Sexaholics (2 page)

“The focus of tonight’s meeting is to familiarize you with the
promise of recovery. So, first of all, right off the bat, I think it would be
healthy and necessary for the new members to go ahead and get your biggest
sexual act out of the way now. There has to be an admission in order to have
victory over any addiction, and I know it’s scary. But if you
wouldn’t mind, please tell us the wildest thing you’ve ever done
sexually. Preferably, the wildest act would not only be the one that possibly
shamed you the most, but also one that you may have enjoyed the most. Because
basically, we seek help almost always at the point when we hit rock bottom. So,
let’s think back and speak in truth without fear of judgment, shame,
embarrassment, or shock. Give us your rock bottom. It’s time to confess.
And remember, we are your new recovery family.”

The older members of the group of eight looked at the newer ones and offered
encouraging, nudging smiles. The newer members checked each other out, each
hoping someone else would step up as the first guinea pig of the night, but no
one budged.

“Does anyone care to go first?” Rachel Cummings spoke
encouragingly, her eyes just as friendly as her voice. “How about you,
Miki, since you gave the first introduction? Would you, please?” She
motioned upward, encouraging Miki to stand.

With long, straight brown hair and wide brown eyes, Miki made a weak attempt
at a smile as she stood. She hung her hands at her sides and shifted her weight
to her right leg. Her short jeans skirt fit like it could have been peeled like
a banana. She placed her hand on her shapely hip, which curved greatly from her
waist, as her mind traveled. But she lost her almost-smile just that fast.

“It was all about me. I didn’t care about anything else. I
remember the creaking sound of footsteps in the hallway, but our moans were like
animals and seemed to drown them out. He was tall and big and heavy, and his
bulging belly needed to be lifted up to find his penis. I’d already sucked
his huge dick for about thirty minutes, but he didn’t ejaculate. The taste
and smell of his precum stuck to my tongue while he literally pounded my flesh.
I remember wishing I had a stick of cinnamon gum.” A woman sitting next to
Miki put a familiar hand on Miki’s slender arm for comfort as Miki gave a
nervous giggle along with the group. She then paused, swallowed audibly as she
closed her eyes, and continued:

“As much as his body repulsed me, and the smell of his sweat that
dripped onto my titties was musty, my vagina throbbed faster than I thought it
would or could, and I took him in like I was getting away with a crime. My pussy
was wetter than it had been since I was in my teens. I was dripping slippery
fluid, and I could tell he was turned on to the point of damn near having a
heart attack. He breathed unsteadily. He kept grunting louder and louder, and he
went deeper and deeper. I kept groaning and grinding faster and faster with an
urgency I’d never known. I mean, my clit felt like it was about to burst.
I felt the pressure of his powerful cum shooting deep inside me just as the
bedroom door flew open. I noticed someone standing there in the broad daylight,
but I didn’t care. Not even that it was Adore, my younger sister, who had
just absorbed an eyeful of our fucking. Not even that the man who had just shot
his sperm deep inside of me, the same sperm that had impregnated her six months
earlier, was paralyzed with fear. He froze. I still didn’t care.

“I didn’t care enough to cease my panicky grind or downshift my
pleasure-filled grunts. As I said, it was all about me… getting off, and
the thrill of sneaking had me high. I spewed my cum while my clitoris clenched
repeatedly until I slowed down to the stillness of busted reality.

“My baby sister yelled, ‘Not with my husband, Miki. Not with my
Tommy.’ Her eyes were watery and her hands shaky. I lay there, almost
giving her a look like she had some nerve to interrupt. Then I pulled the covers
over my body and scooted back. She called me a bitch and a whore and ran out. He
ran out after her, just as naked as he was when he was inside of me. I sat back
and lay still. Maybe it was out of shame, maybe it was out of fulfillment. I
ended up taking a one-hour nap and then went to work like nothing had ever
happened.

“I think I’m a nympho. Or maybe worse. Whatever that is. Whatever
this is. I need help to stop. I can’t do it on my own.”

Miki simply opened her eyes and stopped talking. Her brown skin was flushed
beyond rosy. The members were silent as if maybe she wasn’t quite
finished. It was like the video player in her mind simply stopped. She sat down.
She flashed a glimmer of her right dimple, and her chest rose and fell. Valencia
caught Miki’s eye. Each touched her heart with her fist.

“Very good, Miki,” Rachel Cummings said. “A nympho, huh? We
don’t know if that’s true yet. I’m sure that situation must
weigh heavily on you, especially since you obviously feel as though you’ve
betrayed your sister. We’ll speak on that as we go along, and we’ll
help you work through the feelings involved. Very good. Next.”

Tall and reddish-brown, curvy Valencia came to a stance and looked down at
her friend Miki, who gave her a mini-smile. Valencia then spoke quickly with a
Puerto Rican swagger. Her thick, sugar-coated lips moved fast and her neck
rolled.

“I push the limits. I have always pushed limits. You know what I mean?
I pushed the limits in middle school doing something as minor as ditching class,
or as major as giving my math teacher a blow job for an A. I mean, I was only
fourteen. I was a trip.

“I’ve always been bored with twosomes. I had my first threesome
when I was fourteen. It was with my cousin and her boyfriend. In college I met a
man who matched my freak level to a tee. We’d go online and look for
adults who wanted to do group sex with strangers, we’d fuck with another
man, we’d fuck with another woman, we’d go to private house parties
and end up on huge beds with ten people, just swapping and swallowing cum and
eating pussy and taking it up the ass. And one time I watched him suck dick. I
got off on it. I’ll masturbate to an exercise video, if necessary, and
he’ll masturbate right along with me. I love to fuck. I can’t think
of the wildest time because it’s all been wild.” Valencia now
flailed her expressive hands about with urgency. Her long pearl and purple nails
shimmered.

“I’ve fucked while smoking weed, I’ve tried Ecstasy while
giving head, and I’ve drank seven shots of straight one-fifty-one rum and
then had sex outside in a park in broad daylight. I love rimming, I’ll
screw a man in drag, I’ll lick pussy till it’s raw. All I know is, I
can’t stop thinking of new ways to push my freak button. My man has
threatened to leave me if I don’t stop. His curiosity has been more than
satisfied. My mind is always racing to find new ways to get my rocks off. I have
no limits. Piss on me, tie me up, make me bark, or slap me. Doing whatever it
takes to get a rile out of me only makes me hotter.

“Today, I hate living like this. But when I’m in the middle of
it, I love it.” She slowed her speech and her voice cracked with
exhaustion and the fragile sound of an inner shame. She spoke at a low tone.
“I’m here to break my addiction to sex. I’m a freak. A sex
fiend. I’ve had enough. And I don’t want to lose my man. Thank
you.” She sat back down and Miki reached over to hug her. Valencia placed
her head on her friend’s shoulder and then wiped her left eye. A sniffle
followed.

A hazel-eyed man with a low fade sitting across from Valencia gave her a wink
of approval, and then glanced over at Miki’s firm legs, where his eyes
lived for more than a few moments. The woman next to him had a tear running down
her cheek. The woman played with a balled-up tissue and looked down at her
lap.

Rachel Cummings said, “Valencia, we thank you as well. I see that your
addiction has caused you much frustration. I understand, and we’re here
for you. The good thing is that you’re at your wit’s end.
That’s the point where most need to be before they seek help. Your glass
is full, and that is a major turning point. We’ll get through this
together, Valencia. Thanks again.”

Valencia nodded and smiled and sat up straight.

Teela stood, wearing beige Capri pants and a matching vest, blushing majorly
through her fair, alabaster skin from her mixture of Scottish and French. She
smoothed her hand over her jet-black, pixie-cut hair and exhaled.

“My name is Teela, as I said. I am a voyeur. I love to watch, and I get
turned on by being watched. Valencia, I can relate to the park thing. I do that
on the regular, maybe once a week. My lowest moment was when I peeked in the
room to watch my mother and father having sex when I was a teenager. I felt
shame, but still, I took that curiosity into my adult life. I will peek at
neighbors or simply watch my man sex up other women without even getting
involved. I’ve never been into women, but I have no problem approaching
them at clubs and persuading them to fuck my man, only I sit back and fuck
myself with a dildo or a cucumber or a hot link or with my fingers or whatever
until I’m satisfied. I’m not the least bit jealous. As long as
I’m there.

“I’m here because two weeks ago, I went into a sex shop and sat
in a booth watching an old Vanessa del Rio movie. It was one of those seedy
rooms where other people can peek in and watch you like perverts. I guess that
includes me, huh?” she asked the group, looking around as others shook
their heads in disagreement. She blinked rapidly. “I was leaning back with
my panties to my ankles and I knew two sets of peering eyes were watching me rub
my clit and stick my fingers in my ass. But I still jerked myself off over and
over, and then I came so hard that I squirted pee on myself. One of the men
stuck his dick through the glory hole and I sucked it until he came on my lips.
And when he left, I put on another movie and lay back.

“I looked up to see that I was being watched again, and I saw a set of
eyes, only one pair of eyes. They were dark brown, and the lids were iced with
deep-set wrinkles. The whites of the eyes were cloudy. I jumped back and pulled
up my underwear, closed my blouse, and put on my pants. Turns out the eyes
belonged to my uncle. Uncle Chester was always trying to hug me a little too
tight when I was younger, trying to be slick by pressing against my breasts. I
always had a bad feeling about him. He was always sneaky. I hadn’t seen
him in years, but there he was jacking off at the sight of his niece
masturbating. This world is getting way too small for the type of sick problem I
have. I want to be rid of this obsession. That’s why I’m
here.”

Teela ceased her story and looked around at the room full of faces. She
turned to eye her chair, and as she sat she looked over and saw Miki giving her
a warm eye hug and a wink.

Teela’s soft expression gave away the fact that the wink was
comforting. She winked back, flashing her pale green eyes demurely.

Rachel Cummings showed no shock. She only beamed with approval.
“That’s very good, Teela. It sounds like your admittance is going to
get you through this. Your honesty and shame can work together toward your
healing. We thank you.”

“Yes,” a couple of members said aloud, in particular the
long-legged black man next to Teela, who offered her a smile as she shifted her
thick body back into her chair.

Brandi said “Yes,” too, as she sprang to her feet in a prim pale
yellow skirt suit. “I suppose my name suits me well, as I’ve been an
alcoholic for the past ten years. I’m thirty-two years old and started
drinking heavily in college. I never believed in AA meetings or even admitted
that I had a problem. But the combination of this sexual addiction and what I
know to be an alcohol addiction will surely kill me if I don’t surrender.
You see, I cannot bond to anyone. I guess you can say I’m a love cripple.
I have never had sex with the same person more than once in my entire life. I
get off on the thrill of a stranger. I have a problem.

“And I recently posed as a hooker a few times just to surround myself
with men who were expecting a onetime wham-bam, without all the intros. We went
to the seedy motels or fucked in the backs of cars, and when it was all over, I
ended up feeling as though I’d gotten more out of it than they did. I
wouldn’t even take their money. But the last straw was when I got arrested
for solicitation of sex. The embarrassing charges were eventually dropped, but
this addiction thing is interfering with my job as an eighth-grade teacher.
I’m afraid I’ll run into a student’s parents one day or,
worse, get fired. I am a sexaholic and I’m ready. Ready to get well.
I’m ill. And I admit it.”

Rachel Cummings handed over a wide smile as chestnut Brandi took her
seat.

Brandi looked down after smiling back.

“Wow, I must say those are some very good examples of the extreme side
of lusting and being lusted over,” said Rachel Cummings. “Brandi,
you have a two-headed demon to tackle—sex and alcohol—but it’s
not unusual, and sometimes there’s no need for two recovery programs. Both
AA and SA cover the same principles. Some people have addictive-type
personalities and some of you, like Brandi, might find that you’re
addicted to other things as well, like alcohol or gambling or shopping or food.
Some kick one addiction and take up another in its place. It will not be easy,
but the fact that you’re here means that you are sick and tired of being
sick and tired. Your tomorrows will not be like your past, not if you
don’t want them to be. Thank you, Brandi. Thanks for sharing.

“Now, unless anyone else who hasn’t shared before wants to share,
we’ll continue on. No one?” She eyed the group. “No problem.
Since we have so many new members involved tonight, the first thing I will tell
you all now is that we must seek victory over lust. It’s time to stop
lusting and become sober. Please repeat after me: Stop lusting and become
sober.”