Shark Out of Water (Grab Your Pole, #3) (10 page)

Ah. Herein lies the rub. It’s part of the double-edged sword she was referring to. “That would be bad…they’d never fully trust me regardless of what she or I say. If we were still allowed to see each other, it would be tense and uncomfortable at best. We’d have to sneak around at worst and then I really would have to worry about being arrested, thrown in jail and the subsequent lawsuit.”

“Correct. I can’t imagine it’ll be easy for you, but now do you see why you should just suck it up and do this?”

“I’m getting there, but there’s a pretty massive flaw in your plan.
And
I wanna know what’s in it for you.”

One thing I’ve learned is that Jillian doesn’t do anything for other people unless she plans to get something in return. It doesn’t have to be much, but it does have to be something and so far, I can’t see her angle or how she stands to benefit. However, I am seeing the angles on how I could. Picking back up some of what was the norm for Camie and me would sort of allow me to still be a part of her life and give me time and greater opportunities to work on fixing this fucked up mess, and if I can dare to hope that what Jillian said about Camie is true, it would also make it a hell of a lot harder for her to get over me if I’m there. But the other side of the coin—because you gotta know there’re always drawbacks to every great plan—it could push her further away too. And what about me? I’m still undecided about what I even wanna do, so what happens in the event I decide to just truly let her go while I love her and suffer in silence like I’ve been doing?

It’s something I have to consider because even though I do love her, I’m not convinced we should be together. It’s never been easy between us and that’s a concern. Camie and I both have tempers and a tendency to be unpredictable. Me more than her on that last one, but still. When she and I truly fight, it’s nasty. We lash out, we cause damage, and we do it on purpose and all because we’re impulsive and stubborn. You could probably throw in being immature, too, if you want. I certainly wouldn’t be the one to deny that she and I haven’t exactly figured out how to be adults when we’re pissed off at each other. Witness my sneak attack with the gin a couple weeks ago and then her childish bullshit of yesterday.

All of that means is that if I do this, I’m gonna have to play it really fucking safe in a lot of ways, but the big one will be physical. Because even with all of our shortcomings, neither of us can ignore the explosive chemistry we have together, which until recently has been something we both found a kind of security in. Now it’s the source of fear and hurt so I’m gonna have to go about this whole thing without using my strong suit, which will suck to say the least and I don’t exactly like it or really even have an idea of what I can do without laying a finger on her, but…there’s just no way around it, not if I wanna make up for the last time I did and prove to myself that I don’t belong behind bars. Touching her in any way could blow the whole thing sky high and I just don’t know if we’re strong enough to come back from another physical encounter gone bad. And I’ll admit that because my desire for her crossed over into savagery and I’m still struggling with that every time I get within arms reach of her, that right now as far as anything physical between us goes, bad is the best I can hope for.

“Actually, Tristan, there really isn’t anything in it for me. Unless you count knowing my dad has one less thing to worry about and that he’s got someone he enjoys spending time with who won’t point out how much he should hate his life. The family is great and they’re supportive, but none of them seem to understand that he doesn’t need or even want to talk about it twenty-four-seven. If you two are playing in the garage or watching a game, I’ll take care of my mom if she needs something and he’ll get to relax. Your job is to just help him ignore reality for a while because he really needs someone who can do that.”

It was brief, but that was when I saw her heart. Her plan has nothing to do with Camie and me; it’s all about doing what she can to help her parents cope with the shitty hand they’ve been dealt. Pete’s told me enough about what’s going on with Mandy right now for me to know things are seriously not good at the Ramsey home, but just as I was about to offer something in the way of worded support, Jillian spotted my intent and threw up her shield. “Oh, I take that back. I’ll also be getting a decent night’s sleep because when you come over, you’re taking your fur-babies home with you. They’re off their schedule and now they’re beside themselves. They’ve started to howl all night. I’m not kidding, Tristan…
all dang night
. And they’re loud. I mean really loud, Tristan. Like mother, like kitty daughters except that they’re louder than Camie, if you get my meaning, which I’m sure you’ll agree is god-awful loud.”

My response to that was wincing and squeezing my eyes shut. I also wanted to cover my ears, but it was too late. All it took was Jillian’s subtle reminder of Camie’s unparalleled enthusiasm when she climaxes to make the blood rush to my heads and flood them with all too vivid memories of how she tastes, images of how she looks, and fantasies of how she would feel if I were buried inside her. And yes,
them
. Because yeah, as much as I hate to be the stereotype here, I do think with my dick more than I like to admit. Also, that particular organ of mine has been clamoring for attention since I put it on strike back on Halloween…hell, it was even before that. So now the rest of the day is gonna be a fucking uncomfortable bitch to get through.

“From the pained look on your face, I’ll assume you see my point. So, if you don’t take them home with you, I’ll have to resort to giving them my own version of swimming lessons and I really don’t wanna have to do that, but I will because we’re
that
tired. Oh and if you were referring to Camie as being the massive flaw, don’t worry, I’ve already taken care of her. She wasn’t thrilled with me yesterday when our dad asked where you’ve been and I beat her to the punch and told him you’d been sick and that’s why you haven’t been around, but after I helped her realize what a selfish brat she’s being, I’m fairly certain she won’t cause problems. Thus in exchange for your thespian abilities, I’ll keep my mouth shut about your duplicity, although I still believe you should just sit her down and tell her that she made a mis—”

“NO.” Uh-uh. I don’t know what I’m gonna do, if anything, but I do know if I tell Camie that now, she’ll wanna know everything and then I’m really fucked.

“Fine,” Jillian said and arched a superior brow at me.

I shook my head at the same time the bell rang and gave her the answer she knew she was gonna get all along. “Alright, I’m in as long as you keep quiet and let me handle things my way, but just so you’re aware, you’re putting a lot of faith in two people who are pretty fucked up right now and them being able to conceal all of that and put on a convincing act. And ultimately, there’s nothing keeping Camie from telling your parents what she thinks happened and why.”

With a smirk, she called over her shoulder as she walked away from me, “Wrong again, lover-boy.”

I’m not even gonna try to decipher what she meant by that and even though it didn’t escape my notice that she used the plural “we’re” when she told me the girls are flipping out at night and keeping her awake, I’m not gonna probe into what she meant by that either. For all I know, she could’ve been referring to herself and the voices in her head…

Waking up via voyeurism ~ Jeff

The question of why Jillian isn’t backing her sister has been bugging the shit out of me almost since day one so when I saw her talking to Tristan during the break today, I was tempted to get close enough to them to eavesdrop. Actually, I was more than tempted. I took maybe two steps in their direction, but stopped cold and turned my back to them when Jillian skewered me with her eyes from all the way across the quad. It was like she fuckin’
knew
what I was attempting. I’ll admit that she makes me more than a little fuckin’ nervous and I don’t trust her too much either, but that conversation this morning combined with Pete’s ominous behavior Saturday night was what prompted Katy and me to hang back after fifth period when Camie stopped Tristan just outside the classroom before lunch so we could try to listen in to what they were saying.

I know I was, but I’m pretty sure Katy and Camie were surprised as well when Tristan actually flinched like Camie had burned him when she barely touched his arm to get his attention and asked if she could talk to him for a minute. She didn’t exactly jerk her hand away, but it seemed like she got burned, too, because her eyes automatically flew to his face and I watched as she dropped her hand to her side and subconsciously shook it a little and then smoothed her fingers on the side of her thigh, almost like they had something on them and she was trying to get whatever it was off. I tried to place Tristan’s initial expression before he turned it into his typical mask of blatant arrogance because I know I’ve seen it at least once before, but I just couldn’t remember when or what was going on the last time he looked like that.

I pushed it to the back of my mind, though, and just listened when Tristan leaned back against the wall in the hallway and folded his arms across his chest waiting for Camie to start, which she did by directing her first question to the floor.

“Did she talk to you?”

“Yeah.”

“Will you do it?”

“Yep.” Come on, asswipe, these one word answers fuckin’ grate…

Camie’s head snapped up again and although her back was to me, I could practically see the surprise on her face from the tone of her response. “
Really?
I—I didn’t think you would, you know, aft—”

“She can be persuasive.” Okay, that’s better…“she”
has
to be Jillian.

“Is she blackmailing you, is that why you’re agreeing?” Ha! Definitely Jillian.

“Not exactly. Is she blackmailing you?” Not exactly? What does that mean? And what the fuck is with his smug expression?

“Um, no…not really, but she didn’t really leave me much choice either.” So in other words, Camie, yes, you’re being blackmailed.

“There’s
always
choice, Camie, it’s just that some choices are harder to live with than others.” Huh. From how he said it, I’m getting the feeling he’s not talking about what she thinks they’re talking about anymore…

“Well, be that as it may, I think it’ll be easier on both of us if I’m not there when you are…he gets home early now and I still have cheer practice after school, so mayb—”

“Whatever you want,
dear
.” Ooh, I don’t know what the hell they’re talking about, but that was some major sarcasm so I’m guessing he’s not thrilled with how she wants to play it.

“Tristan, this wasn’t
my
idea you know.” Yeah, here it comes…Camie’s getting her fur ruffled.

“Obviously.” After months of listening and watching the two of them, I can safely say he’s provoking her on purpose now but I’m just not sure why.

“Jesus, you’re such an asshole.” Not bad, although I wish she’d have put more
umph
behind her statement. It would’ve given it just that little extra something that we spectators always appreciate.

“Careful, Camie…if you’re a bitch again tomorrow that’ll make three days in a row and then you’ll be stuck with your alter ego running the show. You know, like Beetlejuice.” He followed that up with a teasing grin so it couldn’t really be taken as an insult. It was very well done so I couldn’t help it, I chuckled to myself. That was when I realized he’s provoking her in general; he’s just trying to get
any
kind of emotion out of her. Almost like he’s feeling her out to see where he stands.

“Tristan, I—I’m sorry about—well, I— I didn’t mea—”

He stiffened and his eyes flashed to mine and then back to her as he interrupted, “Are we done here? Your bodyguards look like they’d like to go to lunch now.”

“Um, yeah okay, I guess.”

Without another word or look at Katy and me, he pushed off the wall and walked away. He looked so fuckin’ defeated, though, like the last two minutes had taken everything he had, but what got me was Camie’s pathetic attempt to hide the fact that she was on the verge of tears so it was Katy who lead the interrogation.

“Okay, what was
that
about?!”

“Oh, um…just one more part of the madness that is my life right now.” She tried to laugh it off, but having been a witness to Camie putting on a brave face only to have it dissolve in tears minutes later, I knew what was coming so I girded my loins for a lunch spent without the pleasure of my wife’s company. (Wife, fiancée, girlfriend…whatever.)

“Yeah, I got that but did I seriously hear
you
apologize after
he
called
you
a bitch?! You’re the one who deserves an apology! And you were right to call him an asshole, too, that’s all he’s been for two weeks!”

And here come the tears…goddamnit, Katy. You just couldn’t wait until I found a safe place to hide, could you?

“Don’t defend me, Kate, it was the truth and you know it. What I did yesterday was so much more than bitchy and I still feel like shit, that’s why I tried to apologize but clearly he’d rather I live with the guilt instead like a punishment.”

Yeah, she might be right there, but even though I’d like to honestly say I don’t know the guy, the fact is, I do. I have serious doubts that he refused her apology to make her feel guilty or punish her. I think it was a matter of self-protection. That wound is probably still gaping open…

I didn’t see Camie throw the present away, but I can imagine how fucking insanely brutal that must’ve been for him to watch her do. They did the whole gag gift thing for Christmas and he was cool with it because he’d been working on this gift almost from jump and he’d put a hell of a lot into it, so for her to toss it away like it was trash was really fucking low. The shitty thing is she knew it too. Not what he got her, but what throwing it away would do to him. Shit, I was even pissed at her when she fell apart yesterday before last period and told Katy and me what she did. She dragged us to the trashcan where she pitched it and dug through the top of the trash, and when she came up empty handed, she had me turn the can over but there was no sign of it. I kept thinking maybe we had the wrong one or that it’d been moved or something but even checking other receptacles and with all three of us looking for it, it was hopeless. She was a fucking basket case after that so it’s no wonder she failed her driver’s test again.