Sheet Music - A Rock 'n' Roll Love Story (26 page)

“You’ve got to be joking!”

“By the way, you’re fired.”

“Of all the places in the world I could have moved to get the hell away from you, I had to choose here!”

Michael smiled broadly and crossed his arms over his chest.  “Fate works in mysterious ways, babe.”

“Screw you.  There are plenty of other places to live and work.”

Michael moved closer and dropped himself into a chair beside her bed.  “Do you remember what you did last night?” he asked, anxious to move the conversation onward.

Annie sat silent and rubbed at her eyes.  “That’s none of your business.”

“Can’t remember, can you?”

“Fuck you!”

“I saved your life last night.  The doctor said if you had been left alone another couple of hours, you’d be dead now.  Which makes me have to ask myself, is that what your intention was?”

“Don’t flatter yourself.  If I were going to kill myself, it wouldn’t be over you.  Leave me alone.  None of this concerns you.”

Annie staggered to her feet with her hand clasped over her mouth.

“Bathroom is in there,” he instructed.  He followed and leaned against the door jam.  “Don’t let that black shit scare you.  It’s leftover charcoal from the emergency room.  That’s what they use to induce vomiting in addicts so they don’t fucking die.”

“I’m not an addict!”

“Really?  Then the ten pounds of pill bottles I removed from that dump you’ve been calling home must have been part of the room decor?”

“Why are you doing this to me?  Can’t you just go away and leave me alone?”

Michael blocked her words from his mind.  “You fucked up last night, Annie.  In the rule book of junkies, you screwed up.”

“Stop calling me that!”

“Have you not bothered to look at yourself in the mirror lately?  What do you weigh now, 90 pounds?  Have you seen how dead your eyes look?”

Annie forced herself up from the floor and lunged at him, her hands lashing out wildly against his chest and face.  “God, I hate you!  You think you’re so high and mighty!  But you’re nothing more than a lying bastard: a monster in a shiny black car!”

Michael grabbed hold of her before she slid back to the floor.  Then spun her around to face the mirror above the sink.  “You can deny it all you want but that won’t change the reflection staring back at you from that mirror.  You’re an addict.  Accept it and deal with it.”

Annie’s head dropped forward in exhaustion.  “Please take me home.”

Michael kept his arms wrapped tightly around her tiny frame.  “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

Knowing the reaction that was about to come, he strengthened his grip on her.  “The only place I’m taking you is rehab.”

Then came the second assault.  With every ounce of fight she had left, she physically and verbally raged on him: insulting, hateful words that cut him to the bone, and still he held on, even though his own anger was reaching the boiling point.  His head ached from the attack but he knew it wasn’t her spewing the hate.  It was the disease.

“You can say whatever you want, Annie,” he shouted against her neck.  “It’s not you talking right now…it’s the drugs.”

He continued to hold his grip until she stopped fighting and slumped limply in his arms.  “I’m doing this because I care.  Someday you might even thank me.”

“Fuck you,” she screamed, and then another violent outburst followed.

After tossing her back into bed, Michael dialed the extension to the rehab wing attached to the hospital and told them to expect Annie downstairs within the hour for admission.

Just before midnight, he pushed her downstairs in a wheelchair, then stopped outside the door to the rehab wing entrance.  “Go inside, they’re waiting for you,” he instructed coldly.

She looked at him in the darkness, quiet and broken, tears streaming down her pale face.  He knew it would be months before he would be able to erase that image from his memory.

“I'd say I'm sorry for this but I'm not,” he stated somberly.  “This
has
to be done, and in some small way, you know it too.”

“Yes.  But why can’t I do it as an out patient on my own?”

“That isn’t how it works, Annie.  I’d do it for you if I could but I can’t.  This is something you have to do by yourself and it will be, by far, the hardest thing you’ll ever have to face.”

Annie shook her head in agreement and stepped away from the wheelchair.

“When you’re ready, call me.  I’m a lot easier to find than you were,” he said, forcing a smile onto his tired face.

Without the will to return the smile, Annie made her way toward the clinic door.  Michael watched until she disappeared.  It wasn’t until he got back to his beach house that he allowed the impact of what had happened to hit him fully and then it consumed him.  It would be days before he could even bring himself to share the experience with Brian.

Almost daily, he called Doctor Ramos from Boston, asking for an update on her condition.  She was doing as well as expected.  That was their standard reply.  But no effort was ever made by Annie to contact him.  When he asked if he could attend family day to show support for her, through her doctor, she refused his request.  When Michael called two months later he was told she had discharged herself with no further information.  His next call was to Jimmy at Lola’s to see if Annie was performing in the area clubs.  Jimmy did some checking and called back with a confirmation.  Annie was indeed still on the island and performing sporadically but obviously did not want further contact from him.  The reality of that hurt him deeply.

So, that was how it was going to end for them, he thought?  He had too much emotionally invested in her to let it slip away.  Everyone around him, especially Brian, urged him to let her go, and move on with his life.  It wasn’t as easy as they made it sound.  Nothing ever was.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Annie ignored the first two rings of the telephone, thinking it was merely part of her dream.  Only after the sixth ring did she realize it wasn’t.  She searched the nightstand beside her bed, aimlessly groping for the receiver in an effort to stop the incessant noise.

“Hello,” she said in an irritated voice, while one eye strained to read the time on her alarm clock.

“Well, you’re a hard woman to track down,” a raspy male voice replied in her ear.

“Who’s this?” she asked, her sleepy brain struggling to recognize the vaguely familiar vocal tone.

“You mean, you don’t recognize my voice?”

“No, and frankly, it’s too damn early to be playing the guessing game too!”

“Annie, it’s Brian.”

“Brian who?”

“Brian Lofgren,” he replied, with tension in his voice.  “Exactly how many Brians do you know?”

“It’s nine o’clock in the morning, Brian.  What can I do for you?”

“Well, I’m glad to hear you haven’t lost your spunk.”

“Is that what you call it?”

“Annie, I’m calling about Mike,” Brian blurted, the levity evaporating from his tone.  “I know you don’t want to hear this, but…”

“Has something happened to him?” she asked, cutting Brian off in mid-sentence, and sitting upright in her bed.

“No, not physically but it’s nice to hear the concern in your voice.  That must mean you still care for the bastard.”

“Maybe,” she sighed.  “But in the big scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter, does it.”

“Look, Annie.  I don’t know exactly what happened between you two and it’s really none of my business.  What I do know is, it’s been over six months since you split up and Michael is still moping around as if his life is over.  He’s been useless as a musician, fumbling his way through gig after gig, with an annoying ‘fuck all’ attitude that is destroying the unity of the band.”

“He’s not back on drugs is he?”

“No.  Management suspected the same thing and hauled his sorry ass in for a piss test.  He passed it with flying colors but not without a mountain of verbal abuse aimed at anyone involved in what he now refers to as ‘the conspiracy’.  I’m telling you, he’s out of his mind.”

Annie pushed the hair out of her eyes and exhaled heavily.  “What are you expecting me to do with this information, Brian?”

“I love Mike as a blood brother.  I can’t stand by and watch him disintegrate before my eyes without attempting to put his life back in order for him.  Besides, the unity of the band is also at stake.  If the guys don’t vote to have him kicked out, I’m seriously afraid he’s thinking of quitting.  It’s that bad.  He’s lost his creative drive and his spirit is slowly withering away.”

“You’re not painting a pretty picture,” Annie replied.

“I’m not trying to.”

“So, what do you want from me?”

“I want you to come and see him.”

“Oh, Brian, I was afraid that’s where this was leading.  I don’t think I could do that.  Besides, I thought he had a girlfriend.  Why can’t she deal with this?”

“Let me guess, you’ve been reading the music rags at the grocery store check-out?”

“Maybe, but that’s not the point.  I just assumed by now he’d be with someone else.”

“Nope.  Personally, I think he’s secretly preparing for a career in the priesthood.”

“Michael as a priest?  He wouldn’t last a day!  It would mean he’d have to get out of bed before noon on Sundays and no musician likes to do that.”  Annie giggled nervously, unsure why she was so relieved to hear no one was sharing Michael’s life.

“How about you, are you seeing anyone?” Brian asked.

“No,” she quickly replied.

“Great!  We’re scheduled to play at the FleetCenter in Boston next Friday and Saturday nights.  I’ll send you tickets, backstage passes, transportation, whatever it takes to get you there, as long as you come.”

“Jesus, Brian!  In all seriousness it sounds like you’re trying to get us back together and I really don’t think that’s possible.”

“Then come see him as a friend.  That’s all I’m asking.”

“Brian, you don’t understand.”

“Mike was there for you when you needed him, twice if memory serves me right.  He needs you now.  Come to the concert and listen to the crap he’s subjecting the audiences’ ears to, then afterwards, maybe you two can sit down and talk through your differences.  I’ve known Mike a very long time, Annie.  And I can honestly say I’ve never seen him as happy and content as he was when you were with him.  I know he’s a very difficult person to get along with, but, I also know soul mates when I see them.  It’s the poet in me.  I’m eternally looking for the happy ending to everyone’s life story.  As for Mike, I believe his happy ending revolves around you.”

“Brian, you’re putting a lot of pressure on me to make something work that I’m not sure is a reasonable conclusion.”

“I know.  I know.  I don’t mean to come off sounding this desperate, but I guess I am.  If we lose Mike, the band is history, and honestly, I don’t know if I can handle that.  Besides my wife and kids, the guys in the band are the closest thing I have to family.”

“You’re not being fair to me,” she said softly.  “What happens if I agree to meet with Michael and we decide to keep things the way they are between us?”

“Then at least I know we tried.”

“You have no idea of the living hell I’ve been through over the past year,” Annie said, her voice pitching an octave higher as she attempted to control her temper.

“Are you referring to your addiction to the pain killers?” he asked.

“That was the easy part.  The pills were an escape from the real torment I was dealing with,” she continued, wiping loose tears from her cheeks.

“I’m listening, if you want to tell me about it,” Brian suggested, his demeanor softening as he felt Annie’s pain wafting through the phone.  “I know you’ve been through a lot and you must think I’m a total asshole for shoveling more shit into your lap.  If you want, we can forget I ever made this phone call.  Mike will never know we talked, and you can go on with your recovery.  Would you like to do that?”

There was a long pause on the other end and Brian feared the worst.  In no uncertain terms did he want Annie to give up and walk away from Mike.  Selfish as it was, he was willing to do anything necessary to save his band.  No matter what the cost, he at least had to get Michael and Annie back in the same room together.  Fate would fix the rest.  He was sure of that.

“No,” a faint voice  replied.  “I’ll see him.  I’ve faced all my other demons so I can’t back down from this.  If nothing else, we’ll get complete closure and he can finally move on with his life.”

“I hope you’re not referring to Mike as a demon?  He’s been called a lot of things but certainly not demonic.”

“It’s an expression, Brian.  Don’t press your luck.  I said I’d come, so leave it at that,” Annie replied, wondering how she would conjure up the courage to see Michael face-to-face again after everything that had been said between them.

“Annie, I can’t thank you enough for this.  I owe you one.”

“And, I’m not making any promises for happily ever after either,” she quickly added.

“I understand.  I’ll leave a few tickets and backstage passes for you at the box office.  Bring some friends and have a good time.  All right?”

“Fine.  I’ll see you then.”

Annie hung up the phone and immediately began to cry.  What on earth had she agreed to do, she thought.  Long ago she had given up any thoughts about purposely seeing Michael.  If their paths had crossed by accident, that would have been different.  Then she would have done the polite thing and talked to him out of friendship.  But seeing him this way would appear as if she were crawling back to him. 

“When you’re ready, come look for me.  I’m easier to find than you were,” his smooth voice echoed in her head.  They were the last words he said to her before pointing her at the front door to the rehab clinic.

Two months later she had signed herself out, clean and sober, with a renewed outlook on life. No longer was she carrying around the burden of survivor’s guilt.  Sammy had died in the accident and she had lived.  A higher power knew the reason for her life being spared and she had released the constant need to justify it.  By doing so, she had freed herself to live.