Shackles of Honor (30 page)

“And…and…do you plan to reveal what this gift is with which I’m to present to you so that I may indeed acquire it for you?”

“It’s not something you’ll have to acquire, for you already have it about you.” A fiendish grin spread across his face
,
and Cassidy felt the heat of a deep blush rise to her cheeks.

“Sir, I choose to feign ignorance at your inference for the sake of avoiding yet another verbal battle, for I refuse to be baited again.”

“Blast! It is apparent you have built up your defenses in my absence.”

Cassidy felt an odd sort of triumph upon not bowing to his taunting and not provoking him in her own right.
But then her resolve broke
,
and she added, “Further, I know of a certainty that I possess nothing after which you would seek.”

“Again I question your intelligence at that remark,” Mason muttered.

Cassidy inhaled deeply, ready to do battle, but something within stalled her, for she wondered
whether his manner were
almost that of flirting rather than criticism. She walked toward the manor in silence then, taking pleasure in watching her soon-to-be betrothed play with his dog in a rather boyish manner.

As they approached the manor house, Cassidy caught sight of her parents alighting from their carriage. “Mother!” she cried out, lifting up her skirts and breaking into a run toward her.

“Cassidy, darling!” Her mother threw out her arms, catching Cassidy in a loving
,
maternal embrace. “Oh, my darling! How we have missed you. Oh! How we have missed you!”

Havroneck was assisting Cassidy’s father from the carriage
,
and when Lord Shea turned and saw Cassidy, his eyes filled with tears. “My darling. My Cassidy!” he whispered as she released her mother and went to her father’s comforting arms. His leg was heavily splinted
,
and he was paler than Cassidy remembered.

“Oh, Father! It is so good to see you. So very good to see you.” Cassidy felt tears stinging her eyes as her father held her.

“And Mason. You look quite robust. Is business holding well for you?” Cassidy’s father addressed Mason as he approached from behind Cassidy.

Mason offered a hand to Calvert, yet Cassidy could feel the strain between them. “Business is fine, thank you, Lord Shea. Welcome to
Carlisle
.”

“Thank you, Mason.”

“I hope your leg is healing quickly and as comfortably as possible,” Mason offered.

“As well as can be expected.”

“We are honored to have you at
Carlisle
, especially under your painful circumstances. We’ll do our best to make your stay comfortable.”

“I’m glad to see my daughter’s cheeks ablaze with roses and a smile on her face,” Lord Shea commented. “You have provided for her well-being
,
and I thank you.”

“I intend to provide for her, but I must confess that I’ve been away for nearly a fortnight, so her pleasant countenance must, therefore, be attributed to her brother or my mother and father, sir.”

“All the same, I’m not blind, lad,” Calvert mumbled.

“Where is dear Ellis
?
” Cassidy’s mother asked.

“Still snoring in his bed, no doubt, Mother. You know he rarely races the sun in rising,” Cassidy giggled.

“Well then, show me the gown you have had fitted, darling! Is it just too lovely for words?”

“The gown is lovely, but I fear I pale it dreadfully,” Cassidy said, linking arms with her mother and walking into the house. Mason and her father followed closely behind them
,
and somehow the soothing hum of their low, masculine voices void of anger as they conversed was very comforting to her.

Chapter Nine

As Cassidy watched her mother flitter hither and thither about her betrothal ball gown, delightedly gasping at its beauty, an odd trembling began within her bosom. A farce. That was all it was. The entire ball, the betrothal, a farce to make the world think that Mason Carlisle had actually chosen for himself the girl he would wed. Would people realize it for certain? Undoubtedly there would be speculation. Would Mason act aloof and disapproving toward her before all of society as he did always? Or would he find compassion enough for her in his soul to play the part of the doting fiancé?

“Cassidy? Are you listening, darling?” her mother questioned. “I asked you how you intend to
dress your hair tomorrow night.
”

“I…ah…I suppose I’ll wait until I’ve dressed and then let Katie decide,” Cassidy fumbled.

“What is it, darling? The gown is gorgeous! It will become you like no other you have owned. You’ll stun the entire assembly!”

“Do you think so, Mother? Do you think the entire assembly will approve of me? For I care not for anyone’s approval if one certain person in attendance is indifferent to my existence.” Cassidy felt the tears welling in her eyes and wished with all her being that the terrible, twisting emptiness
that
tore at her heart each time she thought of Mason would cease to torture her so.

“Darling, Mason is not indifferent to you. He’s just…just proud and afraid,” Cylia said softly, hugging her daughter.

“Afraid of what, Mother? Whatever on this earth could strike fear into a man such as he?” For a fleeting moment she remembered the look of near panic that had given itself to Mason’s face at the cliffs earlier.

“Oh, you would be surprised at what can strike fear into a man’s soul. No threatening danger, not even impending death
,
can strike terror in a man like a woman can.”

“Why will you not tell me, Mother?” Cassidy pleaded, not heeding her mother’s words. “Why can’t you give me some sort of knowledge as to what brought you and Father to barter marriage between myself and Mason with the Carlisles? I feel as if I’m walking blindly to the very edge of my existence and shall fall off into nothingness lest someone explain to me my purpose.
”

“Oh, my darling!” Cylia cooed softly. “You’ll never, never know how hard it has been for me to keep this from you. But…but…none of us feel that the time is right yet to reveal all. I…I hate keeping it from you, but I fear you would misread our intentions if you were to know now. You must know your promise of happiness. You must! Otherwise, a far worse suspicion than you own now will eat at your dreams.” Cylia sighed heavily and continued, “Cassidy, I…I…I understand your being upset with us. But please
,
try to realize our position. We did not want you to grow up with the heavy burden of this responsibility weighing on your shoulders always. It
—
”

“As Mason had to do?” Cassidy offered reproachfully.

Cylia sighed heavily. “I hear the scolding in your voice, darling…but, yes, exactly. We did not want you to have the worry heavy upon your mind for so long.”

Cassidy could feel anger rising within her bosom. It seemed to swell like the winds before a great storm. Yet she understood her mother’s point of view, however warped it was in reality. “But the burden is all the greater, all the more painful now, Mother. For had I known…had I been allowed to know him before he simply appeared at dinner one day, despising and resenting me…had I known, then perhaps I would have been able to…able to…”

“What are you trying to say, Cass?”

Suddenly Cassidy’s emotions
—
anger, frustration
,
and hurt
—
erupted all at once. Tears burst from her eyes
,
and her voice cracked with the strength of her feelings. She spoke, at long last, aloud to her mother what her mind and soul had been wanting to scream for weeks.

“I’ve had no chance to win him, Mother! Had I known all these long years…had I been allowed to see him
,
to have him see me…then perhaps I could’ve won him for myself! As it stands now
,
he despises and resents me
,
and I will never win his love! I will never win even his approval, for I feel he blames his fate on me.”

Cylia’s eyes widened with astounded understanding
,
and she whispered, “You…you mean to tell me that you love him so desperately already?”

Cassidy winced at the words as if someone had only just cut her flesh with a rough-bladed knife. “How could any woman not love him, Mother? He’s all that a man should be—strong, intelligent, capable of great compassion. He owns a wit about him that is unique, though circumstance has made me unable to often witness it firsthand. He is handsome, desirable, passionate.”

“No man is as perfect as that, Cassidy,” her mother reminded.

“No, indeed. And I would not want a man who was. In truth
,
it is his imperfections that deem him perfect to me. But now he’ll never belong to me…not fully as I desire him to. He’ll ever resent me for unwillingly forcing his life into a direction that he would have more gladly run from than accept.”

“I don’t believe that, Cass. He seems already to have formed a very strong attachment to you. In fact, if I must speak it plainly, I believe that he
—
”

“Do not speak the like of untruth such as that to me, Mother! For you are not I. You’ve not been here where I stand, have not felt his frustration and anger…and…” Cassidy struggled for the words to describe what she felt, for at that moment she realized she was very uncertain of what name to call Mason’s emotion toward her. It seemed no longer to be anger and resentment, nor did it seem that of indifference and acceptance. “Why did you not tell me before, Mother? Why? Why was I not given the chance to win him?”

“You miss the point, Cass. You’ve already won him
,
for Mason Carlisle would marry no woman he did not want to marry. He will be your husband of his own will, Cass, of his own choice and desire…and no one else’s.”

“Would you have been happy, Mother
,
with Father as your husband only? ‘Husband’ is such a general word these days. Marry a man
,
and he is your husband. He can hate and despise you like the worst of pestilence, but so long as you are legally married to him, he is your husband. Father loves you, Mother. I’m not blind. You wouldn’t be so happy with him if he did not.”

“What you are saying, daughter…is that you want Mason for your lover. That you want his love more than you want his name.”

Cassidy was puzzled by the sudden look of understanding and somehow regret evident on her mother’s face. Cylia turned from her slightly and seemed to be looking off into some long
-
ago past and pain.

“I understand, more than you can know, exactly what you are feeling, for it was arranged that I marry your father. And
,
oh, how desperately I loved him. From the day we first met, I loved him. I knew I would never love another…that he would be my life’s breath forevermore.”

“But that was different, Mother. Father loved you at once. It is quite different.”

“No,” Cylia muttered. “You are wrong, Cass.”

Cassidy frowned as she continued to stare at her mother. Finally, after long moments of silence, Cylia spoke again. “Your father loved another when we were betrothed. In many ways, the situation was very like yours is now, only worse, for your father indeed loved another.” She shook her head for a moment as if she’d only just realized the existence of some great irony. “He didn’t love me at first, though I don’t believe that he resented me…for he knew it was not my fault he was stripped from the arms of the woman he most wanted in the world and served up to me like the sacrificial lamb. But he did not love me. He was my husband, yes. Legally we were bound. But his heart was not mine for some time after we were married.”