Shattered (11 page)

“Ready?”  Collin opened up the passenger side door to help me down from the truck.

“Sure,” I put on a smile and placed my hands on his shoulders as he slid me down his body on my way out of the truck.  His hands took full advantage of the free pass to get a good feel.  When my feet hit the ground, he leaned his face down until we were nose to nose.  His lips hovered just inches from mine.

“How about a kiss for good luck?”  I could feel the heat of his breath on my lips.  This is normally when I would have patted him on the chest and said, “Nice try, pal,” but I hadn’t been acting normally for a while now.  I raised up on my tip-toes to close the gap between us, gently placing my lips on his.  He took it upon himself to pull me closer to him, deepening our connection.  I felt his tongue push through my lips and decided just to go with it.  When we finally broke from our impromptu make-out session he lowered me back to the ground.  The kiss was alright, maybe a little bit overly aggressive on his part, but it was over before I could really make up my mind about the situation.

“Good luck.” I smiled up at him.

“Shit,” he grinned, “I can’t wait to see what I get if I win.”  He patted his hand on my ass and jogged over to his four-wheeler.  I kind of liked the rebellious girl I was pretending to be, but I couldn’t help but think about what I what he was expecting if he won.  I didn’t think I was ready to dole out that prize.

I walked to the front of the truck and leaned up against it.  There were eight four-wheelers lined up at the starting line.  One of the girls walked up in front of them and placed her hands on hips, her bottle-dyed red hair flapped in the breeze.  It was Randi Carver.  She had a reputation as long as the Mississippi.  I’m pretty sure I’d seen her with over half the guys that were there that night.  “Okay,” she shouted out over the hum of the engines, “rules say down to the pond and back.”  She pointed over her shoulder toward the pond that was impossible to see in the darkness.  A few of the trucks angled in that direction headlights turned on just barely illuminated the water’s edge.  The driver’s all revved their engines, letting her know that they understood the rules.  Everyone had put in twenty bucks to race and the winner took the pot, so it wasn’t just for fun.  She put her arms up above her head, letting her already short dress ride up to almost inappropriate.  “Ready?!” she shouted, pausing momentarily, “go!”  Her arms dropped by her side and they took off.  The roar as they took off, followed by the smell of exhaust was exhilarating.  What I wouldn’t give to be out there with them. We watched the taillights faded toward the pond. I anxiously waited for them to turn around.  The home stretch was the best part.  Seeing all of them crouched forward as they twisted the throttles to max out their acceleration. When they made it to the edge of the water, all eight headlights now faced forward and the hoots and hollers of the drivers were heard as they barreled back to the finish line.  No surprise, Collin was the first to cross.

He quickly shut down the engine and crossed over to Randi, receiving a few high-fives and congratulatory pats along the way.  “Pay up.” He held his hand out to collect his money.  She slapped the wad of cash down in his hand and started to lean in for what looked like an expected victory kiss.  Collin held up his finger, stopping her advance toward his lips, never raising his eyes from the cash he counted before shoving it in his back pocket.  “Not tonight.”  She pouted and stomped off to another guy who eagerly accepted her advances.  Collin made his way over to me and placed his hands on my hips.  “Well, I won,” he grinned, “where’s my prize?”  Before I could answer, he crashed his lips into mine, greedily taking what I was hesitant to give.  I kissed him back unsure of what else to do.  I was thankful for the person who approached us and cleared his throat, breaking Collin’s hold on me.  We both whipped our heads around to see Jesse standing there, his arms crossed and wearing a less than pleased look on his face.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him, while keeping my arms wrapped around Collin’s neck.

“I need to talk to you,” he said grabbing my hand and pulling me away.

“Hey!” Collin shouted out, like a toddler whose shiny new toy had just been taken away.

“Not now, Smolder!” Jesse shouted over his shoulder, giving Collin a deathly stare as he pulled me back behind the row of pick-up trucks.  I gave Collin a weak smile and shook my head, letting him know that I was fine.  He didn’t need to get in a fight with Jesse over me.  I planned on giving Jesse a piece of my mind as soon as he stopped dragging me away.  I yanked my hand from his when his pace slowed.

“What the hell are you doing?!”  I fumed. “I told you, I’m not ready to talk to you. So, you storm out here like you’re my dad.  I’m here with Collin, you know?”

“Stop talking.” He held up his finger in my face.  The urge to bite it off crossed my mind.  “What the hell are you doing here?”  his tirade began. “Better yet, what the hell are you doing with him?”  He pointed at Collin, who was watching our every move. but he was far enough away that he couldn’t hear what Jesse was saying, although the look on his face said that he knew we were talking about him.  “I’m not sure what’s going on with you, but the way you are acting is seriously fucked up!  This is not like you.”

I closed my eyes and shook my head in disbelief before looking at him.  Who did he think he was?  “You don’t know what’s wrong with me!” I fired back at him.  “I don’t know Jess.” I threw my hands up. “How about the fact that my best friend is dead?   Or maybe, it’s because the one living best friend I had decided to haul ass outta here, without a word!  Did you ever stop to think about that?”  I watched his jaw clench, knowing that I was just pissing him off more.  “Or maybe, the fucked up way I’m acting is just the new me!  You wouldn’t know.  You’ve been gone for almost a year!”

“Are you done?” His tone matched mine.  His fists were now clenched at his side.

“I’m done with this conversation!” I turned to storm off, but he caught my hand in his before I could get all the way around.  “Stop!”  I tried to wrestle from his grip, but he held firm on my hand.

“I’m worried about you.” He’d calmed himself down enough to let the genuine concern in his voice be heard as he placed his hands on my shoulders.  He was close enough I could smell the calming scent of his skin.  A mixture of  leather, vanilla and some unnamable aroma that was all Jesse.  It seemed like forever since I was close enough to breath in his intoxicating smell. “Please just leave with me.”  I pursed my lips and took in a deep breath before speaking. Knowing, that while a part of me wanted to stay here, a bigger part would have gone anywhere with him, but I couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t just go back to the way things were.  Even if that part of me wanted to.  Really wanted to.

“I’m here with Collin.” I backed away from him, offering him an indifferent look, trying to mask my true feelings.  I made my way back to my date, leaving Jesse in the shadows.

“What did that asshole want?”  Collin quickly pulled me to his side, letting everyone, including Jesse Vaughn,  know that I was here with him.  Before I could answer, Jesse spoke up.  He must have been running behind me, because he was standing right beside us.

“I want a race.”  His heated glare locked in on Collin.

“Twenty bucks,”  Collin said flat out at he took a step toward him.  He never backed down from a challenge and something told me this one just got personal.

“No.”  Jesse reached into his pocket and pulled out the keys to his Jeep. “Bigger.”

“I’m not racing you for my truck.” Collin laughed, knowing that there was a good chance he could lose.

“Don’t want it.” A smirk crossed Jesse’s face and I knew it had something to do with the plan he’d concocted.  “You win, you get my Jeep.  I win, I get to take her home.”

“I don’t think…” I started to tell him I was not going along with his little plan.  I could ride home with anybody I wanted.

“Fine!” Collin answered without hesitation.  He didn’t even stop to ask me what I wanted.  He was too excited about the possibility of driving home in Jesse’s Jeep.  Just when I thought I had him figured out, he pulled out the asshole card that everyone was always talking about.  I huffed and pulled my arms across my chest, glaring at the two testosterone fueled hotheads in front of me.  I was furious with both of them.  I was not just a prize to be won.  “Don’t worry.” Collin turned to face me. “I’m not gonna lose.”  He didn’t hesitate when he leaned in to kiss me.  He made sure to make it convincing enough to piss Jesse off even more.  What he didn’t know, was that while he was putting on a show for Jesse, I was staring into his rival’s eyes with rage.  I knew there was no way Jesse was going to lose this race.  I’d seen him on a four-wheeler a thousand times, and ninety-nine percent of the time he finished first.  The only person that had ever beaten him wasn’t here anymore.

Jesse asked one of the other guys there if he could use his ATV.

“Absolutely,” the guy replied, handing him the keys. “This race is gonna be awesome.”  Jesse paid no mind to his excitement, because for him this race wasn’t for fun.

The people all gathered around as they got ready to take off.  Skanky McSkankerson took her spot between Jesse and Collin as they stared each other down. “Okay, same rules as last time.”  Then she said, raised her arms up and started the race.  They took off, leaving only the small red glow from their taillights behind them. It seemed like an eternity before they whipped around, their headlights now zooming toward the finish. They were side by side, only inches separating the noses of their ATVs.  Collin tried to inch past Jesse, even pushing into the front of Jesse’s ATV, trying to throw him off. Jesse knew all the tricks, he’d done most of them. He was not going to let Collin shake him. His light blue t-shirt caught the moonlight and I knew there was no way I was riding home with Collin.  

They slid to a stop. I watched as Collin slammed his hand down on the handlebars in front of him, pissed that he’d just been bested. Jesse quickly got off the four-wheeler, oblivious to the cheers coming from the crowd, and threw the keys to the owner, calling out, “Thanks.”  He grabbed my hand and pulled me behind him, “Let’s go.”  He had me in the front seat of the Jeep before I could even think.  I was a little surprised that Collin didn’t even attempt to stop the transaction.  I looked through the windshield at him. He may have still been glaring in our general direction, but the gaggle of girls that were now surrounding him told me that he wouldn’t be riding home alone tonight.

Jesse had us back on County 5 within minutes and neither of us had spoken.  I sat there stewing in my anger and the words just came out. “I wish you wouldn’t have come back,” I whispered, leaning my forehead against the side window, avoiding Jesse’s eyes.  I knew it wasn’t true and as soon as the words crossed my lips I wished I could take them back.  I was furious that he was treating me like a child. He pulled off on the side of the road and turned to face me.  I felt his hand on my shoulder and turned to meet his eyes.

“I’m sorry that you feel that way.” The sadness on his face was too much.  I couldn‘t look at him.  I placed my head back on the window as he continued, “But, if you think for one minute I’m going to stand by and watch you act like a complete idiot, then you really have lost your goddamn mind.”  He placed his hand on my cheek and pulled my face around.  I had no choice but to look into his green eyes that sparkled in the moonlight.  “Please,” he begged, “just stay away from Smolder.”

My shoulders dropped and I knew that what he was saying was true.  I had been acting like a complete idiot.  I wanted to apologize and promise him I was through with Collin, but we were in my driveway before I could work up the courage to speak.  Why did I keep screwing shit up?  Just another thing to add to the list of reasons why Jesse Vaughn was pissed at me. He didn’t say another word as he pulled to a stop.  Maybe it really was over between Jesse and me.  Maybe we couldn’t be friends or anything else. I reached for the door handle, waiting for him to say anything that would let me know otherwise.  I turned to look at him before I stepped out of the Jeep.  The silence that surrounded him as he watched me exit was crushing.  I watched him draw his bottom lip between his teeth as if he was fighting back words.  The words of blame that I knew he wanted to direct at me.  All I could do was walk up to the front door and watch him sit in driveway, wishing that he was biting his lip the way he used to.

Jesse

As soon as she was out of the car, I slapped the palm of my hand against the dash.

“Damn it!”  

Why did I just let her walk away without saying anything?  As soon as I saw her lip-locked with Collin, I knew it was time to lay it all out there, but then she said she wished I’d never come back.  What if she was over me?  Hearing those words only confirmed what her mother had told me months ago.

I found myself driving around with sole purpose of making myself forget about Alyssa Boyd.  If she wanted me out of her life, then that’s what I’d give her.  I’m not sure how I ended up outside the gates of the Harrington Cemetery, but when I pulled onto the gravel path that led through the scattered tombstones, I knew exactly where I was going.  I headed back to the southwest corner of the property to the Reynolds’ family plot and pulled to a stop in front of the resting place of my best friend.  His marker was situated a few steps from the pathway, right next to his mom’s.  They were simple headstones.  Each reading REYNOLDS across the top and under that were their first names: Garrett and Laura.  My eyes followed the text down Garrett’s stone,
Garrett, son of Jim and Laura Reynolds, 1993-2011.  
A poem that Alyssa picked out was across the bottom, “To live in the hearts of those we’ve loved, is never truly dying.” The spray of fresh flowers on the tops of each tombstone led me to believe that I wasn’t the only visitor they’d had today.  I imagined Jim Reynolds standing there, flowers in hand, paying his respects to the two people that had been unfairly taken from his life.  Here I was getting all tied up in knots over a girl who was very much alive, while the only thing Jim could do was decorate a couple of a headstones to convey his emotions.