Settling Old Scores: BWWM Second Chance Romance (11 page)

"You
make it sound like going back in time. I kind of like that concept,"
she said, mulling it over.

They
rode the rest of the way to the apartment in silence. It took all of
five minutes to get the boxes up the elevator and into the apartment.
Once there, Pat unpacked some of the boxes and some of her music.
Then, she turned to Kevin with a serious look.

"Kevin,
we have to talk," she said. She unpacked one more box and pulled
out a scrapbook. She came over to him with trembling hands and placed
the book in his lap. She opened it carefully. The page she had opened
the book to contained a faded picture of a light skinned man of mixed
black & white heritage.

"That
man was my dad, Dwayne Washington. Did it ever occur to you that I am
mixed?" she said.

Kevin
looked at her in total surprise. "It never crossed my mind in 15
years of knowing you. It doesn't change how I feel about you though."

He
looked closely at the picture, then at Pat. He started to say
something. She held up a hand to stop him. "Hear me out. I need
to get all this out in the open and off my chest," she said
firmly.

Then
she proceeded to tell Kevin her long kept secret. She was born
practically out of wedlock. Her mom's people had disowned her mother
for two reasons: divorce and a black father. Her dad had skipped town
and left Hannah high and dry once he learned of the pregnancy. She
grew up without a father, but it was worse than that. She grew with
nobody she could relate to either. She was called Zebra & Oreo in
grade school, and ostracized. She didn't fit in with either blacks or
whites. She always felt marginalized. The "just one drop"
rule was in effect but the blacks didn't really accept her either.
She grew up detesting black people and then white people too. She
felt like an afterthought at best. Her mom could know about not
fitting in only to half the extent that Pat felt it.

"I
never tried to fool you about myself Kevin. Believe me, please. Both
of us have seen people that try to pass by dyeing their hair,
straightening it, and all that. That wasn't me. I wanted to just be
me. That's all! I wanted you to like me for who I was. About
two-thirds of everyone that looks at me can spot my heritage right
away. The other third don't see it, or are too polite to ask about
it. I have come to realize you just saw me. I liked that you were
color blind. I was unable to tell you, I liked that I was a person to
you. Remember, that I was raised by a white lady so my perspective is
that of a white girl largely. You accepted me without question for
who I was. But, of course the boy I liked had a mother from the deep
south that still says cain't instead of can't. His initials are KKK
to boot. Now you are pitching me to go meet her in a state where
interracial marriages are illegal," she said.

"I
have been so conflicted about you for so long. You would get in these
black white fights that made me think you were as bad as everyone
else. I still can't figure you out. I do regret not having the trust
in you to tell you my story. I hope it is not too late to make it
right," she said.

Then,
she went on to say that one thing she definitely was not going to do
was have a bastard child. There was no way she would let that happen
to her. She said Kevin's initial interest in her budding body scared
and panicked her, besides pleasing her.

"Now
you are back in my life, and I am scared all over again. I know I
have been unfair to you. I just don't want the secrets anymore,"
she said.

"I
don't know how I missed all this, I really don't. I feel like the
dumbest clown in the world. Maybe, when you are in love at any early
enough age, you really are color blind," was all Kevin could
stammer out.

"You
mentioned about me being tripped on the basketball court today. I
always assumed the girl tripped me because she didn't like
light-skinned black girls. You tell me now it was because she was
related to the guy that called me those names. I don't know what the
truth is. I know just as the black girls didn't accept me, the white
girl girls didn't want me around their men, either. Almost all the
boys, black or white, viewed me as a night of fun, not a person. When
you got interested in me, I thought you had the same intentions. I
did like how you wouldn't give up your friendship with me when
different would-be girlfriends wanted you to. The loyalty or maybe it
was your obsession slowly won me over," she said with a soft
smile.

"I
never had a loving relationship with a dad, or some man I could trust
other than you; and it turns out I didn't trust you enough to be
honest. You should know that after you quit writing to me, my esteem
was totally crushed. I was mad at you, and mad at myself for not
having the guts to talk with you candidly,” she said.

Kevin
put his arm around her as she gritted back tears. "I am sick of
crying about things I can't do anything about; it's so pointless,"
she said.

"I
know you say it doesn't matter now. But will you wake up tomorrow and
have second thoughts about that? You can't know it for sure. I just
know that I have to tell you, and let the chips fall where they may,"
Pat said with determination.

"Pat,
no relationship comes with 100% guarantees. I ain't the sharpest
knife in the drawer, so bear with me. When I have a question, I will
ask. Right now, it doesn't matter to me, it just doesn't. I don't
think it will matter to me tomorrow, either. It makes sense that
loyalty from a man would be a big deal with you after all you have
been through. Believe it, I am that man," Kevin said with
frightening intensity.

"When
people find out you are bi-racial, they sometimes ask the most fucked
up questions. I hate that," she said.

"My
questions won't be insensitive. They will just be stupid, I suppose.
Remember who you are talking to," Kevin said with a small smile.

"Thank
you for hearing me out, Kevin. Now, for something else you have never
heard from me before. I love you. I have loved you for a long time.
That is why I had that picture up there on my dresser for all these
years. Regardless of how this goes, you will always be a special
person in my life with a special place in my heart. I hope you don't
have trouble processing that," she said.

19.
Finally

They
kissed slowly and tentatively. Then, more fervently. Finally, Pat
took Kevin's hand and led him to the bedroom. Once there, she turned
her back to him and peeled off her clothes. Kevin marveled at how
exquisite her back and butt were. When she turned to face him, he put
his arms around her stunning body and kissed her deeply. Then, he
started at the nipples and tried to cover her from head to toe with
kisses. She started to work on removing his clothes.

Neither
one of them was in a hurry. Kevin wasn't sure he was ever going to
have her again. He wanted it to last and last. Pat must have felt the
same. She was not rushing it, either. Once all the clothes were off,
they really started to get serious.

Two
hours later, they were napping contentedly intertwined in the nude.
They just lay there as the endorphin euphoria washed through them.
They both agreed it was the best spent Saturday afternoon they ever
had. Finally, they decided to get up and take a shower together. They
made it as hot as they could stand. They soaped each other up and
rinsed each other off several times. They were both totally relaxed
when they climbed out of the shower. It was as though they had washed
the barriers between them away.

"Pat,
I have to tell you that was some of the best sex I ever had,"
Kevin said.

"You
weren't too bad yourself. Nice body too. It only took you about three
weeks to turn me into that slut of the semester I said I wasn't going
to become," she said with a toss of her wet hair and a smile.

"No,
it took me 15 years, and thousands of tears, but it was worth it.
Sooner
or Later
,
as the Grassroots would say," Kevin said with a shrug.

"I
don't know if the French part of you is the lover part or the Gaullic
shrug part. I guess I will have to do more extensive research. We
both knew it was going to be sooner rather than later, didn't we?"
she asked knowingly.

Later,
they cooked some dinner and talked. Kevin assured Pat that his mom
was not what she imagined her to be. She was a mom first, and would
back her son's choices all the way. They agreed they would go find
Matt in the morning and buy him breakfast like they said they would.
Later, Pat called her mother, and they had a muffled conversation.

"I
just wanted to check in with her. I think she is struggling a little
with me not being home every night. Of course, she knows that I was
going to have this conversation with you. She was worried for me. I
just wanted to tell her we had it, and things went well. Mom and I
have had only each other forever," Pat said softly.

"It
occurred to me when we were looking at the old picture of us in your
bedroom that the two of you must have had a conversation about
leaving it up, or taking it down. I'm coming to the party late again,
but clearly you talked about much more than that," Kevin said.

"She
knew how anguished I was. For the record, she urged me to tell you
years ago. She had a fear that sooner or later, you would hear all
this from someone else. I did too. That was part of my fear about
Brenda Johnson and you. It would be like "You are still hanging
out with that bi-racial bitch?" Then, you would feel like you
walked into a left hook. She would be right in front of you to
console you. I was jealous of how she could turn you into such a
fool, I will admit that. Our moms are not so very different. They
want the best for their kids. They want them to be happy, and feel
for them, when they aren't," she said.

"For
the record, I chose your friendship over Brenda's boobs," said
Kevin with a smile.

"When
I went in the house for the rest of the boxes, your mom whispered to
me to be nice to her daughter. I bet my mom would say the same thing
to you. I have walked into left hooks before, and if they don't put
you on your back, they sure hurt you," concluded Kevin.

They
went out after they ate. They drove to a nearby lake that was part of
the park system. They strolled and talked more. Kevin told Pat that
he wanted to get up to see Mr. Sharpe again. He wanted to set up
another appearance at the school like he said he would do. He also
said he wanted to get in touch with Willie just for old times’
sake. They walked until it started to get dark. Then they went home.
Pat turned on the radio as they drove.

"Well
no Country & Western after all" she said.

Instead,
it was Steely Dan. "Do you think Steely Dan is the Simon &
Garfunkel of the 70's?” Kevin asked.

"That’s
an interesting question. If you were in the pop music appreciation
class I have been a teaching assistant in, I might give you good
grade just for the stimulating questions you ask. A question like
that would get the whole class fired up," she laughed.

"I
wouldn't want to get a good grade just cause I slept with the
teacher," Kevin laughed back.

"On
the other hand, the question is so ridiculous I might just have to
fail you for being so dense. There is no way you can get away with
that comparison. Paul Simon is a great lyricist and songwriter.
Besides, the genres are not really the same," she said.

"Wait
a second, Little Miss Music. The point is that music progressed in a
decade from a ballad genre to a jazz genre. Comparing the two is like
comparing freestyle to compulsories. The freestyle has way more
creativity in it, richer note combinations, deeper lyrics, more pubic
hair, so to speak," Kevin said.

"Jesus
Kevin, what a metaphor! Where does this stuff come from?"

"How
about this? Steely Dan is like the older sister to Simon &
Garfunkel, lusher, more filled out, mature, and ripe. Better body,
with a pleasant aftertaste," teased Kevin.

"I
think you have a future as a wine reviewer, or author of pornographic
books. There is a certain redundancy in the two job descriptions. You
have to admit that. Why don't you give up the sea and graduate school
immediately? You are missing your true calling," she said
shaking her head.

That
night they again made love. This time Kevin put her on top. When she
started to reach what she was after she closed her eyes, retreated to
some inner place. Her movements were quiet, precise and rhythmic.
There was a sexiness to her that drew Kevin in again.