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Authors: Elizabeth Hayley

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BOOK: Sex Snob
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“Hi, Amanda, what can I do for you?” Sheila asked as she picked up the phone.

“Hey, Sheila. Is the Master in?” Sheila hated Bader more than anyone else, and I couldn’t blame her. At least the rest of us could escape him. But it was her entire job to be at his beck and call.
Poor girl.

“Oh, yeah, he’s here,” she replied dryly.
“I’ll patch ya through.”

“Thanks, Sheila.”

She transferred the call and it rang five times before he finally answered it, out of breath.
What the hell had he been doing?
Scratch that. I didn’t want to know.

“Yes.”

“Mr. Bader,
it’s Amanda . . .”

“You’re kidding,” he said
sarcastically.

What a prick.
“Yeah, okay, well I’m looking at this account you sent over and I was just wondering, shouldn’t one of our junior associates be handling this?”

“Why, Mandi?
Are you too good for the blue-collar accounts? Or maybe you’re too good to do any work at all.” The condescension dripped from his lips.

Wasn’t that one guy I went out with a couple of times a
hitman? I wonder if I still have his number.
“No, Mr. Bader, I was just wondering because I have a number of other accounts I’m working on and I didn’t want to take my focus away from them if this could be handled by someone else.” I tried to withhold the hatred from my voice, but I’m sure I failed miserably.

“Listen, Mandi, the perk of being a boss is that I don’t have to explain myself to you.
Now, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, then maybe we should sit down and discuss whether this is really the right job for you.”

Oh, no, this motherfucker didn’t
.
“No, I can manage fine. I just thought a mistake had been made.”

“Well, maybe in the future you should keep your thoughts to yourself.
Good day, Mandi.”

I hung up the phone, stood and began walking toward the door.

“Where are you going?” Steph asked.

“Down to the parking garage.
I’m going to cut that asshole’s brake line.” Steph and Danielle eyed me cautiously, the look on my face showing that I meant it. “After I get coffee,” I added. “You guys want some?” They both let out a relieved laugh and nodded.
Christ, did they really think I was a murderer?

I returned a few minutes later to Danielle and Steph talking animatedly.
“What are you fools squealing about?”

“Girls’ night,” they said in unison.
“The band I love, Tomfoolery, is playing at The Whiskey Saloon on Friday. You in?” Steph asked.

“Absolutely.
Who can turn down a little Tomfoolery?”

“Yeah, and the bar isn’t bordering any bodies of water, so we thought it would be a safe place to take you,” Danielle joked.

“Ha ha,” I replied.
“Please, without me, your lives would be utterly boring.”

“Very true,” they agreed.

And as we got to work, I was grateful for these girls. They took my mind off my bipolar/Shane issues. At least for a little while.

***

CrossFit was uneventful on Thursday. I texted Kyle on my way there to see if he was going to class. He replied that a full body cast would be in order if he didn’t take a day off.
How dramatic.

Friday wound down quickly and the girls and I finally organized the paperwork for the account Bader had foisted on us.
No wonder he had assigned it to all three of us; whoever ran the business had awful
bookkeeping skills. I breathed a deep sigh of relief when it was time to go home.

“We’re meeting at your place, right?
At eight?” Danielle called after me as I walked toward the elevators.

“Yup,” I replied.
“I can’t wait.”

“Me neither.
Is Lily coming?”

“No, she said she already had plans.
She’s been very mysterious lately.”

“Hmm, interesting.
Should we toss her room after she leaves?”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” I laughed.
Finally, the elevator doors opened and transported me toward freedom.

***

The girls has arrived promptly at eight and we had set off soon after. Steph had practically pushed us out the door, insisting that we get there early and procure a good table. The place was still fairly empty when we arrived since the band wasn’t going on until ten. We settled at a table that was in a corner and up a couple of steps from the dance floor. Steph said this would give us a good vantage point while preventing us from getting bumped into all night. I didn’t bother telling her that I was actually looking forward to a little bumping tonight.

Though I’d never admit it, Steph had been right.
The place filled up quickly. At ten, the lights dimmed slightly as the band made their way to the stage. They had a skater vibe, but were all nice to look at. And as they started playing, I decided they were nice to listen to as well. The lead singer had a smooth, melodic quality to his voice that contrasted nicely with alternative rock sound the rest of the band had. I wouldn’t be downloading their CDs any time soon, but I saw the appeal.

“Let’s dance,” Steph yelled over the music.

“I’m in,” Danielle agreed as she rose from her stool.

“I’m going to wait here and order us more drinks.
I need to be drunker to deal with all of that,” I explained as I pointed to the throbbing mass of bodies gyrating recklessly on the dance floor.

“Alright.
We’ll let you off the hook this time because you’re getting us more booze. But next time, you're coming with,” Danielle threatened.

I nodded in agreement and they took off, disappearing into the abyss.
I motioned for our waitress to come over and ordered another round, plus some shots of Jäger. I was definitely going to need more alcohol if I was going to venture out from my corner.

I downed my shot quickly when the waitress returned, then began sipping my vodka tonic.
Suddenly, Danielle came running up to the table, breathless. I grabbed my purse and began to stand, thinking that someone had stolen Steph and we needed to go track her down when Danielle finally spoke up.

“You’re never going to believe who we found.”

I looked behind her and finally laid eyes on Steph, who was pulling someone by the hand behind her. I leaned forward to get a better look.
Oh. My. God.

“Amanda, I believe you remember everybody’s favorite intern,” Steph said as she reached the table.

“I certainly do. How’s it goin’, Rod?” I took him in, not even bothering to hide the fact that my eyes were surveying him from top to bottom.

He pulled his hand through his hair as he replied, “Hey, Amanda.
Small world, huh? I never thought I’d get the pleasure of seeing you girls again.” He said the last line with drunk seduction. I was enamored.

“Oh, I think the pleasure’s all ours.
Thanks for the picture by the way. I set it up next to my bed so I can stare at it as I fall asleep at night.” I was coming on strong, but I didn’t care. I was so pent up with sexual frustration that I needed an outlet. And Rod was definitely a viable one.

He smiled and moved closer to me.
“You wanna dance?” he asked into my ear, his breath tickling me, making me wish that it had been his tongue.

“Absolutely,” I responded as I turned toward him, staring into his large brown eyes.

He grabbed my hand and led me down the stairs and into the middle of the dance floor. I was surrounded by hot, sweaty bodies colliding together in time with the music. What had originally been something I wanted to avoid had now become an incredible turn on.

I
stood in front of Rod, my back to his muscled chest. I began to move, finding my rhythm with the sweet voice that floated through the bar. Rod moved closer to me, but didn’t put his hands on me. He just moved with me, rocking his pelvis into my ass as the music infiltrated every fiber of me. His proximity was intoxicating and I felt the cool moisture of my arousal seep from my body. We were close, but I craved him to be closer. I reached behind myself and placed my hands on his thighs, gathering a bit of his jeans and pulling him into me. Finally, his hands found my hips and clamped down, as if anchoring me to him. I dipped slightly, arching my back and lifting my ass so that it rose between his legs. And as I made contact with his erection, my nipples hardened and the dull ache in my lower abdomen grew stronger.
Oh, I need this.

Rod
’s hands drifted down my body. His palms pressed into me as they lowered to my stomach, then down to my thighs as he hitched me beneath him and his upper body hovered over me, causing me to lean forward, giving him greater access to my ass. As he ground against me, I tilted my neck. He took full advantage, running his tongue up and down the soft skin, sending tingles throughout my entire body. My hands reached over my head and behind me, finding his hair. I fisted my hands in the unruly strands, pulling his head even farther into my neck. His tongue ran along my jaw, up to my ear, and back down my neck where he kissed and sucked at my flesh. I suddenly wished I had worn a skirt instead of my tight jeans and silk blouse. If I had been, I’m fairly certain I would have hitched it up right there and allowed him to take me amongst all of those other bodies. Public sex had never been so appealing.

And that was the thought that cooled me off a little.
We were in public, in direct violation of Rule Number 3. I had always made exceptions to this rule in the past for dirty dancing. It was the one time that I felt warranted sexual touching in public. But what Rod and I were doing was getting dangerously close to copulation. As my mind reeled, Rod turned me to face him. And that’s what killed it completely. I was instantly consumed with the thought that this wasn’t the face I wanted to be seeing right then. It wasn’t the face that I wanted to be doing this with. So, as the song ended, I leaned into Rod. “Thanks for the dance,” I said before walking back to my table.

 

Nine

Shane had invited Kyle and me
to his end of summer barbeque two weeks ago, but I’d forgotten all about it until he mentioned it again on Thursday and said that people could arrive Saturday anytime after 4:00. I must have been so busy staring at him while he talked lately, that I hadn’t been listening to what had been coming out of his beautiful mouth.

The weather was exceptionally hot for a September day, so I’d spent extra time trying to get my hair prepared for the humidity.
I took one last look at myself in the mirror. My new teal patterned sundress fit perfectly, showing off my now noticeably toned arms and legs. Maybe Shane would realize that I actually
did
give a shit about the workouts. I didn’t want to look like I had dressed up since it was just a barbeque, so I threw on some flip-flops for a casual look. It was only 3:45 and I was ready to leave. This was one for the Guinness Book, for sure. I had been making a conscious effort to be on time lately. Even Bader had noticed.

“Mandi
,” he said when I strolled in forty-five minutes before I actually needed to be at work last week, “that’s the kind of commitment I like to see.” I stopped in my tracks on the way to my office because I knew a story was coming. “It reminds me of when I was a boy and I’d wake up with the cocks each morning.”

Huh?
“I’m sorry, Mr. Bader. I don’t think I understand.”

“My family had a farm i
n the English countryside. Petersfield. It was a lovely place. Some of my fondest memories are getting up with the rooster’s crow to milk the goats.”

Oh, that kind of cock.
Thank the Lord.

“My favorite goat was one I called Betty.
Sometimes I would drink the milk right from her. Just put my head underneath her and start sucking. Of course, at the time, I didn’t appreciate it. What young boy wants to get up at 5:30 in the morning to work on a farm? But now, as an old man, I naturally rise early. And I often wake with thoughts of Betty’s teat in my hand again.”

What do I say to this?
“Betty sounds awesome, Mr. Bader.”

I snapped out of my Bader memory and silently congratulated myself for being ready early.
Again. And for once, I was smart enough to drive
myself
somewhere. I knew Kyle and Kate would be driving together. And who knew when they would be leaving to go try out Kate’s new nipple clamps or whatever kinky shit Kyle had been introducing her to. I definitely didn’t want to get stuck at Shane’s and have to ask him for a ride home once everyone left.

Shane only lived twenty
minutes away, but I wasn’t exactly sure how to get to his house, so I wanted to make sure I gave myself adequate time to get there. The drive was actually pretty simple. No confusing roads or exits and next to no traffic. As I pulled onto his street, I found myself surprised at the neighborhood. Mature trees lined the street, and children played in front of single homes of various sizes and styles. It was a family neighborhood. And it was really
nice
. I mean, it’s not like I expected Shane to live in a slum where I had to be careful not step on any used hypodermic needles on the way up the stairs to his apartment. Although I might have been less surprised by
that
.
God, I hope he doesn’t still live with his parents.

I spotted Shane’s house easily when I saw his black Mustang in the driveway.
God, that car was badass. I’d never seen it in the light before. His home was simple, but beautiful. A modest two-story with bright white siding that was accented by deep green shutters. And it had a cute front porch. I parked on the street and wandered up the brick path to his front door.

Shane answered almost right away.
He wore loose khaki cargo shorts that had a worn look to them and a vintage red Phillies T-shirt. Like all his shirts, it was a little on the smaller side, allowing his biceps and chest to carve an outline in the fabric. “You’re here early,” he said surprised. He looked as if he’d put a little wax in his hair to make the perfectly haphazard strands stay in place, and his fingers pulled at the ends slightly as he ran his hand through it.

God, if I had a dollar for every time I thought of pulling on Shane’s hair myself lately . . . I’d have like . . . at least a few hundred dollars.
“I am?” I looked at my watch. 4:10. “I thought you said anytime after 4:00?”

“Uh, I did.
No one’s here yet, but I’m sure they will be soon.” Seeing Shane outside of CrossFit, cleaned up and smelling like men’s body wash brought back memories of our kiss after the pool hall. I briefly wondered why I’d agreed to come here.
Could I see Shane like this and not want to pick up where we left off? Would we be able to hang out as friends, or would things always be weird between us?

I handed him the bottle of
Moscato and the strawberry shortcake I’d brought. “I’m always good for alcohol and dessert,” I said.

“Thanks,” he replied with a smartass smile as he took the cake and wine from me.
“At least we know you’re good for
something
.”

Yup, looks like we’re still on familiar ground.

“Come on in,” he said. I’m just getting some food ready.”

I surveyed his home as I stepped inside.
“This is really nice.” The downstairs was an open-concept, allowing a view of the kitchen, family room, and dining area. Light hardwood floors spanned the entire area, and the view of the backyard through the sliding doors in the kitchen could be seen from the front door.

Shane just shook his head and laughed.
“Did you think you’d have to step over a few hookers on your way to my front steps or something? What were you expecting?”

I forced a laugh as I remembered my thoughts of hypodermic needles.
“Not this, I guess.” The decor was simple and modern. Pale yellow walls highlighted the sunlight that poured in through the large bay window in the front of the house. The furniture screamed good taste: all clean lines, dark woods, and bright solid colors. Though his house was definitely classy and well decorated, it wasn’t extravagant or lavish by any means. Except for his kitchen. There had been some serious money spent in there. Bright white cabinets surrounded stainless steel appliances, and deep gray granite wrapped around three walls and curved into a peninsula bar with three stools. “You have good taste,” I said, clearly surprised as I studied the first floor of his home.

“Thanks.
I just copied some ideas from some home magazines,” he laughed modestly. "I did most of the work myself. This place was kind of a mess when I bought it. It was mostly cosmetic stuff though. And buyers can’t look past that, so I got a good deal on it. It’s definitely taken some time to get it how I want it. I just finished the kitchen in the spring. It took a while because I had to gut the whole thing and start from scratch. But it definitely kept the cost down because I really only had to pay for the materials.”

“Well, it looks amazing
. Do you cook a lot?” I asked, motioning to the double oven and gas range beside it.

“I try.
I’m always telling my clients what to eat and how to cook, so I have to practice what I preach, I guess.”

“What?
You’ve never told
me
what to eat.”

“No, not my CrossFit clients.
I’m a nutritionist. Gotta have a day job too. I can’t support myself bulking people up for a few hours a day.” He took out a fruit platter from the refrigerator and put some chips and pretzels on another tray with some onion dip. “Help yourself.”

“A nutritionist?
Really? That’s pretty cool, actually. That doesn’t look that healthy, though,” I said pointing to the dip.” I was secretly wondering if he was testing me with the fruit and the chips to see which one I’d go for.

Shane seemed to sense my hesitance.
“Relax, Bishop. You can eat whatever you want. I try not to cook too healthy when I have company. I found that people are more willing to come back if I don’t force feed them wheat grass and oats.”

“Probably a good call,” I said as I popped a few chips into my mouth.
I couldn’t help but think about this side of Shane that I had never seen before.
Cook . . . interior decorator.
Though not traditional male skills, they were no less impressive. In fact, that made him more impressive. Shane was definitely not lacking in the manliness department, so having some domestic hobbies actually made him more attractive. I couldn’t decorate, and I definitely couldn’t cook. If I wanted these things done correctly, I’d have to pay someone to do them. But Shane probably didn’t have that luxury of hiring people to do those things. He had mentioned getting a good deal on the house and doing the work himself. I knew he probably needed both jobs to pay the bills.

***

I helped Shane make some taco dip and prepare the fish and chicken for the grill. He showed me how to make the marinades for each, and I managed to follow his instructions easily. He didn’t get as frustrated at me in the kitchen as he did in the gym.
Maybe I should start doing my workouts here
.

“This is a lot of food,” I said.
“How many people are coming?”


Maybe twelve max, but I like to make sure there’s something for everyone. I have burgers and hotdogs too.”

I whipped my head around. “Speaking of everyone, where’s your dog? We aren’t about to eat her, are we?”

Shane let out a laugh. “She’s up in my room,” he said. “She gets a little overwhelmed with a lot of people.”

I heard the door open a few minutes later and the sound of some high-pitched squeals.
“Uncle Shane!” screeched a cute little girl with dark curly hair and an olive complexion. Shane held his arms out just in time to catch her as she jumped on him. She looked to be about five or six.

“What’s up, munchkin?
I just saw you a few days ago. You missed me already?” he asked as he kissed her on the forehead.

“Yeah, didn’t you miss
me
?” she asked with a smile.

“Of course.
You’re missable though. Me, not so much,” he said.

If he only knew how wrong he was.

“Hey, look what I got you the other day.” He pulled out a big brightly colored swirly lollipop and handed it to her. “Do you know what it says?”

She studied the writing.
“Yeah, it’s my name. Mackenzie. Thanks, Uncle Shane. Can I go outside and play?”

“Sure, but wait for your mom or dad.
You don’t have your swim vest on, and the pool’s open. You can go on the deck though, for now.” Shane opened the sliding door for her, and she stepped out onto the deck that looked into the yard. Her soft curly hair blew in the breeze as she pressed her face against the rails to look out onto the green yard. It wasn’t too big. Just large enough for the in-ground pool and some grass that surrounded it.

“She’s adorable,” I said.
“And you’re so good with her.”

“Thanks.
She’s easy, though. She takes after my sister-in-law. Wait ‘til you meet her brother Henry.”

“And you have a pool?
I’m so jealous.”

“What’s up, playboy,” called a high voice that sounded like it came from a boy who could
n’t have been over the age of eleven. I turned to see a skinny, dark-haired pre-teen in a black T-shirt that read, “I’m not actually funny. I’m just mean, and people think I’m joking.” I briefly wondered if they made one of those in Shane’s size.

“Hey, you must be Henry,” I said smiling as I held out my hand to greet him.

He looked up from the handheld game he’d been playing for a moment. “And you must be Shane’s new piece.” His eyes darted approvingly to Shane. “Way to go, playa’. Slayin’ some more hoodrats, I see.” Shane just shook his head and crossed his arms in disgust. Henry held out his fist for a bump, but it was left lonely in the air. “Ah, I see how it is.”

“You don’t even know what any of that means, Henry. And tell your dad to stop letting you watch
The 40 Year Old Virgin.
Why don’t you go out on the deck and play with Kenzie.” Henry slid open the door, plopped himself on one of the outdoor chairs, and continued with his game.

“That was . . . interesting,” I said.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I don’t know where he gets it.”

Just then a deep voice boomed in from the front of the house.
“Hey, fuckface. I brought
good
beer since you never have the kind I like.”

“Oh, wait,” Shane corrected himself with an
embarrassed laugh. “I
do
know where he gets it. Amanda, this is my brother Ben.”

Ben looked similar to Shane, with the same blond messy hair, but he was a little bigger with less muscle.
His face was also rounder and not as defined as Shane’s. Ben had definitely been swimming in the shallow end of the Reed gene pool. “Oh, sorry,” Ben said, putting the beer in the cooler and wiping his hands on his shorts, “I didn’t know Shane had a lady friend coming over.”

“Yeesss, you did . . . and
she’s not . . . never mind.” Shane rubbed his eyes with his left hand and shook his head. He seemed to realize that correcting Ben would be useless.

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