Shadows Have Gone (14 page)

“We’ve had this discussion before,” he said.

“I remember.”

“I can’t lose you.”

“You’re stronger than you know.”

“I wish I had your faith.” He rubbed the back of his neck again. “Goddammit, I wish I did. It seems like it would make it so much easier.”

“Seems that way, huh?” Carly gave a small humorless laugh. “It actually makes it more difficult sometimes, because I’m betting on an invisible horse on an invisible track. I have to have faith it’s there and that it’s heading for the finish line, wherever that is. If there even is a finish line.”

He took her into his arms. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m not . . . I guess I’m not as strong as you are.”

“Is that hard for you to admit?”

He considered. “No. Maybe it should be, but it’s not. Because I know I have you now, and we make up for each other’s weak points. Just . . . try not to torture me any more than you have to, okay?”

She smiled against his chest. “I always do. Let’s go to bed.” She took him by the hand and led him down the stairs to their room, and they undressed in silence. She felt the bed dip as he climbed into his side and heard his long sigh in the darkness as he settled down.

“Do you want to have another baby, Carly?”

“I’m not sure. I haven’t really thought about it, but it’s an option I’d like to keep open. I agree, it does seem like an unsettled time to have another child, but I don’t know if the future will be any calmer. It seems as food gets more scare, we’re going to face more trouble from Outsiders. Hungry people are desperate people.”

“I still don’t know what to do about those fields outside the wall,” Justin mumbled. “If I don’t put guards out there, we might as well not even plant them, because they’ll be stripped bare.”

“Not that many people in the area.” Carly tugged the blanket closer to her shoulders.

“Not right now, since Marcus’s gang came through,” Justin said.

She didn’t want to think about the bodies in the automotive shop, or the fact the gang might have left a swath of destruction in their wake before they came to Clayton. And how many others like Marcus were out there preying on other people? Those who felt justified in killing the weaker because they thought they had to do it to survive? And were there other towns like Colby, good people banding together to try to protect one another from the predators? Bryce hadn’t contacted any, but surely they must be out there.

Carly’s husband snuggled against her back. It brought her back to the here and now. That’s what she needed to focus on, the immediate needs of their day-to-day survival. The future would take care of itself, and she and Justin would take care of their family and their community. She could have faith in that, at least. She remembered what Reverend Davis had told her. He’d said she needed to have faith in herself and focus on what was right. If she did that, her feet would find the path they were intended to walk.

“Thank you again for the stove,” she said. It would make her life a lot easier.

“Welcome,” Justin mumbled against her hair.

She drifted off into a dream of herself and Justin when they’d been on the road.

“I’ll bet you dinner I can,” Justin said. “If I do it, you have to clean dinner and cook it.”

Carly looked at him with skepticism. She crossed her arms over her chest and frowned. “Seriously? Just a piece of paper and a water bottle and you’re saying you can start a fire with it?”

“I swear,” Justin said. “One ordinary piece of paper and an ordinary water bottle. If I can do it, you have to make dinner. Deal?”

Carly scowled, certain there had to be some sort of trick she was missing. But she stuck out her hand for him to shake. “Deal.”

Justin grinned and took out the pack of construction paper that had begun this bet when they saw it in the store. He slid out a sheet of black paper and held it in one hand and stuck out his other for the unopened water bottle Carly was holding. She handed it over and crossed her arms again, waiting for the punchline.

Justin glanced up to find the position of the sun and turned the water bottle in his hand until it was acting as a magnifying glass, pinpointing the sun’s rays on one spot on the paper. To Carly’s surprise, tendrils of smoke began to rise and then the paper burst into flame. Justin grinned in triumph and carefully transferred it to the kindling pile they had built and, within a few minutes, had a nice, steady blaze going.

“I’ll be damned,” Carly said, impressed. “You were telling the truth.”

“Absolutely. And now, I shall lounge in idleness while you clean and cook our meal.” He folded his hands behind his head and gave a long, exaggerated sigh as he slid down into a slouch in the lawn chair. He pointed to the dead rabbits lying in a limp pile beside the fire ring.

Carly gulped against the nausea rising in her throat, but she got the knife and made the first slice. Justin was watchful despite his lazy demeanor and gave her advice on how to move the knife to avoid puncturing the organs. Carly tried not to breathe to avoid the stink of the blood, and she had to run to the creek to scrub her hands once it was finished, but she did it.

She splashed some water on her face and took deep breaths of the cool, clean forest air before she returned back to the camp.

“You did a good job,” Justin said. He indicated the two roasting bodies on the spit above the fire. “This was only your second try, right?”

“Third,” she said. She scrubbed the back of her damp hand over her lips. She saw Sam over by the fire, greedily devouring the organs she had removed, and the nausea returned for a moment.

“You now know two of the most important wilderness survival techniques,” Justin said. “You can start a fire, and you can clean game. Pretty soon, you won’t need me at all.”

I’ll always need you,
Carly thought.
 

Where had that come from? The clear, forceful certainty of the thought had taken her by surprise.

But it was true, Carly thought, her consciousness balanced on the edge of the dream, watching it as though it were a movie but reveling in the blooming emotions the younger Carly had not yet recognized. It would always be true.

It was the strangest thing, beginning their morning routine once more. Justin went to change Dagny while Carly headed upstairs to start the oatmeal. Still rubbing his eyes, he went out to gather the eggs. Four today, hidden in the straw boxes. At least the chickens had calmed down and were laying again. They, at least, felt things were back to normal.

Carly checked the windup clock on the mantle as she went over to stoke the stove. Close to seven. Most people would be getting up around now. The clock was set to what all the residents had agreed would be the time for purposes of scheduling events and such. Colby Standard Time, Justin had called it. After one of the residents had found a decorative sundial buried in the weeds of their garden, Justin had set it up in the commons on the sidewalk near the war memorial and called a meeting. They had all watched as he set it in place, using his compass to make sure he had it aligned just right. Then he had stood there, staring down at it and waiting.
 

Confused glances had been exchanged and feet began to shuffle.

Then he pointed up at the sun. “There. See it? No shadow. It’s noon. Set your watch if you got one. That’s the official time now.”

“What about Daylight Savings Time?” Grady asked.

“Officially canceled per the apocalypse,” Justin said. “It was a stupid idea, anyway.”

Kaden came from his room and shoved his feet into his sneakers by the door. He mumbled something to Carly as he headed out to the barn to take care of Shadowfax, Storm, and Hamburgers. He was still half-asleep. Sam decided to follow Kaden instead of watching Carly stir the oatmeal, and Carly watched them through the kitchen window as they trudged across the dewy grass.

Justin came up behind her and slid his arms around her waist. He pressed a kiss into that sensitive hollow between her neck and shoulder. “Mornin’, honey.”

“Good morning.” She shivered a little at the delicious tickle of his breath on her skin. “I was just getting ready to head over to Mindy’s house. We got four eggs this morning, and I was going to offer her one of them.”

“Send the other one, too,” Justin said. “I don’t need an omelet. By the way, has she seen Stacy yet?”

Carly considered. “I don’t think so.”

“Maybe you need to urge her to get checked out, just to be on the safe side.”

“I will, but you know how Mindy is. When something worries her, she can shut down. That’s probably why she didn’t tell us she was pregnant until now.” Carly washed her hands in the sink.

Justin gave a soft snort. “I do not envy Stan that job. Taking care of you is difficult enough.”

Carly swatted him with the towel. “Ha! I’m the one who takes care of you, and you know it.”

Justin waggled his eyebrows. “Wanna go ‘take care of me’ before the kid gets back?”

“Oh, that sounds—”

“Maaa!”

Both of them groaned but laughed a little, too. Carly watched him head downstairs to get Dagny. She felt a little nostalgic for the days when it had just been the two of them on the road together. It would never be that simple again, but she couldn’t regret any of the choices that had led them here.

He came back up the stairs with the baby in his arms and plunked her down into her high chair.

“Be right back,” Carly said and scooped up the two eggs. She hurried to Mindy’s house, feeling guilty that she didn’t slow when anyone waved at her. She knew there were a million and one questions that were waiting for her attention, but she just wasn’t ready for it first thing in the morning.

She tapped on Mindy’s screen door and waited until Stan came to open it.

“Hey, Carly!”

“Hiya. I brought Mindy something for breakfast.”

“Awesome.” Stan took the eggs. “Can I offer you a cup of fake coffee?”

She laughed. “Yeah, a small one, but then I’ve got to get home. Our breakfast is on the stove.”

Mindy came down the stairs. She was wearing a pair of jogging pants and a T-shirt that advertised a cell phone company. One of those artifacts of a bygone age that would have to be explained to the next generation.

“Hey, Carly!” She grinned and dropped down into a chair beside the table.

“No pregnant woman should look that happy and healthy in the morning,” Carly said with a grumble, crossing her arms. “You disgust me.”

Mindy laughed and spread her hands. “What can I say? I feel great. No nausea, no discomfort. Except getting a little tired sometimes, I’ve never felt better.”

“Totally unfair.” Carly gave a dramatic sigh and sipped the cup of chicory that Stan handed her. “But it does bring up a good point. You need to be checked over by Stacy.”

Mindy’s bright expression fell into a small scowl. “I know. I will.”

Carly snorted. “Like you would ever let me get away with that when someone said I needed to be checked out. Come on. Don’t make me get naggy.”

Mindy rolled her eyes. “Fine. After we get done with the laundry.”

Now it was Carly’s turn to scowl. “It’s Monday?”

“Yep.”

“Shit.”

Stan laughed.

Carly gulped down her chicory as quickly as she could. “I’ve got to get back home. Enjoy your eggs. I’ll see you at the fire station later, and I won’t forget you said you’d go see Stacy afterward.”

She headed off down the sidewalk, Sam trotting by her side, his nails clicking on the pavement. He looked happy, Carly thought. His tongue lolled out at the side, and he had that blank, somewhat stupid expression of a contented canine. She chuckled and rubbed his ears, and he licked her wrist, his amber eyes gleaming. All was right in his world again, at her side, patrolling their territory.

“Hey, Carly, wait up.”

Carly stifled a groan. She looked back over her shoulder and saw Pearl hurrying to catch up with her.

“Want some breakfast?” Carly asked. “I’m headed home to finish cooking.”

Pearl shrugged. “Sure, I haven’t eaten yet. Thanks.”

“What’s up?” She opened the door and stepped back to let Pearl enter first. Sam huffed at having to take second place to a visitor, but he didn’t move until Carly had gone inside.