Shark Out of Water (Grab Your Pole, #3) (22 page)

Well fuck.

I didn’t even know what to say to that…seriously,
fuckin’
wow
…so I just rephrased what was supposed to be a rhetorical question like he said.

“Alright, how’s this? You ever love something so much it causes you physical pain to be close to it, but you’re okay with that because the pain of bein’ away from it feels like you’re literally fucking suffocating because Satan’s sitting on your chest and using a goddamned brimstone branding iron to mark you as his and then on top of that, been eaten alive by a deserved guilt so intense that it burns hotter than the fucking blue flames of Hell for hurting that something, only that something really has no idea about any of it so you let that something believe the less hurtful lie and then you suffer in silence while you’re trying to decide if you and that something should maybe give it another go?”

He chuckled a little at my quick, albeit severely anti-prosaic acquiescence of his offer to try again and said, “Nope, can’t say that I have.”

“Well, it’s like that except worse and I wouldn’t wish the experience on my worst enemy, but in a nutshell, that’s pretty much why I’m stalking my girlfriend.”

Brandon was nodding again and then he reached into his pocket to clear the text he just got and said, “Okay, well, as much as I’d rather not, I gotta get my ass in there before Sexy hires Jillian to spy on me…she thinks I’m screwin’ around on her.”

“Are you?”

“Nope, just followin’ my heart and tryin’ to go after my dreams. Why, would you try to kick my ass if I were?” He asked with an eagerness I’m all too familiar with that made me laugh.

“Nah, I was just curious…but hey, how bad did you wanna get in the ring with Jeff and me last weekend?” I’d bet my Camie cuddle pillow it was really fuckin’ bad.

“Aw dude…my pipe was like fuckin’ iron ferrite. Hey! Is that joystick quarterback in there?” He asked with a jerk of his head, indicating the house.

I scanned the street looking for Keith’s Acura and when I found it, I nodded and said, “Yep. But you’d be on your own in there…I like you more but he’s still a buddy.”

“Yeah I know, I can take him on my own…it’d just be more fun with someone who knows how to embrace the pain,” he told me with a laugh.

I chuckled and reminded him that
that,
embracing the pain
,
is exactly what standing out here is all about. “I’m not goin’ in…blue flames of Hell, remember?”

“Oh yeah, stalking your girlfriend…well, good luck with that,” he said and started across the street. Then he turned back and with what sounded distinctly like true concern and compassion, he said, “I mean it, dude…good luck. And just so you know, if I wasn’t Swiss with this whole thing, I’d have your back so if you want my advice…shit or get off the pot, you know what I mean?”

I nodded my understanding and watched one the most likeably unpredictable people I’ve ever had the good fortune to call friend go in the house as a means of placating his insecure, cheerleading girlfriend’s feelings even when he really didn’t want to and when it dawned on me
why
he was doing that, I realized that maybe Brandon was right about some of the similarities in our relationships, and then I thought about his parting wisdom…

Shit or get off the pot indeed.

Don’t bite the hand that feeds you ~ Brandon

She’s worth it, she’s worth it, she’s worth it…

That’s what I was repeating to myself when I finally crossed the threshold of MaryAnn’s place and walked into a house filled with people I don’t know while feeling like a tiger in the circus. You know what I mean…they’re given commands and when they perform they’re rewarded, but if they don’t, they’re whipped and beaten. But the thing is, after living in captivity for so long, they come to enjoy the company of their trainer and appreciate all the perks of not having to fend for themselves out in the wild, so, the smart tiger simply puts up with all the bullshit and instead of doing it, he just fantasizes about what it would be like to tear the throat out of his meal ticket so he can be free.

As I went in search of Melissa or a familiar face, I tried to remind myself of what happens to those tigers that forget themselves and go for the jugular. They get their fuckin’ freedom alright, but it’s only freedom in death because they’re immediately put down.

I found MaryAnn standing in a group of three other cheerleaders, all of whom looked at me with either interest, suspicion, or just plain ol’ undisguised invitation but none of them had been pestering me to know my whereabouts for the last two hours so I ignored them. “Hey, MaryAnn, you seen Melissa?”

“Uhh, I think she’s outside…hey, where’ve you been? She’s been kinda worried about you, you know?” She asked and I about fuckin’ growled at her in response but realized she wasn’t accusing me of anything or really even asking for a literal answer. She was just letting me know Melissa hasn’t kept her stupid fuckin’ theories about what I do when I’m not with her to herself tonight, which means as soon as I find her, I get to either perform like a good tiger, face the goddamned whip, or bite the hand that feeds me and get fuckin’ euthanised in return.

That’s just fuckin’ beautiful.

“Yeah, I know…hey, isn’t Derek supposed to be here?” I asked as I remembered him saying earlier today how he wanted to go to Heather’s going away party but he wanted to support his cousin and see his girlfriend too, so he was gonna just suck it up like a smart tiger would.

“Oh, yeah…well, he was but I knew he really wanted to go to that going away thing so when he got here, I told him to just go to that and have fun. He said he might come back later though...” Like I said, the smart tiger performs and gets rewarded. But then again, Derek’s handler is still a virgin so the rewards are gonna be substantially different, plus, she isn’t insecure like mine is so he has considerably more pacing room in his cage than I do.

I prowled my way outside and did my damnedest to set my mind to just jumping through this goddamned flaming hoop because I’m really not in the fuckin’ mood to be beaten. And, obviously, after not seeing her all week and thinking about her for most of the day, I wouldn’t mind a little reward, you know? I was sorta hanging back in the shadows of the house looking for Melissa when I heard crying and some familiar voices coming through an open window of a bedroom behind me so, of course, I moved closer so I could hear them better and although I probably missed a bunch, what I did overhear just made me feel even more goddamned grateful that I still live in captivity, because as much as the thought of freedom appeals to me at the moment, the king of the jungle just gave me a glimpse of what it’s like to be put down and it’s anything but quick and painless, but now I also have an idea of what the handler goes through and quite honestly, I don’t know which is fuckin’ worse.

Jillian: “…get it, believe me, I do. You just have to remember that not everyone’s world revolves around you and there’re repercussions to the things we do and say, which means that sometimes we need to sacrifice a little and put other people ahead of ourselves even if it’s difficult and it hurts.”

Camie: “I know and I’m trying. It’s just
so
hard right now and I really don’t mean to be so bitchy…he’s just got me all screwed up, you know?”

Jillian: “And I get that too.”

Camie: “So you still love me?”

Jillian: “Camie, just because I think you’re being stupid doesn’t mean you’re not my sister anymore…we’re not always gonna see eye-to-eye on everything, but the day will never come that I stop loving you.”

Camie: “Okay, I just know I haven’t been all that easy to love lately.”

Jillian: “You know, I don’t think loving a person is ever all that easy. I just don’t think human beings are made that way. We’re complicated and we’re always making mistakes and unfortunately, sometimes those mistakes end up hurting the people we love the most…so I think loving another of our species and forgiving them when they do something to really screw up is probably gonna be a difficult thing to do more often than not.”

Camie: “Do you really think he just made a mistake and I need to forgive him?”

Jillian: “That’s not what I said.”

Camie: “Then what are you saying?”

Jillian: “I’m saying mistakes have been made, people are hurting, and extending forgiving grace is easier said than done…but all that really means is that in real life, love doesn’t look like it does in the movies. Loving someone for real is never just gonna be a piece of cake.”

Kate: “Hey! There you are…what are you guys talking about?”

Jillian: “The lovability factor of cake…so we’re good, okay?”

Camie: “Yeah, thanks Jilly.”

Jillian: “Anytime, that’s what I’m here for…”

Camie: “Hey, sorry…can you hand me that box of tissue?”

Kate: “Here… You weren’t really talking about cake, were you?”

Camie: “No…but now that she brought it up, I think I might go get another piece.”

Kate: “Camie, talk to me…you should be happy, you know? This whole party is for you, plus, you totally
blew
Teresa out of the freaking water today, but you’ve been miserable and now you’re crying…I hate seeing you like this.”

Camie: “I know! I swear, we’re
both
freaking bipolar or something…I mean one minute he’s being a complete asshole and snapping at me so I wanna cut his heart out, then he totally ignores me and I wanna crawl under a rock at the highest peak in Nepal and cry because it’s so hurtful, and then the next he’s winking at me and I wanna tear his clothes off and make-out with him in the middle of the freaking quad! But in the end, I just—I just miss him, Kate. Even though I still think he’s a bastard for what he did, I
miss
him. And I miss
us
. And I know it’s not healthy but I can’t help it! I mean he’s
so
all over the board…I just wish I knew what he’s thinking, you know?”

Kate: “Well, at the moment it’s only conjecture on my part, but, I’ve been watching him all week long and well, I think he misses you too.”

Camie: “Then why the
hell
isn’t he here?! For Christ’s sake, he was practically
nice
to me today and for a split second, it was like when we were together, but I mean, it kinda says something when
every
freaking single team captain and co-captain from both the Varsity and JV teams join with the
entire
Varsity and JV cheer squads to throw a party for someone and
he
doesn’t show, you know? I mean that’s a freaking statement if I ever heard one…he’s captain of two damned teams and co-captain of another one! Oh! And let’s not forget that I’m one of
his
stupid cheerleaders now! It almost feels like he’s breaking up with me all over again but by not being here he’s doing it
publicly
and it’s killing me! I swear, I’m so freaking tempted to send him a really nasty text telling him what a fucking coward he is for bailing on this party and—what? Why are you shaking your head at me?”

Kate: “Two things…one, you really should stop crying or your eyes will be all puffy when you go back out to the party and two, you can send him the text but you’ll look like a moron for calling him a coward.”

Camie: “Oh my God…he’s here, isn’t he?”

Kate: “Yeah, he is…he walked in about ten minutes ago. So, what do you wanna do, stay in here and cry some more or dry your face and go get a piece of cake?”

Camie: “Well, I’d really just like to get in a time machine and go back roughly two-ish weeks, can’t I just do that please?”

Kate: “I’m afraid not.”

Camie: “Okay, well, at least he’s here, that makes me feel a little better…but, I don’t have to actually see him, do I? I mean, can’t you just bring me a piece of cake?”

Kate: “I totally would, but even
if
you wanted to, which we both know that deep down you really don’t, you can’t keep running and hiding from him. You guys have to learn to be civil to each other, if not actual friends, you know, and there’s no time like the present to do that. But if you go out there and he says something to piss you off, then just tear into him like you would with anyone else. Oh! I know what you can do…you can close your eyes and just pretend he’s Jeff…he’s a jackass and you beat him up all the time!”

Camie: “But what if someone hits on him or, oh God, what if I see him hook-up with another girl tonight, Kate? I don’t think even wearing my big girl panties will help me deal with that.”

Kate: “I really don’t think he will. Honestly. I mean, he’s laughing and being kind of a social butterfly and everything, but he’s steering way clear of girls by sticking to groups that are made up of mostly guys.”

Camie: “Will you go watch him and look at his ey—”

Kate: “I already did…no sparkling. They stayed completely flat even when he laughed at the really funny joke Tommy told, which tells me he’s completely and totally acting out there, so my bet is the only reason he even showed at all is because he wants to see you.”

Camie: “Crap. Okay, I can do this…do I have to show him my happy face though?”

Kate: “Well, you could show him this one, but you’re kind of a snotty m—”

“Brandon?! What are you doing out here?” Like the crack of a whip, Melissa’s voice snapped my attention away from the conversation that told me Tristan had decided to get off the pot for the night, blue flames of Hell be damned.

“Hey Sexy, I was lookin’ for you…MaryAnn said you were out here.”

“You were supposed to be here
two
hours ago, where have you been?”

I started chanting to myself again. “Garret got stuck with his little sister until her sitter showed up so practice didn’t start on time, I had a fucking
bitch
of a violin track to get down for the wedding reception tomorrow, and then I had to get gas—”

“Didn’t you get my tex—”

“Yeah, all—,” when my phone started to vibrate in my pocket I had to’ look to the fuckin heavens and take a calming breath before saying, “
Six
of them.”

“Well, uh, would it have killed you to return maybe
one
of them so I would know what the hell was going on?”

“Kinda hard to play a guitar, a violin, and text at the same time…I mean I’m good, but I’m not
that
good,” I joked, trying to get a little laugh out of her. If I can get her to laugh, we should be good.