Shark Lover (34 page)

“Cathy,
this is what is best for you. I’m not pushing Chris on you as a boyfriend. He’s
just a good friend that you can lean on. Like you said, I am gone most of the
time anyways. I’m always at school or working. Chris has similar interests and
he will probably be able to spend more time with you since the headquarters to
Shark Savors is so close to where you live. It’s the perfect plan and you know
it. Just go with it. You can’t lie to me. I see your happiness when you are
with him. He means a lot to you. I see it in your eyes.” She reached across the
table and tried to grab her sister’s hands again. Cathy slowly pulled them away
again.

“Daddy?
Are you in here?” She called out into the room. Nobody answered and she called
out his name once again. The nurses had told her that this was his room. He had
to be in here somewhere. She was too scared to go in by herself. Hospitals had
always made her feel uncomfortable. On one floor there would be a family
welcoming a new bundle of joy in their arms and on the next floor a loved one
would be fighting for their life.

“Janie
is giving him a quick bath. He’ll be out in a few minutes. You can take a seat
in the waiting room if you like or you can sit in one of the chairs in here.
Take your pick.” The nurse said to her as she was cleaning up her father’s bed.
Cathy didn’t know which to pick. Both sounded like horrible options that would
make her feel even more uncomfortable.

“Thanks,
I’ll just wait here.” She sat down and buried her head in one of the magazines
on the table. She didn’t feel like talking to the nurses. She didn’t feel like
talking to anyone in a time like this. She wanted all of this to just be a bad
dream, but it wasn’t.

“Cat?
Is that you?” Her father asked in a raspy voice as a nurse wheeled him to his
bed. She hated seeing her father in a wheelchair. It was the worst feeling in
the world. He was never a weak man, now he could barely walk. She couldn’t let
the fact go that he was dying right in front of her eyes.

“Yes,
it’s me Daddy. I came over after school. I wanted to see you before I have to
go to my practice.”

“What
are you practicing now? Did you pick up cheerleading again?” He asked as the
nurse helped him up into his bed.

“No,
Daddy. You know I don’t like to dance or cheer. It’s not my passion. Life is
too short to do things you don’t really like. I picked up soccer. I just
started so I’m not as good as some of the other girls, but I wanted to give it
a try. I’m full of energy and it puts my energy towards something good. How are
you Daddy?” She got closer to the bed so she could get a better look at him.

“I’m
glad you picked up soccer. I bet you are better than you are letting on.” He
gave her a small smile as he winced in pain. The nurse left the room after
hooking him up to his breathing machine. Cathy hated seeing him having to rely
on a machine to be able to breathe. It wasn’t the father that she was used to.
“I’m okay Cat. I’m just taking things day to day. Some days I feel great. Other
days I feel horrible. It really just depends on the day.” He coughed after he
finished talking.

“Oh,
Daddy. I hate seeing you this way. I don’t want to remember you like this. I
miss when you were happy and healthy. I just wish we could go back to those
times. I want you to be healthy Daddy!” She put her hands over her face and
cried.

“Cat,
don’t cry. I still have some time left. I don’t want you to see me like this
either, but I want to spend time with you. Tell me more about school. How are
your classes?” He asked attempting to change the subject.

“It’s
hard not to be sad Daddy. You’re here living out the last few moments of your
life. How can I think about anything else? When I go to school, all I do is
think about you and cry. My classes are still going pretty well. Biology is my
favorite. Science is the only class that makes me happy. I love animals. I’m
thinking of being a veterinarian when I am done with school, but I am not
one-hundred percent sure yet.” She said still crying while talking. She tried
to put on a brave face for her father, even though inside she felt weak and
scared.

“Did
you ever think of being a marine biologist? You love animals and I could see
you making a difference by helping them. You should think about it,” He said
grabbing her hands and holding them close to his heart. She pulled away her
hands. She wanted to shield her face from all of the tears that she was
shedding. “Don’t do this Cat, I don’t like seeing you sad like this.”

“I
have thought of being a marine biologist. It’s another one of my career
options. I don’t know and I have a lot of research to do before I make a
decision. Daddy, it’s too hard trying to decide on a major. Especially while
you are sick. It’ll be a while before I go to college anyways. I don’t want to
think about the future. I want to stay in the present with you. It’s not fair
Daddy. I wanted you to see me graduate high school and college. I wanted you to
be there when I get married. I had always planned on you walking me down the aisle
and everyone looking at us in awe. I wanted you to be the first to hold my
child. I wanted you to be a grandpa. You would have made an awesome one. I…I…”
She couldn’t finish her sentence as she trembled in sadness. She couldn’t
remember another time when she had been this sad.

“I
know Cat. Nobody plans when they are going to die. Only God knows the answers.
Only he knows when it is the right time.” He grabbed her hands again and held
them tight. “I’m dying Cat and there’s nothing that we can do about it. We need
to take it as it is. I had a good life. I got to be married to the love of my
life, your mother for many years. I got to see both you and your sister come
into this world. I have felt the joys of being a husband and a parent. I
couldn’t ask for any more. God has truly blessed me. Even through all of this
pain, I still feel grateful. I never lost the faith and I still have it. I need
you to believe too Cat. I will still see all of those things. I won’t be here
physically, but I will be here. Trust me I will see you live your life. I
wouldn’t miss it for the world. Whenever you are missing me there’s one place
where you will find me. Do you know where that is?”

“No
Daddy,” She said through tears. They were falling hard and fast now. She had no
idea she even had this many tears to cry. “Where?”

“Your
heart.”

“Earth
to Cathy!” Carly shook Cathy’s shoulders trying to get her out of the daze that
she was in.

“Sorry,
the way that you grabbed my hands like that, reminded me of Daddy. He always
would grab my hands and place them on his heart. I miss him so much Carly. Why
do I keep losing all of the people that I love the most? It’s not fair.” She
cried realizing that she had been crying while she was remembering her father.
The table was soaked from all of her tears that continually fell down from her
face.

“I
miss Daddy too, but I try to think that I am living out my life to the fullest
for him. He wouldn’t want us to live our lives sulking and missing him. He
would want us to live. Marc wants the same thing for you Cathy. They both would
hate to see you crying like this. They would want you to be happy and to be
doing what you love most. Just remember that. We all just want what is best for
you. Let’s go home. We can start packing up my stuff. We need to get the space
more open so Chris can move in. At least I only brought a few weeks’ worth of
stuff over. It shouldn’t be too hard. It will keep your mind busy. It’ll be
good for you.” She stood up and pushed the chair back under the table.

“You’re
right. I need to live my life. Ever since Daddy died, I haven’t even tried. I
just gave up on living life for myself. When I met Marc, I started to live a
little more. But now it’s time to finally live for myself. I’m going to do the
things that I have always wanted to do. I’m not going to let anything stop me,”
She said as she stood up too and hugged Carly. “Thanks Carly for helping me to
see that. Let’s go help you pack. I’m actually a little bit excited about
having Chris as a roommate. It’s the first thing that I am doing for myself.
Living with one of my best friends is a definite improvement to living my life.
Let’s go.” She smiled as she walked out of the headquarters. After a decade,
she finally was going to start living her life and she felt good about it.

*
* *

            “What
are you watching?” Cathy asked as she sat down next to Chris on the couch. It
had taken them a full weekend to move all of his stuff in and now they were
finally able to relax. Cathy appreciated that Chris had decided to bring his
comfy leather couch. It was also conveniently a sofa sleeper as well. She had
even given up some of her much needed closet space to Chris, something that she
hadn’t even done for Carly when she was briefly living with her. Cathy was just
glad to have a roommate again and someone who knew her well enough to be her
best friend.

            “I
think it’s some documentary on sharks. I’m always interested in stuff like
this. Anything that can give me more knowledge on my craft is always a good
thing.” He turned down the volume to the television sensing that she wanted to
talk. He was always good about stuff like that. He could read her better than
anyone else she had ever known.

            “I
know what you mean. I’m always watching documentaries on marine animals myself.
I often find out new things that I hadn’t known before. It’s fascinating
really.” She stared back at the television in thought as she watched a shark
tear its prey apart.

            “Is
something on your mind?” He asked as he turned the volume down even further.
The room filled with silence as he looked at her with worry.

            “It’s
nothing really. It’s just I can’t believe it’s almost been two months since
Marc has been gone. I always thought that over time, the pain would go away. It
still feels the same. Time hasn’t really made me any stronger. I don’t know
when I will go back to being my old self. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I
don’t even know who I am anymore. Is that strange?” She asked desperately.

            “I
don’t think it’s strange at all. I think it’s part of the process that you go
through when you lose someone that you truly cared about. They say time heals
everything, but I don’t necessarily think that’s true. Sometimes time makes it
worse. That’s how it was for me. The first couple months were the easiest, but
once time set in I think the reality set in. That the person that you lost is
never coming back.” He said with sensitivity.

            “I
know what you mean. It’s just hard losing someone unexpectedly. I never thought
I would lost him. I didn’t want to lose him. It’s just not fair.” She bunched
her legs up closer to her body and held her knees. She didn’t want to cry
again. She just wanted to feel better. Marc wouldn’t be happy if he knew she
was constantly having breakdowns day after day.

            “I
know it’s not. Life isn’t often fair. I know you loved him. I hate to see you
in pain like this. I wish that there was something I could do to help you, but
I know it’s just something that you have to get through. I know how you feel
though. I lost one of my best friends in the marines. Every day was hard to get
through. I thought the pain would go away in time, but sometimes it still hurts
as bad as it did the day I found out. I still dream about it often too. I wake
up having terrible nightmares about what happened.” His eyes grew dark and he
became more distant. Cathy could tell he was having a difficult time dealing
with a loss too. Every time she talked to Chris, she often found that they had
more and more in common then she originally thought.

            “Wow,
how do you get through all of that? That sounds intense. I don’t know how I
will pull through all of this grief. It’s only been two months. I can’t imagine
holding all of this grief for years. I don’t know how I will do it.” She put
her hands over her face in fear of what would come.

            “I’m
not going to lie. A lot of the time it isn’t easy. It’s hard to forget the
traumatic things that have happened in your life. The only thing that makes me
feel better is that I just envision him being in a better place and he’s happy
now. He would want me to live my life and follow my passion. That’s what I am
doing right now and I don’t plan on stopping.” He had a determined tone that
Cathy admired. She wished she could be more like Chris. She wanted to be strong
and fearless like she used to be. Over the past few months she had lost a big
chunk of herself and her identity. She wanted it back and there was only one thing
standing in her way.

            “Chris,
can I ask you something?” She asked with sheer will power.

            “Sure,
ask me anything.”

            “Do
you think that we will ever catch Mandy?”

            “Yes,
I do. Like I said, we aren’t giving up. We aren’t giving up no matter what.
We’ll keep going out every day until we find her. I promised I would be here
with you through all of this and I am not going to let you down.” He looked at
her and smiled as she felt some of her confidence resurfacing.

            “I
believe you. I believe in us. We’re going to do this.” She smiled back feeling
more sure of herself than she had in her entire life.