Sexaholics (32 page)

Teela’s wink said,
Well done.

Miki’s wink said,
You’ll be just fine. Keep showing
up.

Teela decided not to tell Miki about Tariq.

She’d concluded that some things were best handled on their own.

And this time, she was right.

Now Valencia had Tariq.

One who also showed up sitting next to Teela was Austin, a newly admitted sex
addict who now had his own place. He kept coming to the meetings just to show
Teela, who now owned her own home in Baldwin Hills, he had changed and wanted
only her. Though she wasn’t quite convinced yet.

All the members in the auditorium had shown up another day to take back their
power of choice, step by step, with the goal of obtaining sexual sobriety,
though some would take longer than others. The objective was to gain control
over their addictions, and to forgive themselves and one another.

And the person crying the most was in the very last row.

Valencia Sanchez.

She caught Miki’s eye, too.

“Sorry,” Valencia mouthed quietly, touching her heart with her
fist, wearing the pain and guilt of her life on her sorrowful face.

Miki nodded and touched her heart with her fist back. She flashed a tiny
smile and then it grew a little bigger. Big enough to expose her right dimple
and she mouthed, “Love you.”

Miki thought,
If Adore could forgive me, surely I can forgive
Valencia.

They had each hugged the possibilities of a new day.

And a new life.

Abstaining.

One way or another.

Secrets are a darkness in your heart.

Free your mind and the rest will follow.

Pynk

From the Oversexed to the Undersexed

Thank you for experiencing my second Pynk novel,
Sexaholics
, about
the lives of four women who are oversexed addicts. Now, on the other end, there
are women who are very opposite from Miki, Valencia, Teela, and Brandi, in that
they are sexually repressed, yet they’re really quite the same.
They’re women who are where they are in their lives, regarding families,
and jobs, and money, and sex, because of what the world has taught them about
each life dynamic. And sex is a dynamic part of life. Sex is a necessity of
life.

The title of my next novel is
Sixty Nine
, from which a preview
chapter immediately follows. Even though it is erotica, it is not about the
literal sexual position 69; it is about three undersexed women, Magnolia, Rebe,
and Darla, who were all born in 1969, and who are about to turn the big 4-0.
They are dissatisfied with their lives in general; more specifically, when it
comes to sex, they yearn for more than their usual missionary positions.

I watched
The Oprah Winfrey Show
awhile back when she had as a guest
a sex therapist named Dr. Laura Berman who talked about sexual problems in
women. Some women do not have orgasms and they fake it with their men, who are
none the wiser because often they get theirs, so that’s all he wrote.
There are also some women who have little tiny, non-earth-shattering orgasms
that don’t quite live up to what they see in porno movies or hear about
from their sexual-creature-like friends. Some women get so close to having the
big O, but then they get stuck and hold back because of a thought that creeps
into their heads that tells them they’re trashy or slutty for feeling so
good.

Orgasms are both physical and mental, and though some women really do have
medical reasons that affect their libido and their ability to experience an
orgasm—usually involving their pelvic floor, or a side effect of certain
medications—a lot of women fall into the one basic sex trap that I feel so
strongly about dispelling. The thought that we’ve bought into from the
time we were little:
that sex is dirty.

As some of you may know from reading my first Pynk book,
Erotic
City
, that’s the main reason why I decided to write about sex, to
hopefully educate through fiction.

I’ve heard people say that writing about sex is sinful and that if
people would only listen to the word of God to guide them, and cease falling off
of the “good walk” path, we erotica writers would then and only then
be cleansed and pure and righteous. But I am here to tell you I do not buy into
that. That is one of the reasons why we women are so repressed today. We are
afraid. Well, please know that I am not ashamed or afraid. And I hope
you’re not, either. By the way, isn’t judgment a sin?

While I definitely believe that moderation is key, because we must have
boundaries and not run off hog wild, so to speak, it is my desire to contribute
in some way to the liberation of women and show all sides of sex, good and bad.
But in the long run, I hope my books bring awareness and encourage women to love
their bodies and feel good about reading scenes that turn them on so much they
can’t wait to get home and take care of themselves and/or pounce on their
mates. I hope my writing teaches women about what healthy sex should be.
Sometimes you learn that by reading about what healthy sex is not. To read
erotica is not sinful, and it is my desire that the guilt so many of us women
feel will eventually be shattered to pieces.

We must learn to tell the truth about how we feel about sex and about what we
think about sex, and figure out where those bad thoughts came from. Also, as
Milan Kennedy, the main character in
Erotic City
stated, we must know
that women have wet dreams, too, and we cannot be afraid to ask for what we want
in and out of bed. We can be sexually equal to men. That’s what the
feminist movement of the ’60s and ’70s was all about, a freeing and
de-conditioning of gender discrimination and how society views females.
It’s been about overall equality relating to the right to vote and equal
pay, which President Obama protected with a law early in his
administration—but also women’s rights issues, ranging from
reproductive rights, like access to the pill and abortion, to the right to
breastfeed in public, and even the need to create specific sexual-harassment
policies to define exactly what harassment is, even when it comes to men as the
victims.

We women are not second-class citizens. Nor are we sex objects.

All in all, views about sex are sometimes deemed to be issues of morality and
issues of sexism.

I’d like women to learn to be what I call, Sex-See… seeing sex in
a whole new way, mentally, visually, and physically.

After all, good sexual health involves the spiritual and physical body. We
are sensual and sexual beings. We are allowed to experience sexual pleasure. We
have to let go of negative messages about sex among consenting
adults—negative messages that tell us sex is wrong. I believe we can make
a conscious decision to dispel those messages that breed guilt.

I’m talking about safe sex. Yes, there are prices to be paid relating
to teen pregnancy, HIV, and so forth. As a good friend of mine says, fuck
responsibly. And I totally agree. You are responsible for yourself. Make good
decisions based upon who you are. And take in the rest as learning tools. When
in Rome, don’t necessarily do as the Romans do, unless you think
it’s the best decision for you. Most important, love yourself first.

If you are fearful and keep thinking you shouldn’t talk in bed or let
go and enjoy your orgasm, ask yourself what it is that you’re afraid of.
We all had messages about sex when we were growing up. Most times, if sex was
brought up, we were told it was vulgar and not acceptable, especially when we
were young girls. And we were told we shouldn’t talk about it. We got
dressed up and went to church and the information we came away with was that sex
should be experienced only for purposes of procreation. I know that’s how
my parents raised me, even though my mother was more liberated than most. Back
then, parents who wanted their daughters to remain virgins until marriage surely
had good intentions, but the other side of the coin is to encourage safe sex,
because most of the time teens are going to do it anyway (I know I did), yet
still feel guilty afterward. In my opinion, that’s when the confusion
starts. When I was in high school it seems a few of the Catholic schoolgirls,
the ones who learned about God from the time they were little, were the fastest
girls in the neighborhood, simply because the forbidden tempted them so much
that they thought they were missing out, which caused them to be even more
curious than those who were not as restricted. The more you tell someone they
can’t do something, the more they want to do it, kind of like Adam and
Eve. And from a biblical standpoint, it’s all about our own individual
interpretations, and that’s a whole other conversation.

Now back to the orgasm!
The sex therapist on
Oprah
said when you’re
about to experience your own orgasm, if you hold yourself back because of the
negative voices from your past, you will cheat yourself and disallow the erotic
experience of a burst of a beautiful, euphoric, intense pleasure rolling through
your body that, from a physiological standpoint, can bond you to your partner
just because of the pheromones you produce from the rush itself. That is a
proven fact. I know there are some women who still hold back, even though they
may not hear the negative voices from the past, because the sensation is so
strong that they get scared and freeze up. I’m there with you. I can
surely
understand that! Though a good multiple orgasm might be right
behind your fear to cum like the queen you are.

If you’re one of the many women who have repressed feelings about sex,
and you feel you’re too frigid and rigid in bed, maybe you need to think
about what you can do to begin to let go of the embarrassing and shameful ties
that bind. Refuse to carry those old messages and voices in your head that tell
you sex is lewd and immoral and improper. If necessary, think in terms of
experiencing romance with your partner, as opposed to quickies, so that you can
take the time to really excite yourself and your mate. Take the time to talk
about each other’s erogenous zones. Make foreplay last longer, starting
with a sex text early in the day. Tell yourself you deserve to be pleasured,
that it’s good and loving, and that you’ll still be a nice girl and
a respectable lady in the morning. Remember people used to say that women would
ask the man, “Will you respect me in the morning?” Why is it that
men never ask that?

Anyway, think in terms of nonmissionary, and feel free to masturbate
healthily if you so desire. Masturbating in moderation is not slutty either.

Train yourself to replace the outdated messages with new ones. It’s
called a sexual adjustment. Remember, you are a sensual and sexual woman, and
you’re allowed to experience a happy and fulfilling sex life. Live up to
your full orgasmic potential. Release your inner vixen. Become more comfortable
with your sexuality, maybe by taking a pole-dancing class. Try new positions or
have sex someplace other than the norm. Go to a Passion Party and try out some
of the new products there, like a Triple Tickle Dolphin, with a fluttering tail
that stimulates the clit, and tickling tails that can be inserted into both the
anus and the vagina. Live out your healthy fantasies.

While you turn the page to check out the characters in
Sixty-Nine
as
they struggle to escape from their undersexed worlds, keep in mind that these
three coming-of-age women make conscious decisions to explore erotic sides of
themselves they never knew existed. I call it sexxxploration.

The bottom line is that
Sixty-Nine
is a liberating story about
sisterhood and friendship, and about how our past experiences and beliefs can
influence our views about life, and about sex. How shame and dysfunction and
abuse can keep us repressed. And how guilt can keep us from truly viewing sex as
a pleasurable act.
Sixty-Nine
is a novel about going beyond one’s
self-inflicted boundaries to fully experience true sensuality. But by taking
these risks, we never know what lies on the other side of our comfort zones.

So, my dear readers, enjoy this opening-act chapter preview as Magnolia,
Rebe, and Darla find out what it’s like to go beyond the missionary, and
experience the erotic edge of a real-life sixty-nine.

PREVIEW CHAPTER