Shadows: Book One of the Eligia Shala (52 page)

Twisting her head, Jenevra glared at Tessier. “Captain Tessier, you’re drunk!”

“You don’t think I could face you sober after today do you?” Blaise sounded surprised. “We’re going to have to get married soon, you know. I don’t think I can keep my hands off you much longer.” He grinned at her; kissing her bare, bruised shoulder.

“If you think, for one minute, that I would marry you, Blaise Tessier …” Jenevra managed to push him away, rolling off the bed dragging the sheet around her, and prudently putting the width of the room between them. Extremely confused by the sensations Captain Tessier was managing to arouse in her so easily, and furious with herself for being so distracted by them, Jenevra clutched the sheet tightly to her and leaned back against the frame of the open screen to the balcony, trying to regain some element of control.

Crossing the room swiftly, Tessier noticed the princess’s eyes widening as she saw he was only wearing the brown pants she’d seen him in downstairs. Traveling over his body, her gaze rose slowly upwards until she caught the amused gleam in his eyes and tried to turn away. But, he’d already reached her and, with a foot planted firmly on a trailing corner of the sheet and an arm slamming onto the frame in front of her face, he had the princess cornered again. “We need to talk, Your Highness,” he said softly, wrapping an escaping lock of her hair around his fingers.

“So, talk,” Jenevra tugged at the trapped sheet with one hand, eyes downcast.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?” Her head came up, surprise evident on her face.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “Baran told me you came to apologize earlier—and that he didn’t think you needed to. I pushed you into that fight, and I’m sorry.”

Jenevra’s eyes searched his for their usual mockery, but found none. Glaring suspiciously, she pulled her lower lip through her teeth again. “And …?”

“And?” Surprise at her challenge widened Tessier’s eyes. Leaning closer, he tugged gently on the hair he had wound around his hand. “Well, let’s think, Princess,” he said. “How far back do you want to go with this, or shall we just keep to current events? What do you think I should apologize for? Can’t you just tell me you forgive me, and we can start all over again?” He tickled her shoulder with her hair even as he brushed her temple gently with his lips. “Just a kiss, Princess, that’s all it needs. One kiss to tell me I’m forgiven.”

“What’s to forgive, Captain?” Jenevra said coldly. “I don’t care about you, so why should anything you do bother me?” Again she had to push the image of the woman twining herself around Tessier out of her mind. Turning her head to look out towards the sea, she felt Tessier’s deep sigh. “I need you to forgive me, Princess, because I care.”

“You don’t.”

“I do. I’ve told you, and I’ll keep telling you until you believe me. I love you.”

Jenevra’s head snapped round, her face pale with anger. “How can you possibly have the bare-faced nerve to stand there and lie to me like that? If you’re so in love with me, what were you doing with that woman?”

“I was … angry.”

“Angry? So every time I make you angry—which seems to happen rather a lot as far as I recall—you’ll be off sleeping with someone to take your mind off it? Well, that’s very reassuring, Captain!” Ducking under his arm and wrenching the sheet from under his foot, Jenevra darted out onto the balcony.

“No … I … oh, dammit, Princess!” Tessier slammed both fists against the wall. “Look, nothing happened. You can ask her if you like, but I swear nothing happened. I wanted to push you out of my mind, but I couldn’t. It’s you I want and, apparently, need. I wanted her to be you.”

Jenevra glowered back over her shoulder at him. “Pull the other one, Captain.” As her mind swam with a thousand thoughts all at the same time, the princess turned her gaze towards the twin moons hovering near the surface of the sea. The crossed tides were visible near the horizon, with a line of crashing waves as the tides met each other. A time for bad news: an unlucky time for journeys and tasks to begin. Thinking about the journey in front of her and the tasks she already knew of, Jenevra’s shoulders dipped. Images flitted through her mind; of the Diruthian patrol and how easily that could have been so different; of Misha and Cieren; of Kasumi, the woman in Tessier’s bed.

Belatedly realizing that she hadn’t heard anything from Captain Tessier for several minutes now, she turned back into the room. In the warm glow of the large lamps she could see him sitting on the edge of the low bed, his head sunk in his hands almost on a level with his knees. Jenevra’s stomach flipped as she stood watching him for a long moment, the wind whipping the sheet around her. With the visions she had had, especially of her own death, she suddenly knew that she wasn’t ready to die not knowing what it felt like to be loved.

Pulling out the pin holding her hair up, she moved with quiet determination across the room, sinking to her knees as she reached Tessier. Tentatively stretching her hand out, she stroked his hair back from his face; snatching it back abruptly as he looked up at her.

“Princess?” Tessier sat up a little, a question in his dark eyes.

Jenevra swallowed hard, obviously bracing herself before raising her eyes to his face. “This whole forgiveness thing, Captain; how does it work?”

Barely trusting himself to speak and drive her away again, Tessier placed a finger on his lips. “Here, Princess. You just kiss here.” Puzzled as to her sudden apparent change of heart, Tessier didn’t want to jeopardize his chances, sitting silently as Jenevra chewed on her lip. Part of him wanted to laugh at her nervousness; part of him wanted to just crush her to him and tell her not to be afraid, but he didn’t dare do either. He sat still and quiet, while his heart raced and pounded so much that he couldn’t understand why she wasn’t hearing it.

Edging closer, Jenevra’s heart was thumping too. Rising up on her knees, one hand still clutching the sheet to her, she lifted the other hand towards Tessier’s face, surprised to see it trembling. As Tessier caught the hand gently in his own and held it, she leaned forward, grazing his lips very lightly with hers. Embarrassed, she lowered her head. “That wasn’t very good, was it?”

“Try again,” Tessier suggested softly. “Like your sword, Princess, it just takes practice.” He raised her face to his, the faintest glimmer of a smile warming his glance.

The princess’s second attempt was marginally better, but still barely qualifying as a kiss. Sitting back on her heels, frowning, she folded her arms. “I can’t do this.”

“Of course you can,” Tessier said. “You’ve just got to relax. You’re not leading your Flight into battle, it’s just a kiss.” His arms slid around her, pulling her back towards him. Unfolding her arms, Tessier tucked the sheet around her tightly and brushed a long lock of hair back from her face, holding her close, and resting his nose against hers. “There,” he murmured. “That’s better. Now we can keep practicing until you get it right.”

Sliding his fingers into her hair, Captain Tessier held the back of her head gently, stopping her pulling away as she tried a third time.

Jenevra’s hands came up against his chest, a slight hint of panic in her eyes.

Tessier smiled. “You have to breathe too, Princess,” he murmured. “You can’t keep holding your breath.”

Thick, long lashes swept up and Jenevra looked straight into his eyes. “Show me,” she whispered.

Gently tilting her head back, Tessier’s lips met hers, as his arms held her tightly, one hand exploring the chilled curves of her neck and shoulders. How he had ever thought the jaded women of the court were anything to please him he couldn’t imagine: not with this bewitching, antagonizing young creature around him.

“I’m sorry, Captain,” she whispered. “I really didn’t mean to do this. It’s just …”

“You couldn’t resist me?” He tightened his grip, grinning now. “I’m flattered, Princess, but why the change of heart?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Please … not tonight. Just hold me.” Sliding her hands up onto his chest, the look she directed up at him would have melted the heart of an iceberg.

Between anticipation and the effects of alcohol, it didn’t take Tessier long to respond to Jenevra’s lithe body pressed up against his.

“Princess, no … stop that,” Blaise tried to hold her away. “Stop! You have no idea what you’re starting.”

Innocent blue eyes gazed up trustingly, willingly into his. “You said I could come to you for lessons, remember? Teach me.”

“Oh no, young lady,” Blaise caught both her hands in his, pushing her away from him enough to stop her touching him. “You haven’t been drinking laowenton again, have you? If you’re going to keep doing this, I’ll just have to keep well away from you until we’re married. Is that really what you want?”

“No,” she said, frustration beginning to rise. “But you promised, Captain!”

“What?” Tessier sensed the shift in the conversation. “You’re not serious, Princess?” He frowned as she twisted away from him, aware of the tension and anger building in her, but not understanding its source. “Phillip would have me gelded!”

“Who are you to tell me when I’m being serious or not? You keep telling me you love me, but when it comes to it, you push me away! Chris was right about you, wasn’t she? That’s all it is to you isn’t it—just a game?”

Rolling on top of her to prevent her moving away from him, Blaise took hold of Jenevra’s shoulders, his own anger mounting. “No, you don’t, Princess. I invented that line. You can’t guilt me into sleeping with you. I do love you. That’s why I’m not treating you like all the others.”

“Apparently not,” she snapped, angrily embarrassed now: dear gods, she’d done it again, thrown herself at him and he didn’t want her. Despite what he kept saying, he really didn’t want her. “Holy Tessier … paragon of all virtues! Well, I don’t need you, Captain. There’re plenty of other men out there who’d be only too happy to—”

“Don’t you even think about finishing that sentence, Jenevra Couressime!” Blaise was thoroughly shocked, and furious. “You’re an Imperial Princess, not some dockside whore!”

“Well, you’re the expert on that!” she spat back at him. “I want to know what love is, Captain, and if you won’t help me …”

“That’s not love, you ridiculous girl! It’s lust, sex; call it what you will, it’s not anything you’re thinking, I guarantee you that.”

“Fine, Captain, I think you’ve made yourself perfectly clear on the subject. You can leave now. You don’t want me, and I have no intention of ever giving you the chance to reject me again.” Jenevra reached for a small bell.

‘What do you think you’re doing?” Blaise asked flatly, moving the bell out of her reach and folding his arms.

“None of your business, Captain.” Jenevra levered herself out from under him, disappearing behind the dressing screen; emerging moments later, fastening the ties on her blue robe. She glared at Tessier. “Why are you still here?”

“I asked you what you’re doing, Captain. I am still the senior officer around here. I’m responsible for you.” He spoke curtly, all trace of softness gone from his face.

When the princess didn’t answer him, but stood in front of the open screen windows dragging a comb through her hair, he stalked across and snatched the comb from her hand. “I’m waiting, Captain.”

Meeting his angry gaze with a deliberately calculating look, Jenevra’s stomach churned as she picked words she knew would goad him. “Raiden cares for me,” she said defiantly. “I’m going to …” She didn’t get any further as Blaise’s hand caught her across the face.

“Don’t you dare use him that way!” Blaise grasped her by the shoulders and shook her.

“You do … with women,” she accused. “Well, any woman except me.”

Momentarily taken aback by the truth of the statement, Tessier noticed that the princess had the same expression as the night he had held her after she had killed Misha. Her breathing was rapid and shallow. Something in all this was frightening her, despite the feigned eagerness.

“Alright, then, Princess,” he said quietly. “You tell me why. Why now, why me, and why tonight? When you tell me the truth, I’ll make love to you.”

Jenevra didn’t know where to begin. He’d quite simply called her bluff, and she had nowhere to go. “It’s just …” she wanted to explain; to tell him she wanted to know love, with him, before she died, but the words simply wouldn’t come. Despairing, she sank onto the bed, her face in her hands.

Leaning across the bed, Tessier pulled the princess to him. “Don’t get any ideas,” he said softly. “I love you, Jenevra Couressime; despite everything you’re trying to do to stop it. I’m going to stay with you tonight, but that’s it, understand?” He looked down at the dark head nestled close in to his shoulder and hugged her tighter as she nodded. Peering underneath her hair he thought he saw wetness on her lashes. Kissing her eyes he murmured softly, “Tears, Princess?”

She couldn’t tell him she was leaving: not now, when all she wanted to do was stay curled in the protection of his arms. Wanting to be held by him for as long as she could, Jenevra leaned over to kiss him seriously, her tear-filled eyes taking in every detail of his face as she stroked the long hair back onto the pillow. “I think maybe I could have loved you, Captain.” Resting her head back in the crook of his shoulder, her hand lay across his heart.

“Could have?” He queried softly, laying his hand over hers.

She said nothing, just nuzzled closer again; her mind screaming.