid so much chaos and uncertainty, it felt damn good to have something go my way.

“Thank you, Dayne. I’m sorry Owen had to be there for that. It was unexpected, and I’m glad he wasn’t seriously hurt.”
Or worse,
I thought.

“Owen has had his share of ass kickings. He can take a beating from a few vampires.” Dayne laughed it off, making me think he didn’t realize how bad it had been that night.

“He saved my ass. I owe him for that. And I won’t forget it.” I meant every word. Owen was very much a stranger to me, but he’d backed me when he could have run. That meant a great deal to me.

Dayne stuck a cigar between his lips but didn’t light it. “I’d like to invite you both to run with us on the next full moon. It would be a good time to initiate Shaz into the pack.”

Oh crap. I cringed, and my face flushed red hot.

“Wait, what?” Shaz was understandably confused, seeing as I hadn’t mentioned it to him yet. He looked back and forth between Dayne and me, waiting for someone to explain.

“Um, I haven’t exactly told Shaz about that yet,” I said, feeling like a supreme ass. “I had wanted to clear it with you first.”

Dayne nodded slowly, sensing the shift in the atmosphere. He stood up and pulled a Zippo lighter from his pocket. “I see you two have some talking to do. We’ll be in touch. Have a good night.”

I watched him go, counting the seconds until he disappeared through the exit. Then I turned to Shaz, ready to plead for understanding.

“Let me explain, ok?” I slipped my hand into his and squeezed. “You need a pack, Shaz. You’re a strong wolf, but you’ve outgrown the Stony pack. Doghead is perfect for you. So I asked Dayne if he’d be willing to let you in.”

Shaz didn’t react for a minute. His hand was stiff within mine. My skin prickled at the sensation of his rising anger. “You set this up without even asking me if that’s what I wanted? Why would you do that, Lex? You hate it when Arys pulls crap like this on you.”

He had me there. Arys was famous for doing things he thought were in my best interest. I rarely felt the same way. “It was hypocritical. I know and I’m sorry. Is it really such a bad idea though?” If he could just recognize the opportunity for what it was, maybe he would see that I only wanted him to be happy.

He studied me intently, searching my eyes and leaving me to wonder what he was seeking. “What’s going on with you? Are you trying to get rid of me?”

Dammit. Shaz could always see right through me. There was no fooling him. “Not the way you think.” I held up a hand, pleading with him to hear me out when he swore and tried to stand up. “Shaz, please. Listen to me. I don’t want you giving up your life for me. You deserve more than I can offer.”

Running his hand through his hair, Shaz made a noise of disgust. “Are you kidding me? Haven’t we been through this? I made my choice, Lex. I committed myself to you.” He pulled away from me and leaned back in the booth as if he couldn’t possibly get far enough away. “You need me.”

“I do.” I nodded. “You’re my voice of reason, the one who keeps me from doing things I’ll regret. But that can’t be all you are, and you know it. Just think about it, about Doghead and how you can grow in a pack like that.”

Suspicion furrowed his brow. He looked torn, like he couldn’t decide if he should be mad or not. “I know why you’re doing this, Lex. You’re planning ahead, thinking about when you become a vampire. Do you think that’s a deal breaker for me?”

“It should be. I will go all dark, Shaz. Once I lose my light, I won’t be the same person. The blood bond will destroy the balance of light and dark between Arys and me. Everything will change for the worst.”

A look of absolute horror marred his handsome face. “How can you say that? Are you just giving up? That won’t change how I feel about you. I thought we agreed to take things one day at a time, to enjoy the time we have together without forcing it to be something it’s not.”

“We did. But what do you expect from me? Do you want me to watch you eventually grow old and die while refusing you the chance to live a full life?” My voice cracked, and I paused to gather myself. “I’m not sure you can do that with me. And I don’t want to be the one who takes it from you.”

Shaz’s wolf stared out at me. He felt like I was giving him the brush off, but it just wasn’t like that. At just twenty-four, Shaz had so much life left ahead of him. Letting him go was the last thing I wanted, but this wasn’t about what I wanted. It was about what he needed.

“That’s not your decision to make, Lex,” he said, his voice calm but his tone heavy with restrained anger. “You don’t get to tell me how to spend my life, and you sure as hell don’t get to choose my pack.”

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intent to upset you or to make you think I’m trying to drive you away.”

“Aren’t you though?” He did stand up then, pulling away when I reached for him. His expression was one of hurt and dismay. “I pledged myself to you. My wolf belongs to yours. Nothing is going to change that. Not even your death. I just can’t imagine why you would want it to.”

Shaz didn’t give me a chance to respond. He turned and walked out without a glance back. I sat there stunned, staring around the room but barely seeing it. What had just happened?

Slowly I let out the breath I’d been holding. “Fuck,” I muttered. Matters of the heart were always the most complicated.

“Are you ok?”

I jumped when Willow’s voice broke through my thoughts. I hadn’t seen him approach. “Not really. Shaz is pissed off because I asked the Doghead pack to take him in as a member. He thinks I’m trying to get rid of him.”

“Are you?” Willow asked, his calm and caring nature making it so easy to open up.

“Maybe. But it’s not because I want to. I don’t. It’s because it’s selfish of me to rely so heavily on him when I can never give him the picket fence life he longs for.” Goddamn it was hard to say that.

Willow pondered this. He gazed at me with a thoughtful smile and patted my shoulder. “Alexa, millions of people have that picket fence life, and they are still not happy. Don’t mislead yourself into thinking there is an ultimate happiness out there somewhere. You’re only as happy as you let yourself be.”

“There you go again being all positive and inspiring and junk,” I joked, but I knew he was right. He was always right.

“If Shaz is happy with what you share right now, why take that from him? Why not just enjoy it while it lasts? Trust me. Those moments are fleeting. Don’t rush the ending.” Sadness stole over Willow, but he shoved it aside with one of the phoniest smiles I’d ever seen. The angel didn’t lie well.

“I can’t have them both,” I said, my gaze straying to Arys. Feeling my stare, he turned to give me a look that smoldered.

Willow followed my gaze. “No. In the end there will only be one. Love is complicated. Hell, it’s downright torment sometimes. Still, no need to rush the ending of a story that you’re not writing. Play your part and let each day come as it may.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I playfully punched Willow’s arm.

“Doesn’t it?” The sound of his chuckle filled me with warmth. I found encouragement in these talks with Willow.

“Yes and no,” I admitted, dragging myself out of the booth.

Willow slung an arm around me and rested his head against mine. “If you spend all of your time worrying, you will rob yourself of the good stuff. Only the memories will last, and now is the time to make them.”

“Roger that, wise all-knowing one.” I gave him a sarcastic salute but took his words to heart. “Thanks, Willow. You make more sense than anyone else I know. I’m grateful to know you.”

“Likewise, little Hound. Now go, take your friend home before some vampire gets it into his head to make a play for the unconscious leopard.”

* * * *

The scent of autumn leaves tickled my sensitive nose. The yellow grass crunched beneath me as I rolled over and stretched. A chickadee sang its repetitive little song until I cracked one eye open and gave him a look. A frog hopped through the grass a few feet away, pausing to check me out before continuing to the pond. The sound of a snapping branch brought me fully awake with a start. I whirled around with fangs bared to find Jez sneaking up on me through the brush.

She pounced on me before I could lunge at her. Her powerful back legs were like a spring, launching her through the air. She landed on the now empty spot where I’d just been laying.

Tongue lolling, I gave her my best wolfy smile. She might be fast and superbly coordinated, but I was fast too.

Blood stained the fur of her face, and I wondered what poor creature had met his end in Jez’s fierce paws. Coming home with me had been good for her. She’d been leopard since we arrived, and it seemed to be beneficial to her state of mind.

Jenner and Arys had taken up residence in my house. I had not heard from Shaz since he had walked out on me. He needed time to think things over. As for me, I needed to be wolf, like I always did when the vampire world became too much to handle.

Kylarai’s wedding was the day after tomorrow. Despite my offer to help with last minute details, she had insisted that everything was under control. I suspected that she preferred to do it all herself in order to make sure it was done right. I could respect that. I knew the feeling.

She had had our dresses sent over. Arys had taken one look at it through the plastic covering and made an inappropriate remark about how hard it would be for me to keep it on.

I was excited for the wedding. It was one bright spot amidst all of this chaos. For one night it would be all about Kylarai. Not me or Shaz or even Shya. Just Ky. I couldn’t wait to celebrate her.

Jez glided silently through the trees, stalking a little brown field mouse. Her tail twitched as she advanced on him. The gold and black of her svelte frame was truly beautiful. I found it impossible not to stare at her in awe. She was a magnificent creature.

The field mouse jerked, having caught her scent. He fled like a little maniac, zigzagging as he ran.

It was nice to spend time with her like this. Too often we were lurking in the darkened streets of the city, hunting vampires and other not so pleasant monsters. Unleashing the beast inside was more enjoyable with another. One could only wander the forests alone for so long before boredom became madness.

She loped off through the brush, and I followed along at a casual pace. I thought about Dayne’s invitation to run with Doghead on the full moon. Would Shaz be willing to come along?

Eventually he would see that I just wanted the best for him. My intent wasn’t to drive him away, merely to show him what could be. What I hadn’t told him was that it terrified me to think of how I would be without the balance of light. I might be a stone cold bitch that saw him only as prey. If that were the case, he would be far better off without me.

Losing my light was something I tried not to think about. I shoved it out of my thoughts night after night, pretending it wasn’t real, that maybe “one day” just wouldn’t come. But it would. I knew that.

I bounded after Jez, hurrying to catch up when her longer legs carried her away. She disappeared into the trees, and I tracked her scent as I followed. Like so many times before, I was tempted to keep going, to continue on this path away from the house without ever intending to return. It was perhaps a shifter’s greatest temptation, to remain as animal always and abandon the human world. I couldn’t come out here anymore without considering it.

Arys would never let me go though. He would seek me out wherever my four legs took me. Knowing that was both reassuring and terrifying.

I broke through the trees into a small clearing and jerked to an abrupt halt. Jez was face to face with a whitetail deer fawn. It couldn’t have been more than a couple of months old. White spots still dotted its back. It peered at Jez with big, dark eyes. Holding perfectly still, it waited. Jez sat back on her haunches, trying to appear less intimidating. I followed her lead and got down on my belly.