Seven (12 page)

“Alright…I’ve got a good one…but no judging.”

Already I get a case of the giggles. I wonder what this could be. “Okay,” I say holding my hands up in defeat. “I promise. No judging.”

Bryant takes a moment to look in the rearview mirror and changes lanes again so that we can make the exit onto 55-S. “I can pee and brush my teeth in the shower at the same time while washing my hair with my non-tooth-brushing hand.”

Okay, I can’t. Oh my God, I need to laugh so hard that my eyes are watering as I bite my lip to keep from laughing out loud.

“Hey!” Bryant yells at me laughing. He points to me as if he’s trying to parent me. He’s totally trying to adult me right now. “Don’t think I don’t see you trying not to laugh. You said you wouldn’t judge.”

In the best effort to not laugh out loud I quickly pretend to cough and wipe my nose with my hand. “I’m not laughing, I swear. I just…have…something in my eye.”

“Uh huh…I’ve heard that one before, Seven. You wouldn’t believe how much time it saves me though when I need to shower and Ivy is awake by herself. I try to wake up before her but when the sky’s awake, she’s awake.”

“Ah, so she’s a
Frozen
fan is she? Who does she like better, Anna or Elsa?”

Bryant rolls his eyes but smiles which tells me he’s not really that annoyed by Ivy’s obsession with Frozen. “Elsa
and
Sven if I had to pick one other character. You know, she asked me this morning if you liked princesses and if you liked Elsa.”

What?

“You told her about me?” I gasp.

“Yeah. Well…yeah I guess. I mean, she asked where I was going today and I told her I was hanging out with my friend, Savannah.”

“Oh. Right. Yeah. Okay.”

“Anyway,” he continues. “One of these days she’ll want to tell you all about her love of princesses. It’s your turn, Seven.”

My mind drifts to another place – another time, when I would dream of my little girl playing dress-up and being her daddy’s princess. Every now and then I think I can handle talking about someone else’s kid or even knowing that another friend of mine has kids, but right here, right now, but I can’t. I’m stuck here in this truck with a man who doesn’t understand yet that sometimes talking about children can be a trigger for me. I’m not ready to tell him though, so instead, I look out my window and say the words before I even realize I’ve said them.

“I hate the number seven and sometimes I wish I could live someone else’s life…even just for one day.”

Silence.

More silence.

One one-thousand, two one-thousand, three one-thousand…

“I’m sorry Sev…Savannah. I…I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or anyth…”

“No, no. It’s okay. You didn’t,” I interrupt. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No. You said it because you mean it. There’s no fault in that. So tell me whose life you would want to live for even just a day? If it could be anybody…who would it be? Jennifer Lopez? Carrie Underwood? One of those Kardashian girls?”

“It doesn’t matter. Some days I wish I could just wake up and have a completely different life, you know? Like a restart.”

“Yeah…I understand. Life likes to throw tons of shit our way and it would be nice to step out of it for just a while. I wished that for Ivy so many times, and I would be lying if I said I never wished it for myself.”

“Yeah…I know that feeling,” I whisper. “I read this book once, called
What If
by Rebecca Donovan. It’s a story about having a second chance to meet someone for the first time.”

“Yeah…go on…” Bryant says.

“Well, so this girl goes missing in high school and this guy sees her over a year later in his college town and is convinced it’s this missing girl, only she doesn’t recognize him at all.”

“Sounds eerily familiar in a way,” Bryant says winking at me.

“Yeah?” I ask. “How so?”

“Well…you didn’t recognize me when you saw me in the bar that night, so I guess that sort of gave us a second chance at meeting each other for the first time.”

“Yeah, I guess, but I never went missing. And I certainly don’t come with a satchel full of secrets. At least it feels to me like I’m a walking open book for the world to read at their leisure.”

“Hmm…” he murmurs. “So what happens in the end?”

I shake my head. “Can’t tell ya that.”

“What? Why? You just told me what it’s about and now you can’t tell me how it ends?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“Because that would be a huge spoiler. If you want to know how the story ends, you should read it for yourself and find out.”

“Ugh, you women and your books! I don’t even know the last time I picked up a book and just read.”

“Well maybe now you should consider it.”

“Yeah, maybe.” He smiles. We’re quiet for a few minutes, both lost in our own thoughts. I jump slightly when I feel Bryant’s hand on my left leg. He squeezes just enough to get my attention.

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad I got the second chance to meet you. I enjoy hanging out with you, and I’ve really liked getting to know you all over again.”

That was sweet of him to say.

Warm and fuzzy.

“Thanks, Bryant. For what it’s worth, I’m enjoying hanging out with you too. Sorry for being the Debbie Downer for a minute.”

“Hey,” he says placing his hand over mine. I can feel him rubbing his thumb over the top of my knuckles. “You don’t ever, EVER, need to apologize to me. I understand, and when I don’t, I’ll try really hard to so that you don’t have to feel anything but happy. You deserve that. I just want to show you a nice day outdoors in the beautiful weather.”

I watch him from my side of the truck. If the Bryant of years past were sitting here beside me I’m pretty sure his hands would be trying to get in between my thighs right about now; he would have a ball cap on backwards and would be trying to impress me with his big bad truck. His face would be insincere and his body would be so aloof because he used to never give a damn about anyone but himself, or so it seemed to those of us on the outside. The Bryant I see today is different. He’s older, wiser, a little more weathered in the face. I can tell life hasn’t been parties and shots of whiskey all these years for him, and even though it’s unfair of me to say so, I like that about him. At least he has even a little bit of something I can relate to.

“Bryant?”

“Yeah?”

“I never take the last bite of my food, no matter what it is. It’s just a thing with me I guess.”

“Never?”

“Nope. Never.”

He watches the road for a minute, nodding his head, taking in my words. He smirks before looking over at me. “Well it’s a damn good thing I like to eat. I’ll always take your last bite for you, okay?”

“Okay.” I nod and smile as I rest my head on the back of my seat. I’m still somewhat facing Bryant so for a moment I just watch him drive. He’s really done an outstanding job making me feel comfortable when I’m with him, I’ll give him that. I’m excited to see where we’re going today. I don’t have to wait long as I see us head west toward the big sign that says GREEN RIVER LAKE.

“For real?” I exclaim. “Green River? I’ve heard great things about this park but I’ve never been here before!”

“Well, good! I used to come down here with my family in the summer time, do some fishin’, hikin’, that kind of thing. I thought it would be nice to just be out in the sun, maybe walk one of the trails or something? And I packed us a picnic lunch if that’s okay?”

How perfect.

He really planned this out.

Just for me.

“Yeah, Bryant. That sounds wonderful. Thank you.”

We park the truck and he comes around to open my door. He first takes my hand to help me out but then moves his hands to my waist to help steady me as I jump down from my seat. I’m not five years old and can certainly make the jump on my own but I let him hold me anyway. I don’t want to spoil these moments of our date. Immediate sparks of warmth shoot through my body when he touches me. I didn’t expect that feeling at all and wobble just slightly when my feet hit the ground.

Because my mind is somewhere in the clouds.

“Thanks.”

Bryant takes my hand and leads me towards the lake. “Come on, let’s see what we can get into.”

Chapter 15

Bryant

Damn she feels good. Her hand in mine as we make our way across the parking lot feels natural, like we’ve been doin’ it for years. What doesn’t feel natural is the feeling that someone just jumped into a ball pit inside my stomach. Damn if I’m not nervous. Bryant Wood doesn’t get nervous. What the hell is making me feel this way all of a sudden? I can’t remember a more enjoyable car ride with a woman. Savannah makes conversation so easy. It’s been years and although I had my eye on her in our high school years, we definitely didn’t talk often so there’s so much I have yet to learn about her. Walking the trails here at the park, in the fresh air where she won’t feel trapped, is the best place I could think to bring her. There’s nothing like the natural beauty of the outdoors.

And nothin’ like the natural beauty of the girl whose hand is in mine.

We start out along one of the easier hiking trails, making small talk and taking a minute every now and again to marvel at the beautiful environment surrounding us. Leaves are growing back on the trees, and the robins are obviously having a family reunion somewhere close by.

“Do you know these trails well?” Savannah asks me.

“Uh, not like the back of my hand but I’ve been up and down this one several times as a kid. It’s one of the easier trails and not too long. I didn’t want us to have to work too hard, hope that’s okay.”

I watch as her eyebrows raise and she shakes her head. “Yeah, absolutely. Besides, trying to remember all the new things I learned about you in the car will be hard enough.”

I feel the slight squeeze of her hand that lets me know she’s teasing me.

She squeezed my hand.

That means something right?

Why do I feel like a fucking teenager?

Damn this girl.

“I don’t know, but I have a strange feeling you’re going to remember every damn thing I told you about myself.”

She doesn’t answer me, but when I look at her she’s blushing and hiding behind her smirk.

“So why the bar? Have you always wanted to do something like that? Own your own business I mean?”

“You wouldn’t think so. Since my last name is Wood it was preached to me for years and years that I would take over my dad’s distillery one day. I mean, when in Bardstown, drink the bourbon, right?”

“That’s not what you wanted? Not that I would blame you, but I don’t remember you as the rebel child.”

Not with a grandfather on the school board.

“Nah, I was a pretty good kid. Did what I was told. Studied in school, was good at sports. That kind of thing. I just spent too many years playing around the distillery ya know? I didn’t want to spend my life doing the same damn thing, not that I don’t have tons of respect for what my dad does. I do, it’s just…”

“I get it. There’s a whole world out there so why not take a risk, right?”

“Yeah. I mean, that’s what I wanted. I never thought it would be a bar though. I used to spend my evenings at that bar before Jerry retired. That’s where I met Samantha, Ivy’s mother.”

Savannah’s head whips up quickly as if she’s shocked by that news but nods in understanding. “Right. Yeah. I forgot you said you met her at a bar.”

“Yeah. Well…I already told you what happened after meeting her. When she told me she was pregnant I really wanted to step up and try to do the right thing. I was already a disappointment to my family at that point for knocking up some girl I barely knew so you know, why not take the plunge and leave the family business too.”

Savannah stops walking. I feel the slight tug on my arm from her hand still in mine. She’s looking at me with disbelief in her eyes.

Or is that pity?

“You okay?” I ask her.

“Yeah. I didn’t know your family saw you that way. Do they still? I mean, it looks like you’ve been pretty successful and all. I would think your family would be proud of you.”

Yep, it’s pity.

“Hell, now…now I can do no wrong because I have Ivy.” I shake my head almost in disgust at my family. “It’s funny really, how my family can go from seeing me as a disappointment because I got someone pregnant, to thinking I’m the best damn dad in the land for doing what I’ve done for my little girl. For giving up all that I have for her, and why wouldn’t I? I mean she’s my kid for Christ sake. What parent wouldn’t walk on fucking water for their kid if they could, ya know? That’s just being a good parent. That’s all I want for her.”

“You are a good parent Bryant.” She smiles at me but the smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “I can tell that from the way you talk about her. She’s a lucky little girl to have a daddy like you.”

Shit, she just took my breath away. I’m staring at her. For whatever the reason I’ve lost my ability to say coherent words. I’m just staring at her, nodding my head like I hear what she’s saying. I want to tell her everything on my mind. I want to tell her everything in my heart.

But I can’t.

“I’m the lucky one” is all I can whisper at the moment. Sensing my unease, Savannah takes a step forward so that we can continue up the trail. The smell of pine infiltrates my senses. It damn near smells like Christmas in these woods. The moment I look up ahead of me though I stop suddenly and pull Savannah back. I catch her off guard and she ends up falling backwards into me. Swiftly, my arms fold around her to steady her on her feet.

God, she feels good.

And smells good.

“Look!” I whisper pointing ahead of the spot where we’re standing.

“What?” She whispers back, paying no mind to the fact that I’m holding her.

“A doe…see her? She has her babies with her. Looks like two little fawns there. See them?” I whisper in her ear.

I would rather be whispering something else in her ear.

Her hair smells like vanilla and the outdoors.

I feel her gasp slightly when she lays eyes on the deer about one hundred yards from us. We stand as still as we can so that we don’t scare them off. As we watch for a few minutes they make their way through the woods, munching on leaves along the way. At one point we both strain to hold in our laughter when one of the fawns playfully jumps towards the other like it wants to play. I feel Savannah’s body stiffen as she tries not to laugh out loud.

She’s so close to me.

I can feel her.

If I could just…spread my hands across her stomach…

I take in a deep breath, committing her smell to memory. I can tell she feels me behind her and to my surprise she leans ever so slightly more in my direction. Her breathing has quickened, like she’s waiting for me to make the call. I could do it. I could turn her around right now and kiss her. I could kiss her neck from where I am right here and something inside tells me she wouldn’t stop me. I could make her feel good. I could give her what she needs, what she deserves.

But I can’t.

I won’t.

I promised myself I wouldn’t take advantage of her. We’re thirty minutes into our date minus the drive. A gentleman wouldn’t jump so fast for someone he really wants to keep at his side. I have to be patient. Sliding my hands down her arms I make sure she’s okay before letting go. Like a shy dumbass I throw my hands in my pockets and clear my throat before walking on with her right beside me. Her look tells me she’s not exactly sure what just happened between us.

I’m not sure either.

Stupid fuck.

Maybe I should’ve kissed her
.

“So what about you, Seven?”

“What about me?”

“Your hopes and dreams? What did you want to do before…”

Fuck! You had to bring this up didn’t you?

Fix it, Bryant! Say something else!

Too late. She beats me too it. “Before my life fell apart in front of my eyes and I was forced to move back home alone?”

Shamefully, I shake my head. “Fuck. Savannah, I’m sor…”

“It’s okay. Really. It is what it is, right? I mean, it’s been two years. If I don’t saddle up and move on I may as well spend the rest of my life in a house filled with hoarded shit and a load of cats right?”

Ummmm…

“Well, that’s…uh…that’s a way of putting it I guess.” I’m totally at a loss for words. What do I say to that?

“Sorry, I’m not making a joke of my life. I have shitty days where I want to crawl under a rock and die and then I have days where I think I see sunlight on my horizon, that maybe there is more to my life than being alone and feeling sorry for myself.” She chuckles to herself, an inside joke?

“What’s funny?”

“You were talking about Ivy earlier and her love of everything
Frozen
.” She shakes her head slightly. “I know it sounds stupid and really cheesy but there are days I feel like ‘Let It Go’ needs to be my theme song ya know?”

“Nah…you need something more like…’Fight Song’
.
”

“The Rachel Platten song?” My suggestion makes her smile.

“Yeah…if that’s her name. I hear it all the time and it’s on that car commercial…it suits you.”

“Yeah,” I watch as her smile widens. “Yeah I guess it does.”

“Okay,” I start. I want to keep her talking as much as I can. I want to figure out what makes this woman tick on the inside. “So if your days were filled with sunshine and rainbows and shit like that, what would make Savannah Turner a happy woman? What’s your passion?”

She takes in a big breath and releases it while looking around the trail. We’ve made it to the top of the hill and from here we can see the water of the lake shining like a pool of diamonds as the sun’s rays hit the surface. It’s beautiful up here. You can see for miles.

“My plan was to own my own spa one day.” She kicks her foot lightly into the loose dirt at her feet. “I guess that sounds a little stupid now huh?”

I shake my head. “It doesn’t sound stupid at all. Why would you say that?”

“I don’t know. It was a lofty goal way back when. I made this plan of going to college for business, and then going to beauty school so that I could learn the trade. I was determined to learn all there is to know about what goes into a great spa. I wanted to have the best.”

“Impressive,” I say to her.

She continues. “So I accomplished that goal, but after Peyton was born I took time off to just be mommy for a while. We figured once she was ready for preschool I would look into starting the business. It would give me something to do while she was in school, so I didn’t miss her too much…but then…”

“Yeah,” I interrupt so she doesn’t have to say it. I get it. Then Peyton died, and so did Shawn. And then she was alone.

“How did you end up at the salon with Rachel?”

“Well, oddly enough her mom and my mom are good friends…Red Hat Society or some weird shit like that.” She laughs. “Once I came back to town I was in a huge depressive funk. Didn’t go anywhere. Didn’t talk to anyone besides my family. Slept a lot, that sort of thing.”

“Understandable.”

“Yeah, so my mom must’ve mentioned it to Rachel’s mom who mentioned to Rache that I was back in town and had my license. She was looking for someone new to have at the salon, well, either that or she was just showing me some pity, so she called me. We were never besties in school but I remembered her from back in the day and she remembered me. She’s been great for me though, ya know? Someone to talk to. Someone who may not always understand but helps me through the rough patches. I owe her a lot. I suppose it was the right call…got me out of my parents’ house and on my own again.”

“You ever think about starting that spa now?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know what my life is doing right now. I guess I’m just along for the ride until I figure it out.”

“Never say never Savannah. You’re too young to give up on your dreams.” She gives me a sad look but doesn’t respond right away. Silence falls between us as we make our way closer to the lake shore. There’s a slight breeze in the air but it’s warm and inviting.

“It’s beautiful here, Bryant. Thank you for bringing me. It’s nice to be outdoors, taking it all in.” She smiles at me and my heart flips. Damn if I don’t feel like a middle school boy around her. She’s causing feelings to stir in me that I don’t remember having before. Maybe everything is different now. Maybe I’m older, wiser, stronger…ready to love her. Or maybe I just feel the need to protect her, to hide her from inevitable truths, truths that now I fear could crush her. Never in a million years did I think this would happen, Savannah and me, together. Now that we’re doing this…whatever it is we’re starting, my deepest secret is bubbling at the surface, waiting to break free. What if what I think are romantic feelings are really just feelings of guilt or shame? I wish she would never have to find out, but at some point the truth will be revealed, and then what the hell do I do when she finds out? Will she look at me the same way? And will she even be able to look at Ivy at all?